Can't I just stop? (masturbating)

[T-Dawg]

Masturbating is getting to the point where it isn't even fun anymore. The desire to masturbate is a burden and I'm finding that masturbation is getting more and more painful, even when I only masturbate one or two times a day.

Even the orgasm doesn't feel good anymore. It's more of an "aww, it's over?" feeling now, and today the headache persisted for hours after I finished (normally they go away shortly after climax). When I get done masturbating, I don't think "well, that was fun," I think "Gawd, me and my sexual urges... I'm such an f'ing idiot for giving in again..."

It's not even making me less horny. I've been way more horny ever since the time I first successfully masturbated.


I wish I never started masturbating. It's not worth it. I wish they hadn't lied to me and told me it was completely safe and fun. It's painful physically and it makes it harder to focus on things other than sex. I think it might also be connected to my sudden lapses of depression that have been going on randomly for the past couple days.

Masturbation is crap. I want to stop. Can I just stop? Will the urge to masturbate go away once I stop long enough? How long does it take?


Let this be a lesson to anyone who's thinking of taking up masturbation... it's NOT worth it, not by a long shot. If you haven't started, don't start.

 

[Madhuri]

Masturbation is something people do because the drive is very strong and the relief needed. if you don't feel a physical need or strogn desire to do it then there's no point is doing it.

 

[Sunstone]

Most things get easier as you get older. At least until you get very old.

 

[Smoke]

Masturbating is getting to the point where it isn't even fun anymore. The desire to masturbate is a burden and I'm finding that masturbation is getting more and more painful, even when I only masturbate one or two times a day.

Even the orgasm doesn't feel good anymore. It's more of an "aww, it's over?" feeling now, and today the headache persisted for hours after I finished (normally they go away shortly after climax). When I get done masturbating, I don't think "well, that was fun," I think "Gawd, me and my sexual urges... I'm such an f'ing idiot for giving in again..."

Honestly, I don't think you're doing it right, barring some physical problem like phimosis. It definitely shouldn't be physically painful, and I can only speak for myself, but I've never had headaches associated with masturbation or orgasm.

It's not even making me less horny. I've been way more horny ever since the time I first successfully masturbated.

In my experience, there is no substitute for sex with another person. However, you're also getting older and it's natural for you be getting hornier and hornier, regardless of sexual activity.

Masturbation is crap. I want to stop. Can I just stop? Will the urge to masturbate go away once I stop long enough? How long does it take?

It goes away when your sex drive goes away, not before.

Let this be a lesson to anyone who's thinking of taking up masturbation... it's NOT worth it, not by a long shot. If you haven't started, don't start.

I don't think most people really weigh the pros and cons of masturbation; they just plunge right in.

 

[cardero]

Smoke writes: In my experience, there is no substitute for sex with another person.

Then you've never made love to me as myself.

 

[cardero]

I want to stop. Can I just stop? Will the urge to masturbate go away once I stop long enough? How long does it take?

As I see it, you have two choices; you can either pick up a piece of paper and pencil or you can pick up a guitar. Both are practical, self-satisfying distractions that will deter you from the urge.

 

[katiafish]

The longer is the break between the two acts of masturbation, the more satisfying and pleasurable you will find it. Also it will give you something to look forward to, making it more exiting.

Saying that though, I think one really shouldn't do it as a chore, only when they are exited...

 

[monta]

As I see it, you have two choices; you can either pick up a piece of paper and pencil or you can pick up a guitar. Both are practical, self-satisfying distractions that will deter you from the urge.

This explains so much about boys and guitars , thanks Cardero, although you might have missed out tinkering with car engines

 

[T-Dawg]

Honestly, I don't think you're doing it right, barring some physical problem like phimosis.

What's phimosis?

In my experience, there is no substitute for sex with another person. However, you're also getting older and it's natural for you be getting hornier and hornier, regardless of sexual activity.

It's only going to get worse?!? I'm only 16! How the heck am I supposed to survive at 22 if the sexual urges keep getting stronger?!?

