Dating ,romance and sexism and men journal

[Riders]

Well, I still have not walked into the garage. I am waiting on my sister to bring in my new shower chair with an extension on it. It holds up to 400 pounds and was too expensive.

I spent too much money on personal necessities this month including pigging out at Jack in The box today. I also spent almost 50 dollars on one of those medical alert things you wear around your neck, I´ḿ getting the bracelet. I hope it works well, I worry about falling sometimes.

I am so sleepy and tired today, I think I'm not coming down with a cold. I am going to bed after I hear an OA meeting, I did watch the Kirtan service again tonight.

 

[Riders]

Okay so I stayed off my diet my meal plan for 3 days and now I'm back on it I'm getting into a nasty habit of staying off of it for 3 days and staying on it for 4 but at least I'm not gaining which is good .

I'm still lonely but I'm doing more of my work on the surveys. It helps to stay busy. It gives me a sense of self worth. I mean at least I'm doing something constructive that's helping somebody else out.

I hope to be able to get in $30 worth of Amazon gift cards every month from my from my survey taking on the internet. I know you might be thinking why not do $100 worth or more.

There's a drawback about that comes from doing surveys. Your arms and hands start to cramp up kind of like somebody he's addicted to gaming. I used to have this issue when I was doing too many games on my cell phone. So sometimes I have to sit back and rest and let my arm rest before I can do anymore so it's not like I can just get on there and do a whole bunch as much as I want.

That would be nice though if I could get 30 or $40 a month in that would be good.

Well I'm only doing one product review a month too and it's only worth 20 bucks a month. So if I can do that plus $40 a month on the surveys that would give me 60 extra dollars every month plus my book review I do every month is 12 bucks so that would be $72.

I know most people would laugh that off but since I'm on disability it would actually help me a whole lot.

Still I'm supposed to get out and go to my niece's baby shower a week from tomorrow. I can't wait to get out of here I want to start using my Walker to get out some. It would be nice to meet a man today but I'm not seriously expecting it.

If I could just meet some good friends at the United Methodist Church that would be nice. Hopefully they will stick to their promise that made me three or four years ago that if I don't try to join the church and just visit regular they won't try to convert me to Christianity but we'll see we'll see if they live up to it.

 

[Riders]

Another good reason not to get married is I have Cali my cat. She is 10 years old maybe 11. She only knew me, my Mom, and my dad, she was my Momś cat before she died.

Then I put her through the stress of letting the house get messy and dirty then she had to deal with the dog Venice, living with us, then the possums being there.

They would come in and eat her food every night and drool on her food. I was afraid of them. But she use to chase them, I think they drove her nuts.

But now that she´s been uprooted from the house she lived in for 9 or 10 years into this apartment, she has adjusted amazingly well.

Part of that reason is that she is here with me, she and I have been together for a long time, even though she was my Momś cat. We have known each other for 11 years.

I pet her, I baby her, feed her, and my sister changes the litter for me and Cali. My sister and I give her attention and spoil
her, she needs it after all she has been through.

So no I iwll not make her get to know a man and be uprooted to living with me and a man at his place, many men would want me to get rid of her so no. This situation needs to stay the same so Cali can continue to be stable.

Sheś scared of men anyways. the apartment is clean, I have a home health aid who helps me. So me and Cali are fine. We got each other.

 

[Riders]

Well I binged again today after being on the food plan for 2 days. I am sick again too I think I'm just coming down with a bad cold.
But if it turns into a virus I'm worried that primacare will tell me to go to the hospital because I just had this infection a few weeks ago.
I've beaten too many Frozen pound cakes this year by Sara Lee. I told my sister if I ever get married I don't want a regular bridal cake I hate those things. I'll probably get a buttery pound cake instead.

It would be nice to have a boyfriend but being in my situation I don't think anyone's going to want to marry me,

There are a few men who just want to date so if I run into someone who just wants to have fun and date kind of like Robert used to be with me I might do that but I'm not holding my breath to get married.

