This is a journal thread so feel free to turn back.
Starting too many sentences with 'I' makes me feel self-absorbed, but here it is. I'm feeling so lonely lately. My friends on here have already felt the brunt on this, but no, I really do. Even on RF it seems most of my British and continental European peers are atheists or some form of 'spiritual but not religious' in a way with which I can't identify. It seems even talking about religion is taboo and causes folks' anger to rise, as for a lot of folks their dislike of religion seems to stem not from the ideology but the religious people and institutions themselves, and it just seems really hard to make people see beyond their hostile feelings and have an in-depth look at the religion itself on its own merits. This is an issue for me because my religion is my life; so I feel isolated and unheard; or worse, mocked and scorned. They say the best thing for religion is to 'keep it at home' - except this just isn't feasible for most seriously religious folks. It also seems to betray a hostile attitude towards religion in general; one of 'we don't want to hear or see it'. It's just too tiring for me to try to help people move past this a lot of the time.
This has also led to trouble finding a partner. I do like women, but to have one for a life partner seems wrong to me. It goes against my religious sensibilities, ultimately, and it feels incomplete. I need a bloke. Yet more women tend to be religious than men and there's no way I'm going for an atheist. I feel like I've lived up to my own expectations most of the time; I've not slept around, I've not strung people along (or if I have, I never meant to), I've not lied to folks about where I stand. It's no secret I talk about sex openly and have an appetite for it, but despite this I've kept myself in check out in the real world.
It's really depressing to me that I live on one of the most secular places (western Europe) on Earth. It means wherever I go 'locally' I'll face the same issues. I don't know what I'm meant to do at this point. Sometimes I wish I could just give up and join the ranks of atheists and be a part of my society, but I can't do that. I dislike the likes of the Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins cultists, too.
I don't know, maybe it is time to think of converting. It's better than jumping off a bridge.
The issue I have with it is that it makes me feel kicked out of my own culture; that my own people have said I'm not part of them. And Judaism makes conversion hard since it's a no-turning-back avenue. So it feels like I'm between a rock and hard place.
Starting too many sentences with 'I' makes me feel self-absorbed, but here it is. I'm feeling so lonely lately. My friends on here have already felt the brunt on this, but no, I really do. Even on RF it seems most of my British and continental European peers are atheists or some form of 'spiritual but not religious' in a way with which I can't identify. It seems even talking about religion is taboo and causes folks' anger to rise, as for a lot of folks their dislike of religion seems to stem not from the ideology but the religious people and institutions themselves, and it just seems really hard to make people see beyond their hostile feelings and have an in-depth look at the religion itself on its own merits. This is an issue for me because my religion is my life; so I feel isolated and unheard; or worse, mocked and scorned. They say the best thing for religion is to 'keep it at home' - except this just isn't feasible for most seriously religious folks. It also seems to betray a hostile attitude towards religion in general; one of 'we don't want to hear or see it'. It's just too tiring for me to try to help people move past this a lot of the time.
This has also led to trouble finding a partner. I do like women, but to have one for a life partner seems wrong to me. It goes against my religious sensibilities, ultimately, and it feels incomplete. I need a bloke. Yet more women tend to be religious than men and there's no way I'm going for an atheist. I feel like I've lived up to my own expectations most of the time; I've not slept around, I've not strung people along (or if I have, I never meant to), I've not lied to folks about where I stand. It's no secret I talk about sex openly and have an appetite for it, but despite this I've kept myself in check out in the real world.
It's really depressing to me that I live on one of the most secular places (western Europe) on Earth. It means wherever I go 'locally' I'll face the same issues. I don't know what I'm meant to do at this point. Sometimes I wish I could just give up and join the ranks of atheists and be a part of my society, but I can't do that. I dislike the likes of the Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins cultists, too.
I don't know, maybe it is time to think of converting. It's better than jumping off a bridge.
The issue I have with it is that it makes me feel kicked out of my own culture; that my own people have said I'm not part of them. And Judaism makes conversion hard since it's a no-turning-back avenue. So it feels like I'm between a rock and hard place.
Last edited: