Agreed. It has taken me a long while to come out of depression, things happened that made me unhappy, my personality has changed to a degree, with God's help. I did things that I would not want to repeat, God has made me realize some of the bad things I did and I do not want to ever repeat them. Yet when I remember them I feel bad. Does that make sense to you? I look forward to the future to be entirely happy. But that will not be for a while, that is after the new heavens and new earth are firmly and positively established. Revelation 21:1-5.
I have had to escape pain. 3 of my family are convicted child molesters. One of them, in jail now, a Christian "high priest". God loves some, hates others? God hates women and children?... An end of anger for me was - it's just the laws of nature, it's just an "empty boat". The following is just one version of it, passing it along to anyone else who might appreciate it.
A monk decides to meditate alone, away from his monastery. He takes his boat out to the middle of the lake, moors it there, closes his eyes and begins his meditation.
After a few hours of undisturbed silence, he suddenly feels the bump of another boat colliding with his own. With his eyes still closed, he senses his anger rising, and by the time he opens his eyes, he is ready to scream at the boatman who dared disturb his meditation.
But when he opens his eyes, he sees it’s an empty boat that had probably got untethered and floated to the middle of the lake.
At that moment, the monk achieves self-realization, and understands that the anger is within him; it merely needs the bump of an external object to provoke it out of him.
From then on, whenever he comes across someone who irritates him or provokes him to anger, he reminds himself, “The other person is merely an empty boat. The anger is within me.”
Heaven is not taking things personally. The ability to change - change beliefs, change surroundings, lay down burdens, define yourself. Self-sufficient, self-reliant, not dependent on anyone else- not on any church, on any book - free from all of that - free to define your own life, your own heaven.
I'm not angry at empty boats - they were empty, it was not their fault. No faults. Just the laws of nature, ignorance, emptiness. They taught me not to rely on any arms of flesh, taught me self-reliance, good comes from all things.