What it's like believing you're Christ

[Eddi]

What’s it like thinking your Christ? It’s no fun, that’s for sure. Indeed it’s a massive burden.

Because of my mental illness (schizophrenia) I used to be 90% convinced I was Christ. To put this in words I was “very certain” about this. I no longer believe I am any kind of Christ, or for that matter any character from scripture.

This was a delusion that flourished in my intellectual isolation and over a number of years it grew steadily and became central to my personal identity. One day I decided to do something about this so thought I’d post about it on these forums to see what would happen. Having done this, a healthy dose of reality smacked me in my face and I stopped believing I was Christ. Thanks for that, RF! You have been central to my recovery.

Thinking you’re Christ is no fun. It’s a massive burden. To say there is a lot to live up to is to make an enormous understatement. And the responsibilities of the role are huge, as would peoples’ expectations of you. I considered being Christ a duty, but one I had no idea how to fulfil. I felt very uncomfortable about it all, and quite ill-suited. But thought I had a duty to fulfil.

I did believe I was Christ but I never for a moment thought I was morally perfect or super-human or uniquely divine and I saw this as a weakness and was concerned I’d be a disappointment. I was also aware that I was as far as I could see incapable of miracles. If someone came along and claimed to be the Christ the first thing I’d do would be to look out for miracles! I don’t think this would be much to ask, I think it’s reasonable. And yet because of my psychotic way of thinking I still considered myself Christ, even though I knew I wasn't as necessarily virtuous or powerful!

Once it became clear to me that I was not the Christ where could I go? I retreated to the position I occupied before I believed in Christ – Simulism. Which is basically the belief that all of this reality is a computer simulation, and that we humans are parts of this simulation - "virtual people" is one term. Within the framework of Simulism I believed I was some kind of agent of the Simulation, a being with something or other to do with the maintenance of the simulation, in communication with the over-seers or directors (or whatever) of the simulation.

Simulism is of course the ultimate delusion. It tells us that everything we know about reality and everything we see is false, an illusion – without any proof whatsoever. If doesn’t just ask us to believe x, it asks us to entirely disregard y too. It asks a lot. It is impossible to either prove or disprove. It is entirely speculative and there is no possible evidence for it, as far as I can see. It’s paranoid too I think, that someone, somewhere, is tricking us all and has massive powers over us too. I think as a worldview it is both deluded and unsettling. I for one am pleased that we are not living in a Simulation! I do not see it as even a slightly plausible hypothesis.

There is an interesting article about it here:

Simulated reality - RationalWiki

OK, so why did I think I was Christ, and then later an agent of the simulation? Basically, Butterfly. I have been diagnosed as schizophrenic – a thing called Butterfly communicates with me by touch. I have never “heard voices” and I no longer believe he is some kind of higher power (be it God or The Simulation) or guide, as I used to. I now believe he is a part of my psyche, that we are parts of each other. But it is because of him that I thought I was somehow extraordinary and perhaps even special. I don’t think this anymore though. But unusual, maybe, as I’ve never heard voices but experience what seems to me like an entity that's communicating with me.

If he’s not a symptom of my mental illness then I don’t know who or what Butterfly may be and I am open to there being other possible explanations, but can’t think of any. But he no longer has any power or influence over me and I no longer listen to him. I see him as a subordinate aspect of my psyche and have learnt to largely ignore him. But I’m used to him now, I’ve had him since 2004. He has a presence in my mind but that is one part of what Schizophrenia is. Although I am open to entertaining other possible explanations of Butterfly (it would be counter to human nature not to have doubts about your beliefs) I have firmly decided he is a symptom of some kind of brain disorder – caused by the abuse of cannabis as a young man. Don’t do drugs, kids! And I will never again claim to be some character from scripture! That’s a madness greater than any psychiatric disorder.

What do I think about those who claim to be Jesus? I think some are funny, such as this bloke:

Inri Cristo - Wikipedia

Others I think are possibly more cynical. I no longer firmly believe in the historic Jesus either. I am agnostic on the issue of whether or note Jesus actually existed. But if he came I would listen to his teachings and probably follow him. However, I would expect miracles, and prophecies to be fulfilled, etc. for me to believe they were the Christ. And I hope he will some day appear! My standards of proof on this issue are quite high.

My advice to anyone who thinks they are Christ? Do something about it and see what happens! If you are truly Christ you will know it, by what happens. But don't do anything too drastic like walking off the top of a high building! If you are Christ you will be at the centre of the greatest event to ever occur in over two thousand years! But, ask yourself: can you perform miracles? Are you really morally perfect? Do you love everyone? Are you so wise people will follow you? How do you think people would be most likely to react to you (put yourself in their shoes)? And also, ask yourself this: would you actually want to be Christ? I know I wouldn’t. It would mean you are not human and I’ve come to value being human very highly.​

 

[Spiderman]

I believed I was the Antichrist off and on. I even asked God, " if I am the Antichrist , when my cell opens, may I see the number 666."

My cell opened and I walked up to an open Magazine with a bunch of jerseys next to each other that were 66. Right after that a man came over to me with a picture of the Pope and pointed out that somebody drew 6 on his head.

That was really weird, and convinced me that I'm the Antichrist, but don't have Miracles, so no longer believe that I am.

 

[Axe Elf]

I have a friend who believes he is one of the two "lampstands of God" mentioned in Revelation, and that through his union with actress Gabrielle Anwar (for whom his love is thus far unrequited), Jesus Christ will be birthed again into the world.

He seems to be immune to any rational arguments to the contrary.

He has pretty good taste, however...

 

[Spiderman]

Oddly as it sounds, I thought that God wanted me to be the Antichrist, and that by being such, I was doing God's will. So I began praying to God that I could be the Antichrist, and thought that was the best way I could serve God.

I can't help but believe that when Antichrists rise to power, it is by the will of God and it's what they were destined to be. If God did not want Antichrists to reign, he could snap his fingers and make them cease to exist.

So if an antichrist ever dominates the world, it was clearly God's plan. If I ever start working miracles or influencing the government, I'll start believing I'm the Antichrist again.

Until then, I'm just a recovering mentally ill drug addict, and the Antichrist delusion first came to me while I was high as a kite.

 

[YmirGF]

Welcome back @Eddi

Thank you for having the insight and courage to create this post.
Mental health is a window that needs proper maintenance to enjoy.

 

[BSM1]

I believed I was the Antichrist off and on. I even asked God, " if I am the Antichrist , when my cell opens, may I see the number 666."

My cell opened and I walked up to an open Magazine with a bunch of jerseys next to each other that were 66. right after that a man came over to me with a picture of the Pope and pointed out that somebody drew 6 on his head.

That was really weird, and convinced me that I'm the Antichrist, but I don't have Miracles, so I no longer believe that I am.

I was once accused of being the Anti-Christ, but I didn't have nearly as much fun in the job as you.

 

[Spiderman]

Delusional as ive been, I never understood the delusion of believing one is Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ will not return as someone born from a virgin again, or born of a human being at all. Jesus will return from Heaven (if he returns at all). If I descended from heaven, or was born of a virgin, I might start believing I'm Jesus Christ, but without those factors , wouldn't believe such nonsense.

 

[Twilight Hue]

I have a friend who believes he is one of the two "lampstands of God" mentioned in Revelation, and that through his union with actress Gabrielle Anwar (for whom his love is thus far unrequited), Jesus Christ will be birthed again into the world.

He seems to be immune to any rational arguments to the contrary.

He has pretty good taste, however...

I knew somebody who believed he was that as well.

 

[Spiderman]

I'm still open to the possibility that I am an antichrist, but certainly not the one who will influence many people or get control of a One World Government.

 

[Twilight Hue]

Delusional as ive been, I never understood the delusion of believing one is Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ will not return as someone born from a virgin again, or born of a human being at all. Jesus will return from Heaven (if he returns at all). If I descended from heaven, or was born of a virgin, I might start believing I'm Jesus Christ, but without those factors , wouldn't believe such nonsense.