I'm feeling so bad tonight I might watch some t
Twin Peaks.I new twin peaks came out in 2015 or 2017 I'm not sure. They cut it off though but I haven't seen any of those I'm thinking maybe after I get more money in and I can pay for the episode tonight watch a few of those.
I'd like to see what agent Cooper looks like today.
Maybe I'll watch a scary movie tomorrow I'll think about it.

agent cooper from twin peaks pictures - - Image Search Results

 

[Riders]

Okay, I've got bronchitis, I go diagnosed from a home base visit from Prima Care. I'm on steroids for it. I said if it keeps going on after a few days I need to go in and get a chest x-ray.

So I went ahead and got this other doctor who comes to the apartment he came out and they got x-rays of my chest.

So I'll get the results back on Monday. My teeth are hurting. So I'm going to try to talk my sister into letting me go to the dentist at the beginning of next month. I'll have to use my Walker and get out of the house.
And I think I can talk her into it if my teeth are hurting me pretty bad. What else are you going to do call a home-based dentist haha? Hopefully, I'll do well with that and be able to go out by November 25th Thanksgiving to socialize with my family.

I'm walking seems to be getting a little bit better even though I haven't been making myself do my walking exercises. I was off my food plan for about a week.

The bad news is that my wound was getting well we thought: It was going to close up and then it reopened again. Now it's back to being bad again probably because of my eating.

My nurse preached at me about my food plan so I got back on it today. It's just tough trying to deal with pain and an addiction at the same time it's hard to get off of the high-fat sweet foods when you're sick.
Hopefully, the steroids will take effect in a few days, and hopefully, I'll get over this quickly.

One of my old meditation temples reopened in the Methodist Church it was in last time. Maybe I can go visit them one of these days.

 

[Riders]

Ugh my arm and shoulders still hurting from all the writing and posting I had to do for my surveys I got paid for. So I'm not sure if that's going to work out as a job for me.I'm going to try to go back next week.

But meantime I got another review job from Craigslist doing a reading review for a book that's fantasy fiction. I got to read it this week. I get 25 for it and $20 for my product review so that's at least $45 for this month plus I got five in for my surveys.

So maybe if I don't get so much in surveys I can find a little one day jobs and one week jobs like that reading review job at Craigslist by continuing to go back to the gigs I can keep finding gigs we'll see.

I've decided I've got to get off of Cokes and sweets. I've binged tonight . Obviously trying to drink one Coke a day is not working because it just tempts me into eating sweets.

So starting next week I'm going to be off of Coke's and just drinking diet drinks. I like diet A&w Root beer and diet Dr pepper.
So maybe I can suffice with that.

It's been more references in my OA meetings to people who don't eat any flour at all. They seem to think there way is the only way. But we will see how much more weight I can get off me.

 

[Riders]

So I've been sleepy today.My throat is still sore ears still hurt.I hope my bronchitis is going away still.

I made out my grocery list for tomorrow. I have no desserts nor any Cokes on it. That's the first time for me. It's going to be hard. But it's got to be done. Me having one or two cokes a day just doesn't work. It makes me hungry for sweets.

Then I've binge on sweets it's like an alcoholic trying to have one drink. But the difference is is that when you're an overeater you have to eat you can't go cold turkey.
Some people in OA swear by their diets that have no flour in them whatsoever. It's just too strict for me. My reoccurring wound keeps me from being on the restrictive diet.

My recurring wound has reopened so we're dealing with it now. Hopefully I can get on track with my food plan and get it back to work should be.

I am just getting rid of my Cokes and sweets. Then after that I have to eat three small meals a day no snacks and preferably between 1,000 and 1500 calories.

So I will allow myself to have fried fattening foods but I have to eat small amounts of them.

Since I'm not addicted to them I probably won't overeat on stuff like that. I don't usually like it unless I'm drinking Coke with it and having sweets.


sweets

 

[Riders]

So I'm going to weigh myself in the next few days. I just know I've gained 10 lbs. Despite the fact I will weigh. I just have to get off of sugar and colas.

