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Sex before marriage in the christian faith
- Thread starter dave6
- Start date
sandandfoam
Veteran Member
I'm not sure sampling is sufficient, I like the old adage - 'if you want to know me come and live with me'
Horrorble
Well-Known Member
Haha that made me smile
Horrorble
Well-Known Member
Yeah but that must be so awkward when you decide to throw them out
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Yes, I'll have sex with Christians before marriage.
Reverend Richard
New Thought Minister
If you ask a enough Christian ministers, from a wide variety of Christian denomiations, I'm sure you will get a wide sampling of opinions ranging from the "mainline" doctrine that you mentioned, all the way to 3 Sigma out on the opinion curve.
Did you mean that literally?
I was raised as a conservative Christian and as the OP implied I bought into the "mainline" doctrine for many years. However, I no longer define myself as "conservative". I do agree that the "try before you buy" has some appeal. However, the "try" part has many aspects. Sex is just one of many facets of being married - albeit a very important one!
I think a problem arises when sexual conquests (i.e. accumulating notches on the bedpost) become the goal, rather than a part of the more complex ritual of courtship and romance, to see if a potential marriage partner is compatible with you on multiple levels.
I don't think there's anything wrong with a "summer" romance as long as there is no deception involved, there is mutual respect from both parties, and there are no third parties (existing husband, wives or children) that would be emotionally injured in the process - not to mention the potential for STDs from being sexually promiscuous.
It's a delicate topic, sexually, emotionally and spiritually.
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Quiddity
UndertheInfluenceofGiants
It's a small minority that endorses such a thing. Most Abrahamaic faiths would shun against it and there is little to support for it within holy text, tradition, and history. But then again, you opened this question up to plenty of non-christians and non-theist so I'd be shocked if they didn't support sex before marriage.
Alceste
Vagabond
If you ask a enough Christian ministers, from a wide variety of Christian denomiations, I'm sure you will get a wide sampling of opinions ranging from the "mainline" doctrine that you mentioned, all the way to 3 Sigma out on the opinion curve.
Did you mean that literally?
I was raised as a conservative Christian and as the OP implied I bought into the "mainline" doctrine for many years. However, I no longer define myself as "conservative". I do agree that the "try before you buy" has some appeal. However, the "try" part has many aspects. Sex is just one of many facets of being married - albeit a very important one!
I think a problem arises when sexual conquests (i.e. accumulating notches on the bedpost) become the goal, rather than a part of the more complex ritual of courtship and romance, to see if a potential marriage partner is compatible with you on multiple levels.
I don't think there's anything wrong with a "summer" romance as long as there is no deception involved, there is mutual respect from both parties, and there are no third parties (existing husband, wives or children) that would be emotionally injured in the process - not to mention the potential for STDs from being sexually promiscuous.
It's a delicate topic, sexually, emotionally and spiritually.
Yeah, I do mean it. I think it's crazy to decide you want to live together with a person and spend your entire life having sex with only them before you have any idea what that's going to be like.
On the other hand, my Christian friends who went down that road (or at least tried to) seem happy enough in their marriage so far. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. I lived with my hubby for years before we got hitched.
Neither of us are Christian though, so there were no moral, spiritual or religious dimensions to that situation. We're just rather fond of one another.
Yeah, I do mean it. I think it's crazy to decide you want to live together with a person and spend your entire life having sex with only them before you have any idea what that's going to be like.
On the other hand, my Christian friends who went down that road (or at least tried to) seem happy enough in their marriage so far. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. I lived with my hubby for years before we got hitched.
Neither of us are Christian though, so there were no moral, spiritual or religious dimensions to that situation. We're just rather fond of one another.
I can understand the reasoning behind waiting before having sex. You gotta make sure you're a good match first. You gotta see if you can trust your partner to be there for you. You gotta have something other than physical attraction (even if it's one common interest).
Where I part ways with orthodox standards is that there has to be an official ceremony to ensure the green light is valid. There have been enough shotgun weddings, Vegas weddings, and courthouse weddings after meeting one night to show that a wedding doesn't necessarily mean a couple has known each other enough to follow through on any vows of fidelity, love, and honor. And therefore to validate that the sex is going to be healthy or giving to each other as partners.
Plus, on the flip side, some couples are able to discern whether or not they'll be a good match pretty early on, and engage in sex, move in together, get married, and stay married while finding happiness and joy in their relationships relatively consistently.
I don't advocate what's better in sex and marriage as a standard for everybody. Different strokes for different folks, indeed. I advocate finding a partner you can relate to generally speaking, one that gives you space to be you, and one that shares with you who he or she is in the space you give them.
Skwim
Veteran Member
"Eighty percent of young, unmarried Christians have had sex. Two-thirds have been sexually active in the last year. Even though, according to a recent Gallup poll, 76 percent of evangelicals believe sex outside of marriage is morally wrong.
In fact, a recent study reveals that 88 percent of unmarried young adults (ages 18-29) are having sex. The same study, conducted by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, reveals the number doesnt drop much among Christians. Of those surveyed who self-identify as evangelical, 80 percent say they have had sex. Eighty percent. So much for true love waits."
source
In fact, a recent study reveals that 88 percent of unmarried young adults (ages 18-29) are having sex. The same study, conducted by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, reveals the number doesnt drop much among Christians. Of those surveyed who self-identify as evangelical, 80 percent say they have had sex. Eighty percent. So much for true love waits."
source
Alceste
Vagabond
Hypocrites. That sort of thing really irritates me. I've dated a couple serious Christians and the whole post-coital sin / guilt / shame "satan sent you to tempt me from the path of righteousness" thing is really tedious.
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Ah, premature ejaculators.
Alceste
Vagabond
Quiddity
UndertheInfluenceofGiants
Father Heathen
Veteran Member
Especially when such ''sins'' are irrational and unreasonable. Also, if they can't practice it, they have no business preaching it.
Matthew78
aspiring biblical scholar
Maija
Active Member
I think in this case, this worked way back then when people were marrying at younger ages, having a shorter "engagement" period too.
Our courtship habits have changed, looking for that 'perfect someone' takes a lot more investigation I suppose and there's a MUCH longer courtship period.
Our courtship habits have changed, looking for that 'perfect someone' takes a lot more investigation I suppose and there's a MUCH longer courtship period.