That is very nice, if you have such an honest connection with your children. Well done.
It took work for sure.
I remember for our youngest entering into Jr High. We saw a great change of attitude (not for the better) and realized that she still didn't know who she was. My wife home-schooled her for that year and built a strong relationship and in 8th grade, back to public school with no issues for the rest of her schooling.
Wayne, our first born, (actually, we had two miscarriages first), took extra time too. Instead of busing him to school we took him to school and from school and just communicated--something that wasn't natural for him. He learned how to communicate so well that when he went to college (Florida Tech) and took a night course, we would hear a knock on the bedroom door when we were sleeping when he got home. He would just sit on the bed and share the events of the day.
The second, Lisa, she knew who she was and the word was out in high-school from the boys, "you can't get anything from her". Yet, one day she came home somewhat teary eyed and said "Everyone has a boyfriend and I don't have any".
I simply asked her some questions, "Honey, are the boyfriends they have today the same ones they had last year?"
"no" was her reply.
"When they broke up, were they heart broken?"
"Yes"
"Do you think they will have the same boyfriend next year"?
Understanding started setting in and she replied "probably not".
"So, why do you want your heart broken now? Are you ready to marry?"
Scrunched face, "NO WAY".
"Then why don't you hold off on personal dating until you are ready to consider marriage and just have a great time with your friends. After all, we don't want to practice how ruin relationship and get heartbroken , we want to minimize failures and wait until we are ready to consider life-time commitment".
With a smile on her face, heart reassured that the right one would come it was the last time she looked for a boy-friend until she was in college. First one was a "no" -- but no intimacy. Second was a yes with the exchange of the gift of her body on her wedding night.
We would talk about sex, whom they liked, why they liked them and the whole gamete of life. It really was a great time. Push come to shove, they preferred spending time with the family than going out all the time.
Today, Wayne is married, with four wonderful children.
Lisa, married with four wonderful children
Naomi, happily married and just had her second.
What is beautiful is to watch the two 14 year olds play around with their siblings as innocent as one can be. Our children have reproduced what they had very effectively.
Of course we understand that there are families that have real issues. No condemnation, no pointing of fingers, just helping hands to get them back on a track of success.