Don't Touch Me!

[stvdv]

How do you feel when someone recoils from being touched?

People who touch others who don't want to be touched lack empathy and need to be taught to keep their hands off

If you lack empathy, just ask "oke to touch, hug?". What's so difficult about that. Animals are good teachers for humans

 

[stvdv]

No thank you.

Touching someone's heart unasked shows more love/respect than touching someone's body

 

[Justanatheist]

For those who don't enjoy touch, how do you cope when someone violates your space?

Three strikes rule,

1. Polite warning.
2. Non polite warning.
3. Knock them out.

Only got to stage three once when I was younger with a mate, after that people left me alone.

 

[Martin]

Recently, someone came up behind me and hugged and kissed(nonsexually) me. I stiffened up and gritted my teeth. Truth be told, unless you're in my immediate family, or we're in an exceptional circumstance(death, birth, major loss or gain), I don't want you touching me.

It caused some friction growing up... I wouldn't let my parents touch me, and I'd hide (or leave early without notice)so I could avoid the hugs. The thought gave me anxiety(though I am told my grandfather was an exception, I'd crawl right up in his lap and give him a hug, much to my parent's dismay).

My uncle used to bicker at me, and tell me my problems were I wasn't hugged enough by my parents(in which I'd stand up for them and say it wasn't their fault). But what really made him leave me alone about it was when I pointed out that people don't go around faulting my only male cousin for not being touchy feely, so why should I take so much abuse? Are all women supposed to be like that?

He took my point, and left me alone about it ever since, even once noting "Normally, I'd hug you, but I know you don't like that, so I won't." I thanked him. We both smiled.

How do you feel? Are you okay with (nonsexual) touch? In what circumstances? Which aren't okay?

How do you feel when someone recoils from being touched?

Do you think there's more pressure on women to show affection physically?

For those who don't enjoy touch, how do you cope when someone violates your space?

It's a tricky one. Years ago I used to attend Quaker meetings, and there were obligatory hugs at the end. Yuk! I went along with it, but resented the assumptions (expectations?) behind it.
Anyway I think it's important to respect peoples' personal space, and not impose your own assumptions.

 

[Martin]

Exactly, it's not about touching, it's about violating the other

My neighbor cat does not allow being touched. I just respect that. Trauma in youth, not trusting men. I understand, hence don't even try touching cat

Cats have the advantage of being able to give unwanted visitors a good clawing.

 

[Shakeel]

I hope my mom finally gets that because I have to suppress the impulse to punch her or spit in her face every time she does that.

I assume you've told her.

 

[ChristineM]

Recently, someone came up behind me and hugged and kissed(nonsexually) me. I stiffened up and gritted my teeth. Truth be told, unless you're in my immediate family, or we're in an exceptional circumstance(death, birth, major loss or gain), I don't want you touching me.

It caused some friction growing up... I wouldn't let my parents touch me, and I'd hide (or leave early without notice)so I could avoid the hugs. The thought gave me anxiety(though I am told my grandfather was an exception, I'd crawl right up in his lap and give him a hug, much to my parent's dismay).

My uncle used to bicker at me, and tell me my problems were I wasn't hugged enough by my parents(in which I'd stand up for them and say it wasn't their fault). But what really made him leave me alone about it was when I pointed out that people don't go around faulting my only male cousin for not being touchy feely, so why should I take so much abuse? Are all women supposed to be like that?

He took my point, and left me alone about it ever since, even once noting "Normally, I'd hug you, but I know you don't like that, so I won't." I thanked him. We both smiled.

How do you feel? Are you okay with (nonsexual) touch? In what circumstances? Which aren't okay?

How do you feel when someone recoils from being touched?

Do you think there's more pressure on women to show affection physically?

For those who don't enjoy touch, how do you cope when someone violates your space?

Family and friends i enjoy for hellos and goodbyes, the kids most definitely need to hug on occasion, and hubby too but not going there.

But outside the immediate circle is a problem i am wary of. Living in france the ubiquitous cheek kiss was a must. no longer because of covid, maybe it will come back over time. Although I accepted it as the thing to do it sometimes made me uncomfortable.

I was once at the cash machine, just withdrawn and an arm came over my shoulder from behind, a voice began to say "give me your moneeeee" as my fist swung and hit him hard in the gentleman area. I turned to run and noticed it was a friend playing a trick. He won't be doing that again.

 

[Debater Slayer]

How do you feel? Are you okay with (nonsexual) touch? In what circumstances? Which aren't okay?

I mostly am, and the circumstances range from greetings and goodbyes to friendly gestures and ones such as humorous pats and pushing/pulling. However, ever since the pandemic started, I have actively avoided everything but a handshake at most, and even that can be inconvenient because I have to sanitize or wash my hands afterward.

My society is hyper-extroverted for the most part, so touching--including hugs and kisses on the cheek among men during greetings and goodbyes--is quite normalized. Maybe this is part of why I've never had much issue with it except in very specific situations, such as when I dislike someone or when they're a complete stranger.

How do you feel when someone recoils from being touched?

I haven't had that happen because I avoid touching unless I know they're okay with it, but should it ever happen, I would back off and apologize.

