After 4 years, I'm burned out.

[StarryNightshade]

4 years. That's how long I've been seeking a path.

After my high school "angry atheist" stage passed, and after I entered college, I gave religion another chance. This was a gradual process. First I went from a strong Atheist to an agnostic Atheist; then I looked into religions/philosophies like Taoism, Confucianism, and Buddhism; then I adopted Buddhism (and consequently went from agnostic Buddhism, to religious Buddhism, to secular, back to religious, then back to agnostic which is what I take inspiration from now); then I realized that I believed in a higher power and became an Agnostic Theist (which is what I still am); then I tried Christianity again, and also looked into Islam and Judaism; then I tried Paganism; and finally tried to adopt Hinduism (first as strictly a Hindu, then as a Hindu-Buddhist, then as a Buddhist-Hindu, then back to Hindu before dropping it all together). This isn't even all of the religions I've looked into or all of the details of the one's I did.

When it comes to the religions I've studied:

Christianity- I don't believe in the divinity of Christ, nor in any of the alleged historical accuracy of the New Testament. I also think it's too fragmented and divided (rather than just simply diverse).

Islam- I don't believe in the divine revelation of the Qur'an or in the final prophethood of Mohammed. It also doesn't help that I'm gay.

Judsiam- While I like how Jews interpret their scriptures differently than Christians, and I can find more inspiration in their interpretations, there are still many things that don't jive well with me. Converting to Judaism is also a HUGE commitment and I'm not sure if I could keep it. It's embarrassing, because I messaged a couple members of the Judaism DIR about how I wanted to study Judaism more, and I had my current revelation while speaking with a Rabbi yesterday.

Buddhism- I still technically follow the philosophy, but none of the cultural baggage that comes with it. I think I tired too hard to force myself to believe the religious aspects.

Hinduism- The same as Buddhism. I tried too hard to believe the religious aspects, but still follow some of the philosophy found within.

Sikhism- It's huge emphasis on the 5 K's is ridiculous. I think how one follows a religion's teachings is more important than a religion's distinctive look. It's too based in Punjabi/Indian culture in that regard

Baha'i- I don't believe in literal divine revelation and I don't like how it's simply legalism masked as progressive theology. I also find it hypocritical that they claim to be against discrimination of all kinds, but still believe homosexuality is inherently negative.

Taoism- The philosophy is cool, but even that is partly too rooted in Chinese culture. Also, even the purely philosophical school has beliefs in divination and astrology (I don't really believe in either).

Confucianism- Holy crap it has some very sexist views.

Paganism (I'm including Wicca in this)- I agree with quite a few aspects of Paganism, but I don't have a connection with any of the pantheons. Also, for some Pagans, if nature itself is god, why not just call it nature? I also hate how many Pagans appear to have some sort of spiritual superiority over Abrahamic theists (especially Christians).

It has become just too much. On one hand, I know what I want, but on the other hand I also don't. It has gotten to the point where I simply need to stop seeking for the time being; as it has nearly consumed my life for these past few years. I just need to breathe and relax. I still believe in God, go to my local UU church, and wish to go to school for theology, but I think I'm trying too hard to pinpoint my beliefs. Why put them in a box? Why try too hard to conform to an organized set of beliefs? Eventually, a religion will just come naturally to me (if one ever does at all).

See you all around the forums.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

I had similar struggles a while ago, but then I just gave up and started looking into unorganized philosophy instead.

My advice is, if it's stressing you out to finding a fitting religion then you should look at your beliefs instead of already laid out, organized beliefs.

Hope you do well!

 

[StarryNightshade]

I had similar struggles a while ago, but then I just gave up and started looking into unorganized philosophy instead.

My advice is, if it's stressing you out to finding a fitting religion then you should look at your beliefs instead of already laid out, organized beliefs.

Hope you do well!

That's what I'm going to do.

As for my beliefs:

1.) A belief in Pan(en)theistic God.

2.) Unitarian Universalism as a basis for my pluralism and love for studying world religions, cultures, philosophies, and theologies. As well as for community. It doesn't hurt that I've been going to my local UU church for about 3 years anyway.

3.) Agnostic on notions like reincarnation and an afterlife.

 

[Caladan]

First, I want to thank you for a very interesting and well articulated read. It's always nice to hear the honest reflections of other members.
My perspective on the matter is that people who have no cultural traditions in their background cannot really grasp the 'religious' beliefs of other cultures or niches. That is not a condensation BTW, nor does it have to apply to all genres of religion (given that some new forms of spiritual subcultures and counter cultures rose in the last century). What I mean by that is that for example for a Jew or a Buddhist with a cultural background in the faith, the terms, jargon, scriptures, most mundane and profound parables and traditions are engraved in the instincts, so people who wish to label themselves as such need to appreciate that fact. Usually it is enough that one doesn't speak a certain native or sacred language to render a possibly honest attempt to walk a path as useless.
Some of us stick to, or rather know more about a certain tradition or way of life, simply because we are immersed in it and it makes sense in our world view, it is part of our psychology.