It goes away when your sex drive goes away, not before.

I want it to go away . Will it go away if I stop sexual activity long enough? I was fine before I started masturbating...

I don't think most people really weigh the pros and cons of masturbation; they just plunge right in.

And yet I'm the only one who has regrets on it?

The longer is the break between the two acts of masturbation, the more satisfying and pleasurable you will find it. Also it will give you something to look forward to, making it more exiting.

I don't want it to be more exciting, I want it to go away. :sad4: I don't want to have sex... sex can (will) screw up your mind and there's no one to have sex with anyway... I don't want to have sex... :sad4:

 

[Smoke]

What's phimosis?

When your foreskin is too tight to retract. There can be other physical problems that cause pain with erections, too. If it's the erection itself that causes pain, you should get it checked out by a doctor, it could well be something easy to fix. If it's friction and abrasion that causes the pain, use a lubricant, or a better lubricant.

It's only going to get worse?!? I'm only 16! How the heck am I supposed to survive at 22 if the sexual urges keep getting stronger?!?

Well, they don't get stronger forever. But it's normal at your age to be more or less obsessed with sex, especially if you aren't having it.

I want it to go away . Will it go away if I stop sexual activity long enough?

If you don't have masturbate or have sex for another seventy years, there's a good chance your sex drive will go away by then, but it's not abstention that does it, it's the natural deterioration of your body.

I don't want to have sex... sex can (will) screw up your mind and there's no one to have sex with anyway... I don't want to have sex... :sad4:

Why? I don't think it's your sex drive that's causing you suffering; it's your hatred of it that's causing all these problems. Sex can cause other problems, and relationships with other people almost always cause some kind of problems, but abstinence and emotional isolation can cause their own sets of problems, too.

You can only tackle the distress you're feeling by addressing the real problem. The problem is not your sexuality. The problem is your aversion and disgust. The first thing you should do is try to understand it. Observe your feelings about sex and masturbation. What do you feel? How does your body react? What physical and mental changes occur when you're feeling this disgust?

Don't tell me; just observe and understand. Your sexuality is not a bad thing, and it's not causing you any suffering. Your aversion to it is the cause of your suffering. You need to understand that aversion better.

 

[Tiapan]

2 things
1. Masturbation is a process of relieving the Testosterone via seminal fluid neurotrophs that in process activate the dopamine pathway.
Regular relief via self or female intervention is constructive in relieving the stress associated with this testosteronal effectual build up. (Just explain to women viewing this, sexual tension builds up like pressure cooker in males, if not relieved correctly can lead to disastrous non moral consequences. Relieve it when ever possible mutually or independently because it has been shown (no available reference) that inhibiting this can causes severe problems.

2. Masterbation because of it influence on dopamine release, must be considered close to drug abuse. Moderation is the key, excess indicates an under lying psychological problem.

Cheers

 

[DallasApple]

I'm just concerned you keep talking about the "pain"..

It should not hurt to masturbate and neither should the resulting orgasm.Thats the opposite of what its supposed to feel like.People do it because it feels good and to release tension..And not just sexual.You keep talking about gettting a headache afterwards..If anything orgasm can help aide in releiving headaches because it relaxes you.

Smoke mentioned the foreskin..It is possible you dont have enough.Unfortunately at birth some doctors take to much when they do the circumsisions so when you get an erection the skin is to tight and there isnt enough loose to move back and forth over the shaft.

You would have to go to a dr. to see if thats the problem.But the orgasm itself definately shouldn't "hurt".I do know that for men and women right after the orgsam you can be SUPER sensitive and its unpleasant to touch the (tip) of the penis and for a woman the clitoris.similar to say putting ice on a filling in your mouth.That kind of "pain".

Maybe you are confusing the intensity of orgasming with "pain"?

Love

Dallas

 

[T-Dawg]

When your foreskin is too tight to retract. There can be other physical problems that cause pain with erections, too. If it's the erection itself that causes pain, you should get it checked out by a doctor, it could well be something easy to fix. If it's friction and abrasion that causes the pain, use a lubricant, or a better lubricant.

