Women do damage Men

[Kowalski]

Micheal Cunningham, a Psychologist has reported that rejection by a woman causes men severe psychological damage. In, fact, it has been postulated that rejection is an hidden epidemic, causing affected men to turn to drink, drugs and even suicide.

The reason I mention this, and I'm sure most guys will have experienced this kind of pain, is that I was rejected yet again by the girl I have been chasing for awhile, this happened today. So yes, I felt a lot of pain, and if she knew or could feel that pain, perhaps she ( Sheelagh) would be more understanding ? or maybe not.

Some of the short term effects of rejection include, anxiety, heightened Blood pressure, muscle tension. Rejection can also cause Depressive stress, causing low blood pressure and a desire to sleep for long periods, sometimes forever.

However, it is also thought that men should lower their expectations and standards, therfor making rejection less damaging to mental health.

Of course, Women should be more understanding and kinder to men, as a generalisation, individual situations obviously vary depending on circumstances.

What has come over is that very clearly, women can be quite brutal in the way they reject men, and it is desirable that men find better ways of dealing with the fickleness of the mating game. For instance, when I asked Sheelagh want she was doing tonight, she said' Im busy'. So, I say, 'busy doing what ?' ' Talking to myself' she says, well that's pretty brutal to me.

So, do you agree, rejection is damaging for men ?

Cheers

K

 

[michel]

Micheal Cunningham, a Psychologist has reported that rejection by a woman causes men severe psychological damage. In, fact, it has been postulated that rejection is an hidden epidemic, causing affected men to turn to drink, drugs and even suicide.

The reason I mention this, and I'm sure most guys will have experienced this kind of pain, is that I was rejected yet again by the girl I have been chasing for awhile, this happened today. So yes, I felt a lot of pain, and if she knew or could feel that pain, perhaps she ( Sheelagh) would be more understanding ? or maybe not.

Some of the short term effects of rejection include, anxiety, heightened Blood pressure, muscle tension. Rejection can also cause Depressive stress, causing low blood pressure and a desire to sleep for long periods, sometimes forever.

However, it is also thought that men should lower their expectations and standards, therfor making rejection less damaging to mental health.

Of course, Women should be more understanding and kinder to men, as a generalisation, individual situations obviously vary depending on circumstances.

What has come over is that very clearly, women can be quite brutal in the way they reject men, and it is desirable that men find better ways of dealing with the fickleness of the mating game. For instance, when I asked Sheelagh want she was doing tonight, she said' Im busy'. So, I say, 'busy doing what ?' ' Talking to myself' she says, well that's pretty brutal to me.

So, do you agree, rejection is damaging for men ?

Cheers

K

Sure, I was hurt a few times as a young man, but then I know that I rejected a girl (I was so thick that I didnt even know she fancied me) . I am sure there are as many girls who feel badly treated.......... I'm sorry you had to be rejected though.........

 

[Engyo]

I understand your situation, having experienced similar things myself more often than I like to remember. My question for you is, since she has communicated quite clearly that she is not interested in you, why not try turing your attention elsewhere? Maybe there is a wonderful girl watching you, and you have been unable to see her for chasing this one.........

 

[michel]

I understand your situation, having experienced similar things myself more often than I like to remember. My question for you is, since she has communicated quite clearly that she is not interested in you, why not try turing your attention elsewhere? Maybe there is a wonderful girl watching you, and you have been unable to see her for chasing this one.........

Well said.........

 

[Meesheltx]

But don't you think that you would have those symptoms no matter how she rejected you? I mean, many girls feel that they should be honest, and they don't want to lead a guy on. Trust me, I have always been one of the girls that is nice to every guy that shows any interest because I don't want to hurt them, and it causes problems a lot. If a girl truely isn't interested in a gyu, she has the right to make that clear and avoid future conforontation...but if I were you, as hard as it sounds, I wouldn't take it too personally. I could go further into depth with that, but I hardly know you and I don't want to pretent that I know your situation.

 

[jewscout]

i think rejection in general is rather damaging to one extent or another...i don't think it is exclusive to this scenario.

 

[Kowalski]

I understand your situation, having experienced similar things myself more often than I like to remember. My question for you is, since she has communicated quite clearly that she is not interested in you, why not try turing your attention elsewhere? Maybe there is a wonderful girl watching you, and you have been unable to see her for chasing this one.........

Oh, I don't know man, I've always had a feeling that I could have something real there, a bad case of self-delusion maybe. I just, you know, like her but it's not mutual.

Michel, it's sometimes a two way street, a too rejected a girl years ago, whom I have many times wished I had not. But once bitten, twice shy. Although we had several goes at trying again, they all failed, somethings, cannot be fully forgiven, and Claire never full forgave me.