That's my greatest achievement my sister says I should switch to water instead of diet colas but it's going to be hard enough.

I can discipline myself to drink some Coke but I'm just not there yet with switching completely out. I got to have some diet drinks.

My teeth is hurting me I need pain relievers so I'm getting off the net now. Have a good night.

 

[Riders]

Well, I am taking a night off from the Over Eaters Anonymous program.
Another person who weighs everything and doesn´t eat flour, no bread, I take that back OA How the program our speaker is in, gets one piece of bread and one fruit a day.

I know because I did the OA How food plan for a week and ended up in the hospital for low blood sugar. Another time when I tried a strict low-carb diet my wound got worse, when I told my wound care dr about it she said to get off the diet.

She said a strict diet will cause my wound to come back and get infected as my overeating does. They don´t want me to eat junk,

do not get me wrong. She suggested Weight Watchers and so did my now nutritionist.
instead of getting rid of all flour, they suggest switching to whole wheat flour.

Yea, right now I am getting cokes and sweets out of my life, but just calories counting and eating 3 small meals a day. Next month I plan on getting high fats out so I will have low-fat low-cal meals only.
Then eventually I will switch to whole wheat.

But in the meantime, I can eat 3 small meals a day and count the calories. Well, see if I try Weight Watchers in the future.


My sister bought a book store and itś gonna take a few months to open it up. It's a used book store, when my Mom was alive she loved that bookstore and got lots of mystery novels there.

My sister being Christian took out the Tarot cards they use to sell.
She also removed the horror novels, she believes they are of the devil.
She says she left the secular fiction and mystery books in there and it's a secular bookstore. I hope she means that my Mom loved mystery books.

This is one of my Moms mystery books, she liked this Author the Alex Cross books

.

 

[Riders]

I've decided to wait till I get my tooth pulled out before I get rid of sweets. It's too hard. I have dental pain. But after I get this tooth pulled then I will be on the sugar free diet it's hard not to eat desserts and cokes.

There's a whole entire argument over whether obese people should be eating
bread. Some nutritionists say only low fat protein fruits and vegetables should be allowed.
Some say only protein and vegetables.
The obesity surgery diets you have to go on for the surgery according to My 600-lb Life is just meat vegetables and nothing else.

Some say flower is okay if it's wheat flour.
Most nutritionists don't believe in white flowers especially for obese people like me.
They recommended weight watchers to me both my nutritionist and my wound care doctor from a while back .
I've done weight watchers before it's good and I have to do whole wheat flour with it.

But you have to eat the points that you get for your pound they give you points so many depending on how much you weigh.

The more you way the more that you get and you're supposed to eat at least a certain amount of those points most of them per day.
It's a lot of food but sometimes I have a hard time getting enough fat and food in with their points.
However weight watchers is a really good program and I might try doing it along with OA eventually.

But I'm just thinking right now. I won't do one of those strict low-carb diets like the obesity surgery they're too hard.

 

[Riders]

I think I may have a chance at another computer task job but we see tomorrow.
Anyhow, I watched all of the specials about Hillsong the mega-church exposed.

One of the tricks that they use to get people in is to get young women in it's kind of the law that bars use.


Women don't have money men do. So if they want to get the men and they get the women to attract them in and then the men pay for the drinks so they make more money.

So Hillsong liked getting the younger women in.
I was going to Pentecostal Church which is still where it used to be in my hometown and they had gotten rid of the dress code standards especially for new people.

I was between 28 and 34 but I looked really young when I was there. So the young people hang out with me a lot of times and I would go to their youth choir concerts and fulfill the role as a you know an adult who's in charge type of role.

But I was kind of felt like they used me for that situation because they knew because I looked so young that I could draw and other young people as well and I didn't appreciate it I felt like they used me.

