"Extended Adolescence" or "Emerging Adulthood" - a positive or negative trend?

Alceste said:

Maybe you and your husband should to to Cancun. Leave him to sort out the bills and groceries and whatnot.

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Sounds great..but our house would probalby burn down in a week..and he would be in the emergency room with a head injury.. :help:

Love

Dallas

Lana, can you do me a favor for once?

Can you stop being so damn hard on yourself?

MysticSang'ha said:

Lana, can you do me a favor for once?

Can you stop being so damn hard on yourself?

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Yeah, she should let somebody else be hard on her for awhile.

:cigar:

DallasApple said:

I guess the bottom line is WHO CARES WHAT YOU WANT LOL!!!

Why should the parents have to support an adult till they are 25 + while they "decide what they want for a career"..Where does it end that someone should be "provided" that luxury?And by luxury I mean everything you need to survive and beyond?

What do you say to the fact the PARENTS are in jobs and careers they are NOT inerested in either?To support your hiny butt?

I know its hard to "decide" what you want "to be when you grow up"..some people may in fact never quite decide..or decide and then change their mind all their life..

In the mean time you have to "pick one" and get it done while you are still "deciding'..

Im not trying to be cruel and Im not talking about being selfish and just wanting to get rid of the kids..I WANT for my children to have their own LIVES seperate from me at some point.

Maybe its evolution or something but its a "stage" a transformation for the parents and the chldren..Its not NORMAL to me..to just 'chill" with the parents indefinately.

If my son decided (or asked) if he could just live here for the rest of his life..In his room..and have a career and help pay the bills and provide himself his neccessities such as car and such..I could deal with that better than this "limbo" ****.While he is eating our shrimp!Floating around acting like nothing is happening.

Love

Dallas

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I wasn't defending that position. I don't think parents should support their children forever. My parents however see it as part of their responsibility to see me through university to make sure I have the best possible start in life, this seems be be a very common view over here.

Panda said:

I wasn't defending that position. I don't think parents should support their children forever. My parents however see it as part of their responsibility to see me through university to make sure I have the best possible start in life, this seems be be a very common view over here.

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I understand that..

Love

Dallas

I'm all for "seeing a kid thru university" if they finish a four year degree in four years - and if they are willing to step up to the plate as an ADULT living with other ADULTS - and carry their share of the weight of a household. Do something to earn some money, pay for your own gas and food and some household expenses - wash and fold your own laundry for heavens' sake, and VOLUNTEER to help your parents out, rather than the other way around, once in awhile.

One thing that sticks out at me is the recurring mantra about "not knowing what one wants to do," and "unappealing jobs" and "wanting a fulfilling career."

What? Who told you work is fun? Do you honestly think that your parents get up every day saying, "Woohoooo! Today I get to fight some traffic, go hang out with people for 8-9 hours today that I really don't love like I do my friends and family, do a job that isn't sexy or particularly exciting, then fight traffic coming home, divide my couple of free hours up between 3 other people who are vying for my last ounce of energy, scrounge something up for dinner, fold laundry while I'm reviewing a homework assigment, wash the dishes because no one else offers to, fall asleep on the sofa during the evening news - and then I get to get up and do it all again tomorrow."

Sure it's great if work is exciting, fulfilling, dynamic, creative - whatever. But even the most interesting jobs are largely filled with tedium. Jobs are not entertainment. Jobs are utilitarian.

Get your head around that. And then get off your *** and get to work.

Everybody's livin' for the weekend.

Alceste said:

Maybe you and your husband should to to Cancun. Leave him to sort out the bills and groceries and whatnot.

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Maybe I should get stoned and "chill"?

Love

Dallas

I don't expect to be constantly entertained or "fulfilled" at work. I expect to work in order to FUND my personal fulfillment and entertainment.

Two different things entirely. I don't condone going to work every day at a job that goes against your moral values or your inborn talents. But I also don't condone refusing to work at a job that may be less than perfect, while expecting others to work to support your search for personal fulfillment.

