Can we all agree it is wrong for a 32yo to date a teenager?

[leibowde84]

Does it make a difference if the teenager is male or female?

No, of course not. Why would it?

Does it make a difference if its a 30 something woman with a male or female teenager?

No, of course not. Why would it?

 

[PureX]

Criminality aside, can we all just agree that it is wrong for a man in his 30s to date a teenager?

I would say it's wrong for a man (or woman) in their 20s to be dating teenagers. Teens are not fully adult, yet, and adults have no business engaging with them, sexually, as if they were equals.

 

[leibowde84]

Voted No. Yes, there is huge potential for manipulation, and I can share a sense of disgust lingering there as well but there is nothing wrong with that kind of relationship if it works.

My parents relationship started as a tutor-student romance. They had to keep it secret because a previous tutor at the school had taken advantage of students in the past, but after a while it became more of an open secret. So there is an eight year age gap between them. My dad would have been 30 and my mum was 22 when they got married. So this is a similar age range to the one you mentioned in the OP.

It was my mum who asked my dad out (I believe under a clock tower at the entrance of the college one evening as she pointed out the spot one time we visited). According to my mum, my dad was his typical day dreaming and oblivious self and probably would not have asked her out otherwise. 37 years of marriage later, he is still an oblivious day dreamer playing his guitar in the next room. my mum still can't get him to buy new socks when the old ones have holes in them so he just wears them anyway, walking around the house with his toes sticking out. This Christmas, I expect she will have bought him socks again. God willing, I have no doubt they will stay together for quite sometime.

I think 21 is a good age for consent in this situation.

 

[Jumi]

I would say it's wrong for a man (or woman) in their 20s to be dating teenagers. Teens are not fully adult, yet, and adults have no business engaging with them, sexually, as if they were equals.

If this rule would be followed, based on this I wouldn't exist today. Looking multiple generations back neither would almost all of us.

 

[PureX]

I guess this isn't the right thread for me to mention that I am dating someone 9 years younger than me. He's not a teenager though, so there's that.

As a side note, I don't think the poll should just be limited to men dating someone that much younger. I think it's the same for women.

I don't think it's the age difference that matters. I see no problem with adults of whatever age dating other adults of whatever age. I just don't think teenagers are fully adult, yet, and adults should not be dating them. And that includes 18 -19 year olds.

 

[leibowde84]

Several mistakes there................
So, is it OK for a woman in her 30's to date a teenager?

No, it's the same exact thing. Why would it matter whether it was a man or a woman?

See the sexism peeping through?

Not at all. It is the same for men and women.

And in the UK the law says that a teenager over 16 can date who s/he likes.

I didn't ask about the law. I'm asking whether it is morally/ethically responsible.

I dated my wife when she was 24yrs, and I was 43yrs. We're married and been together for 25 years now. Age difference doesn't have to mean much.

Age difference is not at issue here. It is sexual maturity and power.

 

[PureX]

If this rule would be followed, based on this I wouldn't exist today. Looking multiple generations back neither would almost all of us.

The past is irrelevant in this instance. Life is what it is, now. The way we raise children these days, and the expectations we are placing on them when they become adults is different than in the 'olden days'.

 

[Subduction Zone]

As I said, I'm not talking criminality. I'm just talking about morality/ethics. Imho, it is immoral for a 30-something year old man to date a teenager.

It is situation dependent. As you can see from the answers here there are some legitimate relationships with a large age difference. But since this thread appears to be in defense of Moore, even though it is not openly stated to be one, one must look at his situation. He appears to be not targeting adults but females that are still properly called "girls". There is a big difference between a 32 year old going out with a 19 year old and a man of 32 years age that targets 14 to 16 year old girls.

 

[leibowde84]

I would say it's wrong for a man (or woman) in their 20s to be dating teenagers. Teens are not fully adult, yet, and adults have no business engaging with them, sexually, as if they were equals.

I agree completely.

