Doses of reality by Deidre

[Deidre]

Dear diary,

Today was super busy which was a pleasant surprise. Since taking time off work for the past few months, I’ve felt like my life lacks structure that a job provided. I work out, spend time with my husband but he’s working all day, see friends when they’re not working, and have volunteered at the church. I like not having a structure but sometimes, miss it.

I may go back to my former firm because the money was very good and I could work from home. I don’t mind working in an office but working from home helps me to focus better and I’m not a fan of drama and gossip, which office settings seem to breed.

Overall, it was a good day.

Thanks for listening, Diary. You’re good that way.

 

[Link]

I don’t mind working in an office but working from home helps me to focus better and I’m not a fan of drama and gossip, which office settings seem to breed.

That's what got you to leave your dream job ?

 

[Deidre]

That's what got you to leave your dream job ?

I’m now of the opinion that there doesn’t exist a dream job but there are better situations than others. Like working from home gives me freedom and I like my freedom. How are you these days?

 

[Link]

I’m now of the opinion that there doesn’t exist a dream job but there are better situations than others. Like working from home gives me freedom and I like my freedom. How are you these days?

I'm alright now, could be better... I did the stupid get off meds ****, and it got me in the hospital for a long time and I ended up in the hospital hurting 9 people in a fight (mostly nurses and staff), I hurt them all really bad, and it's traumatizing when I think about it. I got up from a dream telling me to fight or their will be great chaos in the earth, I thought they were trying to assassinate me, then I realized what I did, and stopped fighting and let them inject me. It was the most horrible experience. I was half-asleep half awake, and only realized what I did after 9 were really hurt bad.

 

[Link]

Lesson learned, I'm never getting off medications again! There was a person (I think security) I threw him on a corner and I'm not sure if he is paralyzed or not, they won't tell me about the injuries. One non-staff had to be moved to another hospital because of me .

I am never getting off medications again.

 

[Link]

Really, if they would put me in jail they had the right, I should've never got off meds.

 

[Deidre]

Really, if they would put me in jail they had the right, I should've never got off meds.

For some unknown reason, I'm just seeing these posts. I didn't get notifications about them. Sorry for my delay in replying but even more sorry that you're going through such a rough time, Link! Can you just get back on the meds, and just wipe the slate clean/start over? I'm not well-versed in what you're going through, but what do the doctors suggest? Have you been following your faith? I know that last year, you felt good about that, then. (((hug)))

 

[Link]

For some unknown reason, I'm just seeing these posts. I didn't get notifications about them. Sorry for my delay in replying but even more sorry that you're going through such a rough time, Link! Can you just get back on the meds, and just wipe the slate clean/start over? I'm not well-versed in what you're going through, but what do the doctors suggest? Have you been following your faith? I know that last year, you felt good about that, then. (((hug)))

Thanks for your kind words. I am out of hospital now and taking medications. I don't plan on getting off of them ever again. Just got to finish one more year of university and I finish my computer science degree. Going back this fall, but it's online. It's planned to be back to campus in the winter.

Two good things came out of it. One is I learned never to get off of them ever again which could've ruined my life at a later stage if I did. And the other is I hulked up worked at the gym 5 times a week, so am able to lift levels of weights I never been able to before.

Thanks for the hug.

 

[Deidre]

Thanks for your kind words. I am out of hospital now and taking medications. I don't plan on getting off of them ever again. Just got to finish one more year of university and I finish my computer science degree. Going back this fall, but it's online. It's planned to be back to campus in the winter.

Two good things came out of it. One is I learned never to get off of them ever again which could've ruined my life at a later stage if I did. And the other is I hulked up worked at the gym 5 times a week, so am able to lift levels of weights I never been able to before.

Thanks for the hug.

Lifting weights is a great idea! Exercise in general, especially cross fit and strength training of some kind, can really help your mind as much as your body. Running is my therapy with strength training. Stay strong, friend.