I find your last paragraph to be exceptionally potent after reading your post. There are numerous deep and well define religious philosophies and traditions around the world. There is no point in placing any of them on a pedestal, as they are all part of the global cultural jigsaw as corny as it sound. A true life long study, is to slowly get to know these traditions and their people, a little bit intimately every time, digging deeper into the layers. Exploring the psychology of religion is also to get to know ourselves... it is a long process which isn't supposed to ever end, definitely not with a label. And definitely not with the idea that the logic or technique of one tradition should be the standard of global cultural diversity and geographical circumstances.

I think you should slow down, take the time to reflect and enjoy your study and explorations. It's the study about ourselves and the world which is the real journey and what is truly meaningful. Not wearing the right cape, or robe, or wielding the best mythological weapon.

 

[crossfire]

Congratulations on your newfound freedom. I wish you success!

 

[BSM1]

We all have to find our own truth. Yours will come.

 

[Jainarayan]

StarryNightshade, there is no need to label oneself as anything. Human brains are hardwired to categorize and label things, but sometimes that just doesn't work. On the other hand, sometimes we like labels so we can fit in.

I myself may appear to have flitted from religion to religion like a hummmingbird, but when it comes right down to it, my basic beliefs haven't changed at all. It's how I tried to apply them that blew up and conflicted. Rituals, labels and externals, on the whole, don't work for me. It seems they don't work for you either. So I keep my basic beliefs, perform only certain rituals I feel keep me grounded and mindful within the parameters of my beliefs, try to live the philosophies I believe, and call it a day. Just as Dorothy had to find out for herself after her adventures in Oz that she always had the ability to go home, I had to find this out for myself about my beliefs. I had to wander through Oz also. I think this applies to you too.

I think that you are on the right track in abandoning the attempt to pinpoint your beliefs, or at least label them. Just believe in and live them. I'm happier for it (I still like the pretty statues and pictures though ). If there is a God, Goddess or gods, he, she, it or they will still be there tomorrow, waiting. He, she, it or they are not going anywhere, and may or may not take a shape for you.

 

[sandandfoam]

Hi,
Over the years I've drawn solace from my faith in the idea that when the student is ready the master appears. It is probably of no help but I thought I'd throw it out there just in case
Good luck with everything.

 

[Knight of Albion]

'There is no religion higher than truth.'

The Path is love....

 

[Knight of Albion]

PS: That is love expressed in the physical sense as Service and love expressed in the emotional sense as compassion.

It doesn't matter what 'label' you attach to yourself, calling yourself a this or a that won't advance your soul one step.
Only through love do we ascend the 'spheres of Light'.

 

[NobodyYouKnow]

I was about to reply to a similar thread and I remembered this one.

Very rarely is a Faith 'tailor made' for the seeker. There are going to be certain things we are going to find difficult to believe/accept, but we do anyway, because the Whole is much greater than the sum of its parts.

However, some approach religion like a supermarket, looking for the best produce that will give us the most 'value for money' or, in the case of religion, the most 'satisfaction for belief'. We feel that reward should be proportional to the amount of time invested.

This has seekers flitting from one Faith to the next, looking to 'fit in' somewhere, looking for 'perfection' when they are never going to find it anywhere but within themselves.

Sometimes, all it takes is just doing whatever it is you usually do or normally do...whatever makes you happy, but doing it with a new and heightened sense of appreciation and awareness. Sometimes this is the means...other times, it is the end, but the result is the same.

You can create your own 'religion' that only you follow and I think that many people do this to some extent, even within their own religion, but that tends to isolate you from the other seekers a bit.

Then, you must ask yourself whether the approval you seek comes from man or from God? This is the ultimate test of Faith.

I hope you find peace and happiness.

 

[Pegg]

you can find good aspects in all religions.... and that is probably what makes the search so difficult. There may be things you really like about a particular religion, but then things you really dislike. Sometimes we are looking for something that specifically fits in with our desires and personal beliefs, and that is where we come unstuck. If you want something to specifically suit you and your ideals/likes/desires/morals etc, then you wont find any religion compatible unless you create your own.

But I do believe there is a true God who does want us to find him...you just have to be willing to learn what he wants from you and be willing to adapt to him. If you do that, the blessings far outweigh any sacrifices you may need to make.

good luck on your search

 

[Fireside_Hindu]

This is going to sound incredibly cheesy but bear with me.

I have found that a certain points in my life, the moment I stopped looking for something, I found what I was looking for. The moment I said, "To hell with dating, to hell with men!" shortly thereafter I met my husband

The year I finally became content that there was no god, that I didn't need to care about whether or not there was one - the moment I was at peace with that idea, I found Hinduism.

