Taking It Personally

[Jainarayan]

Early in life I used to get outraged when someone else criticized my character, my appearance, my behaviors, or my worldview. It would affect my self-esteem, my mood, and the way I interacted with others.

Same here. Though I still get a little ticked when people make unsolicited comments or advice. Example, I'm in my doctor's office one day. I go once or twice a year. His nurse says to me "you should cut your beard down". I asked why. She said "it's too long". Then she told my husband to tell me to cut my beard down. In my family's dialect of Italian we call that 'shcostumat' (scostumato, rude, ill-mannered).

Since then, I've come to a realization that what others say or do is because of them, not because of me. What they say about me or do to me is a projection their personal perception, of their own reality. I realized that what they said or did only affected me if I allowed their criticism to become a part of my own reality. I've learned not to take things personally. People will perceive me as they will. I have no control over it unless they allow my reality to become theirs.

Very true. The exception is if I have an inkling they might be right, and it may be true about me. More along the lines of a personal flaw or behavior, not appearance. I like my looks, though I'm not the handsomest or hunkiest man in the world (I'll do in a pinch ). Then I'm more annoyed or upset with myself than with them. The old saying "the truth hurts".

Do you take things personally? Do you react adversely when someone attacks your beliefs, your appearance, your behaviors, or your character? Why?

Mostly I have to say no. I've put on a good deal of weight, about 20 lbs in the past year. So, you know someone is going to say something. But I like myself the way I am and I say it. I make "pre-emptive strikes" by referring to myself as Fatboy, or grabbing my belly and saying "I worked hard for this" or "he's expensive to maintain". I'm comfortable with myself, which I think is the deterrent to being offended, hurt or insulted.

 

[Vinayaka]

And "their comment says more about them than it does about you".

There is a verse in the Tirukkural that goes something like his ... 'a single word from the wise is better than a thousand words from a thousand fools.'