Heya, it's been a while. I felt like sharing some updates. My health has been on the rise during the last year, both physical and mental. I've learned that my heart defect is a genetic thing, which my estranged father also has. He's in the hospital now for similar reasons. Go figure.
Depression and PTSD are just the worst btw. The reason I couldn't keep my health in order is because my mind just couldn't handle the stressors of normal life. But I got myself into a good routine of healthy home cooking, which helped in the meantime. Eventually my partner caught on, and he's eating well now too. I guess the sudden acid reflux caught his attention and he decided he didn't want that. So it's good food from now on for both of us.
Speaking of depression, that's pretty much gone now. At least in the form it was in. I've dealt with it for three decades now, so that was just what normal life felt like to me. There was no off switch. But I guess it got unplugged on its own last month. We found a good way to use our expertise together to make a living on our terms, and that's been going well. We're even starting our own business together. Suddenly personal motivation that has nothing to do with appeasing someone else's capitalistic gains has cleared a path for us. There was no way to "just get over depression" on your own which is why I had that issue for 30+ years, but I guess the right spark of motivation can pull someone out. I wouldn't have minded if that had happened earlier.
So now with that gone, I'm also losing weight. A lot of it. I'm not particularly working out more than I did before. And I was already eating healthy. But now I'm just regularly active throughout the day instead of just lazing around all the time. The apartment is getting regularly cleaned, and I'm just keeping up with daily chores that I notice need to be done. That's what depression blocks, and with it out of the way I think I can start loving and respecting myself again.
I'm trying not to forget what that level of depression was like. Because no one just "snaps out of it" on their own. It's a disease of the mind and more people need to recognize that. I even have some lasting damage from it I need to deal with now. I will probably always be dealing with that, but at least I'm in control now.
Other good news: We're engaged! So that's happening.