 

[Deidre]

Dear diary,

Sometimes, I feel like the odd girl out. My husband ''gets'' me and my close friends. But, many times, I feel out of place. Like I don't belong wherever I am. It's like I'm watching others carry on, and I'm not there. Just observing. I have a good life, and I'm grateful, so not sure what I'm getting at, but sometimes, I just feel out of place. I tend to go against the grain, I don't follow the leader ...in highschool and college, people claimed that I was ''popular,'' but I didn't feel that way. I was just me. I don't really want to be popular, but there are times when I wish I could blend in...and not worry in my head that I'm standing out from everyone.

Lots of rambling thoughts swirling in my head right now, but to post them here, for others to read...is both cathartic and strange. I hope that if anyone else feels this way, it can help.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Dear diary,

Sometimes, I feel like the odd girl out. My husband ''gets'' me and my close friends. But, many times, I feel out of place. Like I don't belong wherever I am. It's like I'm watching others carry on, and I'm not there. Just observing. I have a good life, and I'm grateful, so not sure what I'm getting at, but sometimes, I just feel out of place. I tend to go against the grain, I don't follow the leader ...in highschool and college, people claimed that I was ''popular,'' but I didn't feel that way. I was just me. I don't really want to be popular, but there are times when I wish I could blend in...and not worry in my head that I'm standing out from everyone.

Lots of rambling thoughts swirling in my head right now, but to post them here, for others to read...is both cathartic and strange. I hope that if anyone else feels this way, it can help.

That's kind of the weird thing about life - one never really feels appreciated until they aren't around.

 

[Deidre]

That's kind of the weird thing about life - one never really feels appreciated until they aren't around.

Damn, that's totally it. I feel understood.

 

[Link]

@Deidre It maybe there is no place in the world you can fit in, because you have good morals and good thinking and don't give them up to go with the flow. You don't like following leaders because they all lead astray.

 

[Link]

That's kind of the weird thing about life - one never really feels appreciated until they aren't around.

Zeratul <3

 

[Deidre]

@Deidre It maybe there is no place in the world you can fit in, because you have good morals and good thinking and don't give them up to go with the flow. You don't like following leaders because they all lead astray.

Aw thanks Link! I’m super flawed lol but I def don’t fit in with bullies. I’m feeling better this morning, I think yesterday was a bad day for some reason. ((Hug))

 

[Link]

Careful that you don't get me addicted to your hugs.<3

Glad you feeling better.

 

[Deidre]

Virtual hugs are the best ^^ lol

Listening to my playlist that has like 7 years worth of songs. Oh my, what was I thinking with some of these sappy love songs. That’s so not me. Think I was serial dating when I added some of these and broke a few hearts but had mine broken, too. I’m glad I figured out what love actually is. I was so lost and wandering back then, thinking love was something it’s not.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Virtual hugs are the best ^^ lol

Listening to my playlist that has like 7 years worth of songs. Oh my, what was I thinking with some of these sappy love songs. That’s so not me. Think I was serial dating when I added some of these and broke a few hearts but had mine broken, too. I’m glad I figured out what love actually is. I was so lost and wandering back then, thinking love was something it’s not.

I used to listen to Pink and Linkin Park a lot. Pink was more of a short time thing that I outgrew. Linkin Park still has some songs I like, but some I've played too many times.

 

[Deidre]

I used to listen to Pink and Linkin Park a lot. Pink was more of a short time thing that I outgrew. Linkin Park still has some songs I like, but some I've played too many times.

Lol Those two artists are in my list. Pink was pretty cool but maybe I’ll leave all of these songs since they marked a journey. Too much Owl City haha I used to love them.

 

[Link]

I don't really relate to music too much since I barely listened to any of it my whole life. When people talk music, it's like a foreign language for me. I listen to Quran, Du'as (prayers), lamentations for Imams (a), stuff like that.