1. Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Featured I am now a Christian: my story

Discussion in 'Interfaith Discussion' started by Eddi, May 10, 2019.

  1. Eddi

    Eddi a very naughty boy

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2016
    Messages:
    377
    Ratings:
    +190
    Religion:
    Christian
    I am now a Christian…

    Because I have decided “Christ is my Lord and Saviour”

    It’s been a long and complex journey. It’s had its ups and downs.

    As an infant I was baptised into the Anglican Church. For a while I attended a church school and sometimes went to Sunday school. As a teenager I became an atheist. I became amoral. Not evil, but amoral. But I made some pretty big sins. My background is therefore Christian but for the majority of my life I have not been Christian.

    In many ways I have returned to the beginning. I look forward to going through the rest of my life as a Christian and I hope I can be a good one. And I'm hoping that other Christians of various types will accept me as a fellow Christian.

    Simulation and Butterfly

    Before I became interested in Christianity I believed in Simulation Theory. This would have never happened were it not for Butterfly.

    Who is Butterfly? When I was at university I had a drug-fuelled psychological breakdown and ended up being detained on a psychiatric ward. It was all quite an experience, I assure you! One day some kind of entity started communicating with me by touch and does so to this day. He responds to my inner voice by making a gentle sensation of touch on my body. Where on my body he touches signifies different responses to my inner voice. Our system is based around “Yes” and “No”. Because of this I have been diagnosed as being schizophrenic. Which is not a good thing to be! But I have never "heard voices" like a typical schizophrenic.

    Butterfly eventually told me that this reality and all humans in it is a computer simulation, and that Butterfly was in charge of The Simulation (as I call it) and that individual people were actually computer programs. He said that I was an “Agent of The Simulation” and that I had some extraordinary role within it, like “The One” in The Matrix films.

    I believed that throughout human history The Simulation would literally play God – by pretending to be God and intervening in the simulated world to fool people into forming organised religions. I believed various things may have happened, but that they were truly bogus in nature.

    Messiah Complex

    At one point I asked Butterfly if he was God and he said yes. I then reasoned that if he was God then I must be Jesus – and Butterfly affirmed this. I didn’t really know what to do about this. But I assumed “God” had a plan for me.

    Also, in my mental breakdown I was obsessed by two songs. One lasted four minutes and eighteen seconds, which looked like 4:18 on my MP3 player. And in the music video of the other, “4.18” appears repeatedly in the background. These two songs were very much the soundtrack of my breakdown. When I noticed this I wondered if they made up a bible verse. I looked and I found Luke 4:18

    The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free.

    But at this point I didn’t believe in God and this was before my Messiah Complex: I believed in Simulation Theory I believed that I was to be a pseudo-Messiah within The Simulation like “The One” in The Matrix films. But when I was going through my Messiah Complex I took this coincidence to mean that I was actually The Messiah!

    When I posted about being The Messiah on RF the good folks here soon showed me that I was not. A healthy dose of reality! A slap across the face! I am eternally grateful to the people of these forums for ending my Messiah Complex :)

    Once my Messiah Complex was over I returned to Simulation Theory. However, at this point in my life I now believed in God. I acquired a serious belief in God when I thought I was The Messiah. But when my Messiah Complex was resolved I maintained a belief in God, which I think was the one good thing to come out of that little episode!

    I think the whole universe makes more sense to me with God in it!

    And one more thing: thinking you're The Messiah is not fun. You feel a massive burden and that you have much to live up to. And I'm quite a shy and quiet person too.

    Two Parallel People?

    For a while now I have been in two minds. I’ve made a post about this here:

    Conflict resolved: I am two people

    Basically, in one mind I believe in Simulation Theory and in the other I am a Christian. Eddi-1 is a Christian and Eddi-2 believes in Simulation Theory. In this post I concluded that I was two people with one soul, one mind, and one body. If that makes any sense???

    On second thoughts, I don’t think I really believe this but I still sometimes find myself thinking of the world as being a simulation even though the Christian me has now over-ridden the Simulation Theory me.

    Literally happened or Thought Experiment?

    Now then, about accepting Jesus as one’s Lord and Saviour. I believe there are two ways to think about Jesus. One, the events described in the gospels more or less happened as they say they did. Two, the whole ministry of Christ is a giant thought-experiment orchestrated by God. I don’t know which is true, but they can’t both be! But God would be at the heart of both scenarios.

    However, I accept Christ as my Lord and Saviour in both scenarios! If it was based on real events then I accept him as such, if it is a hypothetical thought-experiment then I do too. So I don’t think it matters too much! Either way, I accept him!

