Should you marry for love or convenience?

I'm in my early 30s at the moment and I'm noticing a lot of people I went to school with are getting married. I notice that many are settling, or rushing into marriage just for the sake of it. There is an expectation even in this day and age.

As I'm currently single and living a busy life, at times I wonder if that's all marriage is, two people just making things work? Am I being duped into thinking there is a 'one' out there, when it's mostly companionship?

What do you think, is marriage supposed to be eternal love or a series of compromises between companions?

You should marry to get an alliance with Poland against the Ottomans.

MD said:

What do you think, is marriage supposed to be eternal love or a series of compromises between companions?

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To be honest, I think a little bit of both.

Love isn't a perfect thing (like how a lot of people idealize it), but love is there. And compromises, I believe, are a part in being in love with someone.

Growing in love is stronger than merely falling in love.

For love. Always. I'm engaged (again)...lol But, I'm marrying for love.

MD said:

I'm in my early 30s at the moment and I'm noticing a lot of people I went to school with are getting married. I notice that many are settling, or rushing into marriage just for the sake of it. There is an expectation even in this day and age.

As I'm currently single and living a busy life, at times I wonder if that's all marriage is, two people just making things work? Am I being duped into thinking there is a 'one' out there, when it's mostly companionship?

What do you think, is marriage supposed to be eternal love or a series of compromises between companions?

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I feel marriage is a companionship with your best friend. It's a bond you say "I want you to be my friend for life" and instead of "making it work" you grow in each other. That's how I see marriage.

Eternal love, marrying for love (if love means sacredness or sacrament), and so forth are religious views. I would love to marry for love; but, if people trusted others, I would love a lot of people. So it's much more than that. That, and married for convenience you mind as well not get married and go through the legal mess and help each other out instead.

I'd rather have a community of support and "spouses" than just one spouse if I had the choice. However, if I do marry, it would be companionship, friendship, and genuine affection before love (as in mental and physical). Love can be addictive but friendship you can be a part for years and still not have "withdrawals" when they come back because they will always be your friend.

MD said:

I'm in my early 30s at the moment and I'm noticing a lot of people I went to school with are getting married. I notice that many are settling, or rushing into marriage just for the sake of it. There is an expectation even in this day and age.

As I'm currently single and living a busy life, at times I wonder if that's all marriage is, two people just making things work? Am I being duped into thinking there is a 'one' out there, when it's mostly companionship?

What do you think, is marriage supposed to be eternal love or a series of compromises between companions?

Click to expand...

I am also asking this questions myself. Why do people marry? How to find the One? How to understand he is the One? How to make marriage last forever? How to keep us both happy? But the only answer is get is: "When you will find your Mr Right, you will understand".

It seems to me marriage is largely a legal contract that's mainly about giving you, your spouse, and children, certain rights, benefits, and obligations.

Marrying for love, and for no other reason, would seem unnecessary, even excessive. But if you do marry, and you want to stay married, lots and lots of compromises are virtually mandatory.

Do many early weds know what love love is ?.

xkatz said:

You should marry to get an alliance with Poland against the Ottomans.

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That's what younger sisters are for. You marry them off to ally with Poland.

Hi Folks...

Truly I tell you marriage IS a sacred union - therefore marry for love and no other reason - not for power - for the one you assume is powerful in life may not actually be powerful at all - LOVE itself is the onyl power worth cherishing - if they do not love you properly then whatever they offer is cheap and worthless by comparison - and do not marry for conveniance - for the world is ever changing and that which is conveniant for now, may well become a direct problem to be dealt with later...

Marry for money, that way you should get a pay-out when the divorce goes through.

But seriously, it is not something to be rushed into, and if you are currently content being single then that's fine, you have the freedom to do what you want to do. It's one of those situations where the grass can seem greener on the other side of the fence, there are always pros and cons. It can be complicated when all your friends have got married and you are still single, but eventually your married friends will pair you off with somebody just to be on the safe side, so don't worry.

psychoslice said:

Do many early weds know what love love is ?.

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I think Love is an extinct 'animal' in capitalistic world.....

Hi Folks....

