Your personal struggle to live by the teachings of your faith

[EiNsTeiN]

Hey Mila, may God help you, and I really wish you luck in this...

 

[fullyveiled muslimah]

I know this has turned into a 12 step thread, but I will make dua for you Mila. I have never smoked due to asthma, but I used to drink like a fish from 16-18 years old. Not a long time by any stretch but I drank everyday. I started with wine coolers and moved to whisky. I realized my tolerance level was high, so I started drinking heavy alcohol only. To this day i have never felt any signs of drunkeness. Leads me to believe I have never been drunk depsite relentlessly drinking Schnapps and 80% + proof alcohol. After never feeling drunk I thought perhaps God doesn't want me to drink, but it sure tasted good. I quit cold but I have cravings more often then I am willing to admit to. I have never given in to it, but I do look longingly at the alcohol aisle in the grocery store wishing that it didn't look so bad for a muslim lady to be racking up on bottles of drinks.

I can't rightfully call it an addiction due to my ease of leaving it, although I drank heavily everyday or other day. I was well on my way to alcoholism I think. Just hang in there though Mila and know that Allah is well pleased with the decision.


Now on to the topic of the thread:

The thing I find most difficult to practice of deen is the way I communicate. You know I have to unlearn all the things I learned was a normal way to talk. Be mindful of the words I speak and to whom I speak them. No backbiting, exaggerating, and being mindful to fulfill the rights of all those around me. I don't know about other places but here it's just normal to talk about people. You see somebody on the street you crack a joke. Heard some juicy gossip? Spread it like the plague. Feeling crappy today? No probelm, just curse somebody out, or be horribly sarcastic. These are all nasty habits that are part of normal every communication between people, but on the day of judgment it won't be so light.

 

[Peace]

Salamu `alaikum dear Mila,

I am so happy wallah by your great wonderful decision :clap It's really a great step leading to Allah's pleasure and reward. Just go on sister and Allah is with you and we are with you with our du'a for you! May our Merciful Allah grant you a strong will to quit forever and enable you to overcome all the difficulties ya Rab ameen!!

Best wished,
Peace

 

[James the Persian]

Good luck Mila. I know how hard it is to quit smoking (I have no desire to quit alcohol, but then that's not against my religion and I don't dtrink a great deal) as I finally managed to quit a few months back (after about 15 years smoking).

What worked for me isn't going to work for you exactly (I doubt you're going to Orthodox confession any time soon) but what you're doing is ultimately not so dissimilar if you're doing it out of religious conviction. I, like you, am convinced that smoking violates my faith and I was for a long time before I quit - it's just that I needed a metaphorical arse kicking from my priest to actually turn belief into action.

Anyway, other than sticking with it, the only advice I have is to try not to substitute one addiction with another. On previous occasions when I tried to quit I drank far too much coffee instead (and I'm quite a coffee drinker anyway). Quite apart from the headaches, doing that seemed to make me more, not less, likely to take up smoking again. Prayer helps too.

James

 

[MysticSang'ha]

May you have great fortune given to you for overcoming these struggles! :flower: XOXOX



I'm thinking of you, Mila. You go, girl!



Peace,
Mystic

 

[Sahar]

Allahu Akbar!!
This is really great! Masha' Allah!
I just want to say; every struggle you make with urself, you will be rewarded for! If your self said, c'mon only one cigarette and you said to it "no", you will ,absolutely, be rewarded for that and always make your intention for your God!
Good luck dear!

 

[Djamila]

Okay, update #1 - so far so good. I haven't had a single drink, which doesn't surprise me because drinking wasn't an addiction for me. However, I haven't really been in a situation yet (for example, a nightclub) where I would normally feel pressure to have a drink, so I'm just saying no in situations where it's very easy - but I'll be faced with all that stuff soon enough.

I haven't quit smoking full stop as I hoped. I've had half of a friend's cigarette three times since I quit - but that's still a big improvement. I'm going crazy for a cigarette, though... I never consciously realized how physically addicted I was. I just though it was slightly physical and mostly psychological, so I started smoking a roll of paper, without lighting it, just to go through the motions but it really didn't work - I'm just craving the nicotine and other chemicals I think.

Ack... but, as I said, so far so good! Thanks for the support!

