Desire of Men, of Woman

[Caladan]

. Not that we talk about that stuff....I mean...I've read it....:run:

Well yes, we ARE talking about magazine pieces aren't we?

The way I learned it, it goes like this:

Give a man a fish, and he will eat a meal. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat all day and drink beer.

LOL!!!

 

[Pegg]

True, Pegg.
In addition, something I have observed is that there can be the attraction to know a women intimately, but not necessarily only to sleep with her. There is desire at a level of understanding or curiosity also.

Sexual desire is a weakness when it goes against our better judgement or impacts an already existing relationship. As to can be the need for desirability from more men beyond her partner. Most of us will recognise a flirtatious women.

yes thats true, it amazes me how relationship councilors will actually advise that flirting is good for relationships... i dont know how they came to that conclusion, they should be teaching couples that flirting is like playing with fire.

 

[Madhuri]

stereotype.

Really? I've never heard of it before. It's simply something that I have observed about myself. Reading this quote yesterday is the first time I have come across the notion from an external source.

Sex desire can be very strong for me, but I have noticed how my level of desire is linked to how much attention I am receiving. If I am receiving a lot of male attention, my desire for sex decreases and I feel happy, content. When I am not receiving much male attention, my desire for sex increases. I generally find that my desire for sex is greatest when I am alone.

I have wondered about this in relation to how sex is very much a bonding ritual for women and that on a psychological level, the increasing need for sex when love or admiration is not being expressed by the opposite sex, represents an activity that will (hopefully) cause a male to develop that admiration or desire for the woman.

Could this also reflect the stereotype about highly promiscuous women who have father issues? Can it help to explain why many women cheat when they are feeling a lack of love from their male partners?

I don't know, really. I am just exploring what seems to be a subconscious motivation in myself.

 

[dawny0826]

I just found a quote online that struck me as holding truth, and that I find this to be very, very interesting.

"The desire of a man is for the woman, but the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man" - Germaine De Stael

I can only speak for myself, but I find that both in courtship and in sexual intercourse, this desire for the man's desire (of me) is my deepest motivation.

Do any other women here find this relatable? Do you also find it interesting that a woman is so motivated by a man's desire or wanting of her?

Yes and yes. But sometimes I resent that men aren't as sentimental and emotionally connected when it comes to expressing their desire.

Sometimes it makes you want to tell him to take his desire and shove it. Kidding....

Or maybe not. I feel very disconnected from the male species sometimes. I often don't understand why we were designed to desire each other at all because sometimes we seem so cruelly matched.

 

[Madhuri]

Yes and yes. But sometimes I resent that men aren't as sentimental and emotionally connected when it comes to expressing their desire.

Sometimes it makes you want to tell him to take his desire and shove it. Kidding....

Or maybe not. I feel very disconnected from the male species sometimes. I often don't understand why we were designed to desire each other at all because sometimes we seem so cruelly matched.

I completely agree!!

 

[dawny0826]

I completely agree!!

It was a little awkward posting that but felt very good to get it out and in the open. I've been needing to get that out for quite a while. Thanks for always lending an ear.

 

[Madhuri]

It was a little awkward posting that but felt very good to get it out and in the open. I've been needing to get that out for quite a while. Thanks for always lending an ear.

No problem Dawny. It's good to get those feelings out. The guys on this forum have put up with plenty of my complaining about men

 

[dust1n]

I would imagine both would be true in both ways. Not saying there isn't some substance to the quote. For her time and place, was it not certainly true to a very large degree?

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

Really. How would that be for a man,
to feel that his manhood is not being fully enjoyed by his woman?

I'm guessing it would be pretty lame.
*does not picture years of dynamic sexual intimacy*

It is much more exciting for the man if the woman is enjoying herself and getting excited too. All the women I have known have been as active and keen as I was.

If either goes off the boil you might just as well watch TV, for all the fun it is.

 

[Sunstone]

Yes and yes. But sometimes I resent that men aren't as sentimental and emotionally connected when it comes to expressing their desire.

But that's not true at all!!!!! We men are very sentimental about our favorite brands of beer and awesome sports plays!!! You are completely misjudging our capacity for profound emotions!!!!

Sometimes it makes you want to tell him to take his desire and shove it. Kidding....

But I thought shoving "it" into moist, warm, welcoming places was what us men did best?!??