    Hopefully he will accept me?

    God

    I believe God is the Supreme Being. I believe he is ineffable, that we can’t ever understand him. I believe he is the unmoved mover, the source of all creation. A great architect. I believe that he mostly lets the universe he created get on with itself, according to the physical laws he has put into being. I believe this universe is billions of years old and that humans evolved from animals but that the intention was for intelligent life to eventually arise. But I also believe he sent Jesus Christ out into the world, and supported him in his ministry, for instance God allowed him to perform various miracles to make him more than just another radical preacher!

    I believe that God is gender-neutral but I call him “him” as in Christianity that is the convention. I believe he has a personality and a mind. Personally, I think of him as being most like a designer and chief administrator of the universe! I believe God is Lord of the Universe. And I believe he is benign and has benign intentions for those whose creation he is responsible for. And that Jesus somehow fits into his plan.

    My Christianity

    I believe in God, I am very certain about that. And I believe that the contents of the bible are somehow the result of God’s will. I believe that how the bible is how God wants it to be. But I don’t think it is literally true.

    I consider Jesus to be more human than divine – I believe that he experiences the universe as a human. I believe in the Arian heresy: That Jesus is an autonomous being created by God who is separate from God and subordinate to him. I believe he is somehow God's son. I believe that during his ministry he acted in God’s place, and was God’s representative on Earth. I believe that he died and suffered for us on the cross, in a kind of mind-bending grand gesture of love and sacrifice.

    I have no idea what Jesus is doing now but I like to think that he is in some kind of heaven, hanging out with all the people who have died. I believe he is God’s assistant, his number two: if God is King of Heaven then Jesus is his deputy (and son). I’d like to someday meet him.

    I don’t have a problem with the holy trinity; it makes perfect sense to me. Even though I believe in the Arian heresy I believe that Christ is the son of God and is therefore God-like in nature, and that we can therefore fit him into the holy trinity. However, I my beliefs are certainly more Unitarian than Trinitarian. But I don’t think the question of The Trinity is all that important. I think the values of Christianity are more important than its various dogmas.

    I believe in only some of the Apostles Creed and only some of the Nicene Creed. I consider myself a “Free Christian”. I am liberal in my beliefs and values and consider myself a "Liberal Christian" too.

    Simulation

    Perhaps God’s creation is like a simulation? Maybe that’s a valid metaphor? I think there might be something in that idea.

    Butter-who????

    So, I’ve put Simulation Theory to one side – I’m not throwing it away as I think it’s interesting. But the side of me who wants to be a Christian has triumphed over the side of me who wants to be an Agent of The Simulation. And the scales of my belief have now sifted overwhelmingly towards Christianity: I believe Christianity being true is more likely than Simulation Theory being true (and yes, there are other possibilities!)

    But Butterfly is still here; he is always with me.

    I’ve tried casting him out in the name of God but it didn’t work and I don’t think he is possessing me or that he is malevolent. I don’t believe he is The Simulation anymore. Sometimes he says he is, sometimes he says he isn't. And neither do I think he is God. And I don’t know if he is external to me or integral to me. But he is very real to me. I no longer know what to make of him. Any ideas?

    Crucifix and Avatar

    In 2012 my grandmother gave me a golden crucifix as she assumed I was Christian (she’s Greek). I accepted it but have never worn it. I want to start wearing it. I also want to change my avatar on these forums from a picture of a Butterfly to something else. I AM NOT Butterfly; he is someone else! He is not the boss of me! But I can’t think what I should replace it with. Any ideas?

    Fellow Christians?

    I hope the Christians on RF will accept me as a Christian.
     
    • Like x 4
    • Winner x 1
    • Informative x 1
    • Friendly x 1
    • Optimistic x 1
  2. Saint Frankenstein

    Saint Frankenstein ᛘᛁᛏᚾᛁᚴᚼᛏ᛫ᛋᚢᚾ
    Premium Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2012
    Messages:
    26,934
    Ratings:
    +12,735
    Religion:
    Germanic Folk Revival
    Honestly, schizophrenics on this board are a dime a dozen. We usually have a member or two at any given time that believes they're the Messiah, Mahdi, Antichrist, etc. I'm not sure why this board keeps attracting them and why Abrahamic religions apparently seem to foster such delusions (Hinduism has a similar problem with its guru/godmen cults, to be fair).