Ana; Aww ....my Soul aches for you here...Love -VERY REAL - the only eternal truth - really it is so....

That "animal" can only truly become extinct in our OWN hearts - we kill it off, stifle it,murder it at times even - it is a CHOICE - to act on our inherant nature - or to ignore it....we ARE love itself if only we would realise it - a unified being - one single existance we all share - to give of the Self freely IS the greatest power you have ever - uncover the truth of Self and share it freely thereby you will love everyone - become POWERFUL by doing this and so make the world to do YOUR bidding... If we manage to do this without fear or shame then the world DOES change and respond TO us - it awakens the same potential within others - they are "moved" to emulate the Soul that they see clearly - for we ALL desire this love that we ARE...

As He said - find the spark within - light the lamp, place it up front in the open for all to see - let all who come by have and use that light as they need - thus you have loved them truly - thus you show them Who you ARE and show them crucially who THEY are also

MD said:

I'm in my early 30s at the moment and I'm noticing a lot of people I went to school with are getting married. I notice that many are settling, or rushing into marriage just for the sake of it. There is an expectation even in this day and age.

As I'm currently single and living a busy life, at times I wonder if that's all marriage is, two people just making things work? Am I being duped into thinking there is a 'one' out there, when it's mostly companionship?

What do you think, is marriage supposed to be eternal love or a series of compromises between companions?

Click to expand...

I would say that it depends a lot on your needs and priorities. Those by their turn are defined mainly by your raising and social environment.

The odd thing about marriage is that it exists quite in the boundary between private and public matters.

Many of the poorer people here in Brazil seem to marry and, in fact, to refuse to divorce out of pragmatical need. Their repertoires are so limited that marriage is a big part of their survival, due to both monetary and psychological reasons. That is not always a good thing, but then again there is not always much of a choice.

On the other hand, couples that actually enjoy each other's company and have a good degree of autonomy and mutual understanding can lead very fulfilling lives.

Marriage can have a significant effect on one's social life as well. Again, that is often but not always a good thing.

Marrying for convenience almost always turns to inconvenience during the divorce proceedings. No guarantee that marrying for love will not end up in the same place, but it generally has a much better chance, if it is actually love, but be careful and do not confuse lust for love, it is real easy to do.

MD said:

I'm in my early 30s at the moment and I'm noticing a lot of people I went to school with are getting married. I notice that many are settling, or rushing into marriage just for the sake of it. There is an expectation even in this day and age.

As I'm currently single and living a busy life, at times I wonder if that's all marriage is, two people just making things work? Am I being duped into thinking there is a 'one' out there, when it's mostly companionship?

What do you think, is marriage supposed to be eternal love or a series of compromises between companions?

Click to expand...

Commitment to marriage is the Key. True love is warn down by life's reality.

I was 32 when I met my wife the second date I knew we would be married. We were married 3 months later. It was true love at first and then life set in. At times I have wished that I never got married, there were extremely happy times and extremely dark times. Right now I am comfortable, the love we have is far different then the love I felt when we first met.

Part of the reasons for the dark times was money. My wife came in to the relationship with no concept of budgeting. Wants were her needs, she spent money she didn't have. She brought 6 thousand of debt in to the marriage. When I was ready to get a house she had 15,000 in debt on credit cards. When I went to refinance the house another 15000 in debt on credit cards. After many disagreements and fights we have reached an accord and she has learned to be better financially.

We have a house, 2 kids, 2 cars and live paycheck to paycheck but overall we are all happy. Could I have reached a better arrangement if I married for convenience probably. The arguments would be different but as long as the 2 partners are committed they would get through them and find type of love.

I don't think there is 'the one,' there could be many 'ones.' I've been in love a few times, but only the guy I'm engaged to now has made me feel ''home.'' Sounds so sappy, but it's true. And you'll know that feeling, when it happens.

I worked on a side job with a guy from Jordan a number of years ago, he was 38 and his arranged wife was 18 and man was she a beauty, we used to joke around with him asking when he was going to bring her over. "F** you guys" seemed a funny response though every one of us attended his marriage to her and gave our respects.

Ana.J said:

I think Love is an extinct 'animal' in capitalistic world.....

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Or a Communistic world.