Erections themselves don't hurt, unless it's been erected for a prolonged period of time, then it feels kinda achy.

Well, they don't get stronger forever. But it's normal at your age to be more or less obsessed with sex, especially if you aren't having it.

Why do we want sex so much at this age? Sex is bad for you at this age, physically and mentally as well as morally... having sex at 16 could really screw up one's mind...

Why? I don't think it's your sex drive that's causing you suffering; it's your hatred of it that's causing all these problems. Sex can cause other problems, and relationships with other people almost always cause some kind of problems, but abstinence and emotional isolation can cause their own sets of problems, too.

It's my sex drive that causes the suffering. I don't hate the concept of having sex and I know that masturbation isn't morally wrong, it just really sucks physically and could be really bad mentally if it goes too far. If I had just abstained from masturbating in the first place, I wouldn't be having all these random health problems, and my sex drive wouldn't be as high as it is now.

You can only tackle the distress you're feeling by addressing the real problem. The problem is not your sexuality.

The problem IS my sexuality. If it wasn't for sexuality, I wouldn't be horny, and I wouldn't feel the urge to masturbate, and my problems would all be solved. A lot of things would be easier if I was asexual. Why did God make two genders, why...

The problem is your aversion and disgust.

There's no aversion and disgust, just pain and regrets. Pain is usually a sign that something's wrong physically. The headaches aren't a good sign.

Observe your feelings about sex and masturbation.

How?

Just explain to women viewing this, sexual tension builds up like pressure cooker in males, if not relieved correctly can lead to disastrous non moral consequences. Relieve it when ever possible mutually or independently because it has been shown (no available reference) that inhibiting this can causes severe problems.

It feels like the pressure cooker didn't turn on until I started masturbating... isn't there any way to turn it off? This "relief" is only making it worse in the long run...

Masterbation because of it influence on dopamine release, must be considered close to drug abuse.

Yeah, that's one of the things I was thinking. One of the reasons I regret starting it. It's addictive and not worth it.


I want sex to go away... I don't want to have sex... I couldn't have sex even if I did want it... masturbation is causing far more harm in the long run than it is good... the problem is NOT my aversion to sexuality, it's a physical thing about having my penis strangled... if it had something to do with any moral aversion, the headaches would get worse when I used visual stimulation, as that would probably be more questionable morally than masturbation itself... instead I find that the headaches are less painful when I use visual stimulation than when I try to do it with just my imagination... I think it has something to do with trying to imagine sex and move my arm up and down at the same time, or maybe something about rubbing my penis screws up the blood flow...

It should not hurt to masturbate and neither should the resulting orgasm.Thats the opposite of what its supposed to feel like.People do it because it feels good and to release tension..And not just sexual.You keep talking about gettting a headache afterwards..If anything orgasm can help aide in releiving headaches because it relaxes you.

The orgasm doesn't hurt, the rubbing hurts, particularly when I first start the session. I'm not sure if the hormones produced mask the pain or if it gets a little sweaty and helps lubcrication or what. The orgasm is just a disappointment. It's shorter than it used to be and it really doesn't feel that great. It's sort of like "OMG it's about to happen it's about to happen omgomgomg... omg?"
And the headaches usually start during the masturbation, not after. Sometimes if I ignore it, it goes away, and other times if I ignore it, the pain builds up and halts the masturbation session the second I stop rubbing for a second. Lately, the headaches have started lasting for hours after the masturbation. Before, they usually went away after orgasm.

 

[DallasApple]

The blood flow to your penis should not cause you to have a headache.IF you even think that is happening you need to go immediately to have a CAT scan on your brain.

Looking at something while you are masturbating should also not cause a headache.And neither should fantasising in your mind while moving your arm up and down at the same time.That is not normal.

