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why some people put their parents in retirement home ?
- Thread starter Godobeyer
- Start date
Twilight Hue
Twilight, not bright nor dark, good nor bad.
Sometimes it's for medical issues that lie beyond the capabilities for a son and or daughter to properly care for their parents.
I get the gist of what is implied. Other times, it's for more selfish reasons for which aging parents can be an inconvience and it's just easier to pay someone else to take care of them and bury them when they die.
I get the gist of what is implied. Other times, it's for more selfish reasons for which aging parents can be an inconvience and it's just easier to pay someone else to take care of them and bury them when they die.
IF it's happened that medical issues happened to son/daugther , why the parents would not abandon their kids ?
what is your comment on the caricatur image ?
is not selfish that someone abondon what suppose birth him to this life and take care of him ?
why some people wished the death to their parents , since they (parents) always wished to childern to live ?
Shad
Veteran Member
Distance, time and resources available, medical conditions. Some parents decide to go to a home themselves as they understand their children may not be able to take care of them. There is also an issue that the parent is not willing to move to live with their children, my grandmother was not willing to do so, so a home is the only option.
It's not abandoning in either case. There are times when a person has such severe medical or physical issues that the spouse, parents or children are not physically able to care for the person. In today's world we don't have the extended families of 3 and 4 generations living in one home. Even were that the case a person might be worse off by being cared for at home by non-professionals.
wintersolstice
Member
Hi all
this is may sensive question , but why some people do that to their parents , or one of them ?
I think it's a complicated issue and there is not a single, simple answer.
In the US, the population of adults over the age of 85 is expanding rapidly. With lifespan in the US often extending into late 80's, 90's and beyond, there are numerous health problems that are more prevalent among the old-old portion of the population. For example, adults at the age of 85 have a 50% chance of developing dementia. That percentage increases with age. The old-old may also have comorbid debilitating physical health problems.
Many adult children are the primary caregivers for aging parents. Sometimes they are not able to provide the extensive care that is needed and must rely on assistance. In the US the current healthcare movement encourages the use of home care services (nursing, meals, medical services) so that elders can "age in place" without leaving their homes. Most states offer such services as an alternative to nursing homes.
When remaining at home is not a possibility, there are congregate living options included options such as assisted living in which elders live in their own apartments with supervision and assistance of family and facility staff members. These facilities offer a more home-like alternative to nursing homes.
In the US about 5% of adults over the age of 65 live in nursing homes. Most seniors prefer to live independently for as long as possible. Recent changes and new options provide more choices that before. While not ideal, things are heading in the right direction. Many families struggle to care for aging parents and keep their loved ones at home as long as possible. Placing a loved one in a nursing home is a wrenching decision which most caregivers work very hard to avoid.
Caring for an elderly parent requires skill, dedication, patience and determination. While I admire those who manage to keep an elderly loved one at home, I cannot harshly judge those who decide that a nursing home is the right option. Each family needs to decide the best course of action.
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psychoslice
Veteran Member
Retirement homes have everything they need, nurses, doctors, good meals, they can go out on outings, there's craft classes, how could you expect your children to do all this, especially if their working and have their own family to look after. No one should have to feel guilty because their parents have to go into a home, we ourselves probably will be there also, its just the way of life today, and it works out for all.
@Godobeyer , you would have to ask each individual case why they made that decision. It's a personal decision. To some extent cultural, but mostly personal.
Actualy this issue is very rare here (in Muslim countries) , i am hear is very normal and commun in West .
Yes, that's why I said it is, to some extent, cultural... but within a particular cultural context, the decision to do it (or not) is personal where the option is available.
Although I certainly can't speak for "the West" as a whole (and I don't think we really can... it's hardly monolithic), mainstream American culture enshrines youth and youthfulness. The stories we tell focus on young people, and our culture is geared towards catering them. We tell fewer stores about our elders, and while I wouldn't say they are disregarded, they certainly don't hold the position of high regard that I feel they should. Youth and beauty over wisdom and experience, for many. It's all about what is new, and the old needs to be discarded. Old age is seen as something to wage war against, to combat, to hide, to shun. It's sad.
My mom is in a retirement community, although it doesn't look anything like your caricature. It cost $150,000 to move in and about $4,000 a month permanently.
Three of my sisters wanted her to move in with them. They added on to their house, bought duplexes, and even tried "Mom, I want you around my kids the way Gran was around us. I'll build anything you want if you will move here". She wouldn't do it.
She is a very independent person. She wants things her way, and she can afford to make it happen. So, she lives in this palace in Chicago where she is still in charge of her own life and us kids come and visit. But we're still the kids and she is still the mom.
Tom
Three of my sisters wanted her to move in with them. They added on to their house, bought duplexes, and even tried "Mom, I want you around my kids the way Gran was around us. I'll build anything you want if you will move here". She wouldn't do it.
She is a very independent person. She wants things her way, and she can afford to make it happen. So, she lives in this palace in Chicago where she is still in charge of her own life and us kids come and visit. But we're still the kids and she is still the mom.
Tom
Shad
Veteran Member
Muslims have larger families along with being based more on single income from one individual where as Western families are smaller and usually dual income. This can force the issue into only one option due to restricted income but also a larger support structure.
wintersolstice
Member
What do you mean by the term "retirement home"? I think that some readers (myself included) may not understand what this type of facility is like.
She may feel unwanted or heavy
Here if it's happened it's almost happaned because the son listen to his wife , so wife can't live with parent's husband . so she asked her husband to take his parent to retirement home .
so if it's happened here ,it's happened by a man married woman , so he (divorce) his parents !!!
I am the unique son of parents i will not imagine that i will take my parent to retirement home .
it's about love and fidelity and backup the good deeds to them , for their care and birth me .
House infirm , house of aged parents.
I don't think you know what it is to be around powerful women. She was not unwanted or heavy. She is opinionated and rich and won't give up what she worked hard to get.
For most of her life she was the obedient wife you talk about. Whatever my dad said was the rule. But she was smart and able and helped him make that fortune, while raising six kids.
Don't mess with mom. No matter how modern and smart you think you are, she is right about the important stuff.
Tom
You hear correctly.
Individualism is a trait that is valued a lot more here, and it does lead to those situations.
Shad
Veteran Member
I understand your view. Do not think others do not feel as you do. However at times the willingness to take care of one's parents is not viable. Parents unwilling to move in with their children for whatever reason makes such an accommodation improbable. The medical needs of the elderly could be beyond the capability of the family. In my experience I have faced both types of scenarios. My mother agreed to move in with me but my grandfather and grandmother (different families) refused. Neither wanted to leave their home towns and I could not leave my commitments at school, work and loans I have. There was no university which covered my course load, I would of lost my grants, loans and student status pushing me into massive debt. I would have had to quit my job leaving me with few options beside becoming an uneducated labour. They are no job opportunities for an archaeologist in a farming community of a few thousand. There was a level of care required for my grandmother I could not provide without quitting work and not taking another job until she passed on. She needed 24/7 care which I could not provide as I would have no income. So even if I did care for her 24/7 my ability to pruchase items she needs for her quality of life would be beyond my ability to acquire. Love and fidelity should not be used as an ultimatum if one party is unwilling to compromise nor if it forces their own children and grandchildren to give up their dreams and careers. It goes both ways. This is why the situation in based on individuals rather than a general or universal view.
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