 

[leibowde84]

It is situation dependent. As you can see from the answers here there are some legitimate relationships with a large age difference. But since this thread appears to be in defense of Moore, even though it is not openly stated to be one, one must look at his situation. He appears to be not targeting adults but females that are still properly called "girls". There is a big difference between a 32 year old going out with a 19 year old and a man of 32 years age that targets 14 to 16 year old girls.

This thread is in no way in defense of Roy Moore. What gave you that idea? I agree with your point here about Moore though.

 

[Shiranui117]

Criminality aside, can we all just agree that it is wrong for a man in his 30s to date a teenager?

Half your age plus seven, dude

 

[Jumi]

The past is irrelevant in this instance. Life is what it is, now. The way we raise children these days, and the expectations we are placing on them when they become adults is different than in the 'olden days'.

This sounds like going back to Victorian morality. I don't see any reason to change the laws here. If someone falls in love with another, having 18 year old man and 40 year old woman or the other way around, isn't up to me to condemn them.

 

[Nakosis]

As I said, I'm not talking criminality. I'm just talking about morality/ethics. Imho, it is immoral for a 30-something year old man to date a teenager.

I suppose I look at it the same as I look at Gay marriage. Everyone deserves to be loved. Even if perhaps I don't approve of the pairing. It's not my place to impose my ideas of morality onto other folks.

As long as both folks are happy with the situation. Which maybe rare in marriage regardless of the age difference, but who am I to pass that judgement?

 

[Subduction Zone]

This thread is in no way in defense of Roy Moore. What gave you that idea? I agree with your point here about Moore though.

It sure looks that way. Perhaps you should have had a disclaimer at the beginning.

 

[leibowde84]

Half your age plus seven, dude

That is the best rule I've heard thus far. Thanks.

 

[leibowde84]

It sure looks that way. Perhaps you should have had a disclaimer at the beginning.

Can you explain what makes you think that? I cannot fathom where you are getting that from. But, I am certainly interested, as it was not my intention.

The OP says "Can we all agree it is wrong for a 32 year old to date a teenager". How can that be interpreted as defending Roy Moore?

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

I think 21 is a good age for consent in this situation.

In Roy Moore's situation with the 14-year-old he molested, I'm not sure there would be any good age. He met her in his capacity as an assistant district attorney while her mother had a case before the courts. Even if she were 30 and actually consented, his actions still would have been unethical.

 

[Subduction Zone]

Can you explain what makes you think that? I cannot fathom where you are getting that from. But, I am certainly interested, as it was not my intention.

The OP says "Can we all agree it is wrong for a 32 year old to date a teenager". How can that be interpreted as defending Roy Moore?

Moore's age was 32 when he was hitting on 14 to 16 year old girls. Your setup sounded almost just like his situation. Are you totally unaware of current events?

 

[Sanzbir]

No, it's the same exact thing. Why would it matter whether it was a man or a woman?

Well it shouldn't matter, but at least on a subconscious level it seems to matter to most people. Even you chose to use the word "man" in your question (or did you mean "man" in a more archaic, gender-neutral sense??).

 

[SomeRandom]

I'm not against huge gaps in couples' ages. My own parents had a 30 year gap and they were fine. My cousin married a man quite a bit older and she seems perfectly happy (though if he ever does hurt her I will track him down.)
But where I live there is a 7 year leeway given with teens and their dating partners. One's Teachers are the exception as it is always illegal. This includes 18 year olds if I'm not mistaken. 16 is the legal age here. This is to try to prevent the predatory nature of such relationships. I have no issue with a teen dating or having sex with someone of a similar age. That is their business.
But a person in their 30s? Yikes.
If the other person is in their 20s then whatever. But a 30 something with a teenager, even late teens? I mean how many of us even knew who we were at that age? Or hell even in our early 20s?
And I'm including the reverse scenario.
There is just too much opportunity for the man in his 30s (or woman in her 30s) to take advantage of such a youth due to their age.
Once someone reaches their 20s then whatever. They can date a 90 year old if that's where they get their kicks.