How do atheists deal with death/dying issues?

[Fortunato]

Hi, I was wondering how other atheists/agnostics handle the loss of a loved one. I should clarify that this is a theoretical discussion on my part, I haven't lost anyone close to me since I became an atheist and hope that I won't lose anyone anytime soon. I'm just wondering how others have either dealt with such grief or pondered about how they would handle it. Most other religions have rituals, sayings, and beliefs (like the idea of an afterlife or heaven) developed over centuries to help ease the blow of such loss. Do atheists have anything similar?

 

[whereismynotecard]

I didn't deal with it very well. I just try to not think about it and then when I remember that he's dead, I just tell myself there's nothing I can do. Life sucks sometimes. Usually I just repress any of those sad and despairing emotions. Every once in a while they come up again and I feel really sad. There isn't anything to do.

 

[Fortunato]

I didn't deal with it very well. I just try to not think about it and then when I remember that he's dead, I just tell myself there's nothing I can do. Life sucks sometimes. Usually I just repress any of those sad and despairing emotions. Every once in a while they come up again and I feel really sad. There isn't anything to do.

I'm sorry, I didnt' intend to reopen any old wounds. I was reading a book by Sam Harris and he mentioned the need for secular counterparts of religious rituals as a way to help people better cope with death. I'm not so sure if any really exist yet though.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

Would a secular ritual be different from a religious one?

 

[Fortunato]

Would a secular ritual be different from a religious one?

I imagine it would be. Instead of invoking god or the supernatural, it would presumably stick to non-religious sayings and concepts. I've never attended an atheist funeral, so I don't know what would be said there other than the acknowledgment of and shared remembrances about the deceased person.

 

[whereismynotecard]

I think most atheists recognize that there isn't anything to be said to help them cope with someone being dead. If they believe what I do, they know that the person is dead and isn't coming back. There's no way to soften the blow; it is what it is. I believe if the funeral was completely organized by atheists and no one involved wanted anything religious in it, they would just talk about the good times they had and be greatful that the deceased was ever in their lives in the first place. I've never been to a funeral that was non-religious either.

I cannot imagine what kind of non-religious secular ritual could make coping with a death easier for people who don't believe in any sort of reincarnation or afterlife of some sort. While there are probably some atheists out there who do believe in such things, I don't think most of them do.

 

[Nanda]

I think that focusing on the person's life, rather than their death, and looking back fondly on it all is a great way to cope with loss. That goes for the secular and religious alike.

 

[linwood]

Most other religions have rituals, sayings, and beliefs (like the idea of an afterlife or heaven) developed over centuries to help ease the blow of such loss. Do atheists have anything similar?

It`s not just religions that have rituals.

Families have their own rituals/beliefs/talismans as well.

When I`m having a particularly hard time dealing with the death of someone close to me I usually fall back into the comfort of those beliefs/rituals/talismans.

My mom died ten years ago, I still talk to her, she usually answers.

 

[kai]

I came to a realisation that we only get one go at this, so when i have lost someone i have grieved for a short time and then kind of thought myself lucky and privileged to have shared that time with them,and always now look back fondly on the memories.

 

[monta]

I agree with Kai the time you have with someone is more precious because it is finite. I remember seeing Julianne Moore on The Ellen tv show shortly after her mother died and I can't remember what she said verbatim but Ellen made a comforting remark about seeing her mother again to which she replied I will always have great memories of her.

I know people hear Irish Wake and think an excuse for a drunken brawl, but the motive behind it is a good one.When a person dies family and friend come together to celebrate thier life and to provide support for the immediate family.

The constant reminder of the persons death also serves to ensure that grief is dealt with at the time of death and not suppressed. The ancient and almost completely unobserved ritual of caoining ( dramatic over the top wailing and crying by ) also provided a catalyst for others to cry and thus an emotional release.

I think a party is the best plan.