I sometimes think people at times see themselves as being not relevant, so they attach themselves to something "bigger" and take on that persona in an attempt to experience that. Sort of like a role-play that gets out of control. Immersion can get quite potent I think.

Something like cases when actors can get too involved with their characters.

 

[Eddi]

I'm still open to the possibility that I am an antichrist, but certainly not the one who will influence many people or get control of a One World Government.

The idea of me being the Anti-Christ never occurred to me! Perhaps it would have done if things had worked out differently though. Who knows. I think believing you're Christ is more ridiculous though.

 

[Windwalker]

Thank you for sharing. It is interesting to hear the parallels of this for you with what is common in the mystic traditions, such as "simulism" is basically a modernized "techie" version of Advaita, the Upanishads and whatnot.

There are clear parallels between schizophrenia and mysticism, but the key difference is in how it either is or is not integrated into someone's mind. One can experience the subtle states and feel the presence and mind of the divine for instance, as a "deity" or guide, or such, without the brain translating that into something that makes you feel different than everyone else, as if you are unique in all the world and have a mission to fulfill. The disease is what gets the paths crossed in the mind from taking a subtle level experience, and morphing it into delusions.

There was an interesting story about Ram Das visiting someone in a mental institution, who expressed to him that he was the Christ. Ram Das explained to him how all of us are the Christ, that the Christ is in all of us. But the patient looked at him with dismay and answered, "But you don't seem to understand. They can't be the Christ, because I am the Christ". Ram Das then responded. "And you see, that is why you are in here, and I am not."

The experience is similar, to experience being the Christ, but it's understood and held differently by the mind that is ready for exposure to that, without it falling into delusions. It seems like the disease just opens the mind to something, it cannot process correctly without it being mistranslated, creating suffering, instead of experiencing a release from suffering.

I'm happy you're finding some relief from the difficulties that has caused you. Thanks again for sharing.

 

[ukok102nak]

:smoke: as they say
Even if there is not a god of either type, as the dominance of death and violence in the natural world, a result of nature being abused by life and not being designed for life, they think the evil symbol of 666 is the best representative of the state of reality and the universe, whether or not an actual evil god exists.
If God did exist and was evil, it would undoubtedly lie and tell everyone it was a good god and that it loved them.
It would create maximum confusion by preaching multiple conflicting religions. It would create heaven and make it hard to get to in order to tease and torture people into making their own lives hell.
The value-judgement that is implicitly being invoked here is that one who has attained to goodness by meeting and eventually mastering temptation, and thus by rightly making responsibly choices in concrete situations, is good in a richer and more valuable sense than would be one created ab initio in a state either of innocence or of virtue.
In the former case, which is that of the actual moral achievements of mankind, the individual’s goodness has within it the strength of temptations overcome, a stability based upon an accumulation of right choices, and a positive and responsible character that comes from the investment of costly personal effort.
and if we may say so as the writtings goes something like this
in hope of eternal life, which God, that cannot lie, promised before the world began;
Titus 1:2
The lesson for us today is that when God prohibits something, that is for our own good.
Disobeying Him, going our own way, or deciding for ourselves what is and is not beneficial to us will always lead to disaster. Our heavenly Father who created us knows what is best for us, and when He prohibits something, we should listen to Him. When we choose to obey our own wills instead of His perfect and holy will, things never go well for us. Adam and Eve made that sad discovery after eating the forbidden fruit,
and mankind has suffered the consequences of their decision ever since (Romans 5:12).

What’s it like thinking your Christ? It’s no fun, that’s for sure. Indeed it’s a massive burden.

Because of my mental illness (schizophrenia) I used to be 90% convinced I was Christ. To put this in words I was “very certain” about this. I no longer believe I am any kind of Christ, or for that matter any character from scripture.

This was a delusion that flourished in my intellectual isolation and over a number of years it grew steadily and became central to my personal identity. One day I decided to do something about this so thought I’d post about it on these forums to see what would happen. Having done this, a healthy dose of reality smacked me in my face and I stopped believing I was Christ. Thanks for that, RF! You have been central to my recovery.