The moment my husband and I thought we had lost out on a once in a lifetime opportunity and had resigned ourselves to that "failure", something much better came along.

I think you're on the right track by backing off for a bit. You've clearly done your study, but study and experience are very different. You have done your due diligence, now release the reigns and let whatever happens happen.

:camp:

 

[Twilight Hue]

[youtube]qga5eONXU_4[/youtube]
Alice Cooper-Schools out - YouTube


Aahhhhhhh............ :0)

 

[Leftimies]

Sounds a lot like my journey.

Adding Shinto, Greek-Roman philosophy, Suomenusko wisdom (ancient Finnish religion) to the mix.

Confucianism and Buddhism felt the most natural for me (here i began as Confucianist and slided into Buddhism if my memory serves me right. now being in mixture of the two).

I too spent too many years seeking...but I think, the more you know about everything, the more you can absorb the influence of various great men (and women, as Tenrikyo stands example of that). And the more you get influenced, the more you have resources to actually conduct the search for truth.

I am sure you will find truth. Judging from your remarks about wanting to study theology, you must be quite young. Finding truth will take more than that I think XD Keep it up!

 

[illykitty]

I know what you're going through. I'm struggling a lot as well. I can't help but just know that many others feel the same.

 

[Northern Lights]

Another one here!

It just shows open mindedness to me. Like the OP, I mainly follow a philosophically Buddhist life (and attend a local Buddhist Sangha each Wednesday for meditation) but I couldn't truly call myself a Buddhist.

As the OP has found a home for his beliefs and faith in the UU community, so have I in my local (liberal) Quaker Meeting House.

UU and Quakers get some criticism and ridicule around these boards, but in my experience, they're approach is hard to defy logically; come together, share humanity, be in God's presence (whoever your 'god' is), and belief as per your own experiences.

How can that be faulted. It's almost perfect.

 

[Northern Lights]

Very rarely is a Faith 'tailor made' for the seeker. There are going to be certain things we are going to find difficult to believe/accept, but we do anyway, because the Whole is much greater than the sum of its parts.

However, some approach religion like a supermarket, looking for the best produce that will give us the most 'value for money' or, in the case of religion, the most 'satisfaction for belief'. We feel that reward should be proportional to the amount of time invested.

This has seekers flitting from one Faith to the next, looking to 'fit in' somewhere, looking for 'perfection' when they are never going to find it anywhere but within themselves.

Sometimes, all it takes is just doing whatever it is you usually do or normally do...whatever makes you happy, but doing it with a new and heightened sense of appreciation and awareness. Sometimes this is the means...other times, it is the end, but the result is the same.

You can create your own 'religion' that only you follow and I think that many people do this to some extent, even within their own religion, but that tends to isolate you from the other seekers a bit.

Then, you must ask yourself whether the approval you seek comes from man or from God? This is the ultimate test of Faith.

I hope you find peace and happiness.

It's funny to me that you look at it like this.

To me, the absolute adherent of an organized religion - to some other man (or men's) doctrines - shows the desire to seek approval from other men.

To find that one cannot reconcile with other people's stated 'truths', and to stand alone and believe and have faith in one's own experience, even if this means standing in complete solitude, shows a desire to seek approval from God.

...so the complete opposite to your viewpoint.

Organized Religion = I want to be the same as others and believe the same as they do.

Individual Faith = I will believe as per my experience. Even if that means foregoing the 'comfort' of 'group religion'

 

[illykitty]

Organized Religion = I want to be the same as others and believe the same as they do.

Individual Faith = I will believe as per my experience. Even if that means foregoing the 'comfort' of 'group religion'

Depends, I say. What if someone experiences something (from an organised religion) but doesn't want to believe it because of it not matching personal preferences and being scared of what others think?

Instead goes on following something that is acceptable in society and matches their personality but doesn't give them any spiritual feeling.

Not saying this is what happens to everyone. Just proposing an alternative to your preconceptions of "them", people who follow religions. I just don't like generalisations.

 

[Northern Lights]

Depends, I say. What if someone experiences something (from an organised religion) but doesn't want to believe it because of it not matching personal preferences and being scared of what others think?

Instead goes on following something that is acceptable in society and matches their personality but doesn't give them any spiritual feeling.

Not saying this is what happens to everyone. Just proposing an alternative to your preconceptions of "them", people who follow religions. I just don't like generalisations.

I wasn't generalizing or making any pre-conceptions.

Let me ask this;

If you go it alone, and form your own individual faith - which 'men' exactly are you seeking approval from? ..........

The suggestion of that makes no sense.

It is joining an organised religion conceived of by men (as all organized religions are), that is seeking approval of those men!

It cannot be the other way around. It just defies logic.