Also sex is not going to go away.Now YOU can choose to not focus on it.You will not "explode"..To my understanding after about 72 hours that is the max of semen you will have in your body.I believe at that point you may have nocturnal emmisions as well as your body absorbs it into your tissues..or you masturbate to get relief from any pressure then you build it back up to the max in the next 72 hours..

Thats the physical part..The other part is your focus on it.Being sexually aroused at visuals and by fantasisizing about havign sex.

Love

Dallas

 

[Alceste]

Where on earth did you get the idea that sex at 16 is "bad for you" and can "really mess up your head"?? Oh - I bet I know: abstinence education. Well, they lied. The reason your sex drive is so high right now is that for 200,000 years, people started having children at your age (or younger). Guess what actually DOES mess up your head: abstinence education.

I think you should see a doctor about the headaches. It's unusual. The reason nobody "warned you" about them is that nobody else feels like that.

BTW, for how to observe your feelings and reactions to sex and sexuality, there are two ways: 1. Start keeping a journal, 2. Meditate.

 

[T-Dawg]

Where on earth did you get the idea that sex at 16 is "bad for you" and can "really mess up your head"?? Oh - I bet I know: abstinence education. Well, they lied. The reason your sex drive is so high right now is that for 200,000 years, people started having children at your age (or younger). Guess what actually DOES mess up your head: abstinence education.

No, I learned it from talking with people online, who were pro-sex. One of the things I learned from them was that having sex at a young age would cause your body to mature faster physically, but it would mess up how your mind developed. These were not "abstinence only" people by a long shot, they consistently tried to convince me that it made sense to have sex only for fun (really foreign concept to me at the time; I was taught that sex felt just like a nocturnal emission, which really wasn't that fun).

BTW, for how to observe your feelings and reactions to sex and sexuality, there are two ways: 1. Start keeping a journal, 2. Meditate.

But how do I know what to keep in the journal if I don't know what I'm feeling?

Looking at something while you are masturbating should also not cause a headache.And neither should fantasising in your mind while moving your arm up and down at the same time.That is not normal.

I dunno what else it could be... it's not a moral problem with masturbation, I know that...

 

[DallasApple]

Where on earth did you get the idea that sex at 16 is "bad for you" and can "really mess up your head"?? Oh - I bet I know: abstinence education. Well, they lied. The reason your sex drive is so high right now is that for 200,000 years, people started having children at your age (or younger). Guess what actually DOES mess up your head: abstinence education.

I think you should see a doctor about the headaches. It's unusual. The reason nobody "warned you" about them is that nobody else feels like that.

BTW, for how to observe your feelings and reactions to sex and sexuality, there are two ways: 1. Start keeping a journal, 2. Meditate.

I agree.He keeps saying sex is "bad".He hates sex ..make it go away..And he hasnt even had sex yet.

I think he may be 'less obsessed " with sex if he had learned sure "sex is important and serious" but sex is GOOD!(or can be anyway).

I have never in my life..(well to be honest I've only discussed MB with a handful of teeangers plus I have my own experience)..heard or seen anyone having this kind of distress over something so automatic and natural.EVEN others (like me) that got the sex is for married only and girls are sluts if they do I had some "guilt" over MB and I thought I was being bad ..but I did it anyway and I LIKED IT! LOL!!And I HAVE been negativley affected by not being repsonsible with sex.Emotionally and physically.

TAL seems almost "tortured" over the whole idea of his sexuality and his desires.I guess I could say I used to be too..But not so much over masturbation.

I really wish someone could grab hold of him and make him repeat after them.Sex is one of the most natural things in the world..And if treated with respect is a GOOD thing in life to have.

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

No, I learned it from talking with people online, who were pro-sex. One of the things I learned from them was that having sex at a young age would cause your body to mature faster physically, but it would mess up how your mind developed. These were not "abstinence only" people by a long shot, they consistently tried to convince me that it made sense to have sex only for fun (really foreign concept to me at the time; I was taught that sex felt just like a nocturnal emission, which really wasn't that fun).

Having sex at a "young age"?..Can not "physically" to my knowledge cause you to "mature faster".

