Ever realize that "Dating" is a practice for divorce?

[MyM]

I get that. I went against a norm, too, and was definitely labeled a freak.

The dating world seemed intimidating to me, so I never did it. I was probably single less than a year during my entire adult being. Some would say that isn't healthy. I don't really care. I consider it my personal business, and what works for many people doesn't necessarily work for me(likewise, what works for me doesn't work for many people).



Honestly, I found that scary. And that is one of the reasons I didn't 'play the field'. I didn't have to be married to engage in sexual activities(I was a Pagan during these years of my life, so religion had nothing to do with it), but the idea of casual sex disgusted me. I didn't care if other people engaged in it, as that isn't my business, but I didn't want that for myself. For me, sex was something that took place within a loving relationship.



I'm not trying to make light of this, but some people will get messed up and consider suicide over other scenarios, too(failed career, intolerant family, mental breakdown, etc). So, while I consider the idea of someone committing suicide over dating problematic, I have to acknowledge a person who is at risk of doing this is probably at risk in other areas, too.

totally understand thanks for your input

 

[oldbadger]

. Almost every time now sex is involved before marriage and that is what the Abrahamic religions all are against. .

So why do you ignore all the other Old Testament laws which were written to avoid sickness or death?
You don't make a fuss about parapets around roofs, or a shellfish ban, or estby dates for foods, or consumption of scaless omnivore fish, or omnivore animals.....why are you so preoccupied with the sex laws?

 

[MyM]

So why do you ignore all the other Old Testament laws which were written to avoid sickness or death?
You don't make a fuss about parapets around roofs, or a shellfish ban, or estby dates for foods, or consumption of scaless omnivore fish, or omnivore animals.....why are you so preoccupied with the sex laws?

oh boy lol where did that come from

I said I just came across it and I listened to the video and I thought it very interesting. Just wanted input from yall to see what yall thought....

 

[oldbadger]

Was just asking yalls opinions To look at it in a different perspective. When one divorces, one goes through many trials to get to that divorce.

Divorce is sad.....are you against marriage then?
Or do you think that couples should be bound together forever by law?

It's like dating

No.....dating is dating.

, one goes through so many trials and also SEX which isn't or SHOULDN'T be a prerequisite for marriage nowadays.

You got that wrong.....you should read the Bible about that.
An Old Testament law required that all newly married couples should have a whole year free from work, just to enjoy each other. The whole idea of marriage was to have children and thus increase the strength of the people.

People who go clubbin it's their business. Am not talkin about that...people who go out and well, end up in bed together, yes, that is kinda included in the dating arena because it leads to one night stands, break ups etc.

As you say, that's their business, not yours.

I know what it feels like to be divorced been there done that.

Well that's no example then, is it?

 

[oldbadger]

oh boy lol where did that come from

I said I just came across it and I listened to the video and I thought it very interesting. Just wanted input from yall to see what yall thought....

You mentioned Abrahanic religions.

 

[MyM]

Divorce is sad.....are you against marriage then?
Or do you think that couples should be bound together forever by law?


No.....dating is dating.


You got that wrong.....you should read the Bible about that.
An Old Testament law required that all newly married couples should have a whole year free from work, just to enjoy each other. The whole idea of marriage was to have children and thus increase the strength of the people.


As you say, that's their business, not yours.


Well that's no example then, is it?

I am not against marriage but the dating scene needs to be, in my opinion, changed a bit and let people understand that it is ok to NOT have sex, not to fondle, not to kiss, not to engage in anything that God doesn't allow.

you brought up the OT and you brought up marriage-not dating as I said.

It is an example of dating so yes, it is a prime example. I am not saying or compelling anyone to do anything. I just wanted to see what yall thought about the video and give some ideas. It's not hard to see that dating can be messed up many a time.

 

[MyM]

You mentioned Abrahanic religions.

You mentioned Abrahanic religions.

Yes, because, in all Abrahamic religions, Judaism, Christianity and Islam...believe that sex before marriage is not allowed.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I wouldn't trust my parents to find me the right spouse. They did an awful job on their own relationships.

I wouldn't trust mine either. Someone they approve of would likely be someone I couldn't stand to be around.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Yes, because, in all Abrahamic religions, Judaism, Christianity and Islam...believe that sex before marriage is not allowed.