 

[Djamila]

I know this has turned into a 12 step thread, but I will make dua for you Mila. I have never smoked due to asthma, but I used to drink like a fish from 16-18 years old. Not a long time by any stretch but I drank everyday. I started with wine coolers and moved to whisky. I realized my tolerance level was high, so I started drinking heavy alcohol only. To this day i have never felt any signs of drunkeness. Leads me to believe I have never been drunk depsite relentlessly drinking Schnapps and 80% + proof alcohol. After never feeling drunk I thought perhaps God doesn't want me to drink, but it sure tasted good. I quit cold but I have cravings more often then I am willing to admit to. I have never given in to it, but I do look longingly at the alcohol aisle in the grocery store wishing that it didn't look so bad for a muslim lady to be racking up on bottles of drinks.

I can't rightfully call it an addiction due to my ease of leaving it, although I drank heavily everyday or other day. I was well on my way to alcoholism I think. Just hang in there though Mila and know that Allah is well pleased with the decision.

Thanks for sharing this with me, FVM.

The thing I find most difficult to practice of deen is the way I communicate. You know I have to unlearn all the things I learned was a normal way to talk. Be mindful of the words I speak and to whom I speak them. No backbiting, exaggerating, and being mindful to fulfill the rights of all those around me. I don't know about other places but here it's just normal to talk about people. You see somebody on the street you crack a joke. Heard some juicy gossip? Spread it like the plague. Feeling crappy today? No probelm, just curse somebody out, or be horribly sarcastic. These are all nasty habits that are part of normal every communication between people, but on the day of judgment it won't be so light.

Hehehe, oh God have mercy on us all. I'm too preoccupied with quitting smoking and drinking to take this on right now, but oy... I'm not as bad as one might assume in this regard, but it is something I do. I communicate in a vulgar way, of course, but I'm certainly not the worst in the room when it comes to talking about others and that sort of thing. I think you're probably not as bad as you imagine too.

 

[PeaceSeeker]

Addictions are in the mind...cravings are reactions to the addictions.

My story: 15 years ago I loved to smoke and drink...one day I realized that I was addicted...at first I denied it...then I tried to rationalize it...I looked at people around me and on TV who felt totally at ease, they showed no addictions (addicted ones can tell)...that day I had my last cigarette and alcoholic drink...willpower is stronger than any addiction.

 

[Djamila]

I almost forgot... this almost turned into grounds for a divorce for me, hahaha. I told my husband over the phone, and he just laughed it off - he didn't think I was serious. That annoyed me, so I prepared an ambush for when he got home and we got into it. Anyhow, he wouldn't believe that I was serious, which made me laugh with shock, which further convinced him he was right, and back and forth it went until I did my laugh...

I actually found a recording of exactly what I mean on YouTube. It comes at about 1:03 or so into this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBXUmFrhmJs

That laugh, from me, means run and hide - and my husband recognized it and pounced me, apologized, and said he'd help. lol

And that was that.

Have you all had any problems with family and friends doing this?

 

[jacquie4000]

Good Luck Mila you are a strong women I sense that about you so I have no doubt if you set you mind on truely doing something you will. I quit smoking myself just two weeks ago and find it a struggle but it gets better everyday. My son told me time after time mom I love you and I don't want to see you die. This finally struck home. I knew he was telling the truth of course but I did not want to think about it. So my mind is set.

 

[Peace]

Go on Mila and don't ever let your nafs overcoming you. Whenever you feel yourself weak and about to surrender remember that you are doing it for the sake of Allah, that would give you support and strength to be firm in the decision you took. Remember that all deeds are based on our intention, that if our intention is good and doing all those efforts to improve ourselves so as to please God, Allah will certainly not letting us go down and surrender to the whispers of our nafs and to those of shaytan.

Peace

 

[Peace]

Good Luck Mila you are a strong women I sense that about you so I have no doubt if you set you mind on truely doing something you will. I quit smoking myself just two weeks ago and find it a struggle but it gets better everyday. My son told me time after time mom I love you and I don't want to see you die. This finally struck home. I knew he was telling the truth of course but I did not want to think about it. So my mind is set.

Go on dear jacquie and don't surrender, your health is so important.