Cheers

K

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I understand your situation, having experienced similar things myself more often than I like to remember. My question for you is, since she has communicated quite clearly that she is not interested in you, why not try turing your attention elsewhere? Maybe there is a wonderful girl watching you, and you have been unable to see her for chasing this one.........

Quite True

It's alwas mostly in the mind.
Haven't you noticwd when you are out of luck its total.
When you are going steady, they are coming out of the woodwork at you.
The harder you try the worse your luck.
If you dont care or are not in the market, they are all over you.
Don't take it personal it hapens to every one.


Terry__________________________
Blessed are those who suffer in the cause of right, the kingdom of heaven is theirs.

 

[Kowalski]

But don't you think that you would have those symptoms no matter how she rejected you? I mean, many girls feel that they should be honest, and they don't want to lead a guy on. Trust me, I have always been one of the girls that is nice to every guy that shows any interest because I don't want to hurt them, and it causes problems a lot. If a girl truely isn't interested in a gyu, she has the right to make that clear and avoid future conforontation...but if I were you, as hard as it sounds, I wouldn't take it too personally. I could go further into depth with that, but I hardly know you and I don't want to pretent that I know your situation.

Thanks, I kinda know that it isn't easy, because you don't want to hurt somebody, but in truth, people do get hurt, whether rejection is diplomatic or otherwise. We don't have confrontatations, it's more like fencing with each other, I make a thrust, and she parries, just like that.

Appreciate your input.

Cheers

K

 

[michel]

Quite True

It's alwas mostly in the mind.
Haven't you noticwd when you are out of luck its total.
When you are going steady, they are coming out of the woodwork at you.
The harder you try the worse your luck.
If you dont care or are not in the market, they are all over you.
Don't take it personal it hapens to every one.


Terry__________________________
Blessed are those who suffer in the cause of right, the kingdom of heaven is theirs.

hehe - now trhat does sound all too familiar (although all that was some time back)

 

[Kowalski]

Terry,

'
'Haven't you noticwd when you are out of luck its total.'

couldn't agree more with you.

Cheers

K

 

[Meesheltx]

::hugs kowalski::

i feel your pain, buddy. I really do. I wish there was something I could say to make it better!

 

[Faint]

But don't you think that you would have those symptoms no matter how she rejected you? I mean, many girls feel that they should be honest, and they don't want to lead a guy on. Trust me, I have always been one of the girls that is nice to every guy that shows any interest because I don't want to hurt them, and it causes problems a lot. If a girl truely isn't interested in a gyu, she has the right to make that clear and avoid future conforontation...but if I were you, as hard as it sounds, I wouldn't take it too personally. I could go further into depth with that, but I hardly know you and I don't want to pretent that I know your situation.

I imagine Meesh has a lot of experience in rejecting guys . For my part, I'm convinced that every guy, even the Johnny Depps of the world get rejected from time to time. But to me, that is one of the things that makes the chase all the more fun. I like a challenge, and I like not knowing whether or not a girl will fall for me. Also, if she turns out to be a *****, or rude, or inconsiderate, then I don't need her, and I'd be glad to know her attitude before I waste anymore time with her. But overall,I think its better for the girl to be honest, instead of leading you on, but that doesn't mean she needs to be unnecessarily cruel. Girls like that get nowhere.

One more thing, as Meesh mentioned, I wouldn't necessarily take it personally. Some girls put up a sort of "*****-shield" (as one of my lady friends calls it) to fend guys off. They do this because they have to deal with so many losers who just want to get in their pants, that sometimes they just end up rejecting decent guys by automatic default. It might not be anything wrong with you--it's her own situation. But I don't really know the full story either.

 

[Meesheltx]

hey now...be nice. Actually I have only ever rejected 3 guys, and that was after having at least a 2-yr relationship with them. Unfortunately, I always just kinda let things fizzle and hoped the guy eventually gave up rather then rejecting him. It causes more problems then i care to go into right now, but TRUST me.....you would much rather a girl know how to reject than not know how...

 

[Kowalski]

::hugs kowalski::

i feel your pain, buddy. I really do. I wish there was something I could say to make it better!

I already feel better, your very kind

Cheers

K

 

[lilithu]

Speaking as a woman, it's a two way street. I'm sure it hurts men to be rejected by women. But it also hurts women to be rejected by men. I'm sorry to sound cruel K, but it almost sounds like you think this woman should not reject you (ie - should enter into a relationship with you) out of compassion. What about a little compassion for her? It is a difficult situation to be in to be the object of affection when you don't feel the same way. You don't want to hurt the person, but you also want to protect yourself. Since you've been on both ends, surely you can empathize.

