This thread is broken. It conflates "pedophile" with "child molester". It astounds me that it is so unfathomable to so many that someone can live a life "afflicted" (for lack of a better word) with these feelings, and never act out on them.
Imagine that there is someone among us who is struggling with these feelings. Imagine that this "someone" is distressed enough to believe that if they don't talk to someone, they may act out. Imagine that this "someone" reads this thread. Do you honestly believe that this "someone" would seek help for their feelings?
Remember: They haven't done anything yet.
What if they are right -- that without finding someone to talk to, they will act out -- and they decide to act out because Frankenstein will have "no empathy for them" and "what's-his-name" said "they should all be shot down like rabid dogs" and the OP juror has already convicted them of wrongdoing they have not committed, and is ready to lock them up and throw away the key for the "crime" of having feelings and the audacity to admit it to someone so that they can receive the help they believe they need.
Congratulations. Each of you have played your role in endangering the well-being of the children in that "someone's" environment. But each of you are so convinced of your righteous rightness, that you will never, ever accept this.
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I answered the phone one day. It was a woman on the other side of the line. As soon as I introduced myself, she said, "I touched my cousin." This phone I was manning was supposed to be a referral service for persons struggling with feelings for children; but it has evolved into a crisis line and as that is where the need seems to be, we evolved to try to meet that need. So the worst case scenario went through my head. I remained calm, however, and asked her, "What do you mean by 'I touched my cousin'?" As it turns out, she touched his shoulders and became highly aroused. She told me in graphic detail what she wanted to do to her cousin. It was neither appropriate nor moral. I told her, "I know you want to. I accept that. But right now, what I want you to do is to take a deep breathe and slow down. Just breathe and relax. These are only feelings; that is all they are. Your shame and your fear of these feelings are what is giving them so much power over you. Now. I know you want to make the right choice. If you didn't want to make the right choice, you wouldn't have called me. So you're not going to do that. Because you know, if you do, you will hurt your cousin and he will remember you the rest of his life with feelings of contempt. You will rip a tear in your family that will never, ever heal. You will harm yourself. You will destroy everything you love and you will lose everything you hold most dear. But none of this is going to happen; because you are a good person with a unique challenge, so let's stay on the line and talk for a while. Okay?" And we did. We chatted about the weather and current events; and when she was calm, we talked at length about placing safety measures into her life, at least for a while, until she could work this out. We talked about not being alone with children; that this time in her life, this was not a good idea for her. I referred her to websites where minor attracted persons who have been through her struggles would help her. I provided her referrals to the smattering of programs that are available. Perhaps I played my role in saving a child from being abused. Perhaps I played my role in saving a family from being ripped in two. Perhaps I saved the future of a woman who reached out to me in desperation and fear.
I answered the phone one day. It was a young voice. He was sobbing so hard that conversation was difficult. He told me he was 14. He told me he had feelings for children. He told me he was scared and disgusted and didn't want to live like this. He said, "I'm on the couch with my dad's gun. It's loaded. Before I do it, I gotta ask you a question. Bruh. Why should I live Bruh?" And It old him: "Because no one who is wiling to give their life to keep children safe would never, ever touch a child. You are not a slave to your feelings. You are stronger than your feelings." And when he was a little calmer, I did the only thing I could do for a minor in our position: I referred him to a forum based in England, started by a teenager, for teenagers, who struggle with these feelings. And when he hung up the phone, he was still breathing.
I have had two calls along the nature of someone who is infatuated with the bodies of children. I let them vent it out, relieve that pressure, experience the relief of being able to talk without being judge. Both times, I had difficulty focusing them away from the erotica a child stirs in them to the bigger picture. Both times, these persons told me that they took pleasure in searching for children in (in their perception) proactive dress. In these two scenarios, I had difficulty reaching them with the "whole person" a child truly is. In one case, I told them a story of a child who was once in my life; who was an amazing, perceptive child. And through her play and her perception, I described how this child brought joy to those around them; including those in distress. I concluded by telling him, "There is so much more to children than their aesthetics. So much more. So much, in fact, that the erotica they invoke in you is really unimportant." He was silent for almost a minute, and he said, "Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. I needed that." In the other case, I had difficulty getting through. So I told him: "You like looking at pictures of children? Okay. Let's try something. If this works, great; if it doesn't and makes things worse, stop and call me and we'll figure something else out. You have my permission to google images of children. But when you do, I want you to try these search words: *Children Laughing* *Children Playing* *Children Crying*; I want you to pay close attention to their eyes and their faces. I want you to imagine what those children must be feeling in that moment; and I want you to try to feel it to. Can you do that? Can you try that?" Maybe; maybe; my attempts helped them see children in a more well-rounded, complete light. Maybe I helped them un-objectify children; and humanize them.
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So I am going to leave you guys be to your hard talking, righteous indignation, while deluding yourselves into believing that you are doing something to stop childhood sexual abuse. Since the dawn of mankind, we have lashed out in hate and in fear towards these people. And it hasn't changed anything. It hasn't helped anything. So maybe it's time to try something different -- like separating the people in these calls from those who have crossed the line, and reaching out to them in support and compassion, helping them live harm-free lives; Maybe the sacrifice of having compassion for someone you hate is worth the price of saving a life, a child, a family. Or you can continue to drive them further down the rabbit hole and into silence in fear of you.
The choice is yours.
Good night.
You're just not going to get me to have "compassion" for people for like that..