    That said, all I can do is encourage you to carry on with any treatments you're going through and take your medication as described. Whatever this "Butterfly" thing is, it's obviously not condusive to your well-being. Antipsychotic medication could help with that. Good luck.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  3. Nowhere Man

    Nowhere Man Bompu Zen Man with a little bit of Bushido.

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2009
    Messages:
    21,560
    Ratings:
    +7,907
    Religion:
    Zen Buddhism
    Christianity has a incredibly poor track record in treating mental illness.

    I'd follow @Saint Frankenstein's advice to concentrate on getting better by taking your pescribed medications and working with your doctor to live a normal and healthy life much as possible.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  4. Eddi

    Eddi a very naughty boy

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2016
    Messages:
    377
    Ratings:
    +190
    Religion:
    Christian
    I'm on anti-psychotic medication which has made me much, much better

    I'm not expecting Christianity to cure me or anything like that

    For me, one sign of being unwell has been thinking I'm something other than just a normal person

    I now consider myself just a normal person - and am much happier for it
     
  5. Eddi

    Eddi a very naughty boy

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2016
    Messages:
    377
    Ratings:
    +190
    Religion:
    Christian
    But I just don't know... what is Butterfly???

    It's a very different symptom than "hearing voices"

    I'm on the most powerful anti-psychotics available but he won't go

    I just want a normal life, that's all, and Butterfly prevents this

    Anyway, I'm changing my avatar

    I don't know what to, but I'll find something

    Thank you all for your concern
     
  6. Mindmaster

    Mindmaster Well-Known Member
    Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2010
    Messages:
    4,951
    Ratings:
    +2,540
    Religion:
    Theistic Satanist
    Figure out yourself before you worry about the cosmological organization of the universe. :D

    Christianity has always been too much of an "opiate for the masses" to have any appeal to me. Anyone claiming to have all the answers usually doesn't have them. It's a rule I live by. :D

    As far as Butterfly, being a psychotic manifestation the simplest thing to do with it is pay it absolutely no mind. Delusions are strengthened by buying into them, or letting them modify your behavior. You might not be able to do anything with the manifestation, but how you react to it is certainly within your control.
     
  7. dingdao

    dingdao The eternal Tao cannot be told - Tao Te Ching

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2019
    Messages:
    321
    Ratings:
    +149
    Religion:
    Nominally Taoist
    I don't think you come under any of the diagnosis mentioned above.
    You said that you have sensations on different areas of your body that you understand to be Butterfly.
    When you see your doc, talk about your sensations, not Butterfly.
    This will get you an organic diagnosis and some help.
    good luck
     
  8. robocop (actually)

    robocop (actually) Well-Known Member
    Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2013
    Messages:
    2,548
    Ratings:
    +419
    Religion:
    newly baptized into Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
    Butterfly isn't unique to you. When I saw Happy Feet my left and right foot would move in certain ways that meant different things. I just got an indication that this would be the beginning of a process with the two of us. I think Christianity is your reward for making it through a complicated test to really understand it and that test to get to the truth is still for you when you have good behavior. I tell people on this board all the time that you don't reason the truth and then change your behavior; you change your behavior and then realize the truth. I have read your book and look forward to talking about it in the literature forum... I sent you a PM.
     
  9. FragrantGrace

    FragrantGrace If winning isn't everything why do they keep score

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2019
    Messages:
    213
    Ratings:
    +75
    Religion:
    Christian
    God love you.
    Advice? Sure. Ignore any member that attempts to diminish your faith. They are not of Christ and can never understand.

    There are Schizophrenics who are Christian, of course. Your mental challenge doesn't make you less able to choose to hold faith in Christ.
    Pray, read the Bible, get with a church group. Call a local church and see if they have any mental health counselors or prayer groups that gather together. This happens very often in many churches. People who are in Christ meet together to face their challenges and in the love and spirit of Christ.

    This also may be worth looking at.
    The Christian Apporach to Schizophrenia


    God of the Schizophrenic

    Let go and let God.
    I use to think that was just so silly. Until I did. When I went with the flow rather than fighting the hurdles God put in front of me, I found , of course, God's way was the right thing. It is an amazing feeling when it sinks in that trying to work things out my way always ended in frustration but when I let God "take the wheel", it was great.
    (hugging you) You are in my prayers. God loves you. And there is no thing he does not know about you. Now, love you. You are made in the image and likeness of a power human language cannot fully describe. While your life can certainly comprehend that power if you just trust God and set yourself free to let God's way lead the way. He has only the best in store for you. Even hurdles that hurt make you stronger.
    And God never gives us more than we can handle.