Kathryn said:

I'm all for "seeing a kid thru university" if they finish a four year degree in four years - and if they are willing to step up to the plate as an ADULT living with other ADULTS - and carry their share of the weight of a household. Do something to earn some money, pay for your own gas and food and some household expenses - wash and fold your own laundry for heavens' sake, and VOLUNTEER to help your parents out, rather than the other way around, once in awhile.

One thing that sticks out at me is the recurring mantra about "not knowing what one wants to do," and "unappealing jobs" and "wanting a fulfilling career."

What? Who told you work is fun? Do you honestly think that your parents get up every day saying, "Woohoooo! Today I get to fight some traffic, go hang out with people for 8-9 hours today that I really don't love like I do my friends and family, do a job that isn't sexy or particularly exciting, then fight traffic coming home, divide my couple of free hours up between 3 other people who are vying for my last ounce of energy, scrounge something up for dinner, fold laundry while I'm reviewing a homework assigment, wash the dishes because no one else offers to, fall asleep on the sofa during the evening news - and then I get to get up and do it all again tomorrow."

Sure it's great if work is exciting, fulfilling, dynamic, creative - whatever. But even the most interesting jobs are largely filled with tedium. Jobs are not entertainment. Jobs are utilitarian.

Get your head around that. And then get off your *** and get to work.

Everybody's livin' for the weekend.

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Exactly..My FAVORITE thing in the world to do was go to work in high heals..come home cook dinner..entertain children and then finally give up worikign all together so I could stay home..entertain children..cook ..and clean and wipe out every penny I had earned in Micorosoft and intel setting my husband up in business so he could go to work doing something he doesnt enjoy..

SOOO 20 years olds could "chill"..deciding for years on end what they would "enjoy " doing"..

EVERYBODDY must get STONED>>>

[youtube]daRC0sQj5fw[/youtube]
YouTube - Bob Dylan- Everybody Must Get Stoned.wmv

Love

Dallas

Dallas, even though we've never met, I swear if I run into you at Central Market off Mockingbird, I will know you immediately - and we can leave our carts in the aisles and go wandering down Greenville Ave together.

Kathryn said:

I don't expect to be constantly entertained or "fulfilled" at work. I expect to work in order to FUND my personal fulfillment and entertainment.

Two different things entirely. I don't condone going to work every day at a job that goes against your moral values or your inborn talents. But I also don't condone refusing to work at a job that may be less than perfect, while expecting others to work to support your search for personal fulfillment.

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Hell at least you get paid..LOL!!!

I dont Im a lowly maid and mother..Im a "kept woman"..


But besides that..I was a hard working little hell on wheels !!!

Love

Dallas

I will be a kept woman soon - that's the plan anyway. I can't wait!

Kathryn said:

Dallas, even though we've never met, I swear if I run into you at Central Market off Mockingbird, I will know you immediately - and we can leave our carts in the aisles and go wandering down Greenville Ave together.

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HA HA HA!!!!

First of all Missy I shop at central market in Plano :flirt:..LOL!! 2nd of all my brother lives(with his girlfrined my cherished friend) on lower Greenville ave and its FUN to go party in that side of town..*she has a little 100 year old house there they are WHACKED)

Lower Greenville the TOWN!!!

I would reckognize you too..I BET you would be talking loud and I would know your voice..And YOUR HAIR...I would know your hair!



Love

Dallas

Kathryn said:

I will be a kept woman soon - that's the plan anyway. I can't wait!

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You cant wait to be a free loading prositute!(High paid of course) ???LOL!!!!

All right..!!!

Love

Dallas

Yeah, but my john will only have one girl and I'll only have one trick.

Kathryn said:

Yeah, but my john will only have one girl and I'll only have one trick.

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TEEEEEE HEEEEE!!!!!

NASTY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!

Love

Dallas

DallasApple said:

HA HA HA!!!!

First of all Missy I shop at central market in Plano :flirt:..LOL!! 2nd of all my brother lives(with his girlfrined my cherished friend) on lower Greenville ave and its FUN to go party in that side of town..*she has a little 100 year old house there they are WHACKED)

Lower Greenville the TOWN!!!

I would reckognize you too..I BET you would be talking loud and I would know your voice..And YOUR HAIR...I would know your hair!



