How to get thicker skin?

[Euronymous]

Not literally, but how does a person become tougher and not get his/her feelings hurt so easily?

Any suggestions?

 

[Buddha Dharma]

I am not sure it would be good to thicken one's skin beyond what life causes. Whenever I think about the flaws in humanity today- one of the first that come to mind is feeling seen as weakness. One can drown out their humanity.

 

[Jesster]

Have your feelings hurt a lot. Then let them be hurt some more. Eventually they will wear away and thicker skin will grow in over them. Eventually you won't be able to find your feelings anymore. I'm still only part-way there.

 

[Twilight Hue]

Not literally, but how does a person become tougher and not get his/her feelings hurt so easily?

Any suggestions?

Get a trucking job. ;0)

 

[Geoff-Allen]

Interesting thread!

This may help -

http://www.wiseattention.org/blog/2012/09/15/responding-to-praise-and-blame/

All the best!

 

[Skwim]

Ask yourself why you're caring so much what others think or say. Often the feelings-hurt thing comes from conferring the opinions of others with an importance they don't deserve. Unless you have very good reason to respect someone's opinion on a particular subject, don't give it any more value than it deserves. Even people whom you respect can be wrong on a lot of issues, so choose carefully where you invest your trust. If anyone criticizes you, coldly ask yourself why you should care what they think. If nothing comes to mind then dismiss it as just one more opinion in the universe you don't have to pay attention to. Smile in your new self-absurdness and mentally walk away from what is said.

.

 

[Axe Elf]

Ask yourself why you're caring so much what others think or say. Often the feelings-hurt thing comes from conferring the opinions of others with an importance they don't deserve. Unless you have very good reason to respect someone's opinion on a particular subject, don't give it any more value than it deserves. Even people whom you respect can be wrong on a lot of issues, so choose carefully where you invest your trust. If anyone criticizes you, coldly ask yourself why you should care what they think. If nothing comes to mind then dismiss it as just one more opinion in the universe you don't have to pay attention to. Smile in your new self-absurdness and mentally walk away from what is said. .

I was going to say merely, "self-esteem," but this is related, if not as concise.

 

[Revoltingest]

Not literally, but how does a person become tougher and not get his/her feelings hurt so easily?

Any suggestions?

Make a conscious decision to take things less personally.
Imagine some poster insulting you.
Call him/her "Pat".
1) Know that other posters will judge you by your posts, & not by what Pat says about you.
2) Pat's insults are due to problems Pat has.
3) People who like you will judge Pat harshly for behaving badly.

You might decide to ignore the insult, or you could call Pat on it in a civil fashion.
But do not respond in kind, because that would be to take it personally.

 

[A Vestigial Mote]

Personally, I use perspective to achieve what you're calling "thick skin." But it doesn't end up being so much "thick skin" as full trust in my "self," with an understanding that all beings are truly on equal footing - again, from specific "perspective".

And what I mean by "perspective" is that I try to think of what my value would be to "the universe" at large - in other words, objectively. In all my thinking on that point, I have come to the conclusion that my intrinsic value is ultimately nothing. From there I can conclude that not one human being on Earth has any objective value... which puts us all on the same playing field, regardless what subjective "silos" of knowledge or experience we may have built up one more than another. From there I realize that no one has an edge on me in any true sense... that all the subjective value we humans place on things is ultimately an illusion, and that, because there is no objective value to our actions, this leaves us entirely free to pursue our courses as we deem necessary, free to accept or deny criticisms at will. Granted, within this you need to realize that the realm of the subjective is still the only one from which you can derive any real meaning, and so you must dwell there in many ways and adhere to much "good." That is, "good" as you (and those you care about) see it, in order to successfully navigate purpose and meaning in your life. But when adversity comes knocking, the view from 1,000,000 feet up grants adversity a quality nearing invisibility.

 

[Jakob Steinmetz]

By exposure to the world and everything in it, and by overcoming it's challenges. In this way your mind and body will be toughened and in time ever more resilient. Though while become calloused in such a way, try to avoid becoming callous. That is perhaps the most difficult challenge of them all.

 

[Mindmaster]

Not literally, but how does a person become tougher and not get his/her feelings hurt so easily?

Any suggestions?

