Deidre's Journey

[Deidre]

So, I'm not great with keeping up with journals but this one, I would really like to keep it going as to keep up with my experiences now. I think after leaving faith five years ago, and eventually identifying as an atheist, I didn't realize how empty I would feel after being tested with something like my grandmother's death. Fast forward to now, and after returning to faith a little over a year ago, I realize that much of my belief system is really little more than a security blanket and wishful thinking.

I'm tired of my mind logically identifying as an atheist but my heart afraid to leave the pseudo-comforts of faith. I convinced myself that I had a spiritual experience in order to feel that comfort, again.

Time to get real and if I'm going to identify as an atheist, then I'll have to find ways to cope with the stresses of everyday life as one.

Back on the path to self discovery.

 

[George-ananda]

Are we supposed to comment on journals?

Maybe the answer to your Theism vs. Atheism dilemma is 'not really either of the above'?

I found the more important question is 'are we just physical matter or something more'. From my study of the paranormal I believe 'something more' and so is your grandmother.

 

[Twilight Hue]

So, I'm not great with keeping up with journals but this one, I would really like to keep it going as to keep up with my experiences now. I think after leaving faith five years ago, and eventually identifying as an atheist, I didn't realize how empty I would feel after being tested with something like my grandmother's death. Fast forward to now, and after returning to faith a little over a year ago, I realize that much of my belief system is really little more than a security blanket and wishful thinking.

I'm tired of my mind logically identifying as an atheist but my heart afraid to leave the pseudo-comforts of faith. I convinced myself that I had a spiritual experience in order to feel that comfort, again.

Time to get real and if I'm going to identify as an atheist, then I'll have to find ways to cope with the stresses of everyday life as one.

Back on the path to self discovery.

Things naturally came about alright the first time around. Eyes open. Enjoying the good things, complaining about the bad. Life is life.

Atheism just means having no God's. That's all.

 

[Deidre]

People can share comments, as long as they’re not insulting…that’s cool with me.

 

[ImmortalFlame]

So, I'm not great with keeping up with journals but this one, I would really like to keep it going as to keep up with my experiences now. I think after leaving faith five years ago, and eventually identifying as an atheist, I didn't realize how empty I would feel after being tested with something like my grandmother's death. Fast forward to now, and after returning to faith a little over a year ago, I realize that much of my belief system is really little more than a security blanket and wishful thinking.

I'm tired of my mind logically identifying as an atheist but my heart afraid to leave the pseudo-comforts of faith. I convinced myself that I had a spiritual experience in order to feel that comfort, again.

Time to get real and if I'm going to identify as an atheist, then I'll have to find ways to cope with the stresses of everyday life as one.

Back on the path to self discovery.

I think what's really important is that you're honest with yourself - while I have engaged in countless debates about the exact definition and usage of the label "atheist", it is ultimately just a label we use to describe a very broad position we hold. If you feel you identify as an atheist, then don't be afraid of the label, but likewise don't let simple descriptors get in the way of your personal take on the Universe. The path of self-discovery is always going to be a fascinating one, and it's all about questioning not just what you believe (or believed) but why you believe it, and it seems to me that you are certainly on the right track based on what you've written here. Just don't allow yourself to think things like "I am an atheist, therefore I should favour science over spiritualism because that's what an atheist does", but instead try to retain that sense of honest self-analysis and always be capable of reconsidering your position, even though I personally took that route.

Also, while I am not going to get personal with anyone else here, I think it's pretty downright reprehensible for someone to evoke your grandmother's death to try and manipulate you to siding with their point of view, especially when you explained here that it's clearly an emotional issue for you. I hope you have recovered from that experience and learned something about yourself (and others, perhaps) from it, as often that's the best thing that can come from painful personal experiences and loss.

Thank you for sharing!

 

[Kilgore Trout]

So, I'm not great with keeping up with journals but this one, I would really like to keep it going as to keep up with my experiences now. I think after leaving faith five years ago, and eventually identifying as an atheist, I didn't realize how empty I would feel after being tested with something like my grandmother's death. Fast forward to now, and after returning to faith a little over a year ago, I realize that much of my belief system is really little more than a security blanket and wishful thinking.

I'm tired of my mind logically identifying as an atheist but my heart afraid to leave the pseudo-comforts of faith. I convinced myself that I had a spiritual experience in order to feel that comfort, again.

Time to get real and if I'm going to identify as an atheist, then I'll have to find ways to cope with the stresses of everyday life as one.

Back on the path to self discovery.

It's hard to get the pseudo-comfort of religious and wishful thinking once you realize that's what it is. However, this can open one up to a world of getting actual comfort through those around them and via their own internal resources and strength, which is a lot more real, dependable, and useful in the long run.

