A poll for the men of RF

[Gharib]

for the men, would you rather:

cheat on your wife and have her find out later

OR

would you rather be honest and tell her that you want to marry another woman and discuss it with her?
agreeing to give them both a house each.

there will be another thread after this, i will get the the link to that and the one prior and post it here in the OP

EDIT: here are the links

A poll for the women of RF

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I would never do any of those things. I do not see them as options.

 

[Nanda]

Is the next poll going to be for men, asking them if they'd rather be cheated on or allow their wife to take a second husband? Because if not, that's hardly fair.

 

[Engyo]

Eselam -

Are you aware that what you propose is illegal in most Western countries (unless you divorce the original wife in the process)?

 

[Nanda]

Eselam -

Are you aware that what you propose is illegal in most Western countries (unless you divorce the original wife in the process)?

It's a hypothetical question. I really don't see the harm in discussing it.

 

[Engyo]

It's a hypothetical question. I really don't see the harm in discussing it.

I have no objection to the discussion either; it's just that I wasn't sure whether Eselam was aware of the legal constraints imposed on people in this situation in most Western societies.

 

[Gharib]

Eselam -

Are you aware that what you propose is illegal in most Western countries (unless you divorce the original wife in the process)?

yes i am quite aware of that, i'm just asking like someone said

It's a hypothetical question. I really don't see the harm in discussing it.

 

[Gharib]

I would never do any of those things. I do not see them as options.

oh darn, bloody hell, i forgot to put a fourth option if anyone never wanted to marry a second wife but instead be just with one.

 

[Scarlett Wampus]

Yeh, can't marry two woman where I live and am going to live.

Ignoring that, if I were to want to be with someone other than who I was betrothed to I'd very probably be honest and upfront about it judging by previous behaviour. The consequences of that would be as they must.

(I very much doubt I'd ever be in that situation in the future. I'd turn down Venus herself unless I'd already established that polyamory was emotionally non-destructive and ethically fair with my current partner)

 

[Scarlett Wampus]

oh darn, bloody hell, i forgot to put a fourth option if anyone never wanted to marry a second wife but instead be just with one.

One of the mods should be able to reset the poll and add that option.

 

[Gharib]

engyo

can you put a 4th option to the poll? is it possible?

 

[Gharib]

Is the next poll going to be for men, asking them if they'd rather be cheated on or allow their wife to take a second husband? Because if not, that's hardly fair.

well i'm kind or relating this to the laws of islam, i want to know what non muslims think about it.

do you recon i should make a thread about asking men if they would allow their wives to marry another man?

 

[Scarlett Wampus]

Is the next poll going to be for men, asking them if they'd rather be cheated on or allow their wife to take a second husband? Because if not, that's hardly fair.

A second husband, hard to imagine (not part of my culture). Polyamory, ok, with conditions.

 

[Gharib]

Yeh, can't marry two woman where I live and am going to live.

Ignoring that, if I were to want to be with someone other than who I was betrothed to I'd very probably be honest and upfront about it judging by previous behaviour. The consequences of that would be as they must.

(I very much doubt I'd ever be in that situation in the future. I'd turn down Venus herself unless I'd already established that polyamory was emotionally non-destructive and ethically fair with my current partner)

yes social and mental problems could arise out of such a relationship, it is good to take that into consideration, but it would kind of be much better to tell ones wife about wanting to marry another woman of wich maybe only discussions would arise, than to cheat on her and have her suffer mentally, and be stressed and feel as a victim.

 

[MSizer]

If you have to resort to any of those options, you have failed in your marriage commitment. I would strive to repair the problems in my marriage. That's not to say I don't think divorce is ever warranted, but my point is that I would either repair my existing marriage (most desirable option) or terminate it (least desirable option) rather than resort to any of the actions you propose. The infidelity option you propose is a silly one. If you can cheat, you have already failed in your marriage IMO.

 

[Nanda]

well i'm kind or relating this to the laws of islam, i want to know what non muslims think about it.

do you recon i should make a thread about asking men if they would allow their wives to marry another man?

I do, but I may be in the minority.

 

[Nanda]

A second husband, hard to imagine (not part of my culture). Polyamory, ok, with conditions.

What's the difference, as you see it?

 

[Scarlett Wampus]

yes social and mental problems could arise out of such a relationship, it is good to take that into consideration, but it would kind of be much better to tell ones wife about wanting to marry another woman of wich maybe only discussions would arise, than to cheat on her and have her suffer mentally, and be stressed and feel as a victim.

I agree in principle and personally as well.

People can be odd though. I've those I know of currently having affairs is that they seem to regard it as something 'extra' and 'separate' to their established life with their betrothed. This they take as quite acceptable but the idea of polyamory or polygamy is strange or unacceptable to them. BTW the only people I know personally who are having affairs at the moment are women but I'm fairly sure the attitude is generally similar for men where I live too: They don't want to change what they've got with their wives but they may want other relationships too.

 

[Scarlett Wampus]

What's the difference, as you see it?

Legal status and the potentially difficult power dynamics in a relationship where there is one wife but two husbands.

If I became one of two husbands I'd want my wife to have the other as a known lover for a long time before that happened and I'd want to be given choice in the matter.

Anyway, methinks I'm an odd case and shouldn't be posting so much in this thread.

 

[Wandered Off]

oh darn, bloody hell, i forgot to put a fourth option if anyone never wanted to marry a second wife but instead be just with one.

It's there now.