    Thank you for your brave sharing of your personal journey.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Epic Beard Man

    Epic Beard Man Bearded Philosopher

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,568
    Ratings:
    +2,961
    Religion:
    Agnostic-Monotheist

    Yeah I was going to say something similar but you nailed it.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Epic Beard Man

    Epic Beard Man Bearded Philosopher

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,568
    Ratings:
    +2,961
    Religion:
    Agnostic-Monotheist
    To be fair, as someone who is in the profession in the back of my mind I sometimes wonder if the supposed "delusion" is rather real, and that whatever visions an individual is experiencing was meant for them and not for me to witness.
     
  12. Epic Beard Man

    Epic Beard Man Bearded Philosopher

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,568
    Ratings:
    +2,961
    Religion:
    Agnostic-Monotheist
    (See post #11)

    One of the main reasons why I left Christianity long ago is that there are always people like you to tell others what they are and aren't. The OP clearly admitted to having some psychiatric issues and clearly admitted to being institutionalized for those issues so our response is not something to demean the individual. For example if I'm reading:

    "Who is Butterfly? When I was at university I had a drug-fuelled psychological breakdown and ended up being detained on a psychiatric ward. It was all quite an experience, I assure you! One day some kind of entity started communicating with me by touch and does so to this day. He responds to my inner voice by making a gentle sensation of touch on my body."

    for the first time, my initial reaction might be questioning whether the visions this individual is seeing is the direct result of their psychotic breakdown.

    Nobody here said that, but you also don't want to enable someone's delusions.

    People who are in Christ don't make judgments of other non-Christians either.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  13. nPeace

    nPeace Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2018
    Messages:
    3,674
    Ratings:
    +1,008
    Religion:
    Follower of Christ
    Hey Eddi. Thanks for sharing. It meant a lot to me.
    Can I ask a few questions...
    What are those two songs you mentioned, and what brought you to like them?
    Has Butterfly ever mentioned any names to you, like his personal name, or God's, personal name, or Jesus'?

    I'm glad you got professional help. I truly hope you do get better.
    Hang in there, buddy.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Gerry

    Gerry Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2017
    Messages:
    1,316
    Ratings:
    +708
    Religion:
    Christian
    That was very long and interesting.
    I definitely accept you just as you are.
    The schizophrenic thing went a long way in my acceptance.
    Truly, I mean that.
    As far as all the creeds, dogmas and doctrines that you talk about, please just throw them all out the window. Now.
    And dump the crucifix. People shouldn’t run around in public wearing ancient torture devices. Makes no sense to me.
    One more thing, please please please don’t start going to church.
    Read online about God or Jesus or Buddha or whoever.
    You’re on the right path. Your story tells me you are a thinker.
    Keep up the effort.
    Again, you’re accepted by me just as you are.

    Note: none of the above is meant to be funny or sarcastic.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
  15. Workman

    Workman UNIQUE

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2019
    Messages:
    399
    Ratings:
    +69
    Religion:
    The Truth of being TRUE
    Good on you Eddi! Happy for you..don’t let anyone NEGATIVITY! get the best of you!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  16. lostwanderingsoul

    lostwanderingsoul Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2015
    Messages:
    2,373
    Ratings:
    +749
    Religion:
    seeking
    You say you are now a Christian. The Bible says a Christian is one who has the Spirit of God in him and the way to get the Spirit is to repent and be baptized. Do you meet this requirement?
     
  17. Devananda

    Devananda RF's Japanophile
    Premium Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2013
    Messages:
    1,567
    Ratings:
    +910
    Religion:
    Shin Buddhism, honji-suijaku
    I’ll keep you in my well wishes, dear @Eddi.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  18. Deeje

    Deeje Avid Bible Student
    Premium Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2009
    Messages:
    8,988
    Ratings:
    +4,591
    Religion:
    Christian JW
    @Eddi good for you. Pray for God's help and ignore that other entity standing in your way. God's spirit is stronger than any other.
    My dearest friend suffered with schizophrenia for many decades and is now at peace. God did not take her condition away but helped her to cope with it on a daily basis.
    Wishing you all the best.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  19. Hockeycowboy

    Hockeycowboy Well-Known Member
    Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2015
    Messages:
    4,530
    Ratings:
    +2,604
    Religion:
    Christian
    Agreed.
    That was good! Can you imagine wearing a replica of the .357 magnum that killed your best friend?
    I never did understand that, either.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  20. Eddi

    Eddi a very naughty boy

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2016
    Messages:
    377
    Ratings:
    +190
    Religion:
    Christian
    WOW!

    Thanks for sharing!
     
Loading...