 

[3.14]

condalance people with there loss
eat some cake and coffee
then either remanis the past or leave

mostly we don't make a to big deal out of it,

 

[Fortunato]

Thank you everyone for the replies! I agree with kai, that we only have this one life to live. That motivates me to not put important things off till tomorrow and I hope it'll also help push me out of an extended grieving process and back towards living life. One thing which might soften the loss would be to remember that the most essential part of them - their thoughts, ideas, humor, and love - are still with me and help to shape my life everyday.

 

[Amill]

When we're discussing the death of loved ones, I find that reminiscing on happy memories about them to be the best way to cope. Especially when you're discussing the memory with others. I think it provides far more comfort than trying to imagine them in a better place.

I myself am afraid of dying like everyone else. I do not want to die, at least not before I grow old. But am I afraid of death and the nothingness that I think lies beyond? Not really. What bothers me the most about death is that I won't be able to see what happens with the human race and with life on this planet. It's gonna suck having to miss out, but then again, I won't be around to know I'm missing out.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Hi, I was wondering how other atheists/agnostics handle the loss of a loved one. I should clarify that this is a theoretical discussion on my part, I haven't lost anyone close to me since I became an atheist and hope that I won't lose anyone anytime soon. I'm just wondering how others have either dealt with such grief or pondered about how they would handle it. Most other religions have rituals, sayings, and beliefs (like the idea of an afterlife or heaven) developed over centuries to help ease the blow of such loss. Do atheists have anything similar?

For me, the closest I have to that is the recognition that a person "lives on" in their impact on the world and the people in it.

Also, though I don't know if this is really comforting, is the realization that death and life are inexorably linked. The only way a person can avoid death is to avoid being born in the first place. When this is coupled with a recognition that worrying about things that are beyond our ability to change is futile, I think it can give a person motivation not to get bogged down in grief... or at least it did for me.

Something first occurred to me at the visitation for my aunt's funeral that's stuck with me: usually, the more sharply we feel the loss of a person after death, the better off we are for having that person in our lives. Since then, other loved ones of mine have died; I think it helped to recognize that the sadness I felt at their death was a sign that their memory would live on in part in me.

 

[Sunstone]

Death is about letting go. Fear of death comes from clinging to what you believe you have. Learn to let go, and you will neither fear death nor be unprepared for it when the time comes.

 

[Vile Atheist]

Hi, I was wondering how other atheists/agnostics handle the loss of a loved one. I should clarify that this is a theoretical discussion on my part, I haven't lost anyone close to me since I became an atheist and hope that I won't lose anyone anytime soon. I'm just wondering how others have either dealt with such grief or pondered about how they would handle it. Most other religions have rituals, sayings, and beliefs (like the idea of an afterlife or heaven) developed over centuries to help ease the blow of such loss. Do atheists have anything similar?

Other than the comforting of your friends who suffered the loss? No.

I'm quite content knowing that after I die, I'll rot in the ground.

 

[MSizer]

While I personally dislike ceremonies after death, it appears that most people seem to agree that they need to do it to go through the grieving process. I myself don't need that, but I know I'm an anomaly that way. However, there is a Humanist Funeral Service. I saw a published copy of the official hummanist funeral service in a chapters bookstore recently. I don't remember the title, although I just googled it, and found something similar, the "Funerals Without God" book, published by the British Humanist Association.

 

[Fortunato]

While I personally dislike ceremonies after death, it appears that most people seem to agree that they need to do it to go through the grieving process. I myself don't need that, but I know I'm an anomaly that way. However, there is a Humanist Funeral Service. I saw a published copy of the official hummanist funeral service in a chapters bookstore recently. I don't remember the title, although I just googled it, and found something similar, the "Funerals Without God" book, published by the British Humanist Association.

Thanks, I'll have to check that book out!

 

[kai]

i like the ceremony , i like the getting together of friends and families having a drink or two swapping stories of the deceased, sharing colourful moments and saying a final gooddbye

 

[Magic Man]

I just reflect on the life and fun I had with whoever it is I lost.