And speaking as a woman, there is always the added baggage that you're usually physically weaker than the man, and hence feel more vulnerable when being advanced upon. How many guys actually feel threatened when a woman is agressive? Unless she's Glen Close, I would imagine that you'd feel more annoyed than threatened. For a woman it's unfortunately different. Even if the guy doesn't mean anything by it, she doesn't know that. She just wants to establish a safe space.

I don't know the details. Maybe she was unnecessarily cruel the way she let you down, in which case I am truly sorry. But a lot of times women react adamantly because they feel like they need to protect themselves.

 

[Kowalski]

I imagine Meesh has a lot of experience in rejecting guys . For my part, I'm convinced that every guy, even the Johnny Depps of the world get rejected from time to time. But to me, that is one of the things that makes the chase all the more fun. I like a challenge, and I like not knowing whether or not a girl will fall for me. Also, if she turns out to be a *****, or rude, or inconsiderate, then I don't need her, and I'd be glad to know her attitude before I waste anymore time with her. But overall,I think its better for the girl to be honest, instead of leading you on, but that doesn't mean she needs to be unnecessarily cruel. Girls like that get nowhere.

One more thing, as Meesh mentioned, I wouldn't necessarily take it personally. Some girls put up a sort of "*****-shield" (as one of my lady friends calls it) to fend guys off. They do this because they have to deal with so many losers who just want to get in their pants, that sometimes they just end up rejecting decent guys by automatic default. It might not be anything wrong with you--it's her own situation. But I don't really know the full story either.

Well, a little background info won't hurt. Sheelagh, I know for a fact hasn't had a b/f in awhile. Two years ago, she lost her mother and brother withing months of each other, and I got all this and other info from Sheelagh, yep, she used to be quite open with me, before I first expressed any feelings. Anyways, of course all that has really affected her, and I am told by people who knew her from before that she had changed quite a alot, and become withdrawn.
I also know, she doesn't have a very high opinion of men either, She told me herself that she would never live with another man. So, lots of problems there, and I'm older than her as well.

Cheers

K

 

[Faint]

hey now...be nice. Actually I have only ever rejected 3 guys, and that was after having at least a 2-yr relationship with them. Unfortunately, I always just kinda let things fizzle and hoped the guy eventually gave up rather then rejecting him. It causes more problems then i care to go into right now, but TRUST me.....you would much rather a girl know how to reject than not know how...

hey...I was being nice. I've seen your photo and I'm surprised to learn you've only had to turn down 3 guys (most cute girls I know seem to get hit on every other day). Maybe the guys are too intimidated to start? Anyway, yes, I agree--it's better for both parties if you break it off cleanly rather than "let things fizzle". Prolonging the inevitable is a bad idea. Some girls are "too nice" because they may not want to hurt the guy's feelings, but in the end, someone is always hurt when desire isn't mutual.

 

[Kowalski]

Speaking as a woman, it's a two way street. I'm sure it hurts men to be rejected by women. But it also hurts women to be rejected by men. I'm sorry to sound cruel K, but it almost sounds like you think this woman should not reject you (ie - should enter into a relationship with you) out of compassion. What about a little compassion for her? It is a difficult situation to be in to be the object of affection when you don't feel the same way. You don't want to hurt the person, but you also want to protect yourself. Since you've been on both ends, surely you can empathize.

And speaking as a woman, there is always the added baggage that you're usually physically weaker than the man, and hence feel more vulnerable when being advanced upon. How many guys actually feel threatened when a woman is agressive? Unless she's Glen Close, I would imagine that you'd feel more annoyed than threatened. For a woman it's unfortunately different. Even if the guy doesn't mean anything by it, she doesn't know that. She just wants to establish a safe space.

I don't know the details. Maybe she was unnecessarily cruel the way she let you down, in which case I am truly sorry. But a lot of times women react adamantly because they feel like they need to protect themselves.

Thanks, I know where your coming from on this, but I've not shown her anything but courtesy, OK, there was a little needle going at times, but then I let it be. You know I wouldn't like anybody to feel uncomfatable with me. Really the thread was not only because of my personal experiences, after all, it's the not the first time I've been rejected, but because I recalled the article I'd read, and how many people were more affected by rejection than thought, you know, in the general popualtion.

Cheers

K

 

[michel]

hey now...be nice. Actually I have only ever rejected 3 guys, and that was after having at least a 2-yr relationship with them. Unfortunately, I always just kinda let things fizzle and hoped the guy eventually gave up rather then rejecting him. It causes more problems then i care to go into right now, but TRUST me.....you would much rather a girl know how to reject than not know how...

Good point; I had a relationship that was off, on, off, on. I was infatuated, and she was obviously the type of girl who would not tell me 'no'; as you said, I think that hurt even more; we were together for nine years, on and off.

In retrospect, I realize we would have made a lousy couple. Still, I have now been married 29 years next month to a lovely girl........