I do believe in most Marian apparitions.
The fact is that I feel Mary in my heart.
I don't need her to appear to me.
I feel not worthy. I am a sinner...so I am not worthy.
But if Mary decided to appear to me, I would want her to appear looking the way she used to look when she was alive on Earth.
I really like realism, authenticity.
I had started this thread to share my own experience. It was many years ago.
I was so fascinated by Marian apparitions, that I asked God:
God, if you ever gave me the grace to look at the Madonna for just one second, please, allow me to be able to see her as she exactly looked like in life. I know how beautiful Mary as Queen of Heaven is. Filled with light and angelical.
But I want to see the real Mary that lived on Earth between the first century BC and the first century.
Then I stopped thinking about it, but some weeks later something very unusual and amazing happened to me.
I was asleep. I knew it was almost morning and I had to get up...because I was half-awake, and from the window I could perceive the beautiful red shades of the autumn dawn.
So I found myself in the stairway of my condominium. And it was so real. I wanted to see the sunrise from the terrace located on the top of the condo building. I went there, I unlocked the door with my keys. But it wasn't me. It's like someone was taking me up there on the terrace, even if I was walking with my own legs. But in the meantime I wanted to see the sunrise too. It was a weird, indescribable, sensation.
Then all of a sudden I arrived on the terrace and I looked up, towards the sky, and realized there was something that left me speechless. It was tremendously beautiful and immense. Before the terrace there was a 13 stores building, as usual. On the top of the terrace, among some TV antennas I saw something. A person.
She was at least 10 meters tall. She was a lady in ancient times clothes. Wearing a long veil, that covered all her head, and a long tunic that covered all her body, including her feet. Even if I could tell that her hair was black. The veil and the dress were greyish-white, but the fabric was not modern times fabric. It was ancient times fabric, because it was imperfect, and not that colorful. I don't recall whether she had a belt or something. But her dress and veil were both greyish-white.
The lady had a Mediterranean, dark complexion. So slightly darker than us Italians, but not that dissimilar.
Her face was not that of a young woman. She surely was in her fifties. With all the riddles and imperfections that a womanly face without make-up on implies.
Her expression was incredibly sad. Typical of someone who is worried. Like a mother who prays her son or daughter comes back home soon. And she was praying. She had her hands united and she was looking up...to he sky.
So she was not looking at me, or towards me.
As soon as I saw this huge, gigantic, superhuman figure, I felt in my heart an indescribable terror. As you all can comprehend. Because the dream was so real. I thought I was living that experience for real. It was real.
Then a voice inside me reassured me. Who could that Lady be?
Mary, our Lady.
And in fact, I finally recognized her as the Queen of Heaven. Praying for her own children.
And I was so amazed by such greatness. By such a powerful Saint, the Mother of our Lord.
Then...all of a sudden she looked towards me and she realized I was staring at her, amazed.
She told something in a very strange language. I was 100% sure that it was not Indo-European.
She told something with the voice of a 50 year old woman. Nothing special. Then all of a sudden she flew away.Towards the sea. And I was so sad: I wanted to tell her:
don't leave, please, stay.
It was so late. She was becoming smaller and smaller, disappearing from my view.
She was floating, but at incredible speed.
Then I woke up. I realized it had been nothing but a dream. But it was one of the most memorable dreams in my life. Because it looked so real. It is like my mind, my soul, had left the body and had gone to the terrace to watch that scene.
Then I reflected upon the dream. God had granted my wish. She made me see Mary for just few seconds, as she looked like back when she was on Earth. And speaking the Semitic language she used to speak.
Before becoming the queen of Heaven, so full of light, stars and crowned.
I was so grateful to God.