How Would You Help Someone Deal with Loss?

[Debater Slayer]

If you wanted to console someone who had lost a loved one or a close friend, what would you say or do? What (if anything), in your opinion, could you try to do to mitigate their pain as much as possible?

Do you believe that sometimes knowing specific things before losing someone could later help in coping with the loss?

 

[mikkel_the_dane]

If you wanted to console someone who had lost a loved one or a close friend, what would you say or do? What (if anything), in your opinion, could you try to do to mitigate their pain as much as possible?

Do you believe that sometimes knowing specific things before losing someone could later help in coping with the loss?

I wouldn't do that personally, because I am not cut out for that.
In general according to psychology there are phases and people, who don't complete all phases and get stuck in one phase.
But read up on it and decide if you can do that. If not, just listen and try not to tell them what they ought to do. If you feel, you have to be active, ask open questions as relevant. IMHO as one who maybe gets the basics.

 

[Twilight Hue]

If you wanted to console someone who had lost a loved one or a close friend, what would you say or do? What (if anything), in your opinion, could you try to do to mitigate their pain as much as possible?

Do you believe that sometimes knowing specific things before losing someone could later help in coping with the loss?

I'd just say one has only lost form, and is missed, but can rest easy enough with the fact that one's loved one is never actually destroyed as all that ever happens is a rearranging of atoms and energy that will always be with you no matter what. Your loved one will never actually go away.

No loved one is really gone in the grand picture. They will always be there, eternal and forever rearranging and changing as ourselves are, so I can always have a conversation anytime I want.

It's why I talk to the universe. Knowing they are still around engaged with the rising and falling of form.

One day who knows, you will meet those atoms again in some fashion and the comfort that life and death are the same continuation and nothing really ever lives and dies.

 

[Estro Felino]

I wouldn't do that personally, because I am not cut out for that.
In general according to psychology there are phases and people, who don't complete all phases and get stuck in one phase.
But read up on it and decide if you can do that. If not, just listen and try not to tell them what they ought to do. If you feel, you have to be active, ask open questions as relevant. IMHO as one who maybe gets the basics.

I fully agree.

 

[ChristineM]

If you wanted to console someone who had lost a loved one or a close friend, what would you say or do? What (if anything), in your opinion, could you try to do to mitigate their pain as much as possible?

Do you believe that sometimes knowing specific things before losing someone could later help in coping with the loss?

I am not sure anything can mitigate the pain of losing a loved one. What i can do is let them know i am here to help in any way i can

 

[Brickjectivity]

If you wanted to console someone who had lost a loved one or a close friend, what would you say or do? What (if anything), in your opinion, could you try to do to mitigate their pain as much as possible?

Do you believe that sometimes knowing specific things before losing someone could later help in coping with the loss?

That depends, but you don't pretend that the death did not occur. Your goal is to help them get back to doing things they normally do. Get them to eat. Get them to do things. If they need time give them time, but just try to get them moving.

You can gently ask questions such as how well they knew the deceased and get them talking about the person, but it should end on a positive note if possible. If possible you want to get them speaking positively and remembering positive associations, but its not about talking. They may also have some negative memories and regrets, so you may not be able to end conversations on a positive note. Actions however are healers. Try to get them doing things. You're trying to get them living. You can't bring back or replace what they have lost, but motion and employment are things you can help with.

Perhaps you can do something for them at first, such as take out the trash; but you shouldn't do that for too long. They must begin to take out their own trash or whatever chores they normally do. If they have a job they should go back to their job. If school they should go back to school. Hopefully they have a social life, and they should go back to that.

 

[danieldemol]

I'd probably just be like his/her struggles are over now, or if they lead a good life id be like he/she led a good life.

In my opinion

 

[rocala]

I was far from home on a residential course when my sister died. I knew she was ill but had not realized how serious it was.

I had told two or three people there, that she was ill, one of them was quite close by when I got the call. He seemed to know what it was. He just walked over and hugged me. We were in the open, walking back from lunch. I went back to our accommodation to make plans to get home and a little later our teacher came by, just walked in, and held me.

Word had got around, and a little later a friendly neighbor saw me sitting outside. She just sat down and held my hand.

Nothing really was said, it was just their presence, their concern, and knowing that they were there for me that was so important and so very moving.

Just be there, just care.

 

[exchemist]

If you wanted to console someone who had lost a loved one or a close friend, what would you say or do? What (if anything), in your opinion, could you try to do to mitigate their pain as much as possible?

Do you believe that sometimes knowing specific things before losing someone could later help in coping with the loss?

@mikkel_the_dane makes a lot of good points, I think.

Speaking from my own experience, there are times when you want to talk about the person who has died and there are times when you just want help to keep life continuing as normally as possible. It's helpful if those around you are sensitive to which mode you are in and adapt accordingly.