I felt like they kind of did the same thing at my old timey Pentecostal Church too.

But they were strict about the dress codes and strict about women being submissive to men to the point that they wanted the women at church to be submissive to all of the men.
As a result I had one one episode where an older man who was about my age took me home he and his friend and they tried to make a pass at me while in the vehicle at church and then they decided not to.

They told me not to tell anybody.
Some Pentecostals sense of personal boundaries between men and women were good.
Some were toxic because even if you're in the old timing Church which is supposed to keep really strict boundaries between men and women men and women don't socialize sometimes they do.

Sometimes because the men wanted their women to be submissive to them to be fussing over them and not witnessing to people they would do all the witnessing the men would while the women was acting like a slave.

So my personal boundaries between men and women and being hugged all the time by men who are asking me for hugs was very violated for a long time.

That's why I'd rather be in the United Methodist Church or Lutheran Church or some kind of church that it does not do all the emotional touching and touchy-feely hugging stuff I don't like I don't like it it's like I feel like I'm being violated my boundaries are being violated again.

But some of them Pentecostal men who would do stuff like that are good people some of them don't make advances towards women. But they do insist on witnessing to women so while they are violating my boundaries I don't think some of them would actually try to get in bed with me or anything like that.

While I was at the nursing home 10 years ago my old church was ministering up there. Only the men showed up even though other churches he came to preach had their women up there ministering to women.
But my old church wouldn't have any of their women up there it was all men ministering.
I can tell you right now what's up with that 5 years ago 6 years ago I was in that same old folks home when they were doing the same thing.
It's because they know if they bring their women up there with their tight rolled up granny buns and their head and no makeup and no jewelry and long dresses that people are going to know that they are weird so they don't want people to see their women.

So I revealed that I was the next member of their Church to that guy 10 years ago the guy who was going to stirring preaching.

He wanted me to give him his my phone number and my room number he came up to me and handed me a piece of paper and a pencil and told me to do it I did not do it.

He wanted to give me a Bible study in my room but now I don't believe he would have been coming on to me I think he would have given me a Bible study but because they won't let their women come down there they have to have a man do it.

So no he totally violated my boundaries but trying to do that on such a violation like dude I don't want you coming back to my room with me OMG.

Hopefully, if I can make my way back to church maybe I can go to United Methodist Church or church somewhere that doesn't violate my boundaries I do not want to be touched and I don't want men coming up to me for hugs Yikes.

me

 

[Riders]

You can relax if you're a Christian. I mean I'm not going to have any panic attacks at a church that I might attend. Besides I went to the United Methodist Church about 4 years ago and they were really cool and laid back.

I didn't have any issues with them trying to hug all over me or be emotional.
That's just that the Baptist Church is, the Community churches the Non-denominational churches and
Pentecostals. Those types of churches.

I did however go to a Catholic Church that was in my neighborhood about 8 years ago. There's a big Catholic Church out here called St Pius and they're pretty nice and very quiet and respectful.

So I figured this other Catholic Church will be the same and I went and visited it and it turned out to be a spirit-filled Catholic Church.

So out here in the mesquite Garland area you have to be careful for churches who belonged to denomination that's not usually Pentecostal that might be a spirit-filled version of it. Yeah they creeped me out I didn't like them at all.

But I have information on the Lutheran Church that's out here and the United Methodist in both of them are very quiet respectful and they don't get emotional and they don't run around hugging each other.

So either one of those churches should be okay to go to I. shouldn't have any problems with the anxiety attacks or anything like that.

Of course with covid running around I imagine there are some Churches he used to hug all over the place that don't now.

I don't know how that works but I'm sure some churches are being cautious about that anyways.

I will talk to a man or a brother if they talk to me as long as the topic is a church or the religion that I'm in at the time.
I won't have a conversation with them about anything else though.

I guess if they're actually interested in dating me they would let me know and then we would take it from there.

When I first met Robert, I was going to a Pagan-based Unitarian Universalist Church.

