Advice?

[NobodyYouKnow]

(Warning: This may be pretty long) So today I had an "intervention" with my parents. On my Facebook I had this image of Krishna and Radha as my background.

Somehow my parents found me on Facebook, most likely through one of my sisters because I don't have them as friends. But anyways they scrolled through the images I used as my Facebook header and they were all Hindu related images. I come from what many would consider a "fundamentalist" Christian background. My parents proceeded to degenerate Hinduism claiming it was "demonic", "satanic", "evil", "idol worship" and saying I was somehow being initiated into a cult.

I sat and listened laughing to myself throughout most of their tirade. They asked me why I had them as my header. I would have loved to say it's because I'm a Hindu but I can't tell them I've changed religions until I become financially independent of them. So instead I sat and pretended like I was still a Christian which really annoyed me.

My parents and the Christian sects they belong to actively believe in the Devil, evil spirits and etc. My mom began telling me stories of how back home(She's from Africa) how people had bought Indian statues and they had transformed into human beings during the night through witchcraft.

I couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of this statement. They proceeded to warn me how these pictures could invoke "evil" powers which could harm me and my family. What killed me the most is when she pulled up a picture of Lord Shiva with multiple snakes wrapped around his neck and tried to correlate it into the Christian belief of snakes being evil. The rest of the conversation followed along those lines.

My relationship with my parents is already rocky but this made me realize that in my future I will basically have nothing to do with them. I respect their beliefs but they can't respect mine? So now I'm left with the question of what to do from here. What would you do?

Namaste. :namaste

First, I must say that picture of Sri Radha Krishna is very beautiful...it looks like one of those foil posters...

I am sorry to read/hear about what happened with your parents. My beliefs also started pretty much 'full-on' by the time I was 19 and my parents were Atheist back then, with a 'I don't care what religion you belong to outside this house, but while you are under our roof, there is to be none of that bulls*** here'.

That was a pretty fair compromise. I was allowed one day a week to go out and 'practice my religion' as long as I spent the rest of the time aiming for high marks in college. I was also allowed to spend school holidays in Ashrams, provided I took all my books with me and there was no 'sex, drugs, rock & roll' etc...yeah, this was ISKCON we are talking about. lol

Anyway, if your heart and soul is established in your Hindu belief, nothing anybody can say/do will ever change that...it goes way beyond that. Stage your own 'intervention' and tell them how you are not being disrespectful to them and/or their beliefs, but praying to Lord Shiva makes you happy and if you are destined for Hell for being happy, kindly ask their forgiveness.

They can see things in their limited way, but what you have is in your heart! Shiva is inside your heart and that can never be taken away!

So, even though your parents want you to do things 'their way', you can still close your eyes and feel Shiva inside there...feel your connection and post on here if you need to vent/discuss.

I wish you all the best and God bless.

 

[ratikala]

namaskaram philomath ji :namaste

for years I kept two pictures of the divine child , it hepled me to explain to people that were scared by other faiths that prehaps other cultures were not realy so differnt , we all respect the form of divinity which we can understand .

 

[Vinayaka]

I thought it might be useful for you to hear a bit more 'advice' from the Hindu side at this time.

It was not at all unexpected to me at least, to hear what you got from the other side. Everyone is doing their duty from what they can see. If you're walking across a suspension bridge far above a Himalayan river, it's only right that the people who send you off give you fair warning about the dangers. And of course, once you do get to the other side, you're welcomed with open arms.

 

[Vinayaka]

Come back, Philomath, come back. What did you expect asking for advice from Christians? Non-Christian advice? Of course much of it is misinformed about Hinduism. I was a 'rebellious teenager too, some 45 years ago. They told me it was just a stage. That stage is still going on.

But for many people she's right. I've seen it too. Just a phase, even on here, people come, ask a few questions, than move on to something else. I'm not sure what the time limit would be. Maybe 5 years, and you're taken really seriously. I really don't know. I've seen some pretty hard-core convert Hindus practising the very same sampradaya I fo for some 20 years still go back to their previous faith. But that's pretty rare too.

 

[George-ananda]

Philomath,........my advice is to make religion as small a topic as possible between you and your parents. Take their stories and warnings with loving acceptance AND with a grain of salt. And take whatever steps you can to make it a non-issue.

 

[Vinayaka]

Converting between polar opposite philosophies can be an extremely daunting task. Consider it like a language. Suppose you're raised in English, but have to move to China for a job, and really need to learn Mandarin to survive. How long before you can even just get around? How long before you can think in Mandarin? How long before you feel like your FIRST language is Mandarin? How long before you don't have remnants of English words affecting you or cropping up. It will take awhile.

