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Friends with the opposite sex while married.
- Thread starter turk179
- Start date
Starfish
Please no sarcasm
No we can't judge. But if, as you say, it's more than platonic, I hope there are no children involved.
Nanda
Polyanna
Oh? Why?
Starfish
Please no sarcasm
Well, assuming we're talking about married people forming non-platonic relationships with others, this is endangering their marriage. Hence, if they have children, they are risking the stability of their children's home.
Nanda
Polyanna
You're assuming an awful lot. Not every marriage works like yours.
Starfish
Please no sarcasm
It's risky behavior. If they are parents, they are risking more people than themselves. Even if, by some stretch of the imagination, they are able to maintain a stable home inspite of the infidelity, they are teaching a behavior to their children that likely will not work so well for them.
Nanda
Polyanna
It's not that big a stretch, people do it all the time. They just don't tell everybody, for fear of being judged - that, and it's really nobody else's business. People in open marriages tend to keep their sex lives as separate from their children as people in monogamous marriages do, so I don't see how they'd be "teaching" them anything. And who's to say it wouldn't work well for them if they did? Again, you're assuming that one kind of lifestyle is "right," and the only way to do things successfully. That's simply not true.
Starfish
Please no sarcasm
I respectfully disagree. Open marriages are at a higher risk for divorce. This risk spreads to the children's lives. Divorce can be very harmful to children.
Starfish
Please no sarcasm
Of course. And infidelity creates many unhappy marriages.
Nanda
Polyanna
Actually, there's no evidence of that. Most studies say that, like monogamy, it works for some, and it doesn't for others.
Nanda
Polyanna
Consentual open marriages/polyamory is not infidelity.
Starfish
Please no sarcasm
Call it what it really is. Adultery is destructive.
Are you seriously suggesting that every polygamous marriage in this world is adultery?
Nanda
Polyanna
I am calling it what it really is. You're being judgemental.
Troublemane
Well-Known Member
I am amazed when I think about the situation we have now:---women have kids young, maybe with several different men, (call em "baby-daddies"), they may never have been married, but the men are still obligated by the state to pay child support or face prison sentences. this is in many ways state-enforced polygamy.
Its just the old native american belief that when you make a baby with someone you are automatically "married", the ceremony was just recognition of what was natural. maybe the spirit of that belief has unwittingly seeped into our culture, as we now occupy the land where they originated, and we are subconsciously hearing the old ones' spirits.
Its just the old native american belief that when you make a baby with someone you are automatically "married", the ceremony was just recognition of what was natural. maybe the spirit of that belief has unwittingly seeped into our culture, as we now occupy the land where they originated, and we are subconsciously hearing the old ones' spirits.
Draka
Wonder Woman
But no one's cheating if it is an open marriage. A monogamous marriage would have a larger hurtle to overcome if one person had an affair with someone outside the relationship than an open marriage would because they are under the understanding and agreement that such relationships are allowed in their marriage.
Also, if we are talking about a polygamous marriage, then all people involved are considered commited to each other, so that is not cheating as well. It is not adultery.
Besides, we all know by now that even if a monogamous marriage suffers an instance of infidelity, it doesn't mean the relationship is destroyed or ruined necessarily. Every couple is different and works through things differently. You can't put your expectations and requirements upon all relationships. That simply doesn't work.
Starfish
Please no sarcasm
Adultery per Dictionary.com: "Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse."
Open marriage or not, sex with someone other than one's spouse is adultery. Butter it up with fancy names all day long, it's still adultery. Adultery is highly risky to a marriage. Therefore risky to the children. Simple logic.
How is this judgmental?
Open marriage or not, sex with someone other than one's spouse is adultery. Butter it up with fancy names all day long, it's still adultery. Adultery is highly risky to a marriage. Therefore risky to the children. Simple logic.
How is this judgmental?
Draka
Wonder Woman
And by whose definition are we saying "lawful spouse"? In some places polygamy is legal. So those involved would all be lawful spouses. What does "lawful" mean? There are such things as common law marriages. Being so, if 3 or 4 people were to all live together and all meet the requirements of a common law marriage then they would still be, technically, "lawful" spouses.
How is this highly risky to a marriage? What gaurantee or proof of that can you give? How is it risky to children and what gaurantee or proof of that can you give?