What would you do?

[Epic Beard Man]

The following question and scenario is purely hypothetical, and although it is hypothetical it actually is a window to others on the seriousness of our own prejudices. Please be serious and honest and refrain for posting nonsense! Be prepared to discuss them on the basis of the how's and why's. This discussion is on the basis of naming a particular prejudice we have and place that prejudice as a realization in our own lives through our children (the following scenario will be clear on this). We all in some fashion of another have a particular bias or stereotype of things, both in a positive and negative fashion. Social scientists would say that some of our personal prejudice towards others are social constructed, which shapes the positive and negative. Some of these positive prejudices as well as negative ones may be misappropriated due to societal socialization, some are based on personal experiences and perceptions or on hearsay.

Before the scenario allow me to define the word Prejudice and because it may have several meanings, for purpose of this thread we will stick to one:

To be prejudice is to have a preconceived opinion that is not based on reason, or actual experience. This may transition to disliking a person or group based on sex, race, religion etc.

For this particular exercise name a particular prejudice you have and for this scenario place that prejudice in the following hypothetical scenario:

For the holidays you decide to have thanksgiving dinner, and suppose you invite some of your available family members over, this includes you son or daughter. For those that do not have children suppose you do, and they're of college age and they bring home someone (male or female), and they're an embodiment of that prejudice, how would you react, and what would you do?

 

[Epic Beard Man]

Everybody touches my other thread but not this one....I wish this was a grad school project.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I'd have to show them the tolerance and acceptance my mom showed to me. But, I'm constantly around those I do hold a prejudice against (though not necessarily as you defined it), so I've gotten used to dealing with it, unless the specific reasons I hold those prejudices (such as how Conservatives are often anti-LBGT) come up. And then it's normally either a slow building of points, working this person into a silent death trap of sorts, or I just skip straight to nuclear holocaust in debate.
But, I've not been in this position, and it's very doubtful I ever will. So I can't say exactly how I would react. If this person is of the anti-LBGT Conservative group that I mentioned, I might ignore this person and focus on a sense of betrayal from my child. I don't know.

 

[Curious George]

The following question and scenario is purely hypothetical, and although it is hypothetical it actually is a window to others on the seriousness of our own prejudices. Please be serious and honest and refrain for posting nonsense! Be prepared to discuss them on the basis of the how's and why's. This discussion is on the basis of naming a particular prejudice we have and place that prejudice as a realization in our own lives through our children (the following scenario will be clear on this). We all in some fashion of another have a particular bias or stereotype of things, both in a positive and negative fashion. Social scientists would say that some of our personal prejudice towards others are social constructed, which shapes the positive and negative. Some of these positive prejudices as well as negative ones may be misappropriated due to societal socialization, some are based on personal experiences and perceptions or on hearsay.

Before the scenario allow me to define the word Prejudice and because it may have several meanings, for purpose of this thread we will stick to one:

To be prejudice is to have a preconceived opinion that is not based on reason, or actual experience. This may transition to disliking a person or group based on sex, race, religion etc.

For this particular exercise name a particular prejudice you have and for this scenario place that prejudice in the following hypothetical scenario:

For the holidays you decide to have thanksgiving dinner, and suppose you invite some of your available family members over, this includes you son or daughter. For those that do not have children suppose you do, and they're of college age and they bring home someone (male or female), and they're an embodiment of that prejudice, how would you react, and what would you do?

I interact and ask questions to find out if he/she is one of the good ones. If they are not then I hope my son or daughter doesn't lose sight of the values which I instilled while they continue their relationship and possibly spend the rest of their lives with this person.

I would also assume that their are redeeming qualities about this person if I didn't see such qualities on the first visit. I would ask my son and daughter questions such as what do you like most about such and such, trying to discover and appreciate those qualities. No one is all bad. I would eventually find some reason and way to connect. Hopefully it would be easy, but if it was harder so be it.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

Like many atheists from a religious background, I went through an angry atheist phase which had me very prejudicial of Abrahamic religions. Did a lot of projecting my worse interpretations of their holy texts on them as a quasi strawman of their beliefs to make a clear delineation of me vs them.

But then I started getting really involved in volunteer work and that put me in direct contact with Christians and Muslims. I never talked with them about my beliefs, just kept my head down and kept working. However, over time I heard enough to know that my worst interpretations were not reflective of what they really believed. And when I did digging, I realized it wasn't just local in my pretty left leaning area.

More Christians are not young earth creationists who oppose evolution, most do not care about gay marriage. Most Muslims (In the West) don't believe Sharia should govern non Muslims and don't even believe Sharia is one thing. Even the super despised public figures like Sarsour has her beliefs misrepresented nonstop to further a 'every Muslim is extreme' hyperbole.

So anyway instead of making a convenient generalization I don't figure someone saying they are a Muslim or a Christian tells me much about their social and political beliefs until they tell me what it is. That's how I'd handle the hypothetical in question.