Easier depending on your spiritual inclination, no doubt. It's basically the point of Advaita practices, in that your emotions fundamentally are the result of a conditioning process to some extent. If you can dissociate from them on the basis that they are exactly that and find your inner strength (sea of calm/harmony) you can get through anything. This is obvious easier if you believe your "real self" is not molded by external events and that you're just an actor playing a part in the stage of life. While this dissociation seems harmful at first glance, it's not that you turn into some uncaring monster it's that you live in the now. You don't obsess over the past, the future, and thereby you receive peace as the reward. You 'toughen up' because only the now is in your mind, so you can dedicate your mental and physical strength to that which you can actually act upon. That's the very definition of mental strength isn't it? Rather than ruminating over the things in your head your are able to act instantly to the challenges of your life appropriately.

 

[Axe Elf]

Ask yourself, WWVDD?

(What Would Vin Diesel Do?)

Spoiler: Video Contains Rough Language

 

[Mock Turtle]

Not literally, but how does a person become tougher and not get his/her feelings hurt so easily?

Any suggestions?

Exposure? Like on forums such as this, although this often tends to be more supportive and friendly than many. I've found it helps to barge onto forums with all guns blazing to provoke a reaction - not here hopefully - such that one is inevitably confronted with opposing views with which one has to deal with the best one can. Only really did this on one forum though, to be honest. One then gets used to little successes (hopefully) and the inevitable failures, but they do tend to toughen one up. Either that or bye-bye forum when the effort isn't worthwhile. One can remain relatively anonymous after all such that any slights felt are just that and not exactly permanent. That is my experience at least, but I suppose it does depend upon the amount of knowledge one has and the level of effort one is prepared to put in. This was effectively one of the things that I believe helped alter my personality for the better. So all the people I have insulted over the years I give my solemn thanks to - - and I hope I never come across them ever again. Not true actually, since many I have sparred with I would like to meet again since they were obviously very intelligent and decent but perhaps deluded, and I would like to know how life turned out for them.

And if one wants to gain emotionally too, then actually feeling pain, for oneself and from others, rather than fighting it off is a far better thing to do - for one's own emotional health more than anything else. And even if the pain never becomes less, it does become easier to deal with. All the little hurts felt often contribute to dealing with the larger ones when they come along.

PS Although I have some pretty solid views on various things, I don't think of them as my precious, so as to fight over them - not to the death at least.

 

[Sunstone]

Don't emotionally or psychologically cling to hurt.

 

[Fiohatari]

My advice would be simple "don't take anything personal from someone you are not personal with". I think in the people I'm close with, the friends and family I could not do without, the people I admire, and mostly the ones who know me well, who know my path... well, those are the opinions I care about; whatever anyone else says about me or to me are just random empty words. In our lifetime we are going to meet lots of bitter people who will somehow rejoice from hurting others, let's not let them win. Like Shakespeare once said "There is nothing good or bad, but thinking make it so", a comment abouy us only becomes mean if we let it affect us.

 

[Stevicus]

Not literally, but how does a person become tougher and not get his/her feelings hurt so easily?

Any suggestions?

When I was younger, I realized that I may have been more susceptible to criticisms and insults from strangers and peers largely because I was getting the same stuff at home from people I trusted. When one is being constantly told by parents, siblings, or other relatives that one is no good, worthless, incompetent, etc., then one would be more inclined to believe it when strangers/peers say it, too.

In order to overcome it, one has to recognize the toxicity of those influences and reject them on that basis.

 

[Mock Turtle]

When I was younger, I realized that I may have been more susceptible to criticisms and insults from strangers and peers largely because I was getting the same stuff at home from people I trusted. When one is being constantly told by parents, siblings, or other relatives that one is no good, worthless, incompetent, etc., then one would be more inclined to believe it when strangers/peers say it, too.

In order to overcome it, one has to recognize the toxicity of those influences and reject them on that basis.

One of my mottos - take the best (advice), ignore the rest (advice or any hate stuff).

 

[Technologicalsociety]

Not literally, but how does a person become tougher and not get his/her feelings hurt so easily?

Any suggestions?

I've worked in a jail for 8 years and I have heard a lot of things said to me as an officer and as a clerk. I would say never take anything to heart that is said directly to you. Consider everything if you like but never let another man's words come close to your heart that are aimed directly at you. Praise or insult. It keeps me from never being too high or too low and I am also never at the mercy of someone else's judgement or mood. I also was reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius when I began working here so all that combined with the job turned out to be a great opportunity to learn something.

This was found easy enough and applies perfectly:

"Be like a rocky promontory against which the restless surf continually pounds; it stands fast while the churning sea is lulled to sleep at its feet. I hear you say, "How unlucky that this should happen to me!" Not at all! Say instead, "How lucky that I am not broken by what has happened and am not afraid of what is about to happen. The same blow might have struck anyone, but not many would have absorbed it without capitulation or complaint."

Marcus Aurelius