Taking It Personally

[Revoltingest]

But once their error has been exposed, and they stubbornly cling to it anyway, THAT'S when the contempt sets in. Once they have been presented with, "All men are mortal, and Socrates is a man, therefore, Socrates is mortal," they're not allowed to continue to insist that Socrates is immortal without drawing their fair due of ridicule.

Things are rarely formal logic with inerrant premises.
Many things presented as fact are really just opinion.
And reasoning is fuzzy.

But again, it's not me that is offended, it is reason that is offended. As an ally of reason, I cannot abide those who offend it. I don't take it as a personal offense, I take it as an offense to humanity, and our responsibility as rational beings to hold rational beliefs.

I don't think that "reason" takes offense.

 

[Axe Elf]

Things are rarely formal logic with inerrant premises.

If they are not, they are probably not worth arguing about, to me.

Many things presented as fact are really just opinion.

Where there is room for a legitimate difference of opinion, I don't bother trying to "correct" anyone; only on matters of fact where they have erred.

And reasoning is fuzzy.

It can be. That's when I step in to sharpen it.

I don't think that "reason" takes offense.

Reason lacks the faculties to take offense itself; therefore, I prosecute offenses on its behalf. It's sort of like defending one who can't defend themselves.

 

[Audie]

Early in life I used to get outraged when someone else criticized my character, my appearance, my behaviors, or my worldview. It would affect my self-esteem, my mood, and the way I interacted with others.

Since then, I've come to a realization that what others say or do is because of them, not because of me. What they say about me or do to me is a projection their personal perception, of their own reality. I realized that what they said or did only affected me if I allowed their criticism to become a part of my own reality. I've learned not to take things personally. People will perceive me as they will. I have no control over it unless they allow my reality to become theirs.

Do you take things personally? Do you react adversely when someone attacks your beliefs, your appearance, your behaviors, or your character? Why?

Do you think such an adverse reaction is in any way productive? If so, how?

Is it productive to care about what others think of you? If so, in what way?

I have heard such contradictory and plain silly
things about myselfso I realized that if I tried
to take it all seriously I should be so confused!


But some whose thoughts I respect, well,
then sure, I pay attention.

 

[Audie]

One thought I live by is the knowledge that there is virtually no possibility that anyone can be more critical of me than I already am of myself, but give it your best shot!



I don't normally take things personally partly because I am used to making myself the centre of attention with my silly, often highly visual, humor. I'm used to people laughing AT ME doing something foolish. (It really helps to keep your hat size down.) Aside from this, I simply don't get much criticism of any kind. I get far more criticism or demands for an explanation on RF that I do in real life.


No, such reactions show you have pretty much missed the whole point.

To a degree. Their care might actually be concern with a diplomatic covering. My main advice is that IF you on the receiving end of a lot of criticism then it might be wise to at least consider the possibility that there is some truth to the criticism. People could be trying to help you recognize that you have made some poor choices. No one is perfect.

IF you have looked at the criticisms, considered the source(s), and are perfectly happy with what people are ragging on you for, then party on and damn the torpedoes!

You are kinda mousey. You know? I mean, really!

 

[Revoltingest]

You are kinda mousey. You know? I mean, really!

Tall people only attack you because we're jealous.
(We keep bumping our heads into things, which
causes memory issu.....uh.....do I know you?)

 

[BSM1]

Ah, the advantage of being a codger....increased ability to be above the fray.
Of course, one can still join it, but this should be a conscious choice, & done
so with control.
As for those who are quick to abuse, insult, & fulminate. We know that this
reflects upon them, & that others see it. There's no need to defend oneself.

Dude! That's the name of my band--Above The Fray (seriously)! I chose that name for about the reasons given.

 

[Audie]

Tall people only attack you because we're jealous.
(We keep bumping our heads into things, which
causes memory issu.....uh.....do I know you?)

You will be jealous for sure if you fly economy to Hong
Kong on China airlines!

 

[icehorse]

I try (don't always succeed), to view such situations as opportunities to practice my skills of equanimity.

 

[Fool]

Early in life I used to get outraged when someone else criticized my character, my appearance, my behaviors, or my worldview. It would affect my self-esteem, my mood, and the way I interacted with others.

Since then, I've come to a realization that what others say or do is because of them, not because of me. What they say about me or do to me is a projection their personal perception, of their own reality. I realized that what they said or did only affected me if I allowed their criticism to become a part of my own reality. I've learned not to take things personally. People will perceive me as they will. I have no control over it unless they allow my reality to become theirs.

Do you take things personally? Do you react adversely when someone attacks your beliefs, your appearance, your behaviors, or your character? Why?

Do you think such an adverse reaction is in any way productive? If so, how?

Is it productive to care about what others think of you? If so, in what way?

what someone believes about another isn't really that big of a thing. now when someone slanders or defames another without proof and it endangers one's life or livelihood, then yes its a big problem.

 

[Fool]

what someone believes about another isn't really that big of a thing. now when someone slanders or defames another without proof and it endangers one's life or livelihood, then yes its a big problem.

case in point: nazis defamation of jews, jews defamation of all palestinians and vice versa. westboro baptist church's defamation and slander of homosexuals. defamation of christians in fundamentalist countries of islam majorities

 

[SomeRandom]

Early in life I used to get outraged when someone else criticized my character, my appearance, my behaviors, or my worldview. It would affect my self-esteem, my mood, and the way I interacted with others.

Since then, I've come to a realization that what others say or do is because of them, not because of me. What they say about me or do to me is a projection their personal perception, of their own reality. I realized that what they said or did only affected me if I allowed their criticism to become a part of my own reality. I've learned not to take things personally. People will perceive me as they will. I have no control over it unless they allow my reality to become theirs.

