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What is friendship?

Deidre

Well-Known Member
Like, how do you personally define it? How do you decide if a friendship is worth keeping or not? Have you ever severed a friendship, and why? Are you a good friend to others?

Just wondering....
 

Timothy Bryce

Active Member
I'm still in the process of figuring that out now. I don't think I can trust anyone and I'm freaked out that certain people are conspiring to kill me.

My opinion: friendships are inherently disappointing. You promise yourself things that don't really exist and there is always a context in which someone will betray you; that's life.

I've brutally severed around 10+ "friendships" just so I can keep my own "ship" afloat. This is in the last 6 months.

Life can be incredibly ugly and vicious. So fight!
 

Mycroft

Ministry of Serendipity
The sharing of vulnerabilities. We get close to someone the more they – and we – find ourselves able gracefully to depart from the official story of what human beings are like, and can start to show the awkward truths which underlie the cheerful facade. These are the truths with which we have been lonely for too long: how unlike ‘normal’ sexuality our sex lives actually are; how full of envy our careers are proving; how unsatisfactory our family can be; how worried we are all the time.

Revealing any of these things places us in great danger. Others could laugh; social media would have a field day. That’s the point. We can only get close by revealing things that would, in the wrong hands, be capable of inflicting appalling humiliation on us. Friendship is the dividend of gratitude that flows from an acknowledgement that one has offered something very valuable to someone: not a fancy present, but something even more precious, the key to one’s self-esteem and dignity.

:)
 

Deidre

Well-Known Member
I'm still in the process of figuring that out now. I don't think I can trust anyone and I'm freaked out that certain people are conspiring to kill me.

My opinion: friendships are inherently disappointing. You promise yourself things that don't really exist and there is always a context in which someone will betray you; that's life.

I've brutally severed around 10+ "friendships" just so I can keep my own "ship" afloat. This is in the last 6 months.

Life can be incredibly ugly and vicious. So fight!
I have had a lot of trust issues too, Good Doctor. :( I know how you feel. ((hug))
Inherently disappointing.You could be right, and I've tried to turn the other cheek with different hurts in friendships, but friendship is a two way street. Do you have any close friends? I do, but it took such a long time to trust :blush:

The sharing of vulnerabilities. We get close to someone the more they – and we – find ourselves able gracefully to depart from the official story of what human beings are like, and can start to show the awkward truths which underlie the cheerful facade. These are the truths with which we have been lonely for too long: how unlike ‘normal’ sexuality our sex lives actually are; how full of envy our careers are proving; how unsatisfactory our family can be; how worried we are all the time.

Revealing any of these things places us in great danger. Others could laugh; social media would have a field day. That’s the point. We can only get close by revealing things that would, in the wrong hands, be capable of inflicting appalling humiliation on us. Friendship is the dividend of gratitude that flows from an acknowledgement that one has offered something very valuable to someone: not a fancy present, but something even more precious, the key to one’s self-esteem and dignity.

:)
This is really beautiful, Mycroft...and true. Maybe we are all afraid to be vulnerable, at the end of the day. Is vulnerability always necessary for successful friendships? Lasting friendships? (in your opinion?)
 

psychoslice

Veteran Member
I never think about it, I meet people, and some I get along with others I don't, and that's the way it should be, we are all different, just go along with it and don't think too much about it, or you will never be satisfied with either way
 

Gambit

Well-Known Member
I never think about it, I meet people, and some I get along with others I don't, and that's the way it should be, we are all different, just go along with it and don't think too much about it, or you will never be satisfied with either way

Agreed. Friendships, like everything else in this world, are impermanent. They just come and go.
 

Smart_Guy

...
Premium Member
I don't have close friends to know how to define friendship, but the word "friend" can also be derived to "friendly" so the more friendly the people you know and usually meet up, the closer they are to be a friend. There is also an Arabic proverb that translates to "the friend is there for you when you need them". Interestingly, there is an English equivalent proverb for that which is "a friend in need is a friend indeed".
 

