Why do some people seem to be unable

[Spirit of Light]

Why does it seem to be so that some people have difficulty forgive others for their mistakes or wrongdoing?
Sometimes it even looks like people get upset if someone forgives others. Why is this?

 

[A Vestigial Mote]

Maybe that happens when a person doesn't feel the other has learned anything from the situation? As in, it is pretty clear that they are likely to keep doing whatever it is they did to require forgiveness in the first place?

 

[Brickjectivity]

Why does it seem to be so that some people have difficulty forgive others for their mistakes or wrongdoing?
Sometimes it even looks like people get upset if someone forgives others. Why is this?

Its a great question. I used to have little or no trouble with this, then for some reason things changed for me. Now forgiveness often seems unreasonable. I believe that the difficulty varies for people, and I also think that we each have lingering anger within us that waits to be unlocked. It needs no object -- merely a path or door or means of expression or an appropriate excuse.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Maybe that happens when a person doesn't feel the other has learned anything from the situation? As in, it is pretty clear that they are likely to keep doing whatever it is they did to require forgiveness in the first place?

But has the person who refuse to forgive learned anything?

 

[Spirit of Light]

Its a great question. I used to have little or no trouble with this, then for some reason things changed for me. Now forgiveness often seems unreasonable. I believe that the difficulty varies for people, and I also think that we each have lingering anger within us that waits to be unlocked. It needs no object -- merely a path.

Can not anger be let go of? It's in the past already, can not change what happend.

 

[A Vestigial Mote]

But has the person who refuse to forgive learned anything?

Yes - that the other person is obstinate and possibly incorrigible, and possibly not to trust the other person's ability to treat a situation with the proper gravity.

 

[Windwalker]

Why does it seem to be so that some people have difficulty forgive others for their mistakes or wrongdoing?
Sometimes it even looks like people get upset if someone forgives others. Why is this?

Because they cannot forgive themselves.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

But has the person who refuse to forgive learned anything?

Why should it be up to the wronged person to learn something from the experience of being wronged?

 

[A Vestigial Mote]

Can not anger be let go of? It's in the past already, can not change what happend.

I think this is a "pie in the sky" view of things. For certain situations, this attitude or approach may make sense. For others, it does not.

Take, for example, the instance in which a friend asks to borrow some cash. They promise to pay you back, and ask for like $500 for an "emergency." Well, some time passes and you ask about it a few times, and they keep postponing, and then later they come back to you asking for another $250 for something else. Now... you could just "forgive" them the fact that they can't seem to pay you back for the $500, and treat the $250 as a brand new instance of them asking you for a loan on good faith. But that would be incredibly naive. A better idea might be to put them to the test, learn from what was potentially your prior mistake and tell them you will loan then the $250 as soon as they repay the $500. Remind them that there is an outstanding monetary relationship between you still on the table, so that you don't get further taken advantage of (if that is what it feels like is happening). According to your recommendations, we might just say "but that's in the past" and go ahead and keep loaning them more and more if we are willing and able. But that is unsustainable in the long term... and the person who keeps asking for the money is potentially learning that bad habits pay off.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Can not anger be let go of? It's in the past already, can not change what happend.

You are asking me? I believe that anger needs no reason, only a means of expression. It doesn't necessarily arise from a definite memory. It can be like a swelling on the body or lump on the head. Anger like most things is not fully understood by psychiatrists. Its not always easy to identify where it comes from, when it is present, what will trigger it.

Anger can be induced with chemicals. Its got a physical nature.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Yes - that the other person is obstinate and possibly incorrigible, and possibly not to trust the other person's ability to treat a situation with the proper gravity.

So if this unforgiving person do something wrong, and receive forgivness? Learned something then?

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Can not anger be let go of? It's in the past already, can not change what happend.

You don't necessarily need to forgive a person to stop feeling angry.

 

[A Vestigial Mote]

Because they cannot forgive themselves.

This reply is too general, and there are thousands of scenarios within which this is simply not applicable.

This reads to me like one of those mostly worthless "spiritual" meanderings. One of those things that, after hearing it, all the gullible types will look around the room as if they have reached some wise, common "understanding", nodding and humming appreciation for the wisdom to one another. When all the while it is claptrap - specious - only meant to gain "likes" from your peers.

 

[A Vestigial Mote]

So if this unforgiving person do something wrong, and receive forgivness? Learned something then?

Do they deserve the forgiveness? Did they learn something from their trespass and vow not to do it again? Or are they simply going to go on about their lives, potentially committing the same wrong over and over and over again to people in their lives?

What I am saying is that it is entirely valid and useful to learn things about people, remember them, and bring them to mind again when similar situations arise. Repeat offenders should be classified as such, until they can prove themselves otherwise.

 

[MonkeyFire]

I wonder the same as forgiving anothermakes you feel sublime. I'm guessing its a trust issue.

 

[Nakosis]

Why does it seem to be so that some people have difficulty forgive others for their mistakes or wrongdoing?
Sometimes it even looks like people get upset if someone forgives others. Why is this?

I don't know. Never been much of one to hold a grudge. Also I don't see it as my job to make sure other folks are learning the lessons I think they should be learning.

I think everyone learns at their own pace. Does little good IMO to sit there and complain about someone else's lack of progress. What do I know about the path someone else is supposed to be on.

Got enough problems with my own path through life.

 

[Nakosis]

I wonder the same as forgiving anothermakes you feel sublime. I'm guessing its a trust issue.

Don't know about feeling sublime but I see it was a waste of time and energy holding a grudge against other folks. I've better things to do.

 

[PureX]

Why does it seem to be so that some people have difficulty forgive others for their mistakes or wrongdoing?
Sometimes it even looks like people get upset if someone forgives others. Why is this?

Sadly, people who have experienced excessive judgment and punishment growing up tend to become excessively judgmental and demand maximum punishment for others, when they become adults. They were hurt, and they are angry, and now they want to see other people hurt like they were, ... as a kind of vengeance.

 

[Altfish]

Politicians now seem to think forgiveness and saying sorry is a sign of weakness

 

[Nakosis]

Sadly, people who have experienced excessive judgment and punishment growing up tend to become excessively judgmental and demand maximum punishment for others, when they become adults. They were hurt, and they are angry, and now they want to see other people hurt like they were, ... as a kind of vengeance.

And even worse, they are more likely to become republicans.