Hi, Anne - excellent OP. You bring up a lot of good questions and points.
Here's my take on it:
First of all, let me give you my perspective. For many years of my life, I struggled financially. I was a single mom for several years, and a stay at home mom for 10 years (I birthed four children during that time), married to an enlisted soldier for many years before that (he did become an officer 6 years after we were married and that was a huge help financially - till we divorced).
As a single mom, I had to work extremely hard for many, many years in order to provide a very modest lifestyle for my four kids and myself. We had very few luxuries, and did most of our shopping at thrift shops and discount stores. We took no vacations, we didn't have cable for many years, no cell phones, not even a home computer for many years. I drove the same car for 10 years - till it totally died on me with nearly 300,000 miles on it.
Over time, I built a career and eventually moved into what I'd call the "middle class." Then I hit the real estate boom as a realtor and suddenly became pretty well off. About that time, I met my husband. He works in the oil field and has worked harder than just about anyone I know. He's built a good career for himself, but it's taken 30 years of sweat to do so.
I married my husband five years ago. We have both worked since we were young teens, and worked HARD all our lives. My kids are grown and out of the house now.
My husband and I are now financially comfortable. By our local standards, we're affluent (though I wouldn't say we're "wealthy"). We both work full time. However, I work mainly because I'd be bored if I didn't, though of course if I suddenly stopped working we'd have to make some significant adjustments.
I work as a banker at a large local bank. I am not trying to build a career - in fact, I'm underemployed for my skill set, and that's a great feeling! But one curious offshoot of all this is that my co workers are not nearly as affluent as I am. This includes my manager.
This has created an unusual set of circumstances for me. Throughout my working life, I've enjoyed the cameraderie of my coworkers - in fact, many of them have become some of my closest friends over the years. But in the past, they've been at the same economic level as me. Now this is different, and it's created some interesting challenges for me.
I find myself really downplaying my "off work" lifestyle because my co workers think we're rich. They make comments to that effect often. "Oh, you wouldn't understand - you guys are rich." "You probably don't know what I'm talking about - you don't have to worry about money." That sort of thing. Sometimes I pick up on a level of jealousy or dismissal, even though without exception the people I work with are very, very nice folks, and I really like them.
But my husband and I have some interests and hobbies that are financially out of the range of my co workers. I find myself simply not talking about these things with them. But then, what do you do when the topic is, "What did you do this weekend?"
Don't get me wrong - my co workers and I share many common interests and we can talk about those things. But sometimes I admit it - I feel awkward. I've had a couple of women from work over to my house from time to time, but after the last time, I think I'm going to stop doing that. Not because I'm inhospitable, but because I literally watched the gap widen between my co workers and me during their visit. This didn't come from me, it came from THEM. As they toured the house, I heard a lot of comments like, "Wow, must be nice." And "So this is how the rich people live." "Oh my gosh, this bedroom is as big as half my house!" It felt very awkward. I'm used to being "one of the girls."
My point is - no matter what socio economic class is involved, some people insist on drawing lines, making assumptions, judging, etc. I have told these same co workers that when I was their age, I was struggling. I am not sure they believe me. And I'm not sure it matters to them now anyway. They feel the gap and insist on pointing it out. I would NEVER point it out.
By the way, I don't have an mp3 player or a wii! And I have a cheap *** phone too. My computer is 8 years old, and my car is 7 years old. And I still love to shop at resale shops! And I am too cheap to put internet or even texting on my cell phone.
Meanwhile, the asst mgr at our bank has every techie gadget made (including the new Apple thingie and the latest Smart Phone), a truck that's a lot newer than mine, and a much nicer house than I had when I was his age. His buddies may think he's rich. I don't know. Everyone has their own priorities.
That's just my perspective.
