How Does RF Handle Shame?

[MatthewA]

I see nothing wrong with those for the most part. Exaggerated self-esteem isn't good, but something is wrong when "proper respect for oneself; sense of one's own dignity or worth" gets lumped when with things believed to be bad.

Sometimes bringing the definition to the conversation also helps everyone else who may not know everything that comes from one word.

There are nearly 10 different meanings just for the word pride, and 5 different meanings for the word shame.

To look at and learn these words, can help us understand more of the context surrounding the one word and helps the message become clearer for understanding for the most part.

Thank you for commenting; Shadow Wolf.

 

[MatthewA]

Depends if I've done something objectively shameful. If I have, I try to put it right, which can mean admitting my fault , to myself and others, and if necessary taking corrective action. Dishonesty can be a cause of shame in my experience, so the antidote is simple; I try to be more honest.

In general though, shame is not a helpful emotion. Humility, on the other hand, definitely is. Shame is a function of pride, and pride helps no one; humility is a function of a healthy and right sized ego, and is worth cultivating.

We should never be ashamed of who and what we are, nor of our thoughts, feelings or impulses, all of which are things we do not choose. Low self esteem can be overcome with self love, which includes self forgiveness when we do behave badly, or when we let ourselves or others down.

Being able to laugh at oneself is important too. We are ridiculous creatures in many ways, often guilty of taking ourselves far too seriously.

Very helpful insight on looking in to Shame.

Thank you for your comment Restless. Going to add to main post.

 

[SalixIncendium]

Shame, as I see it, is a product of self-judgment, whether it's one's self or another doing the shaming.

Shame, in my experience, can be overcome by forgiving that judge and accepting and loving one's self for who one is.

 

[Hermit Philosopher]

Hello Hermit;
What does this mean? What are the differences between shame, pride, and what is the weight of each value?

Dear MatthewA

I question if someone who cares not for pride, can feel any great amount of shame (of the sort you quoted in point 1).

Perhaps shame relates to pride in a similar way to feeling offended: the prouder you are, the more easily offended.

I think it is probable that the more a society ascribes value to people’s sense of pride, the easier it is for individuals to feel shameful too.

Yet, one can always free oneself from one’s own socialisation and choose what value one personally is willing to give things.


Humbly
Hermit

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Shame, as I see it, is a product of self-judgment, whether it's one's self or another doing the shaming.

Shame, in my experience, can be overcome by forgiving that judge and accepting and loving one's self for who one is.

Shame only needs overcome when you accept it.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

You will quickly discover that most active users of this forum have no shame.

Them, and Republican politicians.

 

[MatthewA]

Dear MatthewA

I question if someone who cares not for pride, can feel any great amount of shame (of the sort you quoted in point 1).

Perhaps shame relates to pride in a similar way to feeling offended: the prouder you are, the more easily offended.

I think it is probable that the more a society ascribes value to people’s sense of pride, the easier it is for individuals to feel shameful too.

Yet, one can always free oneself from one’s own socialisation and choose what value one personally is willing to give things.


Humbly
Hermit

Not sure, thank you for explaining, Hermit.

Shame, as I see it, is a product of self-judgment, whether it's one's self or another doing the shaming.

Shame, in my experience, can be overcome by forgiving that judge and accepting and loving one's self for who one is.

Okay SalixIncedium, thank you explaining more about the way you see shame, also on how the way that you see a possibility of overcoming shame.

 

[MatthewA]

I can only speak from my own experience of being bullied 12 years in school every day, and yes it was times i did feel ashamed by it, or ashamed when my parents found out what i was thinking, but hide from them. I was ashamed by not wanting my parents to know what happend to me every day at school.

Later in life i have realized i was to young to understand the cause of the bullying, and i was to afraid to ask for help. ( I have forgiven everyone who ever bullied me in my childehood, and feel no longer ashamed by it)

Hello Conscious thoughts:

Shame is an emotion common for the most part (except maybe some serial killers or others with broken emotions).