Love

Dallas

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I've never been to the Central Market in Plano - bet it's a good one. Considering I have to drive over an hour to get to the one off Mockingbird, I'm doing good to get there three or four times a year. I'm so jealous - I want a Central Market closer to my house...

And yes, I would be the one talking loud - and laughing with my mouth wide open.

Ain't never got that subtle thang down good.

Kathryn said:

I've never been to the Central Market in Plano - bet it's a good one. Considering I have to drive over an hour to get to the one off Mockingbird, I'm doing good to get there three or four times a year. I'm so jealous - I want a Central Market closer to my house...

And yes, I would be the one talking loud - and laughing with my mouth wide open.

Ain't never got that subtle thang down good.

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Yeah well thats one of the benefits we get livign in conjestion and not tranquil.We have a Central Market 10 minutes away and Asian markets(super markets) etc..LOTS of shopping..Two huge hopspitals..(one 10 and the other 15 minutes)..3 highschools(only for 11 and 12th) ..about( 4) 9/10 grade scools about 6 ...6/7 and 8th schools and abotu a dozen k-5 schools..

This is "suburbia" with massive wealth and huge pupulation..I actually think Plano)Texas) is on the map..

Its all I know..even though I LONG for more quiet..Im realisitic..My husbands parents moved out to east Texas on Sam rayburn Lake in the Alexandrias..

I dont know why Im talking about that..Maybe cuz I want my 20 year old to GET OUT!! LOLLL

And and P.S who cares if you talk loud! Thats nobody's business but your own. As long as you let me talk loud too!!(we can take turns) ..:flirt:

P.S do you snort when you laugh????

Love


Dallas

Lifestyle is so different to previous generations, the kids now have far more options, whilst parents know so little about the options that they find it increasingly difficult to set good boundaries.

In my opinion the "it's my house do it my way" is weak, it's an authoritarian model that does not promote adult thinking in the child, it can be good for discipline, but discipline based upon illogic is useless.

Take for example the age of consent. Aussie government says people can legally have sex from age 16 onwards. Society promotes a sexualized concept of people, reinforcing the natural tendency of teenagers to be horny. Yet sex in a car is illegal due to its publicity, hotel rooms are expensive, other choices are not as good as the best option for the teenager - to have safe sex is in their own home. Yet many parents are of the mind that 'you'll not be having sex under MY roof!'. That parent creates a situation whereby the teenager will have riskier sex and for what? For some outdated sense of keeping their child innocent, or for some long outdated sense of decorum? Is there another reason for their teenager to not do something completely legal in their own house?

I've discussed this with several parents and their answer has essentially boiled down to, "because I say so - we had to do it this way, so will you" times change people, it's not as safe having a shag on lovers point anymore with a camera in every phone. And those parents who had to do it this way too - how many found themselves horny as, away from that bedside drawer with the contraceptives in it and said, "lets do it anyway" and bang, 16-19 years old and pregnant - with a big part of that UNPLANNED pregnancy caused by their parents obstinate "You're not having sex under my roof".

Even that concept of "my house, my roof" it's bloody disgusting. Where is the family in "MY", there is no family in "MY" it's all about selfish. Yes kudas where it is due, the parents worked hard and paid their dues and bought that house - but if that house is "MY house" that says a lot about the family structure.

Promote the idea that the kid is shielded from all the financial decision making in the household - no frigging wonder kids and young adults can't budget these days, their parents hid all those 'scary' details from the kids for 20 years! The kids have no experience in financial matters because the parents are over protective of financial matters.
Pathetic, the parents create the situation with their outdated or incorrect thinking and then wonder, "what have i done wrong, i've got a kidlike adult that doesn't pay their bills" Well hello, they never had any experience in paying bills, they've had every desire satisfied by your gifting them whatever.

If the parent is responsible for everything... the kid is irresponsible and grows to be an irresponsible adult.

If the child has no say in "it's MY house" then the reasons for the child to respect that house are diminished, not gone, but lessened. Ownership is FAR more powerful than enforced discipline, ownership is about self discipline and responsibility, rather than obedience to the authoritarian parent.