We met at a singles group they used to have in mesquite. He was a keyboardist and jammed out with a blues band at this bar sometimes.
He was talking about jamming out with his friends and I thought he was talking about drum jams.
When I asked him he said what you hang out with UU churches or something and he was whispering.

We were in mesquite so it was a conservative crowd. We kept talking to each other and found out that he would go out to eat with my church but we didn't know each other so we ran with the same crowd.

He was a lot safer to go out with because I knew the people he ran around with we were in the same spiritual circles.

If you know anything about my history you'll know that he was an alcoholic and a polyamorous guy and kind of a jerk and we had issues after going out for about a year and a half.

But I've learned a lot from him and I'm really glad we did go out.
He's 13 years older than me and back then he had long gray hair that he put in a ponytail and weighed 300 lb so not a looker but we were good friends and I did have a good time with him in the beginning especially.

Of course, both drinking and overeating started playing their role in our friendship.

But back to the church topic, yeah I know personally from having gone out with Robert that church guy friends do make a good match for someone.

Of course I'm not Christian but I have a lot in common with the liberal Christian
churches politically speaking.


I think I could have some things in common with the older men at those churches but I have my doubts that there are very many single men my age left but we'll see.
But back to dating yes meeting somebody in person rather than on the internet and meeting Church men at church, it's a way better idea than using these dating apps.

Singles groups are good too that's how I met Robert.
That old singles group of mesquite I met him at doesn't meet anymore but I think there's one that's not too far from here I could get to maybe.

Yeah and in the future when I start getting out a lot more I might do that I might go to another singles group who knows?
But with all the TV shows on Dr. Phil talking about catfishing men I will never go to a dating website again, it's not worth it.
Me and Robert´s song

Pentecostals

 

[Riders]

Well, I've been having panic attacks today. It's in part because I haven't slept much lately so I'm sleep deprived in part because of my restless leg syndrome.

It's also in part because I was worried about not being able to get to a dentist next month cuz I don't know still if I can get into my sister's SUV or not. It's too high for me I thought about getting a stair step.

My sister seems to be uncomfortable with it. It was making me nervous.
But I finally got in touch with the mobile dentist today there's only one anywhere near my area so I lucked out that I found them.

But it was really expensive. I can afford it but just barely. I'm going to have to tightly budget myself next month. Hopefully, I can get two of my teeth pulled next month.

I get in panic modes about religion too.
When I was in church the Pentecostal Church it seemed like we were always questioning our salvation.

I had to get the filing of the holy Ghost every single week.

And sometimes it still scares me death does. But I'll look for God when I get anxious and usually I find him.

I watched one of the videos with the Lutheran Church near me on Facebook.

I like the sermon about Zacheus it got me calmed down so I think I can sleep now.

I don't ever want to get to the point to where I'm totally dependent on my church all the time like I used to be with the UPC Church. The church doesn't save you.

But yet my pastor and people at the church instead of saying they were saved it was always are you in church or not I'm in church you got to get in church.

So salvation was an action and it seemed like I could never do enough to be good enough to have the holy Ghost.

But anyways I take God where I can get him.
I also like the idea of thinking about Harry Krishnaś and how they've always got people praying and chanting at all hours of the day and their Temple. It makes me feel better to know that they are chanting and praying all the time.

I might look at some Buddhist videos tonight too but I want to go back and see my Lutheran Church see their service it was good.

 

[Riders]

Well I attended a meditation group tonight through Meetup on the internet. It's the same group that I've been attending Kyrtan services at.
I finally attended the meditation class. There's only a small group of four of us but we did pretty good. I got a chance to talk to the teacher for the first time and see taught us about some techniques for meditation.

It was really good. I hope to stay in this group for a while they're located in another state so obviously I can't ever meet in person but I didn't really like the internet group.

 

[Riders]

I thought my food plan today again. But I was on it the last two days.
I weighed about 4 days ago. I gained 6 lb back. Some up to 302. That means I only have 28 lb of weight loss.. I hope to get 40 off by the end of this year.