Still ... a man has to do what a man has to do. If you feel that strongly about something, there is no turning back.

There are many convert Hindus with varying amounts of remnants of the old faith still in their subconscious mind. It's not like some magic wand can just wipe it all away. It takes a ton of hard work, reprogramming THAT computer.

 

[Kalidas]

I am a bit latr to this conversation but I would like to add, being were in a similar boat. My parents luckily said nothing much about it beinh as their mostly unreligious (except my step dad he doesn't know if he's pegan or Christian, it seems to change based on who he is dating). Sadly until you leave I do think you should respect your parents and their home.

One day though you will have to have...that talk with them. Vinayaka is right its hard to get rid of old habits, mine still have a habit of clinging. Take your time though, you (and your parents) have lifetimes to get it right.

 

[NobodyYouKnow]

Come back, Philomath, come back. What did you expect asking for advice from Christians? Non-Christian advice? Of course much of it is misinformed about Hinduism. I was a 'rebellious teenager too, some 45 years ago. They told me it was just a stage. That stage is still going on.

But for many people she's right. I've seen it too. Just a phase, even on here, people come, ask a few questions, than move on to something else. I'm not sure what the time limit would be. Maybe 5 years, and you're taken really seriously. I really don't know. I've seen some pretty hard-core convert Hindus practising the very same sampradaya I fo for some 20 years still go back to their previous faith. But that's pretty rare too.

Pretty much this. I have seen it too and even I went on a 'non-Hindu binge' for 20 years and returned.

Do you know how much parental control and intolerance fosters sneaky, deviant behaviour and lying in their children? Then they are told not to lie or be sneaky?

Just as the wayward child sneaks behind the back garage to have a cigarette because their parents forbid it, so must the true bhakti lock their bedroom door and sneak into the dark recesses of their wardrobe to grab that murthi or holy book because their parents forbid it...

Only the former is detrimental...the latter is not.

One good thing though, I felt more love for Lord Siva when ever this happened...

It was like 'I forbid you to have anything to do with that boy, he is big trouble...' yeah, my just heart explodes...like Sati Ma, I felt like killing myself in front of them for Siva...that love was incredible....like Romeo and Juliet...

In the end, I did manasa puja and meditation...internalising the whole thing...creating Kailasha in my mind...in the past 40 years, nothing has changed.

My parents were photographers for a travel magazine and my father also part-owned a hotel chain in Indonesia.

They went around photographing Hindu religious festivals...put me in Bali 'day care' when they were too busy at the hotel...what did they expect was going to happen to me? lol

Finally, I said the same 'It's only a stage I'll grow out of...I am young and I still have a lot to learn about myself and the world around me...' they bought that hook, line and sinker.

As others have also said, in another 2-3 years you can move out and start your own life...until then, you have no choice but to live 'outwardly' by their way and 'inwardly' by your own...just pretend to be a Christian to make them happy, but come home and before you go to sleep, close your eyes and say 'sorry, Siva, now where were we again?'

Then, after those years have passed, you get to tell your parents 'I hope you are happy now, I am leaving and you are never going to hear from me again. You will never meet my husband/wife or your grandchildren...you are very bad parents...'

Then just watch if their religion can save them from kicking themselves into an early grave through remorse and regret.

 

[ratikala]

namaskaram philomath ji :namaste

Finally, I said the same 'It's only a stage I'll grow out of...I am young and I still have a lot to learn about myself and the world around me...' they bought that hook, line and sinker.

As others have also said, in another 2-3 years you can move out and start your own life...until then, you have no choice but to live 'outwardly' by their way and 'inwardly' by your own...just pretend to be a Christian to make them happy, but come home and before you go to sleep, close your eyes and say 'sorry, Siva, now where were we again?'

there is another solution which does not involve lieing or hiding ,

first any one in the situation of facing family who do not approve is to speak to them gently with open honesty and to explain how having this focus in life is good for you , how it helps you know the wrong and right path in life , you need to think carefuly your self first and make sure you understand and can speak eloquently on the subject , but honestly look at the benifits of following a hindu path , it advocates that we do our duty , that we dont waste our lives , when we are young we devote ourselves to our study , we do not waste our youth in mindless self gratification , we do not belive in excessive indulgence in sex , drugs and alcahol which means we takeour lives and our relationships seriously ...(you might not want to go as far as no sex before marriage but responcible relationships are the bare minimum) ... and hindus are good people they care about society , they dont just care about hindus they care about every one ...infact being a good hindi is being a good person , hindus also care about their families and they do not lie , ..ok , you dont have to keep talking about the worship and things which they dont understand , you dont have to be in any ones face about anything ....

