Is this what dating has come down to?

[Epic Beard Man]

The following video is an interesting analysis of the current dating era and an honest wake-up call for men to be more vigilant in regards to finding a life partner for themselves. In speaking of heterosexual relationships, I often find dating to be unequal. We still live in a society where we employ archaic courtship rituals where men do the chasing, women have the choice to accept or not. Men must have a car, women must be the passenger. Men must pay, the woman enjoys a free meal. After the date, the man bids her a goodnight where kissing is consensual as well as optional. In the following days, a woman has the option of "ghosting" the man or pursue another date, or friend zone him. I've never been a "red pill" guy or an MGTOW type of man either, but I can understand some of the resentment some men feel towards women when it comes to the inequality in courtship. I personally blame society for conditioning men and women this way into thinking this is acceptable. Social media has also exaggerated this phenomenon such as Tinder or Plenty of Fish as well as a host of other sites where people determine your worth based initially on looks. Swipe left to find them unattractive, and swipe right to find them attractive.

As someone who tried the online dating thing I've noticed if half the men put what they want the same way women did men would be considered narcissistic, a-holes. What do I mean by this? Well, for example when I was on one particular app, this woman was 43 years old, a Certified Nurses Assistant who had three kids. In her Bio, she wrote something to the effect of:

"I'm a CNA and mother of three looking for a man who is tall, fit, and is well off, has his own place and doesn't mind helping me with kids. I don't want any more kids but I do want a man that can help me with mine and support me."

I'm like really? You're 43 years old, three kids, looking for a "high-value man" and you're a CNA (no offense that isn't even a profession that pays well) but you have what it appears is this expectation of another adult to help you. Where is their father? Now if the roles were reversed nine times out of 10 women would reject him and most likely call him a loser. It would seem in the rules of dating women seem to get away with qualities that resemble a child and not a responsible adult but if a man does it he is "broke" "dusty" and "not a real man." At 39 years old, although I used to be optimistic, have become pessimistic of the dating pool. I've met far too many women recently that are mentally damaged from past relationships looking to date as a bandaid over an emotional gaping wound. Some have too much baggage and simply put the standards of dating at least where I live are unfair. A sad reality in all of this is if I had Jeff Bezos money in my checking account this wouldn't happen. For those of you who are single what do you think? Or those not single have you seen or even experienced something similar yourselves?

The following is the video I'm referencing:

 

[Shakeel]

One sided. Supposedly most people were raised by both a man and a woman, so both are to blame.

 

[ChristineM]

Now if the roles were reversed nine times out of 10 women would reject him and most likely call him a loser.

And 9 times out of 10, men will see this woman as a looser and reject her.

I've not played the dating game, but brother in law does, and from what he tells me much of what you write is factual. But it works both ways

My best friend has recently taken up online dating since her husband died a few years ago. And is disillusioned with the men advertising. It seems to here that there are very few honest men out there.

 

[Stevicus]

The following video is an interesting analysis of the current dating era and an honest wake-up call for men to be more vigilant in regards to finding a life partner for themselves. In speaking of heterosexual relationships, I often find dating to be unequal. We still live in a society where we employ archaic courtship rituals where men do the chasing, women have the choice to accept or not. Men must have a car, women must be the passenger. Men must pay, the woman enjoys a free meal. After the date, the man bids her a goodnight where kissing is consensual as well as optional. In the following days, a woman has the option of "ghosting" the man or pursue another date, or friend zone him. I've never been a "red pill" guy or an MGTOW type of man either, but I can understand some of the resentment some men feel towards women when it comes to the inequality in courtship. I personally blame society for conditioning men and women this way into thinking this is acceptable. Social media has also exaggerated this phenomenon such as Tinder or Plenty of Fish as well as a host of other sites where people determine your worth based initially on looks. Swipe left to find them unattractive, and swipe right to find them attractive.

As someone who tried the online dating thing I've noticed if half the men put what they want the same way women did men would be considered narcissistic, a-holes. What do I mean by this? Well, for example when I was on one particular app, this woman was 43 years old, a Certified Nurses Assistant who had three kids. In her Bio, she wrote something to the effect of:

"I'm a CNA and mother of three looking for a man who is tall, fit, and is well off, has his own place and doesn't mind helping me with kids. I don't want any more kids but I do want a man that can help me with mine and support me."

I'm like really? You're 43 years old, three kids, looking for a "high-value man" and you're a CNA (no offense that isn't even a profession that pays well) but you have what it appears is this expectation of another adult to help you. Where is their father? Now if the roles were reversed nine times out of 10 women would reject him and most likely call him a loser. It would seem in the rules of dating women seem to get away with qualities that resemble a child and not a responsible adult but if a man does it he is "broke" "dusty" and "not a real man." At 39 years old, although I used to be optimistic, have become pessimistic of the dating pool. I've met far too many women recently that are mentally damaged from past relationships looking to date as a bandaid over an emotional gaping wound. Some have too much baggage and simply put the standards of dating at least where I live are unfair. A sad reality in all of this is if I had Jeff Bezos money in my checking account this wouldn't happen. For those of you who are single what do you think? Or those not single have you seen or even experienced something similar yourselves?

