Do you Beat your Wife?

[Nakosis]

I was watching a movie "Kiss Me First" on Netflix. There's a scene where a teen listens to he father beat on his mother. You hear a lot of banging, crashing, a woman crying out in pain.

The scene seemed cliche/foreign to me. So I was curious at how common spousal abuse actually was. Turn out 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men experience severe physical abuse.

One in five women are hit with a fist or something hard, slammed, kicked, burned, choked, beaten, or incidents involving a weapon.

The reason why women suffer abuse more is explained thusly,

Still, women are more often victims and men are more often perpetrators. How do we explain this imbalance? Biological differences between the genders offers a better explanation.

Male brains have less connectivity in their brain wiring, giving them a lower ability to regulate emotions like hurt, sadness, and fear. Consequently, stressors like relationship conflict are more likely to come out as the outward facing emotions of anger or rage, and these can be destructive. Partners hold a unique power to stir feelings of inadequacy or questions about lovability, and therefore receive the brunt of the harm.

When our emotions become turbulent, our human tendency is to try to regain that control. Men are also less adept with words, so they are prone to “use what you got” and resort to physical means of control. Again, this is an explanation of the gender imbalance we see in the domestic violence statistics, not justification or permission.
Domestic violence statistics | Emotional abuse statistics | Gender equity
Does this explanation seem accurate to you? Are men simply less able to deal with turbulent emotions than women?

While I can't argue with the statistics violent spousal abuse is not part of my experience but it means someone I know likely suffers from it. Why aren't I more aware of it? Am I ignorant and blind or is it that people are so ashamed of it that we hide it an never talk about it?

I'll admit to the ignorance but blind? I'd think I would be aware of this kind of abuse on some level. What am I missing?

 

[Spiderman]

I was watching a movie "Kiss Me First" on Netflix. There's a scene where a teen listens to he father beat on his mother. You hear a lot of banging, crashing, a woman crying out in pain.

The scene seemed cliche/foreign to me. So I was curious at how common spousal abuse actually was. Turn out 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men experience severe physical abuse.

One in five women are hit with a fist or something hard, slammed, kicked, burned, choked, beaten, or incidents involving a weapon.

The reason why women suffer abuse more is explained thusly,

Still, women are more often victims and men are more often perpetrators. How do we explain this imbalance? Biological differences between the genders offers a better explanation.

Male brains have less connectivity in their brain wiring, giving them a lower ability to regulate emotions like hurt, sadness, and fear. Consequently, stressors like relationship conflict are more likely to come out as the outward facing emotions of anger or rage, and these can be destructive. Partners hold a unique power to stir feelings of inadequacy or questions about lovability, and therefore receive the brunt of the harm.

When our emotions become turbulent, our human tendency is to try to regain that control. Men are also less adept with words, so they are prone to “use what you got” and resort to physical means of control. Again, this is an explanation of the gender imbalance we see in the domestic violence statistics, not justification or permission.
Domestic violence statistics | Emotional abuse statistics | Gender equity
Does this explanation seem accurate to you? Are men simply less able to deal with turbulent emotions than women?

While I can't argue with the statistics violent spousal abuse is not part of my experience but it means someone I know likely suffers from it. Why aren't I more aware of it? Am I ignorant and blind or is it that people are so ashamed of it that we hide it an never talk about it?

I'll admit to the ignorance but blind? I'd think I would be aware of this kind of abuse on some level. What am I missing?

I've seen lots of men in prison and elsewhere get the snot beat out of them including myself. I've seen a guy with two swollen black eyes who looked like a raccoon. I have never seen a woman get the snot beat out of her, and I've only seen one woman with a black eye.

I'm not saying women don't endure serious beatings. I'm saying, Ive seen it happen to men a lot and never seen it happen to a woman.

My brother's ex-wife used to beat him and me. If she had been a man, she would not have gotten away with it. I think serious acts of violence usually happen to men. Especially when you consider War.

 

[Ellen Brown]

I was watching a movie "Kiss Me First" on Netflix. There's a scene where a teen listens to he father beat on his mother. You hear a lot of banging, crashing, a woman crying out in pain.

The scene seemed cliche/foreign to me. So I was curious at how common spousal abuse actually was. Turn out 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men experience severe physical abuse.

One in five women are hit with a fist or something hard, slammed, kicked, burned, choked, beaten, or incidents involving a weapon.

The reason why women suffer abuse more is explained thusly,

Still, women are more often victims and men are more often perpetrators. How do we explain this imbalance? Biological differences between the genders offers a better explanation.