Glad for you those school days are over, how even after growing up and looking back on these experiences, that how this emotion was effecting you inside that you would not ask for help because of shame, of being mocked, or laughed at, or beat up.

How you have learned to forgive? ~ When did that come about that lead to you to forgive something in your life just notified you to forgive or you had compassion over all the things that happened?

Thank you for explaining more from your very own experience, that is helpful insight into understanding more about shame and how it is an emotion that effects all of us in some point of our life... no matter how good, a person may think they are, or how bad a person make think of themselves, when it comes to emotions. (All of us have emotions ~ /Thoughts/Ideas/Heart/Mind/Will ~ Soul )

 

[Spirit of Light]

Hello Conscious thoughts:

Shame is an emotion common for the most part (except maybe some serial killers or others with broken emotions).

Glad for you those school days are over, how even after growing up and looking back on these experiences, that how this emotion was effecting you inside that you would not ask for help because of shame, of being mocked, or laughed at, or beat up.

How you have learned to forgive? ~ When did that come about that lead to you to forgive something in your life just notified you to forgive or you had compassion over all the things that happened?

Thank you for explaining more from your very own experience, that is helpful insight into understanding more about shame and how it is an emotion that effects all of us in some point of our life... no matter how good, a person may think they are, or how bad a person make think of themselves, when it comes to emotions. (All of us have emotions)

To be honest, it took many years before i was able to let it go, and forgive those guys.
I realized that holding on to the pain from the past only created more pain in my life, and that when understanding that the bullying was actually a lesson in life and not a punishment i was able to thank those guys instead of hating their action toward me.

 

[MatthewA]

To be honest, it took many years before i was able to let it go, and forgive those guys.
I realized that holding on to the pain from the past only created more pain in my life, and that when understanding that the bullying was actually a lesson in life and not a punishment i was able to thank those guys instead of hating their action toward me.

The same process was like that for me too Conscious thoughts:

A bit more about myself as a person who was the bully, who was a hater of others, and very selfish growing up. Had a few times were mentally abusive to other people Family, even two of the girlfriends had in life, a long with many other ups and downs in life including drugs, family relationships, and meeting people through out life and experiencing it.

I personally : Believe in the bible ` What Jesus Christ talks about forgiving your enemies, pray for your enemies, love those who persecute you ' 'Forgive as the Lord has forgiven us` are some things that are true to me in my belief when it comes down to forgiving those who have done bad; or even if a person has done bad acts themselves, there is forgiveness that can be found in Jesus Christ -

Matthew 5:44 - Jesus said love your enemies
Colossians 3:10-13 - Forgiving others, forgiving as the Lord has
Colossians 1:13-14 - Redemption - Forgiveness of sins

(Some may not believe this and it is up to them to decide whether what the bible says is real or not)

There is so much to learn about in the bible. Especially if you start at the first chapter, of whatever book. Then ask these questions.

Who, What, Why, When, How, Where as you read along if you choose to do so, and you decide what is true or not. ~ Cause what I might have said here may be wrong.

Thank you for your comments, Conscious.

What would you say about your life afterward letting go of those things that once plagued your past life? @Conscious thoughts

 

[Trailblazer]

Hello Men and Women of Religious Forums.

How do you deal with or handle shame?

Now shame is something that has come across and happened to everyone us in life, it would seem.

Are there any helpful advice, or insights of when it comes to dealing with shame, what you have learned in life that has helped in overcoming shame ~ and where ever it comes from.

Here is the definition of Shame ~ According to Websters New World Dictionary - 1984 cc.

