First, this is going to be a very long OP, so don't start reading unless you're in the right mood. This is basically just a regular personal story, that happens to many people and that i'm sharing primarily to release negative energy, and secondary to get advice from anyone interested in sharing any.
My parents are both Muslims, were raised to be Muslims, almost everybody around them is Muslim and they raised both me and my sister to be so as well, similarly to what most people do with their kids. As my title indicates, this has at some point stopped being the case. When that happened, my parents didn't make a disaster out of it, but were shocked, and, for the most part, have been handling this in part with hope and in part with denial.
The reason i'm making this thread is because i'm realizing more and more, as time goes by, that this is causing them immense psychological suffering. They are not really strict religious people, but they are traditional people. They've always felt that i was out there, but were able to handle that for the most part. As while they feared what they perceived to be the consequences of my actions, they could also take shelter in the idea that i seemed to take religion very seriously (which i did), and they enjoyed what they thought (and hoped) would be entailed by that in my future, and, according to their beliefs, in the afterlife.
Now, there's nothing left for them to take shelter in. They fear for me in life, and more importantly, for their idea of the afterlife. Heaven and hell for people like them is a given, as it was once for me. In addition to the fact that they're both over 50 years old, which means that the idea is much more engraved, basic, fundamental and elementary for them. It's non-negotiable, a world without that is literally unfathomable to them. When i used to talk to them about this stuff, and say things like "Let's imagine if the Quran was wrong" for example, their reply would be like "What do you mean if it was wrong? Why would i imagine that?", "I don't need to imagine the impossible", "Don't talk to me about absurdities" and so forth, you get the idea.
The final aspect to put in mind, which is equally if not more important than the above, is that, like many people, they're not happy in their lives. Each in a different way, but both are. Very unhappy. They're not a good match for each other, neither achieved the things they were hoping for, so far, and are generally miserable. So, like many people, they were counting on me and my sister. They've given up on their lives, and dedicated themselves to us, and were hoping to get the fulfillment they never got from their own lives from watching us become everything they think is wonderful. When i told them about my change of beliefs, i imagine how they felt, and came to learn how it was later on. There's this moment when you realize a disaster has happened, something really bad, and feel a shrill in your spine.
Thinking about what this entailed for me, in addition to the fact that this was directly related to their perceived success in life, as i explained, must have been real heavy. From then on, they're suffering because they think after they die, they will never see me again, and that when i die, i'll be suffering in hell. I don't know which is worse for them, but understand that this is not just something they think is going to happen, they're more like certain that it is going to happen.
I tried reasoning with them, comforting them that even if i was wrong, their idea of a just god wouldn't throw me in hell etc... saying anything i can to find something to comfort them with, and of course, it's not working. I've tried pretending like i was still in part Muslim, to give them hope, and i still do, but it makes me sick. I hate lying to people i care about, especially in such extremely important matters, and as such my act is pretty lousy. I literally feel sick doing it, and i don't think it's enough to help their denial do the job (and even if it did work, i would still feel horrible about the situation, and feel that i'm robbing them of something). Of course, i don't even consider the option of trying to change their worldview, and i think you can understand why without me explaining.
That's basically it. Like i said in the beginning, my primary reason for making this thread is to feel better, so don't feel obligated to say anything. Your thoughts are more than welcome of course, but don't feel in anyway obligated.
My parents are both Muslims, were raised to be Muslims, almost everybody around them is Muslim and they raised both me and my sister to be so as well, similarly to what most people do with their kids. As my title indicates, this has at some point stopped being the case. When that happened, my parents didn't make a disaster out of it, but were shocked, and, for the most part, have been handling this in part with hope and in part with denial.
The reason i'm making this thread is because i'm realizing more and more, as time goes by, that this is causing them immense psychological suffering. They are not really strict religious people, but they are traditional people. They've always felt that i was out there, but were able to handle that for the most part. As while they feared what they perceived to be the consequences of my actions, they could also take shelter in the idea that i seemed to take religion very seriously (which i did), and they enjoyed what they thought (and hoped) would be entailed by that in my future, and, according to their beliefs, in the afterlife.
Now, there's nothing left for them to take shelter in. They fear for me in life, and more importantly, for their idea of the afterlife. Heaven and hell for people like them is a given, as it was once for me. In addition to the fact that they're both over 50 years old, which means that the idea is much more engraved, basic, fundamental and elementary for them. It's non-negotiable, a world without that is literally unfathomable to them. When i used to talk to them about this stuff, and say things like "Let's imagine if the Quran was wrong" for example, their reply would be like "What do you mean if it was wrong? Why would i imagine that?", "I don't need to imagine the impossible", "Don't talk to me about absurdities" and so forth, you get the idea.
The final aspect to put in mind, which is equally if not more important than the above, is that, like many people, they're not happy in their lives. Each in a different way, but both are. Very unhappy. They're not a good match for each other, neither achieved the things they were hoping for, so far, and are generally miserable. So, like many people, they were counting on me and my sister. They've given up on their lives, and dedicated themselves to us, and were hoping to get the fulfillment they never got from their own lives from watching us become everything they think is wonderful. When i told them about my change of beliefs, i imagine how they felt, and came to learn how it was later on. There's this moment when you realize a disaster has happened, something really bad, and feel a shrill in your spine.
Thinking about what this entailed for me, in addition to the fact that this was directly related to their perceived success in life, as i explained, must have been real heavy. From then on, they're suffering because they think after they die, they will never see me again, and that when i die, i'll be suffering in hell. I don't know which is worse for them, but understand that this is not just something they think is going to happen, they're more like certain that it is going to happen.
I tried reasoning with them, comforting them that even if i was wrong, their idea of a just god wouldn't throw me in hell etc... saying anything i can to find something to comfort them with, and of course, it's not working. I've tried pretending like i was still in part Muslim, to give them hope, and i still do, but it makes me sick. I hate lying to people i care about, especially in such extremely important matters, and as such my act is pretty lousy. I literally feel sick doing it, and i don't think it's enough to help their denial do the job (and even if it did work, i would still feel horrible about the situation, and feel that i'm robbing them of something). Of course, i don't even consider the option of trying to change their worldview, and i think you can understand why without me explaining.
That's basically it. Like i said in the beginning, my primary reason for making this thread is to feel better, so don't feel obligated to say anything. Your thoughts are more than welcome of course, but don't feel in anyway obligated.
(take it as a "best wishes" that I more strongly express that way)