Then, after those years have passed, you get to tell your parents 'I hope you are happy now, I am leaving and you are never going to hear from me again. You will never meet my husband/wife or your grandchildren...you are very bad parents...'

Then just watch if their religion can save them from kicking themselves into an early grave through remorse and regret.

No I am sorry this is utterly wrong !!! .... Please please do not do this , do not even think like this even as a joke .....

a hindu respects his parents even when they are wrong , ... he understands their fear to be natural ... and he explains carefully why he has chosen this path ...and if needs be he prays in silence for the personal strength to do the right thing and to keep good relations with his parents at all times .

what one has to do is show the parent that there is nothing to fear , let hinduism make you a good person , let your parents see the good side and they will be happy ,
you can even thank them for their concern and explain how you realise that it is only natural for them to worry about you but that you would like them to understand the benifits as you see it for you and your life , ...show them that you have made an adult informed descision ..... make them proud of you , not angry with you or worried for you . show them that there is so much more to hinduism that just worship and strange diet .

 

[NobodyYouKnow]

It depends on the parents and sometimes 'reasoning with them' is out of the question, so what do you do?

You cannot do anything else while you 'live under their roof' but do as they say...so, as a 'good Hindu', one must abandon Hinduism and embrace Christianity, so how is that fair?

What I am saying, is that often it's best for spiritual progress if such ties are severed anyway...it only holds one back.

Maybe my way isn't the best way, but often, such people will only respond to drastic measures when all else fails.

 

[Vinayaka]

What I am saying, is that often it's best for spiritual progress if such ties are severed anyway...it only holds one back.

I agree. Sometimes that is the necessity, as is divorce, or a total friendship divorce. It's unfortunate, and more or less a last resort.

 

[SageTree]

(Warning: This may be pretty long) So today I had an "intervention" with my parents. On my Facebook I had this image of Krishna and Radha as my background.

Somehow my parents found me on Facebook, most likely through one of my sisters because I don't have them as friends. But anyways they scrolled through the images I used as my Facebook header and they were all Hindu related images. I come from what many would consider a "fundamentalist" Christian background. My parents proceeded to degenerate Hinduism claiming it was "demonic", "satanic", "evil", "idol worship" and saying I was somehow being initiated into a cult.

I sat and listened laughing to myself throughout most of their tirade. They asked me why I had them as my header. I would have loved to say it's because I'm a Hindu but I can't tell them I've changed religions until I become financially independent of them. So instead I sat and pretended like I was still a Christian which really annoyed me.

My parents and the Christian sects they belong to actively believe in the Devil, evil spirits and etc. My mom began telling me stories of how back home(She's from Africa) how people had bought Indian statues and they had transformed into human beings during the night through witchcraft.

I couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of this statement. They proceeded to warn me how these pictures could invoke "evil" powers which could harm me and my family. What killed me the most is when she pulled up a picture of Lord Shiva with multiple snakes wrapped around his neck and tried to correlate it into the Christian belief of snakes being evil. The rest of the conversation followed along those lines.

My relationship with my parents is already rocky but this made me realize that in my future I will basically have nothing to do with them. I respect their beliefs but they can't respect mine? So now I'm left with the question of what to do from here. What would you do?

I'm sorry that happened, My Friend.
My condolences.

I realize you are in a different st/age of life than I, so a 'looking back moment' perhaps for me now:

I'm not saying what happened was right,
but I do encourage you to see through compassionate eyes.
And definitely spend some time meditating on having it for all involved.

When two passionate people discuss, that is hard enough sometimes,
without throwing in the power imbalance in that relationship,
on the external level.

Search for that power within your self and realize that it's there...
and you seem to realize that now debate isn't the way to exercise it....
And it's likely that would get you nowhere anyway.

For now I hope that you are able to find the power within to help you get through this time.
It's frustrating that it happened, and it's insulted an already bad situation,
as you've indicated, but you also see an end to this....

So hold onto that and let go of the negative.
You'll experience a better self in the hard times,
instead of being tense and focused on the negative.

You'll be less focused on leaving and more being where you are, I hope.
It's a trying issue and trying time. :hug:

That is the power of Liberation at work, in your journey/destination moment.