Male brains have less connectivity in their brain wiring, giving them a lower ability to regulate emotions like hurt, sadness, and fear. Consequently, stressors like relationship conflict are more likely to come out as the outward facing emotions of anger or rage, and these can be destructive. Partners hold a unique power to stir feelings of inadequacy or questions about lovability, and therefore receive the brunt of the harm.

When our emotions become turbulent, our human tendency is to try to regain that control. Men are also less adept with words, so they are prone to “use what you got” and resort to physical means of control. Again, this is an explanation of the gender imbalance we see in the domestic violence statistics, not justification or permission.
Domestic violence statistics | Emotional abuse statistics | Gender equity
Does this explanation seem accurate to you? Are men simply less able to deal with turbulent emotions than women?

While I can't argue with the statistics violent spousal abuse is not part of my experience but it means someone I know likely suffers from it. Why aren't I more aware of it? Am I ignorant and blind or is it that people are so ashamed of it that we hide it an never talk about it?

I'll admit to the ignorance but blind? I'd think I would be aware of this kind of abuse on some level. What am I missing?

In Islam, Surah (Chapter) 4: Aya (Verse) 34, Man is the head of the household, and given permission to beat the wife because she is disobedient. Most civilized Muslims no longer do this.

 

[sealchan]

I was watching a movie "Kiss Me First" on Netflix. There's a scene where a teen listens to he father beat on his mother. You hear a lot of banging, crashing, a woman crying out in pain.

The scene seemed cliche/foreign to me. So I was curious at how common spousal abuse actually was. Turn out 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men experience severe physical abuse.

One in five women are hit with a fist or something hard, slammed, kicked, burned, choked, beaten, or incidents involving a weapon.

The reason why women suffer abuse more is explained thusly,

Still, women are more often victims and men are more often perpetrators. How do we explain this imbalance? Biological differences between the genders offers a better explanation.

Male brains have less connectivity in their brain wiring, giving them a lower ability to regulate emotions like hurt, sadness, and fear. Consequently, stressors like relationship conflict are more likely to come out as the outward facing emotions of anger or rage, and these can be destructive. Partners hold a unique power to stir feelings of inadequacy or questions about lovability, and therefore receive the brunt of the harm.

When our emotions become turbulent, our human tendency is to try to regain that control. Men are also less adept with words, so they are prone to “use what you got” and resort to physical means of control. Again, this is an explanation of the gender imbalance we see in the domestic violence statistics, not justification or permission.
Domestic violence statistics | Emotional abuse statistics | Gender equity
Does this explanation seem accurate to you? Are men simply less able to deal with turbulent emotions than women?

While I can't argue with the statistics violent spousal abuse is not part of my experience but it means someone I know likely suffers from it. Why aren't I more aware of it? Am I ignorant and blind or is it that people are so ashamed of it that we hide it an never talk about it?

I'll admit to the ignorance but blind? I'd think I would be aware of this kind of abuse on some level. What am I missing?

I've been married twice...haven't beaten my spouse but my ex spouse was beaten by one of her three previous spouses...my current wife was married once previously but not physically abused...so that makes six marriages with one instance of a man physically abusing his wife. 1 in 6 men abuse, 0 in 6 women abuse in my experience.

 

[Nakosis]

I've seen lots of men in prison and elsewhere get the snot beat out of them including myself. I've seen a guy with two swollen black eyes who looked like a raccoon. I have never seen a woman get the snot beat out of her, and I've only seen one woman with a black eye.

I'm not saying women don't endure serious beatings. I'm saying, Ive seen it happen to men a lot and never seen it happen to a woman.

My brother's ex-wife used to beat him and me. If she had been a man, she would not have gotten away with it. I think serious acts of violence usually happen to men. Especially when you consider War.

Men I think accept the reality of physical confrontation. Apparently we have the brain for it. Somehow it was imprinted on me that a man should never hit a woman no matter what. It seems to me morally inappropriate. Yet it happens quite often. I understand, maybe violence shouldn't ever be accepted, yet in many of the movies I watch, violence towards men seems justified. As long as that person is sufficiently demonized by the script.

 

[Nakosis]

In Islam, Surah (Chapter) 4: Aya (Verse) 34, Man is the head of the household, and given permission to beat the wife because she is disobedient. Most civilized Muslims no longer do this.

This Surah seems barbaric to me. I heard this being justified as mild physical punishment, still I can't see it being acceptable. Glad to hear it is not practiced by civilized Muslims.