Shame n. (Greek - scham)​

1. a painful feeling of having lost the respect of others because of improper behavior, incompetence, etc. of oneself or another

2. a tendency to have feelings of this kind, or a capacity for such feeling

3. dishonor or disgrace [to bring shame to one's family]

4. a person or thing that brings shame, dishonor, or disgrace

5. something regrettable, unfortunate, or outrageous [it's a shame he wasn't told]

``` Shamed ~ Shaming
​

1. to cause to feel shame; make ashamed

2. to dishonor or disgrace

3. to drive, force, or impel by a sense of shame SYN. - DISGRACE --for shame!

~ For shame -
​

1. to cause to feel shame

2. to do much better than, suprass, outdo - shame on shame should be felt by; this is shameful of​

Definition for Pride:

I do not have pride but I do not have shame either....
I do have guilt sometimes, but guilt is not shame.
Shame is about who you are as a person whereas guilt is about what you do or don't do as a person.

To have shame, I would have to do something to be ashamed of but I am careful not to do such things.
I feel guilty if I make mistakes but we all make mistakes, and I think that guilt is the appropriate feeling if we make a mistake.
I also feel guilty if I do things I shouldn't be doing or if I don't do things I should be doing, and that is appropriate.

Sometimes I feel guilty when it is probably unwarranted because that is how I was raised.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

but guilt is not shame.

I've known far too many people who do not get that distinction.

 

[Trailblazer]

I've known far too many people who do not get that distinction.

When I used to have shame I did not know the difference, but once I got rid of the shame and only had guilt then I knew the difference. Shame is much worse than guilt because you cannot escape who you feel you are if you feel you are inherently bad. With guilt, you can correct your actions and then you feel better.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

When I used to have shame I did not know the difference, but once I got rid of the shame and only had guilt then I knew the difference. Shame is much worse than guilt because you cannot escape who you feel you are if you feel you are inherently bad. With guilt, you can correct your actions and then you feel better.

Definitely. If something is an accident, there is nothing to be shamed of. It was an accident, it was not malicious or deliberate, but yet you may have harmed someone or caused damaged.
But, going out in public looking like you rolled out of bed and went straight out the door, there's nothing morally or ethically wrong with that, there is no real guilt attached, but there is the shame attached to looking like a slob. Let my car be messy knowing I'll have people in it? Never. It's not a crime, but to me being dirty is embarrassing.

 

[Brickjectivity]

How do you deal with or handle shame?

When its overwhelming I simply have to try to ignore it and to keep in mind that my perception is not always accurate. Lets say I mess up a job, getting myself fired for incompetence. I have to live and learn from that, not let it become too much of a weight. Now then the right amount of shame is to learn from the mistake and intend to do better, and more shame than that is inappropriate. It becomes a form of worrying -- worrying about making the same mistake again.

Sometimes a change of scene is needed. What if I'm surrounded by people that seem always disappointed in me? Well then I have to work even harder both to see myself as accurately as possible and to avoid feelings of rejection. I may not have the strength to stay where I am, because I'm only so strong. I'm still developing as a person and absorbing new experiences, so I am affected by surroundings. If I can't leave then I suppose there is nothing to be done unless perhaps I can change the surroundings a bit.

What if I'm ashamed of the group I am in or with? That is not so hard for me, but if I don't already have a good self image then I can't support such a group. If on the other hand I'm already strong and am not dealing with personal shame then perhaps I can support such a group, being there for it and trying to improve its image.

But what happens when a man reaches middle age and feels the pummeling of realizations of his past failures, like punches, over and over? This happens sometimes. Perhaps he thinks about what his original goals were in his youth and compares his current situation to those. Perhaps he thinks about relationships that went wrong and the part he played. Perhaps he also thinks about other mistakes, and people who didn't like him or that he couldn't get along with. Perhaps he is overwhelmed. In this case crying is a good idea.

 

[MatthewA]

Hello @Trailblazer - you were that one lady who believes in God right? That is good thing that you have made your own choice to believe in God, and the Lord Jesus Christ.

