Don't Touch Me!

[JustGeorge]

Recently, someone came up behind me and hugged and kissed(nonsexually) me. I stiffened up and gritted my teeth. Truth be told, unless you're in my immediate family, or we're in an exceptional circumstance(death, birth, major loss or gain), I don't want you touching me.

It caused some friction growing up... I wouldn't let my parents touch me, and I'd hide (or leave early without notice)so I could avoid the hugs. The thought gave me anxiety(though I am told my grandfather was an exception, I'd crawl right up in his lap and give him a hug, much to my parent's dismay).

My uncle used to bicker at me, and tell me my problems were I wasn't hugged enough by my parents(in which I'd stand up for them and say it wasn't their fault). But what really made him leave me alone about it was when I pointed out that people don't go around faulting my only male cousin for not being touchy feely, so why should I take so much abuse? Are all women supposed to be like that?

He took my point, and left me alone about it ever since, even once noting "Normally, I'd hug you, but I know you don't like that, so I won't." I thanked him. We both smiled.

How do you feel? Are you okay with (nonsexual) touch? In what circumstances? Which aren't okay?

How do you feel when someone recoils from being touched?

Do you think there's more pressure on women to show affection physically?

For those who don't enjoy touch, how do you cope when someone violates your space?

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

It's complicated for me. I don't really want to be touched at this time in real life. Some possible exceptions may apply. But whether I get visibly mad depends on a great number of things. Also, my not wanting to be touched may change more in the future. But right now, I still look like poop due to recovering from a cold. I don't feel like being touched.

 

[JustGeorge]

It's complicated for me. I don't really want to be touched at this time in real life. Some possible exceptions may apply. But whether I get visibly mad depends on a great number of things. Also, my not wanting to be touched may change more in the future. But right now, I still look like poop due to recovering from a cold. I don't feel like being touched.

When one has a cold, its best not to touch anyways...

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

When one has a cold, its best not to touch anyways...

I hope you feel better soon.

I'm starting to feel quite a bit better and ready to soon pick my life back up. This cold has lasted over two weeks.

 

[Meow Mix]

Recently, someone came up behind me and hugged and kissed(nonsexually) me. I stiffened up and gritted my teeth. Truth be told, unless you're in my immediate family, or we're in an exceptional circumstance(death, birth, major loss or gain), I don't want you touching me.

It caused some friction growing up... I wouldn't let my parents touch me, and I'd hide (or leave early without notice)so I could avoid the hugs. The thought gave me anxiety(though I am told my grandfather was an exception, I'd crawl right up in his lap and give him a hug, much to my parent's dismay).

My uncle used to bicker at me, and tell me my problems were I wasn't hugged enough by my parents(in which I'd stand up for them and say it wasn't their fault). But what really made him leave me alone about it was when I pointed out that people don't go around faulting my only male cousin for not being touchy feely, so why should I take so much abuse? Are all women supposed to be like that?

He took my point, and left me alone about it ever since, even once noting "Normally, I'd hug you, but I know you don't like that, so I won't." I thanked him. We both smiled.

How do you feel? Are you okay with (nonsexual) touch? In what circumstances? Which aren't okay?

How do you feel when someone recoils from being touched?

Do you think there's more pressure on women to show affection physically?

For those who don't enjoy touch, how do you cope when someone violates your space?

I'm a toucher, but I'm conscious of people that don't like it: and I touch usually as a form of communication, like a smile with a touch on the arm to assure someone that I'm having fun with whatever we're doing. I hug, but with anyone I don't know I visibly invite a hug before going in for the hug. I feel like it's not unreasonable for people to expect the same.

As for women showing physical affection, I do think this is a thing, but as far as I can see this is between women more than it is between men and women (in my local culture). Here, men seem more hesitant to come in for a hug if anything else.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Recently, someone came up behind me and hugged and kissed(nonsexually) me. I stiffened up and gritted my teeth. Truth be told, unless you're in my immediate family, or we're in an exceptional circumstance(death, birth, major loss or gain), I don't want you touching me.

It caused some friction growing up... I wouldn't let my parents touch me, and I'd hide (or leave early without notice)so I could avoid the hugs. The thought gave me anxiety(though I am told my grandfather was an exception, I'd crawl right up in his lap and give him a hug, much to my parent's dismay).

My uncle used to bicker at me, and tell me my problems were I wasn't hugged enough by my parents(in which I'd stand up for them and say it wasn't their fault). But what really made him leave me alone about it was when I pointed out that people don't go around faulting my only male cousin for not being touchy feely, so why should I take so much abuse? Are all women supposed to be like that?

He took my point, and left me alone about it ever since, even once noting "Normally, I'd hug you, but I know you don't like that, so I won't." I thanked him. We both smiled.

How do you feel? Are you okay with (nonsexual) touch? In what circumstances? Which aren't okay?

How do you feel when someone recoils from being touched?

Do you think there's more pressure on women to show affection physically?

