Is it okay to hit your children?

[Draka]

That was the point I was attempting to make earlier; and they are completely intolerant of anyone who wants to parent differently.

I am only "intolerant" of a parent that goes too far with physical discipline. A swat on the bottom or a tap of the hand is one thing...but letting it go further is really unnecessary.

 

[Darkdale]

If you mean by that, we are against violent conduct carried out on children, then you are at least correct in that assumption.

K

spanking = violence? What about holding their arm tightly so they don't walk into the street. That hurts. Is that wrong? Is that violence? :sarcastic Anyway, no one is offering any new arguments... so...

 

[constantine]

I have never hit my kids. My father spanked me once with a brush then I learnt my lesson. He used it as a threat that I payed close attention to and I would quickly fall in line.. He didnt have to hit me again because his loud angering voice was ,to me...a possible threat of getting the brush.

When I was 15 I told my mom to f off and he grabbed me by the throat and slammed me into the wall and punched me in the head a few times .
Two times in my life my father used physical discipline on me and I'm glad he did.. He earned my respect ,when he talked I did what I was told (most times)... I never talked back to my dad.
I think the worst thing is yelling. When you discipline a child you must reinforce it with understanding and assurance that we all make mistakes but must learn from them, so this is why disciplinary action must take place. I know how hard it is to reason with kids.Kids are proud of their accomplishments, so if they remember the lesson learned they should be aware of how proud their parents are of them.
They all need their space to be kids because the most important memmory to have as a kid is all the fun things you did.
I expect my children to be polite to people and behave in public,and to try their best in school and sports. I expect them to make stupid mistakes ,fight with each other and want to fit in with the other kids and be rebellious.
I have no problem if the wife smacks their butt and often times(i must admit) it gets frustrating raising children and I'll tell my wife to smack em.
I know I will not have a problem punching them in the head when they're teenagers like my dad did to me.
I can still remember the night 20 yrs ago.... My dad saying....... who you think you are boy....I'll f.n.beat the hell outta ya boy ... nobody talks to my wife like that ...you lil f.n. *******
and there's my mom screaming at my dad to stop.... stop hurting my baby... oh my poor baby....
Parents must earn their kids respect. A little smack on the butt may be a good way to earn it....
I might give it a try soon myself.....once... just once.... something they'll always remember and realize it actually made them a better person for it....it doesnt diminish them like insults do, and yelling criticisms ,only makes them feel worthless..
There's certainly not a fine line between physical discipline and child abuse. They are on the opposite sides of the spectrum.

The short version is yes.. its ok to spank, its better than yelling insults like alot of parents including myself must discipline themselves to refrain from.....

 

[Jaymes]

Anyway, no one is offering any new arguments... so...

Maybe you missed my last post?

 

[Flappycat]

PC not to use corporal discipline? People are so hung up on distorting words into terms of abuse, these days, that they've forgotten what words like "politically correct" and "liberal" actually mean, and it's gotten pretty tiresome.

Political correctness refers strictly to language, specifically language that is intended to avoid offending racial minorities. People have gotten so obsessed with taking every chance they get to use it pejoratively that they've forgotten exactly why an obsession with politically correct language is idiotic. Disagreeing with corporal punishment has nothing to do with political correctness, and attempting to tie such things together is a willfully mendacious use of rhetoric. Learn how to participate in a real debate, wimps.

Also, I don't want one more member this forum to use the word "liberal" as a general pejorative. A pejorative is a pejorative, no matter what the original meaning of the word is. Such behavior should not be tolerated on a respectable forum and should be censured by fellow posters and the moderation. Ignorantly tossing insults at one another is not debate. I will begin to report such abusive behavior because it has grown very tiresome.

 

[Kowalski]

And that's worrying, you can't see a problem, well some folks can. Spanking, whatever, is aggression and it teaches aggression is acceptable. It's a cycle that has to broken.

Cheers

K

 

[Darkdale]

I am only "intolerant" of a parent that goes too far with physical discipline. A swat on the bottom or a tap of the hand is one thing...but letting it go further is really unnecessary.