 

[Sunstone]

I just found a quote online that struck me as holding truth, and that I find this to be very, very interesting.

"The desire of a man is for the woman, but the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man" - Germaine De Stael

I can only speak for myself, but I find that both in courtship and in sexual intercourse, this desire for the man's desire (of me) is my deepest motivation.

Do any other women here find this relatable? Do you also find it interesting that a woman is so motivated by a man's desire or wanting of her?

I suspect men like to be appreciated a bit more than they like to be desired.

 

[Pegg]

I suspect men like to be appreciated a bit more than they like to be desired.

i think you've hit the nail on the head. Men and womens needs are different because we have different attributes. I think men mostly desire respect while women mostly desire to love.

but this is the catch - a woman will more readily respect a man who shows her love, and a man will more readily show love to a woman who shows him respect

and the reason why relationships break down is because one failed to show respect and the other failed to show love....

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

i think you've hit the nail on the head. Men and womens needs are different because we have different attributes. I think men mostly desire respect while women mostly desire to love.

but this is the catch - a woman will more readily respect a man who shows her love, and a man will more readily show love to a woman who shows him respect

and the reason why relationships break down is because one failed to show respect and the other failed to show love....

Very frubal worthy
better still love and respect to each

 

[Madhuri]

but this is the catch - a woman will more readily respect a man who shows her love, and a man will more readily show love to a woman who shows him respect

and the reason why relationships break down is because one failed to show respect and the other failed to show love....

Excellent!

 

[Pegg]

cheers guys, i just thought i should add that i've posted a very high ideal...its not always easy to apply love and respect in a relationship

 

[Sunstone]

I confess I don't really understand the desire or need of so many women for security in love. I guess the best I can do is respect it. But it seems based on an illusion to me. To me, there is no security in love and wanting it -- desiring it -- just sets one up for a fall.

 

[Onkara]

I wonder if it really security in the same sense as men consider it?

Security might be sleeping with a pistol under your pillow or enough money to cover surgery and mortgages whilst unwell etc. These are practical things (stereotypes I know). Perhaps security for women is companionship, trust and a sense of stability in a relationship? Money or a pistol doesn't change that "trust".

 

[Madhuri]

I confess I don't really understand the desire or need of so many women for security in love. I guess the best I can do is respect it. But it seems based on an illusion to me. To me, there is no security in love and wanting it -- desiring it -- just sets one up for a fall.

Think of it in terms of the male/female dynamic in a natural setting, where the female is dependent on the male to be safe, to raise her children in a secure situation. If a man loves us, he won't want to leave us.

I'm sure there's a lot more to it than that, but I hardly understand it either. I'd love to be more independent, less romantic. But it's a very real drive that I feel to make men fall in love with me. Ok, that sounds bad. To make certain men fall in love with me. And the intention and associated behaviour is not generally conscious, it's just natural and automatic.

I should probably point out that being in love with a man is also part of the experience. Just because many women have this drive to want to be desired and loved does not mean that we do not desire and love. But that needing to be admired seems to be very significant for us.

 

[Madhuri]

I wonder if it really security in the same sense as men consider it?

Security might be sleeping with a pistol under your pillow or enough money to cover surgery and mortgages whilst unwell etc. These are practical things (stereotypes I know). Perhaps security for women is companionship, trust and a sense of stability in a relationship? Money or a pistol doesn't change that "trust".

Yes, definitely.
But there's more than that too. I mean, I would be very happy as a goddess on an island with a bunch of male devotees

 

[Sunstone]

Think of it in terms of the male/female dynamic in a natural setting, where the female is dependent on the male to be safe, to raise her children in a secure situation. If a man loves us, he won't want to leave us.

I'm sure there's a lot more to it than that, but I hardly understand it either. I'd love to be more independent, less romantic. But it's a very real drive that I feel to make men fall in love with me. Ok, that sounds bad. To make certain men fall in love with me. And the intention and associated behaviour is not generally conscious, it's just natural and automatic.

I should probably point out that being in love with a man is also part of the experience. Just because many women have this drive to want to be desired and loved does not mean that we do not desire and love. But that needing to be admired seems to be very significant for us.

Good post. Intellectually, what you say makes a lot of sense to me. But emotionally, I still can't get that there is such a thing as security in love -- so it doesn't make sense on an intuitive/emotional level for me. Love has always been uncertain to me.