The time when you need most support is generally AFTER the funeral. When it's all done, and everyone has gone, it's just you and the void left by the missing person can be particularly glaring.

Another thing is physical contact. After my wife's death, I returned, after a few weeks, to the church choir. People were kind and said the usual things but there was one singer who was a nurse. She said nothing but came and held me tight in an embrace for a while. It's something I've never forgotten. Particularly if you are a man, in an Anglo-Saxon society, hugs can be few and far between when your partner has gone.

 

[Kenny]

If you wanted to console someone who had lost a loved one or a close friend, what would you say or do? What (if anything), in your opinion, could you try to do to mitigate their pain as much as possible?

Do you believe that sometimes knowing specific things before losing someone could later help in coping with the loss?

I personally don't think it is a "one size fits all" question when I do "celebrations of life".

There are little things that help and then big things.

Probably the first question I would ask is what faith or religion is that person of since that would most likely have the greatest benefit to help them through it.

But even just being there and not saying a word can help. Bringing a plate of food, a phone call of support.

Probably the worst question would be "How are you doing?" since that is the one question that a hundred people ask and is most likely redundant like a person bleeding and being asked "Are you hurt"?

There is also a 3 series book that is I give over time the helps them walk through it.

 

[VoidCat]

I tell them I've lost folk due to death and tragedy so I know what that feels like. I listen to them. As @KenS said there's no one size fits all. For me it helps I used to worship a death deity so I understand the impermance of everything. Part of my worship was understanding everything I can regarding death. How life decays, how many folk view it, it's neccessity. Death to me is just a fact of life something to accept rather then ignore. Sad yes tho there are some positives to the fact nothing lasts but it's another fact of life. For someone else doing everything they can to understand death might not help so much but for me it did help a lot.

One thing I do feel is American culture doesn't give you time to accept death and to properly grieve something that is needed to move on. Instead we do everything we can to ignore it.

 

[Hermit Philosopher]

If you wanted to console someone who had lost a loved one or a close friend, what would you say or do? What (if anything), in your opinion, could you try to do to mitigate their pain as much as possible?

Do you believe that sometimes knowing specific things before losing someone could later help in coping with the loss?

In this day and age, I’d create a safe-place for them to come and grieve in whichever manner they felt they need to.

Grief, contrary to what parts of our culture attempts to imply to us, is not an illness to overcome - it is a morphing process that for many, takes much time. But it is time that we must have and that we owe ourselves and each other.

Trying to skip or rush through grief, to “get on with our lives” - as if that grief was not to be part of the life we shall now have - is twice as burdensome, than actually stopping the carousel and getting off it - for however long it takes for one to find a way to weave one’s grief into one’s life in a constructive manner.

As friends we are there, not to speak, but to listen free of judgement; through out every different phase of our fellow’s grieving process.


Humbly
Hermit

 

[Fool]

If you wanted to console someone who had lost a loved one or a close friend, what would you say or do? What (if anything), in your opinion, could you try to do to mitigate their pain as much as possible?

Do you believe that sometimes knowing specific things before losing someone could later help in coping with the loss?

I would hug them.

 

[Father Heathen]

Offer sympathy and support, but try to avoid conveying such in cliche platitudes.

 

[Yerda]

If you wanted to console someone who had lost a loved one or a close friend, what would you say or do? What (if anything), in your opinion, could you try to do to mitigate their pain as much as possible?

Do you believe that sometimes knowing specific things before losing someone could later help in coping with the loss?

Just try to be around if they need you.

 

[sun rise]

RF offers profound wisdom

 

[Orbit]

Just let them know you're there for them. Hang out. Listen. Just be a friend.

 

[Nakosis]

If you wanted to console someone who had lost a loved one or a close friend, what would you say or do? What (if anything), in your opinion, could you try to do to mitigate their pain as much as possible?

Do you believe that sometimes knowing specific things before losing someone could later help in coping with the loss?

Distract them.
Talk about the person or object from past happier times.

I find people are usually stuck in one particular moment in time. Got to get their focus onto a different moment.
When my kids are sad, I take them for a walk and point out anything, trees, birds, cars passing by. Take their focus off of the moment that is causing them pain.

 

[paradox]

If you wanted to console someone who had lost a loved one or a close friend, what would you say or do? What (if anything), in your opinion, could you try to do to mitigate their pain as much as possible?

Do you believe that sometimes knowing specific things before losing someone could later help in coping with the loss?

What do we say to a child who lost his grandpa or grandma?

ex. Your grandpa was a good man and God asked him to go to heaven.
of course same approach for grown up person may be incorrect but I would not exclude God's will.
the only issue is if the person is not a believer, but I would not exclude God regardless because even if not understood by him\her you can always support God based on your own belief.

 

[Aštra’el]