Well what do you think we are talking about here? Anything that leaves a mark or a bruise is too far... but that isn't what we are talking about. "Spankings" don't leave marks, child abuse does.

 

[Aqualung]

I am only "intolerant" of a parent that goes too far with physical discipline. A swat on the bottom or a tap of the hand is one thing...but letting it go further is really unnecessary.

I'm definitely intolerant of physical abuse. But I don't think it's abuse to make physical punishment you main way, as long as you do it correctly. Like you could hit a kid and not tell him why, just do it out of the blue. that would be abuse. but you could hit your kid and say, Do you know why I hit you? because this, this, and this. It's the same as sending him to his room and saying do you know why you got a time out? because of this, this, and this.

 

[Kowalski]

Our point is that talking to children and treating them as equals is the way forward. And as you have already pointed out, the position of all the participants in this thread is clearly entrenched, then I think the time is right to leave the issue. Any further discussion is becoming rather circular and going nowhere.

Cheers

K

 

[constantine]

Right. So there is no point is using violence since violence might tend to scare kids into doing what they should. It's better policy to rule through intelligence rather than fear.

we all must learn the fears our parents have for us ...we must learn the fear for our survival.
Its mans first instinct. It comes to some easier then others..some have lost it by being coddled and spoiled...

 

[Flappycat]

And that's worrying, you can't see a problem, well some folks can. Spanking, whatever, is aggression and it teaches aggression is acceptable. It's a cycle that has to broken.

Cheers

K

Well, it basically comes down to "monkey see, monkey do." If you demonstrate use of aggression or force to prevent someone from causing harm to oneself or others, there's a pretty good chance of it being parroted on the playground. If you apply aggression or force as a universal problem solver or a way to establish dominance, this is exactly the behavior that will be repeated on the playground. However, in some cases, its capacity for enforcing conditioning can be important, and it's up to one's individual judgement when and where it should be used. It absolutely should not be a main tool of discipline if you want my opinion.

 

[constantine]

Our point is that talking to children and treating them as equals is the way forward. And as you have already pointed out, the position of all the participants in this thread is clearly entrenched, then I think the time is right to leave the issue. Any further discussion is becoming rather circular and going nowhere.

Cheers

K

bringing kids up to the parents level by reasoning and lecturing doesnt impact the child.
taking away the many priviledges kids have today does work for a long term action but not short term.
Short term discipline is simply the 5 minute time out thats so popular with nanny 911, and routine which I think is the most inportant thing because behavoiur is routine also. Its being proactive.
Teach the lessons before the mistakes are made.
Good luck, it sure aint easy but it is possible unlike trying to treat kids as equals.
from 2 to 18 they are children learning or adults dealing (learning the hard way) with lifes consequences..

 

[turk179]

Can't a person have both?

Sure a person can have both. And in the long run it is probably best to keep an open mind to everyones opinions.

Just so the pro-spankers don't think us anti-spankers are not citing anything from experts in their fields, here are a few things I have found in the ocean of spanking pros and cons on the internet.

Murray A. Straus a professor of sociology and co-director of the Family Research Laboratory states that seventy percent of child abuse cases begin as spanking. Spanking hinders the development of empathy remorse or compassion. The child focuses on the pain, rather than the effect of his or her own behavior on others. Corporal punishment, used at the toddler age, can reduce the degree to which children develop a conscience.

Some more citings.
The more parents spanked children for antisocial behavior, the more the antisocial behavior increased (Straus, Sugarman, & Giles-Sims, 1997.)

The more children are hit, the more likely they are to hit others including peers and siblings and, as adults, they are more likely to hit their spouses (Straus and Gelles, 1990; Wolfe, 1987.)

Analysis of 88 corporal punishment studies over six decades by Dr. Elizabeth Gershoff (2002) showed that spanking was associated with l0 negative behaviors.

A new study shows that disciplining children by spanking puts youngsters at risk for becoming aggressive, antisocial, and chronically defiant.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn?pagename=article&contentId=A44875-2002Jun25&notFound=true

Just some of the things that makes me have the opinions that I do. I do not look down on anyone that spanks their children, it is just not the way I choose to discipline children.