I'm back to eating three small meals a day. it works. Especially if I eat about 1200 calories a day.

I'm getting Taco Bell bean and cheese burritos for lunch next week.

One a day is $350 calories. I don't know about the fat but the calories are okay.

It's just saying no to the nacho Bell grande and the other stuff that's hard.

I hope to make it a habit to start meditating the way they were teaching me on Wednesday night movie yoga class.

I seem to be pretty with it but there was only four people there Wednesday night.
There's only about 5 to 7 people on the internet watching them for kurtain.

That's another one of those Indian words from the Indian language that I have made a fool out of myself trying to pronounce.

Like Bhagavad Gita , I used to pronounce it bag of ad Gita laugh out loud.
They thought it was funny at the temple they tell me how to say it right bhagabagita.

Curtain kirtan is pronounced kyrton I was pronouncing it curtain. They corrected me Wednesday night funny.
Well there's only one dentist that comes out the houses in my area and I just happened to find them then the process of setting up an appointment with me.

I hope they can bring the equipment back here without much trouble they have to roll back the X-ray chair and take X-rays when they first come out here and then go back and chair where I can sit in it and they can pull my teeth.

Hopefully they won't have much trouble but we'll see.

I need to be up and getting out and being able to get into a car and go.

Hopefully by December I can start going to church.
That would be nice.

 

[Riders]

So I weighed myself last week.
I gained 6 lbs. So I'll have to start over and try to start losing weight again I did get back on my food plan.

I lost two days of sleep this week so I have been paranoid and having panic attacks.

When I go without sleep a lot of sleep I can get crazy.
This time I was having flashbacks about the times that I almost got involved with BDSM.
I did have a couple of guys that I had BDSM sessions with.

But the whole thing just creeps me out now. I was freaked out.

No offense to anybody who practices BDSM here. To each his own.

But since I am mentally ill and easier to take advantage of I think I would come off more likely getting a dominant male who would want to abuse me which freaks me out.

But anyways I got past it. I've been putting religious videos into my mind. I saw a good one about The Harry Krishna's in Texas.

I might start reading my Bible and also the Bhagavad Gita.

I am open in the future to making a friendship with a man from Overeaters
Anonymous. It's going to take a while to get up the energy to start looking because I still need to get on my feet and start walking around more but who knows? Maybe in the future, I could meet someone nice.

 

[Riders]

Well, I am getting bored with no men around me. Like my Mom use to say I feel like making trouble.No I don't, just lonely as usual but holidays for single people get very lonely.

I just have to pray and wait till I get better to see if God has a man for me, or maybe just a guy friend.

I have been listening to love songs and sexy songs to help me make it through the night. Here are some of Rolling Stones' sexy favorites.

This is my number 1 sexy favorite Stones song

Beast Of Burden whew baby!

This one has the best dance moves in the video from Mick!

 

[Riders]

Well, I'm wheezing tonight. I think I've still got a touch of bronchitis. Hopefully, I can get rid of it soon.
I get sick a lot from allergies that's another reason not to get married.

But I have thought about this a lot lately.
I know my sister doesn't want me to bring anybody back to my apartment.

Technically I have physical issues right now I'm not mobile enough to go out. I'm hoping by Christmas I might be more mobile and hopefully, I'll be able to go to Christmas party maybe to church.

But I'm also got a lot of emotional problems that concern romance from my past and relationships and I would really need to be in counseling for a while.

I don't know that I could clean the house for any man I don't think I'm able.

So there's a lot of concerns for me being in a relationship.

However with my sister's conservative values I know she believes in marriage.

So my thinking was if I don't have a job and I can't get into a romance I'll just have to settle for going to OA meetings in church all the time and get bored and being bored.

But I started rethinking everything over today. I think if I come up with a guy friend who just wants to be a friend and a playmate go out together:

And maybe even be sexual with him although we would have to get a motel room: I might could get by with passing it by my sister .