Do you think there's more pressure on women to show affection physically?

In my society, maybe toward other women, but certainly not toward men who aren't immediate family or second-degree relatives. There are religious reasons for this, and the taboo view of physical contact between men and women that some people have here is why I also never offer women handshakes (pandemic or not) unless I'm certain they don't mind those.

 

[stvdv]

Cats have the advantage of being able to give unwanted visitors a good clawing.

Women are called cats for a reason, now you understand woman and their finger nails focus

 

[Erebus]

How do you feel? Are you okay with (nonsexual) touch? In what circumstances? Which aren't okay?

I'm more comfortable with it than I used to be but I'm still not much of a hugger. If I've known somebody a while and the hug is no more than a couple of seconds, that's fine. If it's somebody I only vaguely know and/or the hug drags on, I get very uncomfortable.

A kiss on the cheek is a definite no.

How do you feel when someone recoils from being touched?

I don't generally initiate hugs so tend not to have people recoil from me. If they did, I'd understand and not try to hug them in the future.

Do you think there's more pressure on women to show affection physically?

Maybe? I'm not a woman so I can't really comment much on what expectations they face. I do know that there's a general expectation for men to not hug other men, though that seems to be lessening over time.

For those who don't enjoy touch, how do you cope when someone violates your space?

I gently pull away. People generally get the message and don't try to stop me.

Some of my male friends did find it funny to hug me from behind for a while though. They turned it into a sort of game where they held on as long as they could before they got a headbutt or elbow jab.

 

[stvdv]

For those who don't enjoy touch, how do you cope when someone violates your space?

Do NOT "cope", be ferocious like a cat or better a tigress. Your body ... your rules

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Really the main reason why I don't like to be touched at this time, is some of us trans women are in a war with body and facial hair to some extent, and if someone touches my arm at a time when it has a few fine hairs on it, it could make me feel dysphoric.

 

[Gargovic Malkav]

I assume you've told her.

Yes.
But I think she doesn't always get how serious it is because of my not-so-expressive body language and her tendency to laugh when someone expresses anger or any other form of discomfort.
It's been years since the last time she did that though, so I think it's fine.

 

[SalixIncendium]

How do you feel? Are you okay with (nonsexual) touch? In what circumstances? Which aren't okay?

I have a bubble. Don't touch me without my permission.

How do you feel when someone recoils from being touched?

Like I invaded their bubble. But it goes both ways. I don't touch people without their permission.

Do you think there's more pressure on women to show affection physically?

I don't know. I never really thought about it. Do you mean by men or in general?

For those who don't enjoy touch, how do you cope when someone violates your space?

I tell them they're in my bubble. I have no obligation to let them proceed. If they don't move, I move them.

 

[SalixIncendium]

I hug, but with anyone I don't know I visibly invite a hug before going in for the hug. I feel like it's not unreasonable for people to expect the same.

How does it make you feel when one declines the hug?

 

[Meow Mix]

How does it make you feel when one declines the hug?

It doesn't bother me at all, but I've been exposed to people that don't like touch before. I imagine for some people it's just the first time they've encountered something like that so it's jarring for them maybe?

I usually offer a fistbump on a declined hug, and if not that either I give a smile and a nod (or a wave, if it's a farewell hug I was trying to give).

 

[SalixIncendium]

I was really glad when the fist bump replaced the handshake.

This I really don't have a problem with, and I, too, am glad the fist bump replaced the handshake, as I'm a bit of a germaphobe. That and as I get older and the arthritis sets in, handshakes become more painful.

The fist bump is a common greeting among my co-workers and me in the morning.

 

[SalixIncendium]

It doesn't bother me at all, but I've been exposed to people that don't like touch before. I imagine for some people it's just the first time they've encountered something like that so it's jarring for them maybe?

I usually offer a fistbump on a declined hug, and if not that either I give a smile and a nod (or a wave, if it's a farewell hug I was trying to give).

I'm glad to hear this. When someone gestures a hug, I accept more often than I decline even though I'm not comfortable with it, because I don't want to make the gesturer feel slighted or think that I don't like them.

It's good to know that you don't take it personally.

 

[Meow Mix]

I'm glad to hear this. When someone gestures a hug, I accept more often than I decline even though I'm not comfortable with it, because I don't want to make the gesturer feel slighted or think that I don't like them.

It's good to know that you don't take it personally.

Hey man, coming back in from a declined hug gesture is the perfect time to give someone double finger guns. Pew pew!

Thank you for coming to my "how to be awesome" TED Talk.

 

[Mock Turtle]

I suspect for some, like myself at one time, it might be associated with sexuality to some degree, and perhaps why I was never comfortable with such or sought it out for many years, apart from in obvious sexual situations and where I was hardly inhibited - given that myself and any other did want such. I did change in later years to become more in touch with my feelings and from then on it didn't and doesn't bother me at all - generally recognising friendliness as such from anything sexual. So, for me at least, it is probably down to how one is attuned to any normal feelings we might have, and recognising appropriate feelings when they appear. I don't tend to have walls that close as I might once have done.

I should add I suppose that our family was not exactly touchy feely, even if I knew my mother loved us and did her best in all circumstances, such that this might have had some influence.