Who Wants to Be My Cherished Padawan? Think of the Sex, Nudity and Freedom!

[Sunstone]

I'm looking for a special person to impart all that I know about life to. Job pays great -- I'll cook for you -- but it lasts only as long as you can stay at the table before the intestinal cramps set in. So who wants to become my padawan?

Very, very important: Please tell me what special aptitudes and qualifications you will bring to the position.

And also very important: What do you expect to learn from me, and what kind of a person do you expect to become as a result of my especially profound teachings?

Think of all the sex, nudity and freedom you'll experience hanging out with me -- and that's just in the single's bars! Wait until we hit the nude resorts!

 

[Freelance_Policeman]

1. Aptitudes—I'm a good listener. I'll grow your food, given enough land. And I have 5-8 flies I can release in the homes of your enemies. Also, I can eat a lot.

2. Qualifications—As above?

3. What I expect to learn from you—Your innermost fears, your brightest hopes; your supressed sadness and brightest moments; your secret thoughts and hidden desires. Of course, you will not knowingly tell me of this.

 

[Sunstone]

And I have 5-8 flies I can release in the homes of your enemies.

Methinks you would be a very valuable padawan! You're hired!

Also I can eat a lot

If you're talking about eating my cookery, Freelance, you might wish to reconsider at once just how bold you want to be.

What I expect to learn from you—Your innermost fears, your brightest hopes; your supressed sadness and brightest moments; your secret thoughts and hidden desires. Of course, you will not knowingly tell me of this.

Hah! I am a secretive person of whom you will never learn that I meditate in strip clubs! So there! Try your best, but my secrets are safe with me!

 

[ChristineES]

I can walk and chew gum at the same time! Does that qualify me?

 

[LuisDantas]

It is going so well...

I'm looking for a special person to impart all that I know about life to. Job pays great --

until I found this:

I'll cook for you

(...)

Very, very important: Please tell me what special aptitudes and qualifications you will bring to the position.

Let's see... I am halfway through accepting my baldness. I can speak Portuguese with an accent shared by no other human being on Earth. I'm left-handed. I bathe regularly, every other week if not more often than that.

Oh, and I can cook my own food. Also, my tolerance for red pepper is second to none.

So, is it a deal?

And also very important: What do you expect to learn from me, and what kind of a person do you expect to become as a result of my especially profound teachings?

Do you have any tips about reversing baldness?

Failing that, maybe we can talk about serious decisions. Such as whether to use green or red pepper with macaroni.

 

[Sunstone]

I can walk and chew gum at the same time! Does that qualify me?

Given that qualification, I predict you shall easily surpass your master (me), Christine! You're hired!

Congratulations! Do you by chance happen to enjoy deep fried macaroni and cheese?

 

[Sunstone]

I am halfway through accepting my baldness.
So, is it a deal?

It's a deal! For I possess the power to teach you how to completely accept yourself. Or at least, I used to possess the power. Where the hell did I put those batteries anyway?

Failing that, maybe we can talk about serious decisions. Such as whether to use green or red pepper with macaroni.

I strongly favor whichever is spicy enough to mask the taste of my deep friend macaroni!

 

[Brickjectivity]

Could I sleep outside on the ground and find my own food to eat, survival style? One more caveat is no phones. I have to be completely isolated from civilization with no where to go, my back to the wall facing death. Oh, and I want to live in the dirt with lots of mildew and mold in every breath I breath. Do you have any wild beasts where you live, like wolves or bears? Show me the application.

 

[Sunstone]

Could I sleep outside on the ground and find my own food to eat, survival style? One more caveat is no phones. I have to be completely isolated from civilization with no where to go, my back to the wall facing death. Oh, and I want to live in the dirt with lots of mildew and mold in every breath I breath.

Those are outstanding attributes in a padawan! You're hired!

Do you have any wild beasts where you live, like wolves or bears? Show me the application.

I live in Colorado, eighteen minute drive from wilderness. We've got black bears, cougars, and lynx -- and that's just in the single's bars.

 

[Sunstone]

...what kind of a person do you expect to become as a result of my especially profound teachings?

Don't forget to answer this question! It's important! Vitally important!

 

[Sunstone]

Other? Someone clicked on "other" in the poll and then disappeared into the cyber night without explaining what they meant by that.

 

[Me Myself]

Other? Someone clicked on "other" in the poll and then disappeared into the cyber night without explaining what they meant by that.

Artichoke grows tentacles and finds the meaning of life.

then turns back to being an artichoke.

Sir.

 

[Sunstone]

Artichoke grows tentacles and finds the meaning of life.

then turns back to being an artichoke.

Sir.

I happen to be drunk enough tonight to think that profound. Do you like single's bars?

 

[Me Myself]

I happen to be drunk enough tonight to think that profound. Do you like single's bars?

I like beer

 

[Sunstone]

I like beer

WHOOT! You're in! Methinks you would make a great padawan!

 

[Badran]

What the hell is this?!!

I thought i was your only Padawan. Why are there openings for other Padawans?! Wait a minute! Does this mean somebody else is gonna share in on my action? Somebody else is gonna master the art of getting into the beds of all the hot women?

Am i even your Padawan at all, or was this just a big misunderstanding?

 

[Me Myself]

WHOOT! You're in! Methinks you would make a great padawan!

Woohoo! So you provide the beer right?

 

[Draka]

I'm looking for a special person to impart all that I know about life to. Job pays great -- I'll cook for you -- but it lasts only as long as you can stay at the table before the intestinal cramps set in. So who wants to become my padawan?

No need to cook for me, I'm a really good cook actually, I can cook for you oh master, if you so wish.

Very, very important: Please tell me what special aptitudes and qualifications you will bring to the position.

I come bearing minions of my own so our needs may be taken care of while you impart your vast knowledge upon me. I am a quick study and with my uncanny near photographic memory, anything you show me I can retain with near perfect capability. (please be gentle with this knowledge before exposing me to certain things...I can't just erase things easily...once seen things can't be unseen especially for the one with the very visual memory :cover: )

And also very important: What do you expect to learn from me, and what kind of a person do you expect to become as a result of my especially profound teachings?

I expect to learn the ways of the trampoline, how to blow up inflatables effectively, how to remove tassel strings from between teeth once done with them, hot tub etiquette, and how to post fantastically inane yet catchy threads. I expect to become an RFer beyond compare.

Think of all the sex, nudity and freedom you'll experience hanging out with me -- and that's just in the single's bars! Wait until we hit the nude resorts!

I'm thinking...

 

[Sunstone]

What the hell is this?!!

I thought i was your only Padawan.

But of course, you are my Padawan! In fact, in truth, and in reality, you are my super-duper number one Padawan. The Padawan I not only take to single's bars, and not only take to strip clubs, but also take to Miss Fifi's Philanthropic Boarding House and Charity for Wayward Girls, which is really a front for a bordello that Fifi and I set up during my college days. Not that you and I will ever actually get lucky enough to be accepted by the girls who work there, but hey! What the hell! At least we can look at them, right?

Why are there openings for other Padawans?!

I have decided to share my wisdom with a much, much broader audience, my dearest friend, because, frankly, your habit of rolling in camel dung before our excursions to the single's bars has not, quite as you anticipate, actually increased your allure to the fairer (and more discerning) sex. I don't quite know how to put this, but they are not taking the scent of you as perfume. If you get my drift.

 

[Sunstone]

Woohoo! So you provide the beer right?

As it happens, custom demands that you yourself provide the beer. For both of us. And we wouldn't want to violate that custom, would we?