The following is the video I'm referencing:

That was an interesting part at the end of the video where it showed an old clip from "The Dating Game" and it turned out they had a serial killer on there. I guess they don't screen their contestants as closely as one might presume.

But I agree that the whole online dating thing seems like a wasteland. I guess I'm more old school in that regard. Although I guess I was probably put off by the whole idea of marriage rather early in life when my parents got divorced. I've also known other people who have had failed marriages, and I always seemed to be around people who would say "don't get married, don't ever get married."

 

[Brickjectivity]

The following video is an interesting analysis of the current dating era and an honest wake-up call for men to be more vigilant in regards to finding a life partner for themselves. In speaking of heterosexual relationships, I often find dating to be unequal. We still live in a society where we employ archaic courtship rituals where men do the chasing, women have the choice to accept or not...

Good video. The first guy sued for 17$, and I think he overreacted. I understand that he felt cheated.

I think a date has less value to women then it does to men. I think a man can more quickly assess on a date whether he sees a future in the relationship.

I think men and women both judge each other. Its unfortunate, but it is a judge-judge process. Its a filtering process, very cold and ruthless. We try to be nice about it.

 

[stvdv]

Swipe left to find them unattractive

In her Bio, she wrote something to the effect of:

"I'm a CNA and mother of three looking for a man who is tall, fit, and is well off, has his own place and doesn't mind helping me with kids. I don't want any more kids but I do want a man that can help me with mine and support me."

In such cases, I would be glad there was a "swipe left" option, but I know that some men do the same (probably more men playing those games)

At least above mother is upfront, thereby making the choice easy/simple for me. Imagine you found out after a few dates of 17$31 or a divorce

I heard similar stories from women about egoistic men on dating apps. And I know one man who plays a different game, the women pay him (also for the sex), and he is quite busy with his "job". So, I know it goes both ways, not just women who play these games.

I wish you all the best. I hope you meet the right one soon, there are good ones out there. But better wait then be sorry with the wrong one, IMO

Notes:
I never used online dating. And when I was younger, dating was simple, for me at least, as compared to your video. The future of "dating" might become a disaster; esp. now with covid, making online dating probably the "new normal" (the only dating choice left with all the lock downs)

 

[Stevicus]

Good video. The first guy sued for 17$, and I think he overreacted. I understand that he felt cheated.

I guess she wasn't really interested in watching the movie "Guardian of the Galaxy." I haven't seen it myself.

I guess picking the wrong movie can be a disaster on a date. I remember the movie Taxi Driver where Travis takes Betsy to a pornographic movie. That didn't go well.

 

[stvdv]

I guess they don't screen their contestants as closely as one might presume.

But he looked nice, not the serial killer face, that I would expect. If all serial killers were looking that good, many women would be in trouble

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

After the date, the man bids her a goodnight where kissing is consensual as well as optional. In the following days, a woman has the option of "ghosting" the man or pursue another date, or friend zone him.

That's right: continuous consent of both parties is needed to start or continue a romantic relationship. This is not a problem.

 

[Stevicus]

But he looked nice, not the serial killer face, that I would expect. If all serial killers were looking that good, many women would be in trouble

Well, I guess some of them do look nice. I was reading about Ted Bundy, and many people described him as "charming." Even Charles Manson had a certain magnetism about him.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

And 9 times out of 10, men will see this woman as a looser and reject her.

I've not played the dating game, but brother in law does, and from what he tells me much of what you write is factual. But it works both ways

My best friend has recently taken up online dating since her husband died a few years ago. And is disillusioned with the men advertising. It seems to here that there are very few honest men out there.

I know that it's pretty common for people to misrepresent themselves in their dating profiles, but I can't understand what the point could be.

My wife told me about some of her online dating before we met; lots of guys would lie about their height... why? She's going to tell you were lying as soon as she sees you.

I dunno. Maybe there's some sort of appeal to an endless string of awkward first (and last) dates that I'm not seeing.

 

[A Vestigial Mote]

As someone who tried the online dating thing I've noticed if half the men put what they want the same way women did men would be considered narcissistic, a-holes. What do I mean by this? Well, for example when I was on one particular app, this woman was 43 years old, a Certified Nurses Assistant who had three kids. In her Bio, she wrote something to the effect of:

"I'm a CNA and mother of three looking for a man who is tall, fit, and is well off, has his own place and doesn't mind helping me with kids. I don't want any more kids but I do want a man that can help me with mine and support me.

What you're describing is basic hypocrisy/double-standards, and it does, indeed, happen. In the U.S. at least, a man's words directed toward a female target are very often looked upon much more poorly than a woman saying the same sorts of things about a male target. And yes, I admit that men can/do more often stray into a more sordid/perverted realm of thought/wording - but that is not the point. Women speaking about how attractive a man is are not judged anywhere nearly as harshly as a man speaking about the attractiveness of a woman - even if the words were a basic one-to-one correlation. I have seen this time after time, so often, and so obviously laying bare this difference. Even married women can say things about men they are not married to, and it is just something to giggle over. A man saying the same things about a woman he is not married to however? That guy is now a pariah. The media plays to this. Women in media will "ooh" and "aah" over some attractive male in some (apparently) "innocent" way, but when it is men talking about women, it is almost always lascivious/sexual/objectifying. I would be hard-pressed to find an example of a man saying something even nearly equivalent to the things they have women in media say quite often and easily. And even if it were 1-to-1 what women characters are made to say versus men, I guarantee most people would interpret the men's words as more sordid/distasteful than a woman's words of the same aspect.