And your mind? Havign sex at ANY age under the wrong set of circumstances with the wrong person can "affect" your mind negativley.(emotionally)

And having sex "only for fun" is why most people have sex honey..For fun and for the physical pleasure as well(for many) to build (strengthen reinforce) a bond with their partner and express love.

What is wrong with that?

Love

Dallas

 

[T-Dawg]

Having sex at a "young age"?..Can not "physically" to my knowledge cause you to "mature faster".

Something about the hormones does it. You know, sorta like how steroids make one bigger, except it's "natural."

And your mind? Havign sex at ANY age under the wrong set of circumstances with the wrong person can "affect" your mind negativley.(emotionally)

So if wrong circumstances can affect your mind negatively, why do they have one-night stands? Is the "wrong" set of circumstances different for different people?

And having sex "only for fun" is why most people have sex honey..For fun and for the physical pleasure as well(for many) to build (strengthen reinforce) a bond with their partner and express love.What is wrong with that?

It's not, I just never understood how the heck it's supposed to be fun. It's not like when you hug a girl, and that feeling lasts for days and you keep fantasizing over it for weeks... when it comes to sex (or masturbation, at least), the pleasure is over when the pleasure is over, and you can't really remember it much afterwards. It's sort of like an addictive drug - addictive, and too intense to be that pleasurable. And back then, I was taught that sex felt exactly the same as a nocturnal emission, so you can see why I didn't understand the concept.

 

[Smoke]

Sex is bad for you at this age, physically and mentally as well as morally...

Not really. Sexually transmitted diseases are bad for you, and pregnancy can be bad for you, but that's true at any age.

The reason people tell you that sex is bad for you at 16 is that they don't want you to screw up your life by having emotional entanglements and/or children before you complete your education and begin to establish yourself in a career. They want you to make an orderly progression to a responsible adulthood, and they think that would be simpler if you avoided sexual relationships for now. They have a point. However, sex is not physically, mentally, or morally damaging to anybody merely because he's sixteen.

The headaches, you say, are less severe when you visualize than when you use visual aids. That seems to suggest that the headaches have a psychological origin rather than an organic origin. If masturbation doesn't always cause headaches then it's unlikely that masturbation is the problem.

As for the pain, if you're masturbating pretty much at every opportunity, it's possible you've just rubbed yourself raw. Anything can be harmful in excess. If the pain is clearly not just a case of damaging the skin by too much friction, you should see a doctor. There are all kinds of things that can go wrong with the foreskin, and most of them are easily resolved. There may be some other problem, too, but you never know unless you get it checked out.

The problem IS my sexuality. If it wasn't for sexuality, I wouldn't be horny, and I wouldn't feel the urge to masturbate, and my problems would all be solved. A lot of things would be easier if I was asexual.

And if you were never hungry or thirsty, you wouldn't feel the urge to eat or drink, and you wouldn't have to urinate or move your bowels.

Thinking all your problems would be solved if you were asexual isn't going to get you anywhere because you aren't asexual. You can learn to accept your sexuality or you can keep fighting it, but the latter will inevitably result in more pain than the latter.

It seems to me that you aren't finding masturbation satisfying, not if you keep masturbating over and over all day long. The solution is not to grit your teeth and determine to stop being sexual; the solution, again, is to observe and understand. Start paying attention to what you do, how you do it, and why.

How?

By paying attention. When you start to feel aroused, examine your arousal. Where did it come from? What about it aroused you? How does arousal feel? Do your heart beat faster? Do you feel movement in your body? Study yourself.

Observing yourself not only helps you understand the situation you're in, it also takes you a bit outside it. It works with pain, fear, greed, envy, just about any experience you can have. It works with pleasure, joy, and love, too, but most people aren't trying to control those things. Observing won't take away your feelings, but it will give you a little distance from them. You can start to think, not, I am aroused but This is what arousal is like. The arousal is still there, but you become the observer of it instead of its slave, and once you understand it better you can better make your peace with it and make rational choices about it.