Thinking you’re Christ is no fun. It’s a massive burden. To say there is a lot to live up to is to make an enormous understatement. And the responsibilities of the role are huge, as would peoples’ expectations of you. I considered being Christ a duty, but one I had no idea how to fulfil. I felt very uncomfortable about it all, and quite ill-suited. But thought I had a duty to fulfil.

I did believe I was Christ but I never for a moment thought I was morally perfect or super-human or uniquely divine and I saw this as a weakness and was concerned I’d be a disappointment. I was also aware that I was as far as I could see incapable of miracles. If someone came along and claimed to be the Christ the first thing I’d do would be to look out for miracles! I don’t think this would be much to ask, I think it’s reasonable. And yet because of my psychotic way of thinking I still considered myself Christ, even though I knew I wasn't as necessarily virtuous or powerful!

Once it became clear to me that I was not the Christ where could I go? I retreated to the position I occupied before I believed in Christ – Simulism. Which is basically the belief that all of this reality is a computer simulation, and that we humans are parts of this simulation - "virtual people" is one term. Within the framework of Simulism I believed I was some kind of agent of the Simulation, a being with something or other to do with the maintenance of the simulation, in communication with the over-seers or directors (or whatever) of the simulation.

Simulism is of course the ultimate delusion. It tells us that everything we know about reality and everything we see is false, an illusion – without any proof whatsoever. If doesn’t just ask us to believe x, it asks us to entirely disregard y too. It asks a lot. It is impossible to either prove or disprove. It is entirely speculative and there is no possible evidence for it, as far as I can see. It’s paranoid too I think, that someone, somewhere, is tricking us all and has massive powers over us too. I think as a worldview it is both deluded and unsettling. I for one am pleased that we are not living in a Simulation! I do not see it as even a slightly plausible hypothesis.

There is an interesting article about it here:

Simulated reality - RationalWiki

OK, so why did I think I was Christ, and then later an agent of the simulation? Basically, Butterfly. I have been diagnosed as schizophrenic – a thing called Butterfly communicates with me by touch. I have never “heard voices” and I no longer believe he is some kind of higher power (be it God or The Simulation) or guide, as I used to. I now believe he is a part of my psyche, that we are parts of each other. But it is because of him that I thought I was somehow extraordinary and perhaps even special. I don’t think this anymore though. But unusual, maybe, as I’ve never heard voices but experience what seems to me like an entity that's communicating with me.

If he’s not a symptom of my mental illness then I don’t know who or what Butterfly may be and I am open to there being other possible explanations, but can’t think of any. But he no longer has any power or influence over me and I no longer listen to him. I see him as a subordinate aspect of my psyche and have learnt to largely ignore him. But I’m used to him now, I’ve had him since 2004. He has a presence in my mind but that is one part of what Schizophrenia is. Although I am open to entertaining other possible explanations of Butterfly (it would be counter to human nature not to have doubts about your beliefs) I have firmly decided he is a symptom of some kind of brain disorder – caused by the abuse of cannabis as a young man. Don’t do drugs, kids! And I will never again claim to be some character from scripture! That’s a madness greater than any psychiatric disorder.

What do I think about those who claim to be Jesus? I think some are funny, such as this bloke:

Inri Cristo - Wikipedia

Others I think are possibly more cynical. I no longer firmly believe in the historic Jesus either. I am agnostic on the issue of whether or note Jesus actually existed. But if he came I would listen to his teachings and probably follow him. However, I would expect miracles, and prophecies to be fulfilled, etc. for me to believe they were the Christ. And I hope he will some day appear! My standards of proof on this issue are quite high.

My advice to anyone who thinks they are Christ? Do something about it and see what happens! If you are truly Christ you will know it, by what happens. But don't do anything too drastic like walking off the top of a high building! If you are Christ you will be at the centre of the greatest event to ever occur in over two thousand years! But, ask yourself: can you perform miracles? Are you really morally perfect? Do you love everyone? Are you so wise people will follow you? How do you think people would be most likely to react to you (put yourself in their shoes)? And also, ask yourself this: would you actually want to be Christ? I know I wouldn’t. It would mean you are not human and I’ve come to value being human very highly.​