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How to not worry about People's Opinion of you
- Thread starter Psalm23
- Start date
Worrying is probably among the most unproductive emotions humans have. All it accomplishes is suffering. It has no impact on the outcome of any situation. So worrying, for me, is a waste of time and is off the table.
Others' opinions about you is about them, not about you. People judge others based on both societal standards and their own. Many of these personal standards are a product of self-judgment...people will find fault others for things they dislike about themselves.
People will judge me, and I accept that. It's what people do...it's in their nature. They will either like me or not. If someone doesn't like me for who I am, or if they expect me to change to have a favorable opinion of me, they're simply not worth having in my life.
Others' opinions about you is about them, not about you. People judge others based on both societal standards and their own. Many of these personal standards are a product of self-judgment...people will find fault others for things they dislike about themselves.
People will judge me, and I accept that. It's what people do...it's in their nature. They will either like me or not. If someone doesn't like me for who I am, or if they expect me to change to have a favorable opinion of me, they're simply not worth having in my life.
Just don't think about it, chances are they are not thinking what you think they are thinking.
PoetPhilosopher
Veteran Member
I tell myself that some people judge, and some people don't. But that not to be too harsh a critic on myself, because others likely aren't judging me to the same level I am when I'm my own harshest critic.
I also tell myself that even if I act goofy in social settings, it won't necessarily make people dislike me. Because that has been my experience that it doesn't.
There really is no way to effectively help you without knowing you. Anxiety is real and can affect your life negatively. If this is happening a few sessions with a real therapist would be best
dybmh
דניאל יוסף בן מאיר הירש
There are 2 techniques I can offer:
1) The intuitive approach: acknowledge that no one else is dwelling on your words and actions in the manner which you think. In fact, for most whom are encountered on a day to day basis, your words and actions come and go with each passing moment. Most people, I hate to say it, are self-absorbed in their own thoughts, words, and actions. They're not thinking about what you say and do to the point where it justifies worrying.
2) The counter intuitive approach: go ahead and think about it. Force yourself to think about all of the potential negative implications of your words and actions in great detail. Don't stop until every word and action has been analyzed, teased out. Sooner or later ( probably sooner ), the mind will become exhausted and simply stop worrying. This counter intuitive approach is useful for people whose natural inclination is to try to stop themselves from worrying, but can't. Instead of trying to stop, which is producing the inverse of the desired effect, go ahead and indulge it. Encourage it. Amplify it, and let it run its course, then see if there's any relief.
I don't know if this will help or make things more confusing but here goes!!!!
People are notoriously bad at reading expressions on other's faces. When around other people focus consistently upon being pleased with yourself and looking pleased with yourself -- whatever it takes. If your shoes hurt, pretend they feel great and quietly take a seat. If you feel exhausted look energetic and go into hiding to rest away from other people.
Maybe it feels like people will understand and feel empathy when you look anxious or sad, but they usually won't. Instead they will be confused, because they will think its about them. Somehow they will worry its about themselves. There are exceptions like bursting out into tears, but generally speaking people get confused by a blank look or a negative or worried look. That kind of confusion works against you, because you have no control over what meaning they will guess. Did your dog die or do you hate them? Did you find out one of their dark secrets? People worry about that. They worry you will know about their foibles and sins, and the wrong look will alarm certain people.
I have gotten into so much trouble for looking either anxious or sad, because rather than anxiety and sadness people thought I was judgmental, angry, concerned or pensive. Most people are a tiny bit paranoid like that, and they almost cannot help it. Some are smarter than others, but people think its all about them. I have encountered people who nearly thought I was a mind reader. They assumed the very worst, and I never said diddly or knew anything about them. All it took was a look: a confusing look. I must look wiser than Gandalf, because this happens to me.
Conversely if you look pleased with yourself people will subconsciously think its about them. You like them. You don't know their secrets. You trust them. You want them to hang with you. You'll seem either approachable or unimportant. Either of those is better than unapproachable, discerning or judgy.
Keep your face looking like you love yourself and are proud.
InChrist
Free4ever
I am naturally a worrier and deal with anxiety. What had helped me most over the years has been prayer for God’s peace and caring more about what Jesus thinks, rather than people. I’ve noticed my thoughts remain calmer with that perspective. Plus, I end up able to show more love and concern for others instead of thinking so much about what others think of me.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
Wandering Monk
Well-Known Member
Get older.
