As far as I can tell we come into existence and then go out of existence. Period! A lot of people can't handle this so they seek comfort elsewhere, which is almost always religion. To me this is not rational reason for joining a religion, but what I think about it is unimportant. What
is important is that it helps enrich the life of the believer. In my opinion those who believe in a god are living an illusion, but as long as their religion-driven actions don't impinge on the lives of others I don't care.
I don't know what your "knowing him" would entail, but if you've been trying for ten years without success, I think you should move on. I can't say to where, but if you truly find it difficult to go through life without a god then I strongly suggest you look for one that does work for you.
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