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Don't Touch Me!

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
I like one thing about the plague....
Recently, a friend started to approach me for a hug.
To head her off, I held out my hand for a fist bump.
She understood social separation with a smile.

Ain't it wonderful !!!
 

Meow Mix

Chatte Féministe
I like one thing about the plague....
Recently, a friend started to approach me for a hug.
To head her off, I held out my hand for a fist bump.
She understood social separation with a smile.

Ain't it wonderful !!!

I took you for a headbutt kinda guy.

I’d greet you like a Klingon.

Qapla’
 

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
Recently, someone came up behind me and hugged and kissed(nonsexually) me. I stiffened up and gritted my teeth. Truth be told, unless you're in my immediate family, or we're in an exceptional circumstance(death, birth, major loss or gain), I don't want you touching me.

It caused some friction growing up... I wouldn't let my parents touch me, and I'd hide (or leave early without notice)so I could avoid the hugs. The thought gave me anxiety(though I am told my grandfather was an exception, I'd crawl right up in his lap and give him a hug, much to my parent's dismay).

My uncle used to bicker at me, and tell me my problems were I wasn't hugged enough by my parents(in which I'd stand up for them and say it wasn't their fault). But what really made him leave me alone about it was when I pointed out that people don't go around faulting my only male cousin for not being touchy feely, so why should I take so much abuse? Are all women supposed to be like that?

He took my point, and left me alone about it ever since, even once noting "Normally, I'd hug you, but I know you don't like that, so I won't." I thanked him. We both smiled.

How do you feel? Are you okay with (nonsexual) touch? In what circumstances? Which aren't okay?

How do you feel when someone recoils from being touched?

Do you think there's more pressure on women to show affection physically?

For those who don't enjoy touch, how do you cope when someone violates your space?

I can't stand it either, although I've trained myself in later adult years to pretend to tolerate it for the benefit of the other person, especially if it's a friend.

I think it is one of many factors in life where some folks underestimate diversity of humanity. We all come with DNA, and are built differently in all ways ... emotionally, psychologically, intellectually, and more. The only one that is easily recognisable is physical. Quite naturally, humans feel other humans think like they do. A small child who likes a particular toy or food assumes all other people will too. Their own mind is the only mind they have.

Growing up, besides hugging, my pet peeve was that I often wanted to be alone. I loved going for walks totally by myself, when I had control of which tree to stop at, etc. My father and a brother or two especially could never understand that, and often 'volunteered' to come along with me. Eventually I learned to not tell Dad, and then if I was on long walk, I'd get scolded.

We need to learn to never assume anything about another person's likes or dislikes, and then, when we do get to know them, respect their choices.
 
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Martin

Spam, wonderful spam (bloody vikings!)
I like one thing about the plague....
Recently, a friend started to approach me for a hug.
To head her off, I held out my hand for a fist bump.
She understood social separation with a smile.

Ain't it wonderful !!!

I really appreciated the social distancing aspect of the covid restrictions. It was interesting watching people trying to be mindful of how close they were to others, with varying degrees of success.
They started here with 2 meter separation between people, then it changed to "1 meter plus", which seemed to confuse everyone.
 

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
I really appreciated the social distancing aspect of the covid restrictions. It was interesting watching people trying to be mindful of how close they were to others, with varying degrees of success.
Seems I was always warning Covid deniers to keep away.
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
I don't know. I never really thought about it. Do you mean by men or in general?

Honestly, upon reflection in this thread, I have more problems with women touching me. From some(usually older), I even feel that there's an air of entitlement about it... "This is what's good for you" kind of thing. Younger women don't usually have the entitlement thing, but I can tell sometimes they're disappointed when hug wasn't appreciated.

I've seldom have had men(that I wasn't related to) attempt to hug me in which the situation wasn't appropriate.
 

stvdv

Veteran Member: I Share (not Debate) my POV
You're not alone:

Beautiful example.

The woman first asks friendly before hugging, the man politely says no
The woman asks again, the man insists that he doesn't want
The woman gives in a bit "a little hug please":)
But the man hold his ground:cool:

And both can smile about it
The best
 

Deidre

Well-Known Member
I’m not a fan of people hugging/touching me - especially taking me by surprise. I’m kind of a germaphobe in general (before Covid Lol) so, that’s where it comes from for me. Totally get you, @JustGeorge !!

I don’t want to make anyone feel bad but at the same time, gimme some space :tearsofjoy:
 

Mock Turtle

Oh my, did I say that!
Premium Member
Well I could add to what I put, given that most of you know that I was sexually abused by an older boy, and where such possibly accounted for why I was not OK with contact from other males - not that it tended to happen much anyway, And it might also have been due to our family not being that touchy feely, but I did seem to get rid of all this later in life so as not to have any such boundaries - which I put down to becoming more emotionally expressive and natural in my emotional feelings.
 
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