Peace

 

[Peace]

Looking forwards to updates sister Mila

Peace

 

[Djamila]

Awww, Jacq. Best of luck quitting! Don't be afraid to share here also!

Well, I have some good news. I went out to a cafe with three friends last night and I still hadn't told them about this, I couldn't figure out a way to do it. Anyway, we went to our favorite waiter's section - it's a woman thing, I suppose - and I saw him walking to the bar (he has our drinks memorized) so I called and waved him over.

He looked confused (and adorable, God forgive me... hahaha... it keeps my husband on his best behavior) and I said I just wanted Cockta with a lime in it and he kind of smiled and asked why with his head sideways, like it was something naughty. I kind of swallowed my words for a few seconds, I didn't care about telling him but I didn't want my friends to laugh at me. Then I just said it - I don't think alcohol is appropriate for a Muslim woman.

And my friends were just... silent. Then Nadija let out a little of the laugh she was holding in, but it mostly just shock. Katija pretended she wasn't talking to me anymore and said to the others, "What did she just say?" - but the cute waiter came to my rescue! He put his hand on my shoulder and said he was very pleased, and then he held my hand as we do when we're greeting someone in the street and said, "A simple wedding band is a sign of a great marriage, your husband is a lucky man."

Then Nadija said she'd quit drinking if he'd mollest her too and then he left to get what we ordered and we just all laughed and cracked dirty jokes. lol

But I said no! I SAID NO, BABY! LOL AAAAHHHH!!!

 

[Peace]

Oh that's so great to hear!! Go on sister, we are proud of you Don't ever feel shy for something that pleases God, do it and say it with proud and trust in yourself.
Do your best to give up also smoking gradually, day by day till you give it up completely.

May Allah be with you and grant you strength and good will!!!
Your sister Peace

 

[TashaN]

Awww, Jacq. Best of luck quitting! Don't be afraid to share here also!

Well, I have some good news. I went out to a cafe with three friends last night and I still hadn't told them about this, I couldn't figure out a way to do it. Anyway, we went to our favorite waiter's section - it's a woman thing, I suppose - and I saw him walking to the bar (he has our drinks memorized) so I called and waved him over.

He looked confused (and adorable, God forgive me... hahaha... it keeps my husband on his best behavior) and I said I just wanted Cockta with a lime in it and he kind of smiled and asked why with his head sideways, like it was something naughty. I kind of swallowed my words for a few seconds, I didn't care about telling him but I didn't want my friends to laugh at me. Then I just said it - I don't think alcohol is appropriate for a Muslim woman.

And my friends were just... silent. Then Nadija let out a little of the laugh she was holding in, but it mostly just shock. Katija pretended she wasn't talking to me anymore and said to the others, "What did she just say?" - but the cute waiter came to my rescue! He put his hand on my shoulder and said he was very pleased, and then he held my hand as we do when we're greeting someone in the street and said, "A simple wedding band is a sign of a great marriage, your husband is a lucky man."

Then Nadija said she'd quit drinking if he'd mollest her too and then he left to get what we ordered and we just all laughed and cracked dirty jokes. lol

But I said no! I SAID NO, BABY! LOL AAAAHHHH!!!

Wow Mila, you are improving and going forward so quickly. Only few people have the courage and the strength to say no for things which became like a habit for them.

You have to know i'm very veryyyyyy proud of you Mila. Go Go girllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. :yes:

I know you are very strong and i really love that in you. I believe that you can make a difference in your life, and in the life of those who are around you.

Peace and blessing be upon you and upon all of those who struggle to protect themselves from any harm, even if it means that they must quit somthing which people used to know as enjoyment. I know that you have a deep faith in God, and you just have to follow that call from within yourself and you will be so successful in this life, healthy, happy, and at the same time, pleasing your God because of that. You gonna get it allllll girlllll. Just don't give up.

 

[Peace]

Are you still firm sister?

Peace

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Holy Betty-Ford-Clinic, Batman! I am sooooo impressed by your chutzpah, Mila!



And I mean all the good connotations of that word.........you know, your gall, your "guts!"



I'll simply remind myself to never offer you a glass of wine were you and I ever to sit down to a meal together. LOL xox



Peace,
Mystic