That pressure to marry to have sex also does a number on marriages because many marry just so that their sex can be ok. Those arrangements may be OK by your god, but they have a nasty habit of being unhealthy for those involved.

 

[MyM]

I wouldn't trust mine either. Someone they approve of would likely be someone I couldn't stand to be around.

My mom I can honestly say, if I were a Christian like she is, that I would let her set me up. Her judgement all my life has been one of the best friendships I have ever had. But since she is not a Muslim, she wouldn't lol In the end, it would be my call still.

My son is a certified neuropsychologist and is also graduated with excellence in IT Networking and Security and is head of IT in one of the top oil companies in Abu Dhabi. He has had a great marriage and I helped him get to achieve it. He trusted me to help him and since I know my son more than anyone else, I helped him find a great marriage partner and I know that many people wouldn't even embark on such a quest, but it does work out. It's just one of those things that does work There are many other ways of getting a spouse. That is just one way.

 

[Segev Moran]

I heard a few things the other day and this was one of them. It did get me to thinking about which is the correct way of meeting one's future spouse.

There is none.
There is a correct way to treat a person.
You can meet your "love" in any given situation.
The only "correct" way is to respect, not harm, and value the other person.
Other than that, just be you ...that's the only way.

I know how it is done in Islam, (I am a Muslim) but if you sit down and think about it, what he said actually makes sense.

Such an idea being promoted by religion can be a very abusive force.
It is a very moderate and more liberal way of "allowing" people to learn on their own.

What are yalls input...just curious about what you think of this video

In his "Intentional dating" format, who decides what's the right way and the wrong way?

[/QUOTE][/QUOTE]

 

[Segev Moran]

There is none.
There is a correct way to treat a person.
You can meet your "love" in any given situation.
The only "correct" way is to respect, not harm, and value the other person.
Other than that, just be you ...that's the only way.
Other than that, such an idea being promoted by religion can be a very abusive force.
It is a more moderate and more "liberal" way of "allowing" people to learn on their own.

In his "Intentional dating" format, who decides what's the right way and the wrong way?
Who decides the "period"?

[/QUOTE][/QUOTE][/QUOTE]

 

[firedragon]

Yes, they are both scientific articles, one in sociology and the other ethnology, by accredited universities and in peer reviewed journals.

So Sociology and Ethnology is considered "scientific evidence" by you am I correct? Just clarifying.

 

[epronovost]

So Sociology and Ethnology is considered "scientific evidence" by you am I correct? Just clarifying.

They are indeed sciences, social sciences to be more precise since their subject is human beings and their cultures, and thus they analyze and form theories based on scientific evidence acquired through a scientific methodology.

 

[firedragon]

Arranged marriage are emotionally shallow and manipulative. They are a form of sexual slavery in accord with international law and statuses on slavery and an anti-humanist practice.

1. Which study shows that arranged marriages are "always forced"?
2. Please give where in "international law" it states that arranged marriages as a whole are slavery, anti-humanist, sexual slavery, etc?

Thanks in advance.

 

[firedragon]

They are indeed sciences, social sciences to be more precise since their subject is human beings and their cultures, and thus they analyze and form theories based on scientific evidence acquired through a scientific methodology.

I agree that they are sciences. So in this case you are referring to them as sciences, not science per se. No problem. Its great you agreed with that. I am sure by "scientific methodology" you are referring to the research methodology they employ right?

Anyway, have you read any of these studies you gave links to?

Can you show where in those studies speak of arranged marriages around the world are all slavery, anti-humanist, sexual slavery, forced, etc etc?

Thanks.

 

[epronovost]

1. Which study shows that arranged marriages are "always forced"?
2. Please give where in "international law" it states that arranged marriages as a whole are slavery, anti-humanist, sexual slavery, etc?

Thanks in advance.

That depends on how do you define "free marriages", "arranged marriages" and "forced marriages".

