Do You Find It Harder to Forgive Yourself or Others?

[ChristineES]

I've always found it pretty easy (usually) to forgive others compared to forgiving myself. There are things I've done twenty years ago that I still feel terribly guilty about although I have repented at haven't done those things sice then. Do you find it harder to forgive yourself for your doing something you consider bad or do you find it hard to forgive others for what they have done to you? Does it depend on the circumstances? Does it depend on the actions (what you or the other person actually did)?

 

[ChristineES]

I don't know how it happened, but part of the first sentence of my post ending up in the title of the thread, which was supposed to be "Do You Find It Harder to Forgive Yourself or Others?" If a mod would fix it, I'd appreciate it.

 

[Debater Slayer]

I don't know how it happened, but part of the first sentence of my post ending up in the title of the thread, which was supposed to be "Do You Find It Harder to Forgive Yourself or Others?" If a mod would fix it, I'd appreciate it.

Done.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I've always found it pretty easy (usually) to forgive others compared to forgiving myself. There are things I've done twenty years ago that I still feel terribly guilty about although I have repented at haven't done those things sice then. Do you find it harder to forgive yourself for your doing something you consider bad or do you find it hard to forgive others for what they have done to you? Does it depend on the circumstances? Does it depend on the actions (what you or the other person actually did)?

I've found that holding grudges, regardless of whether it's against me or anyone else, is hazardous to my health and well-being.

 

[Gharib]

I tend to be harsh on myself for even the smallest of things, it eats me up from the inside if I do something wrong to someone.

When it comes to other people I tend to be more forgiving but I do have limits. If it happens that that limit is reached then that's the point of no return. I cannot forgive a person after that. But until it gets to that point I most probably would forgive someone for almost anything other than interfering in my religion.

 

[Gharib]

I've found that holding grudges, regardless of whether it's against me or anyone else, is hazardous to my health and well-being.

Yes true, add to that stress and worry and it's a disastrous mix. Have seen it first hand.

 

[Quintessence]

I've found that holding grudges, regardless of whether it's against me or anyone else, is hazardous to my health and well-being.

Ditto. I'm forgiving, perhaps to a fault, because I just do not find it worth my time and energy to embody bitterness, resentment, and anger. The only time such sentiments do not become hazardous to my health and well-being, as MysticSang'ha puts it, is where that person is genuinely a danger to me. In that case, I hold a grudge for my own protection. That happens extremely rarely, given I'm an American and I don't live in the middle of a gang war or something.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Since forgiving is primarily for yourself and your own well-being, whether it's regarding forgiving others or yourself, I do it rather easily from a pragamatic perspective and as a general personality trait of not being a person who likes to hold on to resentment or anger. However, I suppose I do have a bit harder time "forgiving" myself than others since I have higher standards and expectations for myself than other people in general.

 

[Desert Snake]

Generally harder to forgive myself.

 

[Willamena]

I don't know how it happened...

Gremlins.

 

[Revoltingest]

It's much easier to forgive myself.
At least, I think it is.
I've never needed anything forgiven.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

While I value appropriate remorse, I am not a big fan of guilt, and grudges strike me as even less useful. As for accepting an apology, that would depend on specifics.

 

[Jainarayan]

For others, I tend to forgive. There is one person though, for whom I don't know what to feel. She doesn't want forgiveness because she does not feel she has done anything wrong, when clearly she has. She continues in her behaviors.

For myself, I neither forgive nor forget. I torture myself with the memories wondering how I can ever atone for my past behavior, though I have been forgiven unconditionally. And it's not something I will speak of, even to a therapist.

 

[Desert Snake]

For others, I tend to forgive. There is one person though, for whom I don't know what to feel. She doesn't want forgiveness because she does not feel she has done anything wrong, when clearly she has. She continues in her behaviors.

I don't think the other person has to aknowledge they've done something wrong.

 

[Jainarayan]

You do have a point, there are after all the verses "21 Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus *said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." - Matthew 18:21-22 So, perhaps forgiveness should be without end. Regardless of one's religious bent, that's quite compassionate, actually. I still don't want my sister-in-law near my house.

 

[yahdough]

Myself. I can't do it without Christ.

The hope of a "believer" is to stand with confidence before the Creator. We need to live IN Christ and away from sin.


1Tm:1:5: Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned:

 

[ChristineES]

I don't think the other person has to aknowledge they've done something wrong.

That's true. I've forgiven a lot of people who never acknowledged or didn't apologize when they did. It does help, though- particularly if the person was aware of the harm he or she caused.

 

[ChristineES]

My late brother once told me I should be able to forgive myself- he asked me "Do you think you are better than God, who DID forgive you?". My brother had a unique way of seeing things. I miss him.

 

[Jainarayan]

My late brother once told me I should be able to forgive myself- he asked me "Do you think you are better than God, who DID forgive you?". My brother had a unique way of seeing things. I miss him.

When I was Catholic a priest in confession told me the same thing in virtually the same words.

 

[LuisDantas]

I'm not really good at forgiving anyone, although I suppose it used to be worse.

But I don't really see my behavior as allowing for a lot of repenting or forgiving. Usually when I do something it is because I have already decided that I can't truly regret it later.