 

[Mrpasserby]

So, I'm not great with keeping up with journals but this one, I would really like to keep it going as to keep up with my experiences now. I think after leaving faith five years ago, and eventually identifying as an atheist, I didn't realize how empty I would feel after being tested with something like my grandmother's death. Fast forward to now, and after returning to faith a little over a year ago, I realize that much of my belief system is really little more than a security blanket and wishful thinking.
I'm tired of my mind logically identifying as an atheist but my heart afraid to leave the pseudo-comforts of faith. I convinced myself that I had a spiritual experience in order to feel that comfort, again.
Time to get real and if I'm going to identify as an atheist, then I'll have to find ways to cope with the stresses of everyday life as one.
Back on the path to self discovery.

I was at that point 4 decades ago.
In my experience: I did not have to give up the social aspects of religion, I just had to stop letting religion use me, and I started using religion.

 

[LuisDantas]

Here is hoping that you find your peace, @Deidre .

If it helps any, I believe that we should not make much of a deal either way. Belief is fine. So is disbelief.

There is a lot of more substance in yourself than that dichotomy, whose boundaries are not even very solid to begin with.

 

[Rival]

Reminds me of a line from a poem by Fulke Greville,

"Passion and reason self-division cause."

Perhaps you, too, could find peace in poetry

 

[Deidre]

Here is hoping that you find your peace, @Deidre .

If it helps any, I believe that we should not make much of a deal either way. Belief is fine. So is disbelief.

There is a lot of more substance in yourself than that dichotomy, whose boundaries are not even very solid to begin with.

Hi Luis and thank you! The problem is that if you logically believe something to be untrue, how can you also find comfort in falsehood? It seems like my mind and heart never really matched up when it comes down to faith beliefs. And while we can still wonder in our agnosticism, I'm feeling like it is wrong to put my faith in something that my head rejects, if that makes sense.

Otherwise, I agree with you

 

[LuisDantas]

Hi Luis and thank you! The problem is that if you logically believe something to be untrue, how can you also find comfort in falsehood? It seems like my mind and heart never really matched up when it comes down to faith beliefs. And while we can still wonder in our agnosticism, I'm feeling like it is wrong to put my faith in something that my head rejects, if that makes sense.

Otherwise, I agree with you

I take it that you do not feel inclined to contemplate the beauty of the concepts, then?

To me personally there is rarely a question of whether Isis or Shakti are true. That is beyond the point. The inspiration and the wisdom to be learned are quite real enough.

 

[Deidre]

I take it that you do not feel inclined to contemplate the beauty of the concepts, then?

To me personally there is rarely a question of whether Isis or Shakti are true. That is beyond the point. The inspiration and the wisdom to be learned are quite real enough.

Wisdom from humankind? There is much wisdom from humankind but we feel the need to credit something else with it.

 

[LuisDantas]

Wisdom from humankind? There is much wisdom from humankind but we feel the need to credit something else with it.

Do we?

Myself, I try to appreciate my blessings as I meet them. I guess I am not very good at reading their origin labels.

 

[Deidre]

Do we?

Myself, I try to appreciate my blessings as I meet them. I guess I am not very good at reading their origin labels.

Do what makes you happy. As I will. The blessings and happiness come from within not from without. Buddha might have uttered that before lol Idk

 

[Desert Snake]

This seems right, was sort of surprised when you went/claimed christianity.

 

[Desert Snake]

Actually, weren't you thinking of various religions, so not sure quite how you think of those

 

[Deidre]

Actually, weren't you thinking of various religions, so not sure quite how you think of those

Yes...when my grandmother died, I literally became overwhelmed with grief ...she had a strong place in my life and as an atheist, I felt like a fish out of water. Who or what can I turn to? When you are indoctrinated into religion as a child, the residue sticks into your adulthood and it's hard to really think of any other type of reality but a faith based one. I think our whole culture is permeated with faith so even atheists struggle from time to time.

 

[Deidre]

I'd kindly ask though that there be no preaching etc in my journal relating to whatever your faith is. I'm aware of what most religions teach. And while you might be trying to help, I'm past examining religion as a remedy for life. Thanks

 

[Deidre]

Things naturally came about alright the first time around. Eyes open. Enjoying the good things, complaining about the bad. Life is life.

Atheism just means having no God's. That's all.

Your post is brilliant and actually comforting. ((Thank you))

 

[Quintessence]

Perhaps some day you will find the path/religion, whether it is theistic or non-theistic, that serves to help you flourish in life without feeling like a security blanket. When you do find that, it is an amazing thing. Know that you are definitely not alone in struggling with the issue of human deaths. How cultures handle the issue of death is not really a function of (a)theism, though it might be a function of religion and of culture. As a culture, I gotta say Americans are really darned dysfunctional when it comes to dealing with human deaths. But a rant about that definitely doesn't belong here, so I'll end with offering my blessings on your life's journey.