I personally consider arranged and forced marriages to be nearly synonymous with only difference the level of threat under which the marriage takes place. In both case, the spouses consent to marriage, especially that of the bride, is superfluous. That's what makes them different from "free marriages" which are those in which both the spouses consent is central (so grand ma' helping you find a good wife amongst her friend's grand daughters isn't an arranged marriage; it's just the old time version of a dating app, someone helping you find a partner or providing their opinion on a relationship). An "arranged marriage" is thus a marriage organized and approved by the parents of the spouse without their explicit consent usually under the threat of social ostracization, financial blackmail, peer pressure, etc. A "forced marriage" is the same thing, but with an active threat of physical/sexual violence for any resistance to the union. The line between the two are thus very blurry at time. International law considers forced marriage as a form of servitude/sexual slavery and thus illegal as defined the Article 4 of the Declaration of Human Rights. In all cases, while "arranged marriages" might not always rise to the level slavery depending on their specific circumstances, but the fact they make consent superfluous makes them anti-humanist since it denies liberty of choice and agency on a massively important decision in someone's life.

If you defined those three things differently, then yes my opinions and observations would not be applicable in that context. So feel free to define those terms and I'll be able to give you my opinion using your definitions instead of mines.

 

[epronovost]

Can you show where in those studies speak of arranged marriages around the world are all slavery, anti-humanist, sexual slavery, forced, etc etc?

Thanks.

They are not, I posted these specifically in defense of my qualification of arranged marriages as "shallow and manipulative relationships" compared to free marriages. That's what you asked for in post number 43 and I posted those studies in response to that post not in response or to defend the part of the post you explicitly didn't quoted.

 

[firedragon]

That depends on how do you define "free marriages", "arranged marriages" and "forced marriages".

I personally consider arranged and forced marriages to be nearly synonymous with only difference the level of threat under which the marriage takes place. In both case, the spouses consent to marriage, especially that of the bride, is superfluous. That's what makes them different from "free marriages" which are those in which both the spouses consent is central (so grand ma' helping you find a good wife amongst her friend's grand daughters isn't an arranged marriage; it's just the old time version of a dating app, someone helping you find a partner or providing their opinion on a relationship). An "arranged marriage" is thus a marriage organized and approved by the parents of the spouse without their explicit consent usually under the threat of social ostracization, financial blackmail, peer pressure, etc. A "forced marriage" is the same thing, but with an active threat of physical/sexual violence for any resistance to the union. The line between the two are thus very blurry at time. International law considers forced marriage as a form of servitude/sexual slavery and thus illegal as defined the Article 4 of the Declaration of Human Rights. In all cases, while "arranged marriages" might not always rise to the level slavery depending on their specific circumstances, but the fact they make consent superfluous makes them anti-humanist since it denies liberty of choice and agency on a massively important decision in someone's life.

If you defined those three things differently, then yes my opinions and observations would not be applicable in that context. So feel free to define those terms and I'll be able to give you my opinion using your definitions instead of mines.

Brother. There are different perspectives in life, and my perspective will be different to yours, and will be different if you consider the whole world. I am not an expert in this field, and I must confess that I am also speaking from my anecdotal experience.

Arranged marriage is not always considered forced. Sometimes people travel from one place to another just because their marriage was arranged. And predominantly, as far as I know, it is the male who travels. And sometimes the man and woman get to know each other, though its already arranged. Occasionally they are only meeting on the day of marriage. I have seen this first hand, and a lot of them live a good life, fall in love, make babies and grandchildren. This is very normal.

When someone like you speak of sex slavery, slavery, forced marriage, etc etc, its alien. It is your imposition. Of course there are cases where its forced, but what you are imposing is alien. It seems like you have no clue of what you talking about.

When you are quoting studies, please try to study them. And understand how you could employ that study applying it everywhere. It is absurd to take one study, in a place in some country and apply that generally. Maybe you have a particular idea and you personally think its applied to the whole world. Thats an anecdotal fallacy, and invalid.

I dont agree with arranged marriages per se. But I know first hand, that some of them work.

But I am no expert in this field globally, so this is my personal experience. I am not gonna do quick googling and condemn a whole system and claim something is sex slavery. Its pathetic if I did that. Though in some instances it could be true.

I will look forward to a study that you have truly studied, and is global.

Cheers.

 

[oldbadger]

I am not against marriage but the dating scene needs to be, in my opinion, changed a bit .....

So you want to change things......

I am not saying or compelling anyone to do anything.

See above....... Yes, you would like to change people, and their choices....

I just wanted to see what yall thought about the video and give some ideas.

Yes.... I thought the video was junk.

It's not hard to see that dating can be messed up many a time.

Please do tell us: If you or yours rules a country, what exactly would you do about 'dating'?