:namaste

I believe you'll get through this.

SageTree

 

[Kalidas]

It depends on the parents and sometimes 'reasoning with them' is out of the question, so what do you do?

You cannot do anything else while you 'live under their roof' but do as they say...so, as a 'good Hindu', one must abandon Hinduism and embrace Christianity, so how is that fair?

What I am saying, is that often it's best for spiritual progress if such ties are severed anyway...it only holds one back.

Maybe my way isn't the best way, but often, such people will only respond to drastic measures when all else fails.

It has been a large worry of mine if one day my friends family or even wife decide they don't want me to be a Hindu and make me choose. I know what I would choose but it is worrying.

 

[Vinayaka]

It has been a large worry of mine if one day my friends family or even wife decide they don't want me to be a Hindu and make me choose. I know what I would choose but it is worrying.

Choose your wife, man. Be a Hindu on the inside.

 

[Kalidas]

Choose your wife, man. Be a Hindu on the inside.

I doubt that will ever happen. But wow that was NOT the answer I was expecting. Now I must ask why?

 

[Fireside_Hindu]

I doubt that will ever happen. But wow that was NOT the answer I was expecting. Now I must ask why?

Probably because there is no time limit on becoming Hindu, but your wife is only here now (in her current form/personality etc) and she needs you. Hinduism doesn't need you. Remember, it's not a race, and part of your Dharma is loyalty to your family.

:camp:

 

[ratikala]

namaskaram :namaste

It depends on the parents and sometimes 'reasoning with them' is out of the question, so what do you do?

forgive them their fear of the unknown , behave as a good hindu slowly they will se that there is nothing to fear .... and silent prayer on their behalf .

You cannot do anything else while you 'live under their roof' but do as they say...so, as a 'good Hindu', one must abandon Hinduism and embrace Christianity, so how is that fair?

You are how old and you expect kali yuga to be fair ??? .....

this is dukka , our part in this is to transform it not to perpetuate it .

What I am saying, is that often it's best for spiritual progress if such ties are severed anyway...it only holds one back.

if one is conscidering only ones own spiritual progress then this is utterly selfish ,
my parents dont agree with my practice but I have found a way of gently calming the situation and accepting within my self that expecting their acceptance in this life is probably more than I can hope for , but still they are my parents , ignorant as they are , still as a hindu I should honour my parents .... have you never heard it said ...

mAtRdeva bhava ....pitRadevo bhava .....

Maybe my way isn't the best way, but often, such people will only respond to drastic measures when all else fails.

quote NYK Yesterday 06:42 PM
Then, after those years have passed, you get to tell your parents 'I hope you are happy now, I am leaving and you are never going to hear from me again. You will never meet my husband/wife or your grandchildren...you are very bad parents...'

Then just watch if their religion can save them from kicking themselves into an early grave through remorse and regret.

this isnt drastic measures , this is wishing suffering on others and causing more suffering for youself .

 

[Vinayaka]

Probably because there is no time limit on becoming Hindu, but your wife is only here now (in her current form/personality etc) and she needs you. Hinduism doesn't need you. Remember, it's not a race, and part of your Dharma is loyalty to your family.

:camp:

This.

Even my Guru said about divorce. "No divorce unless he's beating you." But if a couple was having philosophical differences, he urged compromise.

 

[Fireside_Hindu]

I doubt that will ever happen. But wow that was NOT the answer I was expecting. Now I must ask why?

That's not to say it would be easy. I sometimes imagine what it would be like if for whatever reason I was "not allowed" to go to temple and my heart breaks for sure. But if my husband said I had to give it up, I would (after arguing strenuously of course) but I'm in a position where I am married to a very open minded and compassionate person, so this thought almost never troubles me. I'm one of the luckier ones for sure.

:camp:

 

[Kalidas]

That's not to say it would be easy. I sometimes imagine what it would be like if for whatever reason I was "not allowed" to go to temple and my heart breaks for sure. But if my husband said I had to give it up, I would (after arguing strenuously of course) but I'm in a position where I am married to a very open minded and compassionate person, so this thought almost never troubles me. I'm one of the luckier ones for sure.

:camp:

Makes sense. Sorry yet again another trapping of being raised Christian. See in Christianity they teach the opposite. That God and religion comes before family, it even says "it is better to remove the arm then to let the body die." So I kind of took that with me, but you both make sense. Again probably never going to happen, we are both very open of each other.