I wouldn't tell her about the motel room of course. I'd be willing to pay for half of it.

Anyway those are my feelings right now I had shut myself down to not having anything in my life at all like I said except for meetings and church.


I guess I should be grateful for that some people don't even have that much in their lives.

I'm going back to messaging John too it's better then no one. She doesn't want me seeing John at all so all we can do is message.

I am not going to do anything now no dating apps no chat rooms for romance, nothing like that. It always gets ruined.
I'm not at a place mobility-wise where I can go out right now anyway so I will wait.

I just got to drop some more of this weight I just got to get up on my feet more and this will give me something to look forward to.

It gives me a reason for living. I don't have to meet men at a church though. After I start getting out more I might try going out to one of the groups that have games or d&d see who I can meet up with there.

I might try to join up with the singles group too. We'll see how it goes.

More sexy favorites

 

[Riders]

After rethinking what I wrote last night I will add this. I do not want to get into a negative space with men and sex again.

I don't want to be with someone who is just using me for sex or someone who wants to abuse me.


Me being 55 years old might make it hard to make good solid good single men my age.

But we shall see.
I might try to do some volunteer work or work part-time at a job.
But I don't know how realistic that is.

If I cannot work or get a boyfriend
There are other things I could be doing
Then just going to church and OA meetings.

I could just go out and have some fun.
Like I said there are a couple of groups that get together to play games that I could probably go to. There is a libertarian group that meets once a month in my area.

I went to them three or four years ago and they were pretty fun.

There's also the idea of doing volunteer work.
If I can get back on my feet I might work as a volunteer at the library.

If not those ,I might try the idea of trying to get involved in spirituality and religion that a deeper more serious level.

I know there's not much I can do if I have to go to a Christian church, but my sister has been okay with the idea of me going to the Zen meditation Temple.

There are Christians there so I can do both go to church and go to Zen.

I might also try some yoga someday or another spiritual group.
We shall see.
But since the covid is less dangerous there have been spiritual temples and religions opening up, so there's no telling what I could get involved in we'll see we will see.

 

[Riders]

Here's a singer that I have never talked about up here. My mom and dad got me his albums when I was about seven or eight. I listen to him between the ages of 7 and 9 years old.

Every once in awhile I will listen to his music for spirituality. Truly I believe his music is somewhat nature-based or pagan.

I saw a movie about his life last night for the first time.

I'm talking about John Denver. I knew he was an alcoholic but I think the movie played it down somewhat. I guess they didn't want to focus on the negative.

They did say in an interview with his wife and other people that they insinuated that he was doing well and not drinking before he died. So I don't know how he got sober.

Maybe he did it on his own. I like to talk about him because he had such a squeaky clean goody two shoe image.

I always expected him to be kind of puritanical.
So it hurt when they were showing him cheating on his wife with his groupies.

But the truth of the matter is that the Hollywood lifestyle can run any man down.
John Denver was just a man a human being he had bought into Hollywood like all of us do.

He had a good relationship with his family and his kids right up until the end, and even with his ex-wife.


So that was good. I think he did his best given the fact that he was dealing with Hollywood people and success and popularity and the music business.

He has such beautiful music and nature runs through all of his music.

One thing that I didn't know about him: And I found out as a teenager because my sister used to read People magazines, and she found out stuff about superstars but:

She told me this when I was a teenager about John Denver, she said he is a new-age believer. And apparently, that was true.


According to the interviews, I saw he did not go to a specific New age church but they did have workshops and this book he had to order and conferences he went to. All of those were in the new age.
So I did think that was interesting.

But he was comfortable and natural environments in Colorado places where there weren't as many people.

He loved nature and he loved to sing about nature and I love the fact that he did raise money and did Charity for mother Earth and environmental causes. In some ways he was a hero.

So I'm going to put some of the songs up that I like of his.

My favorite John Denver song

him