 

[Subduction Zone]

I was going to joke and say "Every chance that I get", which would have been true since I am single. But then I thought of a relationship that I was in once. The woman that I was with tended to get beaten by her former beaus. I have not and do not hear women, but I realized that there is a sickness that some women have where they try to get others to beat them. When she eventually did this to me, for example screaming in the face of me to try to force me to her point of view to the point where I was about to hit her that I was it was time to end it. She still wants to get back together with me at times when she is single and I always answer no. Not even for a booty call. Once burned, twice shy.

Men should of course never beat women. But having been in an abusive relationship I am not going to automatically give the woman a free pass. If a woman is in violent relationship after violent relationship odds are that she is a big part of the problem.

ETA: I think my tablet is sexist. Twice I wrote"men should not beat a woman" and the autowrong changed it to " men should not hear a woman". In fact it just did so again. For kicks I wrote "beat" and the autowrong changed it to "hear".

 

[JesusMyFriend]

I was watching a movie "Kiss Me First" on Netflix. There's a scene where a teen listens to he father beat on his mother. You hear a lot of banging, crashing, a woman crying out in pain.

The scene seemed cliche/foreign to me. So I was curious at how common spousal abuse actually was. Turn out 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men experience severe physical abuse.

One in five women are hit with a fist or something hard, slammed, kicked, burned, choked, beaten, or incidents involving a weapon.

The reason why women suffer abuse more is explained thusly,

Still, women are more often victims and men are more often perpetrators. How do we explain this imbalance? Biological differences between the genders offers a better explanation.

Male brains have less connectivity in their brain wiring, giving them a lower ability to regulate emotions like hurt, sadness, and fear. Consequently, stressors like relationship conflict are more likely to come out as the outward facing emotions of anger or rage, and these can be destructive. Partners hold a unique power to stir feelings of inadequacy or questions about lovability, and therefore receive the brunt of the harm.

When our emotions become turbulent, our human tendency is to try to regain that control. Men are also less adept with words, so they are prone to “use what you got” and resort to physical means of control. Again, this is an explanation of the gender imbalance we see in the domestic violence statistics, not justification or permission.
Domestic violence statistics | Emotional abuse statistics | Gender equity
Does this explanation seem accurate to you? Are men simply less able to deal with turbulent emotions than women?

While I can't argue with the statistics violent spousal abuse is not part of my experience but it means someone I know likely suffers from it. Why aren't I more aware of it? Am I ignorant and blind or is it that people are so ashamed of it that we hide it an never talk about it?

I'll admit to the ignorance but blind? I'd think I would be aware of this kind of abuse on some level. What am I missing?

Do I got to explain why I don't wanna get married at all??? (Yeah I know exceptions exist but still....)

 

[Nakosis]

I was going to joke and say "Every chance that I get", which would have been true since I am single. But then I thought of a relationship that I was in once. The woman that I was with tended to get beaten by her former beaus. I have not and do not hear women, but I realized that there is a sickness that some women have where they try to get others to beat them. When she eventually did this to me, for example screaming in the face of me to try to force me to her point of view to the point where I was about to hit her that I was it was time to end it. She still wants to get back together with me at times when she is single and I always answer no. Not even for a booty call. Once burned, twice shy.

Men should of course never beat women. But having been in an abusive relationship I am not going to automatically give the woman a free pass. If a woman is in violent relationship after violent relationship odds are that she is a big part of the problem.

ETA: I think my tablet is sexist. Twice I wrote"men should not beat a woman" and the autowrong changed it to " men should not hear a woman". In fact it just did so again. For kicks I wrote "beat" and the autowrong changed it to "hear".

My son was in such a relationship. He found she was cheating on him when he grabbed her phone while she was texting some other guy. She was hitting and scratching him demanding the phone back. He got out of the car, walked off with the phone while she followed behind screaming she was being raped. I told my son, this is not a person you want to have a relationship with. He didn't listen. Ended up in jail violating a restraining order.

So he had weekend visitations. It was a completely different county, but I went to visit to talk with him. Well she also went to go visit him in jail. He only had 45 minutes for visitation. He asked me not to come for visitation anymore because it took away time he could visit with her.

Relationships make people do weird things I don't understand sometimes.

 

[Nakosis]

Do I got to explain why I don't wanna get married at all??? (Yeah I know exceptions exist but still....)

Seems even more difficult to find someone willing to commit to a permanent relationship like marriage these days. Oldest son got married, found out through facebook his wife was cheating on him. She had blocked him on Facebook but forgot to block his brothers.

I've been married 40 years. Have things changed or did I just get lucky finding the right woman?

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

That "biological" explanation is a load of ****. Men just aren't socialized to express their emotions in healthy ways.