Rational Agnostic
Well-Known Member
Generally trying to suppress worry and anxiety only makes it worse, so I wouldn't approach the situation from the perspective of trying to actively reduce worry. Instead, ask yourself why the worry and anxiety matters, and why it should stop you from doing what you want to do. Worry and anxiety are meaningless--they're just feelings, thoughts, and sensations that appear in your conscious experience, and should have no more power over your actions than physical pain--less in fact, because they are easier to ignore than physical pain once you realize they are meaningless and don't need to have any impact on your life. Your feelings only have the power that you decide to give them, and how much power you decide to give them is entirely your choice.
Psalm23
Well-Known Member
Absolutely. I noticed at work yesterday when I had a cheerful disposition and humble attitude, a bunch of customers came to me for help. I am honored to be of service to God, my customers my managers , and my fellow co-workers in my department and any I may have helped.I don't know if this will help or make things more confusing but here goes!!!!
People are notoriously bad at reading expressions on other's faces. When around other people focus consistently upon being pleased with yourself and looking pleased with yourself -- whatever it takes. If your shoes hurt, pretend they feel great and quietly take a seat. If you feel exhausted look energetic and go into hiding to rest away from other people.
Maybe it feels like people will understand and feel empathy when you look anxious or sad, but they usually won't. Instead they will be confused, because they will think its about them. Somehow they will worry its about themselves. There are exceptions like bursting out into tears, but generally speaking people get confused by a blank look or a negative or worried look. That kind of confusion works against you, because you have no control over what meaning they will guess. Did your dog die or do you hate them? Did you find out one of their dark secrets? People worry about that. They worry you will know about their foibles and sins, and the wrong look will alarm certain people.
I have gotten into so much trouble for looking either anxious or sad, because rather than anxiety and sadness people thought I was judgmental, angry, concerned or pensive. Most people are a tiny bit paranoid like that, and they almost cannot help it. Some are smarter than others, but people think its all about them. I have encountered people who nearly thought I was a mind reader. They assumed the very worst, and I never said diddly or knew anything about them. All it took was a look: a confusing look. I must look wiser than Gandalf, because this happens to me.
Conversely if you look pleased with yourself people will subconsciously think its about them. You like them. You don't know their secrets. You trust them. You want them to hang with you. You'll seem either approachable or unimportant. Either of those is better than unapproachable, discerning or judgy.
Keep your face looking like you love yourself and are proud.
Psalm23
Well-Known Member
Psalm23
Well-Known Member
Absolutely! Thank you so much!
Psalm23
Well-Known Member
Amen! Thank you!
100%
Also @Psalm23 it is reasonable and logical to feel anxious. People are scary. I think never feeling anxious would be abnormal. Be cognizant of how you feel, so that you can take note of the reactions in your body and in your thoughts. Think back and try to notice every detail: did you feel chilly/hot/sweaty. Did it affect your ability to think, to talk or what? That way you know what will happen next and may be able to do something about it.
Ignatius A
Active Member
I might suggest your seeking advice about the wrong thing here. First I don't think it's possible to not worry about how other people see you or what they think about you. That's just human nature. The real issue as I see it is can we control how people see us and what they think about us? Sometimes we think we can but that is an illusion. What I mean is you could give someone $100 and they might see you in a very positive way but is that because of you or the $100? I'd say we dont control how others see us so I can't worry about what I don't control.
What I control is how I behave with and speak to people but not how they receive either. Do I worry what they think? Yes but I can only do what I do and the people who think well of me for being me are the people I focus on.
Of course we all care to some degree what people think of us. The closer they are, probably, the more it is important to us.
I heard one pastor say that God told him two things:
- Don’t read the good things that people write about you because it will go to your head
- Don’t read the bad things that people write about you because it will pull you down
That being said, the more I understand what God thinks of me, the less importance is given to what other people say in how it impacts me.
Order… God first
My wife second
My family third.
If those three are good… pretty much I’m good.
After that, if people speak about me that I know doesn’t represent who I am… just do my best to give it to the Lord, pray for them and show them some love.
The bad feeling doesn’t last very long.
Unfettered
A striving disciple of Jesus Christ
I would offer that each one of us should expect to be judged, hated, etc., because we're interacting with imperfect people. If we expect negative feedback, it will be less likely that we'll be crippled by it. And it always comes.
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Yerda
Veteran Member
Other people are bonkers. When you know this it gets easier to not worry what they think.
Secret Chief
nirvana is samsara
^^^^
This.