It is good because because of the Son of God - Believers are born again by the spirit from above ~ in which according to those who believe scriptures understand that they are forgiven of all of their past mistakes in life, present mistakes, and future mistakes, - in what is know as Sin.

Jesus Christ paid for the whole sins of the world, so believers who make the choice to believe can have freedom from sin, and also be able to live by the spirit that brings in a believers life ; peace; love; joy; contentment; prayer life with God, mercy, kindness, gentleness, forgiveness; thankfulness, and be able to have access to God to talk to and to pray to.

Of course I could be not telling the truth and lying of course and all this information is wrong. (You have to decide for yourself) - according to the scriptures and see what the things that are said above are true or not.

Either way Trailblazer if you were that one lady, it good to see you again and hope you and all of these fellow people here are doing well.

Take care.

 

[MatthewA]

Here is the definition of Guilt

Guilt - (gilt) n. [ME gilt <Oe. gylt - a sin, offense]

1. a) the act or state of having done a wrong or committed an offense,; culpability, legal or ethical
b) a painful feeling or self-reproach resulting from a belief that one has done something wrong or immoral.

2. conduct that involved guilt; crime; sin


(Just a side note due my belief ~ What great news has the Lord Jesus Christ brought unto the world because of his one act of dying sinless, and being raised again back to life by the Father (God) ~ As the story has gone on for 2000 years, almost like a star wars trilogy (the old ones of course). If you do not believe in God or the Lord Jesus Christ, that is okay

~ Myself -
(I : do not condemn any other persons and their religious pursuits.)
(II: will not force you to believe me, nor will cut you off because you disagree with me)
(III: test everything that is said by me because it might be not true)
~ In accordance to Religious Forums - Rule 8: Preaching/Proselytizing

 

[Spirit of Light]

The same process was like that for me too Conscious thoughts:

A bit more about myself as a person who was the bully, who was a hater of others, and very selfish growing up. Had a few times were mentally abusive to other people Family, even two of the girlfriends had in life, a long with many other ups and downs in life including drugs, family relationships, and meeting people through out life and experiencing it.

I personally : Believe in the bible ` What Jesus Christ talks about forgiving your enemies, pray for your enemies, love those who persecute you ' 'Forgive as the Lord has forgiven us` are some things that are true to me in my belief when it comes down to forgiving those who have done bad; or even if a person has done bad acts themselves, there is forgiveness that can be found in Jesus Christ -

Matthew 5:44 - Jesus said love your enemies
Colossians 3:10-13 - Forgiving others, forgiving as the Lord has
Colossians 1:13-14 - Redemption - Forgiveness of sins

(Some may not believe this and it is up to them to decide whether what the bible says is real or not)

There is so much to learn about in the bible. Especially if you start at the first chapter, of whatever book. Then ask these questions.

Who, What, Why, When, How, Where as you read along if you choose to do so, and you decide what is true or not. ~ Cause what I might have said here may be wrong.

Thank you for your comments, Conscious.

What would you say about your life afterward letting go of those things that once plagued your past life? @Conscious thoughts

My life has become a lot better and happiness is within me now

 

[Windwalker]

How do you deal with or handle shame?

By cultivating higher levels of consciousness and self-love.

Are there any helpful advice, or insights of when it comes to dealing with shame, what you have learned in life that has helped in overcoming shame ~ and where ever it comes from.

Don't listen to that voice of the inner naysayer when it tries to tell you you are unworthy, others think you are unworthy, or some other destructive attack upon yourself. When that voice comes up, typically when you are feeling vulnerable, like in the middle of night when you wake up and are half-awake for example, simply recognize it as nothing worth listening to. If you make the mistake and listen to it, and let it take you for its ride of descent into darkness, it'll be hard to break the cycle.

One thing that helps is to realize on some very strange reason-defying level, is that we are somehow entertained by this, activating the "juices" that come from being upset. "You're bad!", you feel awful, but you are stimulating the juices of emotions nonetheless, regardless if they are negative or positive. Just 'nip it in the bud', as Barney Fife might say.

 

[oldbadger]

Hello Men and Women of Religious Forums.

How do you deal with or handle shame?
:

I remember mine when other people talk about their own failures and and mistakes.