 

[Jainarayan]

Men should of course never beat women. But having been in an abusive relationship I am not going to automatically give the woman a free pass. If a woman is in violent relationship after violent relationship odds are that she is a big part of the problem.

Sometimes there's co-dependencies at work.

Only once in my life have I ever raised my fist to punch someone's lights out. It was another man, but unfortunately he was at a disadvantage (falling down drunk) so I held back. However, if anyone, man or woman, went to hit me or did hit me, I would not let it go unanswered. I don't care if it's a woman, she has no more right to throw the first punch at me than I have. Gender equality? Damn skippy when it comes to protecting myself.

 

[BSM1]

There is no worse or helpless feeling for a kid than to watch his mother beaten bloody by an abusive boy friend. No worse, that is, except watching his mother go back to the low life SOB time and again.

 

[sun rise]

My wife and I once had a fight so bad that she was wielding a knife and I a chair. We stopped in time. And we knew after that event that neither of us would physically abuse the other.

 

[AManCalledHorse]

Domestic violence/child abuse is bad for everyone

--85% of batter's as children watched domestic violence occur in their own homes and/or experienced physical/sexual abuse themselves.
--50% of all willful homicides of females are committed by a past or present intimate partner
--63% of all boys, ages 11-20 who are arrested for murder, have killed the man who was assaulting their mother
--50% of the time there is both child abuse and domestic violence in the same home.
--Battered women are 2 times more likely to commit suicide
--Juvenile delinquents are 4 times more likely to "come from" abusive homes.
--Violent perpetrators, in general, were raised in violent homes> violence in the bedroom(home) is the root cause of violence in the street (American Psychological Association, 1984).


Know the Facts on Domestic Violence - University of Massachusetts Boston

 

[Revoltingest]

All I'll say is that I haven't stopped beating Mrs Revolt.

 

[savagewind]

All I'll say is that I haven't stopped beating Mrs Revolt.

Because you never started.

 

[Revoltingest]

Because you never started.

Rats!
I'm more transparent than I thought.

 

[Nakosis]

That "biological" explanation is a load of ****. Men just aren't socialized to express their emotions in healthy ways.

Less brain connectivity? Not sure what that means even. Still when we get angry and lose our temper why the urge to hit someone? I usually hit walls, put holes in them. Messed up my hand pretty bad once so switched to hitting pillows. Anger becomes a desire to hurt something. Maybe not you but it's something I had to deal with.

I feel or experienced the anger/violence connection. The only way for me to deal with it is to not get angry in the first place.

According to this it is fear based.

I have interviewed some very violent criminals and my candid conversations with these individuals have taught me that their violence as adults is largely a response to fear and resentments that were not resolved in childhood. In fact, the most violent adults I have ever met are those who have tremendous underlying fears of rejection, inadequacy, failure and abandonment.

Their violence as adults is a childlike response to a frightening world that they believe has been unfair to them and is deserving of punishment.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ar-based-anger-is-the-primary-motive-violence

I suppose I am afraid of being seen as a bad husband get angry about it. See it as unfair and decided someone needs to be punished for it. For the unfairness.

When I get verbally criticized by my wife, I do feel it is unfair. Usually I argue out a sense of unfairness. I think though I managed to get rid of the fear. I no longer have a sense or need for reprisal.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Less brain connectivity? Not sure what that means even. Still when we get angry and lose our temper why the urge to hit someone? I usually hit walls, put holes in them. Messed up my hand pretty bad once so switched to hitting pillows. Anger becomes a desire to hurt something. Maybe not you but it's something I had to deal with.

I feel or experienced the anger/violence connection. The only way for me to deal with it is to not get angry in the first place.

According to this it is fear based.

I have interviewed some very violent criminals and my candid conversations with these individuals have taught me that their violence as adults is largely a response to fear and resentments that were not resolved in childhood. In fact, the most violent adults I have ever met are those who have tremendous underlying fears of rejection, inadequacy, failure and abandonment.

Their violence as adults is a childlike response to a frightening world that they believe has been unfair to them and is deserving of punishment.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ar-based-anger-is-the-primary-motive-violence

I suppose I am afraid of being seen as a bad husband get angry about it. See it as unfair and decided someone needs to be punished for it. For the unfairness.

When I get verbally criticized by my wife, I do feel it is unfair. Usually I argue out a sense of unfairness. I think though I managed to get rid of the fear. I no longer have a sense or need for reprisal.

I have had problems with anger since I was young. It's because I was abused and went through a lot of trauma in my life. I'm just saying that explaining it as some sort of innate biological sex difference is nonsense. People who are unable to control their anger need therapy. That's not "just being a man". Something is wrong there.