Just picture, as a simple, trope-level example a grandmotherly figure saying something about a younger male figure like "Hoo boy... that lifeguard makes it feel 10 degrees hotter out here." And how everyone around them laughs and thinks it oh-so-endearing. And now think about the exact same scenario with the gender roles reversed. A grandfatherly figure saying the same thing about a young female lifeguard. No comparison. None. The difference is obvious and seems to be ingrained in our society(ies) - even if the words used are entirely equivalent.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

It works differently with men and women for sure. On dating sites, men might talk to 1-2 women a day. So they can't afford to say overly selective things in their profiles. When women say what they really want in their profiles, it's often to get messages from 40 men in a day instead of 80, and hopefully replies more suited to themselves. Even a transgender woman who isn't passable yet, like me, will get 20 men and 5 women messaging a day. When I presented as male, I got maybe 4 men and 2 women messaging a day. One time I posted up an ad on a site where people post free ads to talk, and it got Featured, and I got messages from like 80-100 men in one particular night. Many didn't seem worth responding to even if some were probably sincere and good people. But some did things like show me pictures of their arm tattoos in the first message, and I took it as if they didn't have better things to say, that I should maybe move on. To me, going out of your way to show people all your tattoos is something that kind of comes later.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

So yes, there are women, especially of the LGBT+ presenting type, that would rather talk to a person who presents as trans than one who presents as cis male. I've talked to them. Their explanation was that they were getting tired of what they viewed as "toxic masculinity" and had faith that I wouldn't be like that - which, in my opinion, I'm not.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

And I wasn't saying anyone in this thread subscribed to "toxic masculinity". What I'm saying is that so many men on these dating sites do, that women put up walls and will consider people guilty of it until they prove themselves innocent. If you can't do that, then you may not be able to build trust for these women in other ways, either. Sorry if this is harsh. But I'm just kind of posting how I see things since socially transitioning to female. How I'm starting to see the world from a more feminine perspective, and based on the messages I get on dating sites.

 

[ChristineM]

I know that it's pretty common for people to misrepresent themselves in their dating profiles, but I can't understand what the point could be.

My wife told me about some of her online dating before we met; lots of guys would lie about their height... why? She's going to tell you were lying as soon as she sees you.

I dunno. Maybe there's some sort of appeal to an endless string of awkward first (and last) dates that I'm not seeing.

yes thats what my friend has found, the guys always lie.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

I did have some other tips, just in general. It's that women can be a little cautious of men, so they're less likely to tell them exactly what they're looking for in a partner. There's a lot of beating around the bush, and it remains a mystery. Since I joined the other team (socially and hormonally starting to transition), I started getting filled in more on some of their ideas on what exactly they look for, even in cases where they saw me as a potential date.

Also, some may interpret some women as childish, but I much prefer the term "expressive". I think it's kind of a thing most men don't understand. But that's just what I think.

 

[Rival]

I found it's easier when you're not looking, even online.

 

[McBell]

As someone who tried the online dating thing I've noticed if half the men put what they want the same way women did men would be considered narcissistic, a-holes. What do I mean by this? Well, for example when I was on one particular app, this woman was 43 years old, a Certified Nurses Assistant who had three kids. In her Bio, she wrote something to the effect of:

"I'm a CNA and mother of three looking for a man who is tall, fit, and is well off, has his own place and doesn't mind helping me with kids. I don't want any more kids but I do want a man that can help me with mine and support me."

I'm like really? You're 43 years old, three kids, looking for a "high-value man" and you're a CNA (no offense that isn't even a profession that pays well) but you have what it appears is this expectation of another adult to help you. Where is their father? Now if the roles were reversed nine times out of 10 women would reject him and most likely call him a loser. It would seem in the rules of dating women seem to get away with qualities that resemble a child and not a responsible adult but if a man does it he is "broke" "dusty" and "not a real man."

Um...
So you are giving this lady crap because she is honest in her profile?
Seems rather, rude, does it not?

Looks to me as though she is tired of the crap and wants to settle down with someone.
Seems to me she is not pulling any punches.

She seems to me to be being up front and brutally honest so as not to have to waste her time.

And you here giving her crap?

 

[Twilight Hue]

And 9 times out of 10, men will see this woman as a looser and reject her.

I've not played the dating game, but brother in law does, and from what he tells me much of what you write is factual. But it works both ways

My best friend has recently taken up online dating since her husband died a few years ago. And is disillusioned with the men advertising. It seems to here that there are very few honest men out there.

I know it's just a stereotype, take it with a grain of salt, but it seems most men are looking for a roll in the hay and ditching them after, most women are seeking money, gifts, and a free meal ticket.