For those who don't enjoy touch, how do you cope when someone violates your space?

Personally I am a very sensitive person when it comes to being touched, so if someone do it on purpose i ask them to Kindly not do it again. My "personal space" is about two feet from my body. I dont like if people get within that area.

 

[Rival]

No thank you.

 

[JustGeorge]

I'm a toucher, but I'm conscious of people that don't like it: and I touch usually as a form of communication, like a smile with a touch on the arm to assure someone that I'm having fun with whatever we're doing. I hug, but with anyone I don't know I visibly invite a hug before going in for the hug. I feel like it's not unreasonable for people to expect the same.

As for women showing physical affection, I do think this is a thing, but as far as I can see this is between women more than it is between men and women (in my local culture). Here, men seem more hesitant to come in for a hug if anything else.

That makes sense. A gesture gives a person a bit of a warning; time to mentally prepare. A touch on the arm is a good way to go about things as well; one can properly gauge the reaction and see whether more is safe based on the reaction they receive.

My son had a book(Collin Fischer, I think?) in which the main character had Asperger's. His parents had learned to verbally mention if they were going to touch him. I really liked that idea.

Personally I am a very sensitive person when it comes to being touched, so if someone do it on purpose i ask them to Kindly not do it again. My "personal space" is about two feet from my body. I dont like if people get within that area.

That's what I'd like to do. I notice it seems to hurt feelings when I politely ask people not to do that, though. Has that been your experience, too?

 

[Shadow Wolf]

For those who don't enjoy touch, how do you cope when someone violates your space?

My skin or whatever is too much for my skeleton to jump through, making the coping skill that it is impossible for jumping out of your skin to literally happen.
The exception being I do like my hair being played with, brushed, or whatever amd the scalp being massaged. But only if I know it's coming and give permission. Otherwise it's much the same with it feeling like my very core is trying to escape faster than what my body can keep up with.
Pictures of cuddling parties, to me, look like images of hell with the damned crammed in and crawling on top of each other.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I'm a toucher, but I'm conscious of people that don't like it: and I touch usually as a form of communication, like a smile with a touch on the arm to assure someone that I'm having fun with whatever we're doing. I hug, but with anyone I don't know I visibly invite a hug before going in for the hug. I feel like it's not unreasonable for people to expect the same.

Thank you for not just going in. Not enough people do, which puts Im sure far more than just me into harsh situations where we don't want hugged but we don't want to seem unfriendly by turning down and refusing such a basic and common gesture of friendliness. Extending and invitation does away with that pressure and avoids the rock and hard spot all together.
And, it's definitely a gender thing. As a guy it's WAY easier to stick your hand out for a handshake to minimize contact and keep more distance with people who insist on touch. It seems they are more aware to watch for it. But, as a woman people more just go in for a hug and aren't watching for an arm extending or hand held in front of them.

 

[Gargovic Malkav]

How do you feel? Are you okay with (nonsexual) touch? In what circumstances? Which aren't okay?

I'm very sensitive to this.
In the past there were some people who seemed to like me but I didn't feel the same way about them.
I notice I hate being touched by them.
I also don't like the playful slap on the butt as what parents sometimes do to their children, it makes me feel... "molested".
I hope my mom finally gets that because I have to suppress the impulse to punch her or spit in her face every time she does that.
Hugging is something I don't really mind (if with a person I have no issues with), though I tend to stiffen up and the initiative always comes from someone else and then I just go along with it.

How do you feel when someone recoils from being touched?

I take it as a signal that that person doesn't like to be touched.
I know what it's like so it's not hard for me to understand.

Do you think there's more pressure on women to show affection physically?

Maybe, but really I don't know.
You tell me.

For those who don't enjoy touch, how do you cope when someone violates your space?

I try to be tolerant but when it becomes too much of a burden or a distraction I just bluntly tell them to keep their distance.
In my old group home there was this one guy who had the habit of getting under people's skin for drawing attention.
Once he learned I did not like to be touched, he of course tried to touch me more often.
Once I had enough and saw he didn't respond to verbal warnings I just slapped his hands away when he tried to hug me and pushed him so hard he almost fell.
He taunted me when I walked away angry, but he never touched me again after that.

 

[Meow Mix]

Thank you for not just going in. Not enough people do, which puts Im sure far more than just me into harsh situations where we don't want hugged but we don't want to seem unfriendly by turning down and refusing such a basic and common gesture of friendliness. Extending and invitation does away with that pressure and avoids the rock and hard spot all together.
And, it's definitely a gender thing. As a guy it's WAY easier to stick your hand out for a handshake to minimize contact and keep more distance with people who insist on touch. It seems they are more aware to watch for it. But, as a woman people more just go in for a hug and aren't watching for an arm extending or hand held in front of them.

I'm sure the dynamics are somewhat different.

There are other considerations too. I notice that because I'm gay, straight women go one of two ways: either they don't touch at all (and it's like girl, ok, you're not going to give me the wrong signals lmao) or they just assume that means there's no boundaries.

I recall a time the topic was cleavage, and I'm ah, not the most well endowed. This acquaintance thought it was OK to reach across the table to be like "YOU JUST GOTTA DO THIS" and pushed my breasts together like a bra would (I was not wearing one) and I'm just like excuse me, what just happened?

Weird little things like this happen with straight women a lot and I'm sure there is something going on there; some assumption about lesbians, I really do not know.

I bet there are different weird touch assumptions about a lot of different social conditions and factors.

 

[JustGeorge]

I also don't like the playful slap on the butt as what parents sometimes do to their children, it makes me feel... "molested".
I hope my mom finally gets that because I have to suppress the impulse to punch her or spit in her face every time she does that.

Its hard with parents... they take the suggestions of 'hands off' so personally. Having been on both sides of the fence on this, I get it... but who wants to stress their kids out? I hope your mom gets it soon.

Maybe, but really I don't know.
You tell me.

I think so, but I'm not totally sure, as I haven't been a man(at least not in this incarnation).

I try to be tolerant but when it becomes too much of a burden or a distraction I just bluntly tell them to keep their distance.
In my old group home there was this one guy who had the habit of getting under people's skin for drawing attention.
Once he learned I did not like to be touched, he of course tried to touch me more often.
Once I had enough and saw he didn't respond to verbal warnings I just slapped his hands away when he tried to hug me and pushed him so hard he almost fell.
He taunted me when I walked away angry, but he never touched me again after that.

Sorry you had to go through that, but glad he did eventually stop.

I had a pair of coworkers that did something similar... one politely asked the other not to touch him. She couldn't stop herself... He was such a nice person and calm person typically, but I could see the smoke coming out of his ears each time she'd come up to pat him on the back. At one point I said if she didn't stop touching him, I was gonna clock her... (we were good friends with a strange relationship, and this would have been an acceptable, but unattractive, consequence).

 

[Gargovic Malkav]

Sorry you had to go through that, but glad he did eventually stop.

Lol this guy got on my nerves so bad that I even had dreams about him.
One was a bit nightmarish because in that dream I tried to strangle him but he just kept talking and laughing.

In the other dream he was crying and tied to a pole while almost naked.
He was only wearing a loincloth or a diaper(perhaps both, dream logic can be like that).
On a given moment, blood started coming out of his pores and began floating and circling around him, this continued until I could only see a red cloud.
After awhile the cloud disappeared and all that remained was a skeleton.

I guess I hated him more than I pitied him, as that last dream was very satisfying to me.
He eventually moved to a more strict and closed group home because of his behavioural issues.

I had a pair of coworkers that did something similar... one politely asked the other not to touch him. She couldn't stop herself... He was such a nice person and calm person typically, but I could see the smoke coming out of his ears each time she'd come up to pat him on the back. At one point I said if she didn't stop touching him, I was gonna clock her... (we were good friends with a strange relationship, and this would have been an acceptable, but unattractive, consequence).

Yes, some people mean well and do such things automatically because their personalities are just like that.
It can also be a cultural thing.
It seems that in some African cultures people can be very touching to show affection and kindness, even to strangers.
But in many Asian cultures, people tend to perceive it as very rude, especially when done to strangers.

 

[JustGeorge]

Yes, some people mean well and do such things automatically because their personalities are just like that.
It can also be a cultural thing.
It seems that in some African cultures people can be very touching to show affection and kindness, even to strangers.
But in many Asian cultures, people tend to perceive it as very rude, especially when done to strangers.

Actually, the coworker/friend I mentioned that wouldn't let the other coworker be was African(from Mali). I asked her "why don't you leave him alone?" She said "I don't know! I just can't help it!" And that's when I said let him be... or else.. (like I said, our relationship was strange).

Maybe it was something ingrained in her that she was struggling to contain....

 

[Gargovic Malkav]

Actually, the coworker/friend I mentioned that wouldn't let the other coworker be was African(from Mali). I asked her "why don't you leave him alone?" She said "I don't know! I just can't help it!" And that's when I said let him be... or else.. (like I said, our relationship was strange).

Maybe it was something ingrained in her that she was struggling to contain....

I guess so.
Did your "warning" help?

 

[JustGeorge]

I guess so.
Did your "warning" help?

Yes.

 

[stvdv]

When one has a cold, its best not to touch anyways...

Unless the other is very hot

 

[Quagmire]

One of the things I liked best about the pandemic was always having an excuse not to hug or shake hands.

I don't mind doing it if I mean it, but the rest of the time I pretty much have to force myself.

I was really glad when the fist bump replaced the handshake.

 

[stvdv]

For those who don't enjoy touch, how do you cope when someone violates your space?

Exactly, it's not about touching, it's about violating the other

My neighbor cat does not allow being touched. I just respect that. Trauma in youth, not trusting men. I understand, hence don't even try touching cat