Gambit

Well-Known Member
There is also an Arabic proverb that translates to "the friend is there for you when you need them". Interestingly, there is an English equivalent proverb for that which is "a friend in need is a friend indeed".

The Arabic proverb makes sense, but the English one doesn't.
 
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Smart_Guy

...
Premium Member
The Arabic proverb makes sense, but the English one doesn't. (They're not saying the same thing.)

Hmm, I thought that "a friend in need" means when you are in need and a friend specifically come to helps you.

I guess the arrangement of words to give the rhythm affected my understanding.
 

Gambit

Well-Known Member
Hmm, I thought that "a friend in need" means when you are in need and a friend specifically come to helps you.

I guess the arrangement of words to give the rhythm affected my understanding.

Well, to me, it doesn't convey that. I would rephrase it as follows: "A friend indeed is one who helps you when you're in need."
 

Smart_Guy

...
Premium Member
Okay. I'll try again:

"A friend indeed is one who helps another in need."

Aaaah, too long to be poetic for me. It does give the meaning tho.

How about: "A friend indeed is that who helps you in need."?

However, anyone could help you if you're in need, not just friends. It has to give the implication that the friend specifically, and being a friend, gets there for you when you really need them.
 

LuisDantas

Aura of atheification
Premium Member
Like, how do you personally define it?
Friendship is willingness to run risks and go through inconveniences on other person's behalf, because that person's well being is important to one.

How do you decide if a friendship is worth keeping or not?

I mostly do not. Events decide it for me.

Have you ever severed a friendship, and why?

Lots of times. It is mostly a matter of accepting the necessity.

Are you a good friend to others?

It varies a lot. Friendships are created almost by accident and sustained by delicate cognitive feedbacks that will not work at all consistently. They can and do vary remarkably on intensity, reliability and stability.
 

Curious George

Veteran Member
I don't have close friends to know how to define friendship, but the word "friend" can also be derived to "friendly" so the more friendly the people you know and usually meet up, the closer they are to be a friend. There is also an Arabic proverb that translates to "the friend is there for you when you need them". Interestingly, there is an English equivalent proverb for that which is "a friend in need is a friend indeed".
You have correctly translated the idiom. The problem comes from how we use prepositions, the phrase often modifies last noun or pronoun.

If you were to better structure it would read:

A friend, in your time of need, is a true friend indeed.

This way we are talking about your time of need in which your friend is a friend.

But to the op:

Friends are people with whom we share experiences and give our love and loyalty. It need not be reciprocated. We may build friendship on a reciprocation of communication and sharing, but I don't think it is necessary.

Having been audience to countless conversations about the few people that are true friends to the speaker because they would do anything for the speaker, I have chosen to instead count my friends as those for whom I would do anything.
 

Godobeyer

the word "Islam" means "submission" to God
Premium Member
Like, how do you personally define it? How do you decide if a friendship is worth keeping or not? Have you ever severed a friendship, and why? Are you a good friend to others?

Just wondering....
1-It's like love and trust some people (not relatives) , and don't hurt them .

2-I don't how to respond to this question :)

3- help them when they need help .

4-I server/help my friends for free, in most of issues.

5- they told me , "I am good friend,they are proud of me"
 

Brickjectivity

Veteran Member
Staff member
Premium Member
I have been a rotten friend for most of my life, but I think that is typical of friends. If I could do it over again I would probably have a lot more friends, because I'd have a lower bar for them to pass. I'd also raise the bar for myself.
 

Mycroft

Ministry of Serendipity
This is really beautiful, Mycroft...and true. Maybe we are all afraid to be vulnerable, at the end of the day. Is vulnerability always necessary for successful friendships? Lasting friendships? (in your opinion?)

Not always. But often. Intimacy is being really rather weird around someone, and discovering that, actually, that's okay with them.
 
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