 

[ChristineM]

The following question and scenario is purely hypothetical, and although it is hypothetical it actually is a window to others on the seriousness of our own prejudices. Please be serious and honest and refrain for posting nonsense! Be prepared to discuss them on the basis of the how's and why's. This discussion is on the basis of naming a particular prejudice we have and place that prejudice as a realization in our own lives through our children (the following scenario will be clear on this). We all in some fashion of another have a particular bias or stereotype of things, both in a positive and negative fashion. Social scientists would say that some of our personal prejudice towards others are social constructed, which shapes the positive and negative. Some of these positive prejudices as well as negative ones may be misappropriated due to societal socialization, some are based on personal experiences and perceptions or on hearsay.

Before the scenario allow me to define the word Prejudice and because it may have several meanings, for purpose of this thread we will stick to one:

To be prejudice is to have a preconceived opinion that is not based on reason, or actual experience. This may transition to disliking a person or group based on sex, race, religion etc.

For this particular exercise name a particular prejudice you have and for this scenario place that prejudice in the following hypothetical scenario:

For the holidays you decide to have thanksgiving dinner, and suppose you invite some of your available family members over, this includes you son or daughter. For those that do not have children suppose you do, and they're of college age and they bring home someone (male or female), and they're an embodiment of that prejudice, how would you react, and what would you do?

Sounds like a scenario for a very interesting over meal discussion.

 

[Deeje]

The following question and scenario is purely hypothetical, and although it is hypothetical it actually is a window to others on the seriousness of our own prejudices. Please be serious and honest and refrain for posting nonsense! Be prepared to discuss them on the basis of the how's and why's. This discussion is on the basis of naming a particular prejudice we have and place that prejudice as a realization in our own lives through our children (the following scenario will be clear on this). We all in some fashion of another have a particular bias or stereotype of things, both in a positive and negative fashion. Social scientists would say that some of our personal prejudice towards others are social constructed, which shapes the positive and negative. Some of these positive prejudices as well as negative ones may be misappropriated due to societal socialization, some are based on personal experiences and perceptions or on hearsay.

Before the scenario allow me to define the word Prejudice and because it may have several meanings, for purpose of this thread we will stick to one:

To be prejudice is to have a preconceived opinion that is not based on reason, or actual experience. This may transition to disliking a person or group based on sex, race, religion etc.

For this particular exercise name a particular prejudice you have and for this scenario place that prejudice in the following hypothetical scenario:

For the holidays you decide to have thanksgiving dinner, and suppose you invite some of your available family members over, this includes you son or daughter. For those that do not have children suppose you do, and they're of college age and they bring home someone (male or female), and they're an embodiment of that prejudice, how would you react, and what would you do?

Since I did not invite that person specifically (I don't celebrate holidays so it would be just a casual dinner invitation) and my son or daughter invited them after asking if they could "bring a friend", I would receive that friend courteously, and throw questions into the conversation that allowed me to evaluate the caliber of the individual and then wait for an appropriate time to quiz my child about their choice of dinner companion.

I would wait for my child's evaluation of that person and why they had chosen to bring them, knowing how I felt about 'those' kind of people. (insert whatever prejudice you like....covered in tattoos or piercings.....a drag queen....someone on parole....someone with dreads who hadn't washed in a while...)

If they would invite someone to my house that they know demonstrate values that are offensive to me, then I would probably not permit them to bring a friend again. Its my home and I am entitled to hold my own views there. If others, including my children object....too bad. They can go and eat somewhere else with that person.

 

[carmenara]

I've dealt with this scenario for about 4 years, having a Muslim romantic partner whose siblings and parents absolutely hate me but want me to agree to paying for all their kids' expenses. I kid not.

Every time I want to bring my partner out for an outing I would have 3 to 4 unwanted guests, and it eventually came to the point where said unwanted guests would actually bring another unwanted guest of their own and expect me to pay for them.

For the partner's sake she's very young and I don't want her to experience being in the social equivalent of No Man's Land in the First World War. It would be very unfair for that person who has some pressure to bring siblings along and expect goodwill.

So what do I do all this while?

- I note down who is acting odd and when.
- I explain to my partner privately there seems to be an issue against me, and yet there is an unrealistic and improper material expectation.
- I seek to understand where that prejudice against me comes from, and why it is being sustained despite my generosity and goodwill.
- I observe if anything's done to resolve that difficulty and when nothing's done I will simply explain my side of the story. There will be no further contribution on my end if the issue is not resolved.

I guess for a shorter term scenario like a Thanksgiving dinner you could condense all the above into an hour or two - just let them partake and be on their merry way.

The best way to deal with unsavory or unwanted guests is to not engage them but let them witness nothing but goodwill. They'll get the picture that they lost and go on their merry way.

One person is not worth getting upset over during a joyous occasion. They can make merry or go on their merry way, the door is open, that's my philosophy. To react, to respond, to take punitive measures against said unwanted character or the unfortunate person that invited him or her, invites criticism.

We could argue that doing good also invites criticism like my scenario, it seems the GOOD is being twisted into BAD in gossip regardless of how much good. Eventually, the problem erases itself because I am not reacting to them, I fail to see any appreciation for my goodwill, and eventually they are not a part of my life.

I guess tl;dr you could reference this as a form of passive resistance of "winning without fighting" strategy.
Of course, some people feel they should set things right, make the uninvited person totally feel uninvited or to set expectations in stone the traditional, in your face way, but when all these are enforced without words and without actions the message becomes much more powerful.