I hate my father

[Druidus]

What am I supposed to do?!?!?! My dad steps into my room because I wanted to show him something. He notices a plate on the floor, and a couple glasses. I bring them back, and by that time, he's noticed another glass. Now, my room was not very dirty at all. Just a plate and a few glasses. But this launches into a tirade in which he accuses me of having no aspirations. He says I'm sh**, my life is sh** and what I do is sh**. I'll admit, maybe I don't concentrate fully on "school" during conventional hours, but I still get my work done, and I'm working on a schedule to show him when I'll be ready for testing. I don't think what he did was justified. Now I sit here practically in tears... I just wish this wouldn't happen, as it happens far too often nowadays.

 

[Rex]

I know how you feel, I am sure alot of us do. We were all there at one time. Parents for the most part try to do what they can to "help you" sometimes to us it feels bad but just keep in mind he is not doing it to intentionally hurt you.

18 comes quick. Then you won't have to put up with it anymore.

 

[Druidus]

All I want most in the entire world is to be accepted by my dad. That's all I want, but there's always something wrong with me. Always. I'm never good enough. I get a 92% on a test; "but you could get 100% if you tried". I can't begin to explain what my life is like right now! I sometimes just want to give up.

 

[Bastet]

Sounds to me like your dad is the one with a problem, not you. It's not that you're not good enough, but he's got issues of his own that he's projecting on to you. What was his relationship with his father like, do you know? I don't have much advice really, just keep your chin up mate, and don't give up!

 

[Druidus]

He's always going on about how he had it so hard growing up, and stuff like that. Like how he always had his room clean, (if he didn't have his bed made, his father chucked the mattress into the basement and he had to bring it up). He makes it seem like he was a slave and had to keep the house clean on his own (which I know he didn't, he had 5 siblings). I can't stand him anymore. Of course he had it harder, but they were different times. it's easier now, because the average ease is up.

 

[Lightkeeper]

Keep on keepin on Druidus. If you don't he wins. Just do your best. Someday you will realize that the only approval you need is your own.Dad's try to push their sons to excel.

 

[Feathers in Hair]

*hugs* I'm sending out some positive energy to you, Druidus. (And if that fails, you're always welcome in Iowa.) We're here for you. (And if he does *anything* that comes close to abuse- and this involves verbal or mental- be sure to either let the authorities know.)

 

[Druidus]

(And if he does *anything* that comes close to abuse- and this involves verbal or mental- be sure to either let the authorities know.)

Despite the title of the thread, I love him to much to do that.

 

[Scott1]

Druidus,

As a father of two children myself, it killed me to read your post..... my prayers to you and your father.

I gotta tell ya, it sounds like your father and my mother might be long lost cousins or something! I went through the same thing and came away with a couple of insights:

Parents are just big kids. It's a tough job to be a parent, and like anything else in life, some people do well, and some........... not. My oldest daughter is 10 and I still feel like a scared child sometimes and wonder how my father (who was/is a saint) kept it together...... what I am trying to say (poorly) is that I know it's tough because it's your Dad, but try to understand that life is difficult and try not to hate him because it seems to be getting the best of him at the moment.

Finally, the horrible way that my mother related to me as a teenager has greatly helped me be a better parent. I was shown by the best teacher in the world what NOT to do and how NOT to act. I tell my kids EVERY day that I love them, might not sound like a big deal to some, but that word was used twice (as I remember it) growing up and one of the times "....them Bears" followed the word love.

Hang in there. Rex is right.... 18 comes quickly and you can do whatever you want (God willing)...... I sure did. I graduated from High School on June 10th, 1989 and left for Basic Training on the 11th!!! "Get me the F*** outa here!"........... sorry for being off color, but I gotta tell ya, getting out of there felt great...... you have a long life ahead of you, so keep on plugging along.

Scott

 

[Rex]

I hear yah Scott. I graduated May 11 and was out a week later.

 

[painted wolf]

perhaps in time...when you've both had some time away from one another, you will find your common ground. My fiance went through a very similer thing when he was your age and moved out propmtly when he graduated high-school. Now several years older and wiser, (on both thier parts) they find that they get allong much better.

I wish you the best of luck and will send my prayers and a few offerings your way.

wa:do

 

[Ceridwen018]

Oh Druidus! You need a pow wow, boyo. The first advice I would give to you is to start living for yourself. Do things because you feel motivated to do them, not because you think they will please your father. You're absolutely right when you say that no matter what you do, you can't please him. That's pretty much a losing battle that will just trap you in a cycle of depression and frustration. Also, it's your life not his. You have to live with it, he doesn't. If you constantly allow him to get to you and control you like that, (it is a form of control, I think), then your future will involve a crabby old man in an armchair telling you how you're raising your kids all wrong.

I used to be obsessed with what my mom thought of me. Everything I did I looked for her approval in and never got it. She was never proud of me or encouraging of me--she just always expected more. Last year I finally just said 'screw this crap, I'm not dealing with this anymore.' She still nags at me of course, but it doesn't bother me anymore--I just tune her out.

I'm 17 myself, and can't wait for college. I'm not going to go to school in Ohio or any bordering state, I can tell you that right now. I'm not going to be one of those sappy homesick girls who calls home everyday, or even every week to tell you the truth. In the wise words of Scott, I'm getting the f*** outta here!

Finally, the horrible way that my mother related to me as a teenager has greatly helped me be a better parent. I was shown by the best teacher in the world what NOT to do and how NOT to act. I tell my kids EVERY day that I love them, might not sound like a big deal to some, but that word was used twice (as I remember it) growing up and one of the times "....them Bears" followed the word love.

I can relate a little to this I think, Scott. I keep a journal, and there's a lot of stuff written in there about my parents and how I interact with them and my thoughts on the ordeal. Of course when I'm writing, it's because I'm upset by something that happened, but I was thinking the other day how when I get married and have kids, I'll be able to look back and remember what it was like.

 

[Mr Spinkles]

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
-- Mark Twain

 

[Ardhanariswar]

"
I can relate a little to this I think, Scott. I keep a journal, and there's a lot of stuff written in there about my parents and how I interact with them and my thoughts on the ordeal. Of course when I'm writing, it's because I'm upset by something that happened, but I was thinking the other day how when I get married and have kids, I'll be able to look back and remember what it was like."

i kept a journal too. i still have it after four years. it brought soo much trouble on me. oh well.
ya
i dont like my dad either. i dont hate him, he is who he is, i accept that, but we have conflicting personalities and character. hes very childish, he was a very spoiled child when he grew up. he also smokes and i cant stand smokers, its disgusting and unheathy and its ruining the body which is God's gift to us, we should not defile it. i will not let him enter my room, cuz smoke travels with him, its disgusting!. ya im very outspoken and stubborn. pfft. im still a teen though. maybe this will pass. maybe not.

ya, its pretty good that you got a 94. i never get anything in the 90s now, sigh. thats how much i suck at school and life. lol. i have no memory power whatsoever. thats what mostly tests and quizes are, short term memory. and after the test, its gone. it defeats the whole purpose of learning. ya. ill shut up now.