Do you take things personally? Do you react adversely when someone attacks your beliefs, your appearance, your behaviors, or your character? Why?

Do you think such an adverse reaction is in any way productive? If so, how?

Is it productive to care about what others think of you? If so, in what way?

The people I grew up around would eat you for breakfast if you took things personally. (I don't mean in the sense they are bullies of course.) In Australianese there's a term called "tall poppy syndrome." Where we cut others down, not out of animosity or to hurt them, but to keep them humble. My family are the embodiment of that lol.

I have my limits of course. But the best thing I have learned is to not give a flying F about what others say about or to me. Say what you like and I'll usually shrug it off.

 

[Jollybear]

Early in life I used to get outraged when someone else criticized my character, my appearance, my behaviors, or my worldview. It would affect my self-esteem, my mood, and the way I interacted with others.

Since then, I've come to a realization that what others say or do is because of them, not because of me. What they say about me or do to me is a projection their personal perception, of their own reality. I realized that what they said or did only affected me if I allowed their criticism to become a part of my own reality. I've learned not to take things personally. People will perceive me as they will. I have no control over it unless they allow my reality to become theirs.

Do you take things personally? Do you react adversely when someone attacks your beliefs, your appearance, your behaviors, or your character? Why?

Do you think such an adverse reaction is in any way productive? If so, how?

Is it productive to care about what others think of you? If so, in what way?

If i know my charector is honest and if i know my views are arrived at rationally, then other people's attacks on me i know are stupid. Sometimes i brush it off, sometimes i press them to be accountable so they dont do it to others.

 

[Willamena]

Do you take things personally? Do you react adversely when someone attacks your beliefs, your appearance, your behaviors, or your character? Why?

Do you think such an adverse reaction is in any way productive? If so, how?

Is it productive to care about what others think of you? If so, in what way?

I took things personally when I first got on the Internet. No one had questioned my judgements before, at least not to the degree that these anonymous names did. I got a kick in the ego when I realized that I was taking personally discussions that were meant to be objective.

I think it's more productive to be able to discuss a topic objectively. It means concern for the topic, rather than yourself or what others think of you.

 

[stvdv]

Early in life I used to get outraged when someone else criticized my character, my appearance, my behaviors, or my worldview. It would affect my self-esteem, my mood, and the way I interacted with others.

Since then, I've come to a realization that what others say or do is because of them, not because of me. What they say about me or do to me is a projection their personal perception, of their own reality. I realized that what they said or did only affected me if I allowed their criticism to become a part of my own reality. I've learned not to take things personally. People will perceive me as they will. I have no control over it unless they allow my reality to become theirs.

Do you take things personally? Do you react adversely when someone attacks your beliefs, your appearance, your behaviors, or your character? Why?

Do you think such an adverse reaction is in any way productive? If so, how?

Is it productive to care about what others think of you? If so, in what way?

Thanks for sharing. Good points for me.

I used to be so much criticized that I withdrew completely from the world (being a cancer sign, I acted like one). I never reacted anymore. Could not feel anything, felt numb (even didn't feel that). Did not dare to express myself. Took everything personal.

So for me it was needed to express myself. Took many years. Feeling my emotions was difficult. If people crossed my borders I did not even feel anger in the beginning. But I knew it was wrong so I faked being angry. But slowly I could feel suppressed anger being released, so then it was easier to react spontaneously without faking.

Reacting is sometimes good for me. Not sure if it can called productive. More and more I get in touch with my feeling, so that I call productive.

Sometimes it's productive to care about what others think of you; when dressing for a job interview. But then again, if you feel horrible being dressed up that way, maybe not so productive in the long run; getting unhappy in such a place; pleasing others.

For me it's all about introspection. Becoming more in tune with my feelings and thereby creating space to grow.

2 hours ago I decided to not react anymore if people attack my/others' beliefs, character etc (I have been practising reacting enough for the moment); was my New Year resolve. Just now I saw your other thread about this also. 2 good threads for me. Will be very productive in some ways; saves heaps of time to stick to yourself and let go what others think.

 

[Vinayaka]

Sometimes it's just dialogue, but if a person doesn't want another POV, then why would they ask? For example, people will put questions in the 'debate' forum, and then when somebody offers up a POV, they get all dissed. So ... if you don't want that answer, don't ask. I taught with a fundie once, and he had the nerve to ask me if I thought he was a good Christian. I was brutally honest. He was not a happy camper after that. Fortunately it was near the end of the year, and we both moved to other schools.

 

[Revoltingest]

You will be jealous for sure if you fly economy to Hong
Kong on China airlines!

Airplanes.....being petite is a tremendous evolutionary advantage.

 

[Thief]

I don't give a damn what others think.....

allow me a moment of ego thrusting.....

I have never worked among my peers
it seems....I am able anything I care to do
and even the mundane things are better when done in my hands

and yes ....I dress differently
I iron my work pants
I shine my steel toe boots
I trim my hair and beard

my handiwork is a reflection of me
in appearance and

But do you iron your ninja PJs?

more of a retro style polycotton....baggy pants
and leather suspenders

 

[Audie]

Airplanes.....being petite is a tremendous evolutionary advantage.

Not that i am a big eater, but the same portion size
for a 200 lb person, I get twice as much!

 

[Revoltingest]

Not that i am a big eater, but the same portion size
for a 200 lb person, I get twice as much!

But it all evens out.
I get what the other cannot finish.
Everyone eats their fill.

 

[Jainarayan]

Best advice I ever got on this was ... 'Consider the source.'

And "their comment says more about them than it does about you".