Why so many parents fail

[EnhancedSpirit]

Too many people breed because they feel they're required to, and if everyone in their life said it was not expected of them, that they would choose not to, because they don't like children. These people are just one of the groups of people who should not be allowed to vomit in the gene pool.

If I ruled the world, breeders and those wanting to raise children would have to be licensed. If they bred without a license, they would be spayed or neutered.

Kat

I'm hoping you feel a little less hostile today. Have you gotten it out of you?

For 1000's of years, it was believed that children were to be heard and not seen. It is only in the last couple of generations that children have been given a voice. It will take a while to undo 1000's of years of conditioning towards how to raise children.

Jesus made the point 2000 years ago. He said that we must be like children to make it into the kingdom of heaven. He also said do not silence the children and let them come freely to him. But it took some 2000 years for us to get this message.

A person learns how to handle the stress of parenthood through their parents, but don't experience it until they have children of their own. They often don't realize they are making the same mistakes their parents did until it's too late.

My daughter is a spoiled brat at her daddy's house because he gives in to her temper tantrums (she is 3). She acts like an infant, and whines and cries and screams to be heard. At my house she tries to push me sometimes, but I don't let her get her way like that. She is usually very respectful, and acts like a little lady. She loves to help wash dishes and fold clothes. She says some of the most amazing things. But my ex treats her like a baby, so for him, she acts like a baby.

It's very frustrating at times, but everytime I would try to explain to him how his actions were forming her behavior, he would get angry at me and say he didn't want to hear any of my 'psychobabble'. I cannot get him to see what he is doing to our daughter by giving her everything she wants, and giving in to her undesirable behaviors. And there is no way to go back and change it when the kid is older. This is one of the main reasons I left him. I figured I could do better damage control, if I had a seperate space to raise her in.

 

[Sunstone]

I tend to agree with the original post that one of the surest ways to fail as a parent is to attempt to raise your child according to a preconceived notion of what the child should be that does not take into account the child's unique needs and talents. But I think that is done less often nowadays than it was in the past. There was a time not so long ago when the ideal parent was someone who bent and shaped the child to fit in with society's ideal of what the child should be, without taking into account the child's uniqueness as an individual. Thankfully, that no longer seems to be the norm for child rearing.

 

[Lintu]

I'm not judging against people, just against the incomplete and erroneous concept of God that the Old Testament pushes. It was an okay God for the time, considering what people needed, but now it is just outdated.

Kat

Wow...just wow. Sounds pretty darn judgmental to me.

 

[michel]

Okay, but the main thrust of my post was that adults tend to treat children as sub-human or inhuman creatures, rather than as people with thoughts and feelings of their own.

Kat

Well, that couldn't be further from the truth about the way my wife and I brought up our children - there are times when I think we went a bit too far the other way..............And, of course that was because we were over-compensating for the way we had been brought up.........I will never forget my older son's comment when I suggested that I'd look forward to him being a Dad to which he replied " Me - I don't want kids; I wouldn't want to have to be a father to someone like me - I couldn't accept all that grief." .......

 

[IndigoChild]

So Now Jamaesi's writing style is "petty"? Lots of judgment going down here.

(Looks at you as though he's never seen anything quite like you.) You love jumping to the wrong conclusions, don't you.

I try not to, myself. I remember these words: "The conclusion you jump to may be your own."

Kat

 

[IndigoChild]

Erm, How do you NOT be a hypocrite? I mean, if you want to teach your children that killing is wrong and that's about it...then maybe. Higher standards means you are bound to fail once in a while.

I've been sitting here, staring at your message for 30 seconds, trying to figure out what you were trying to say.

Kat

 

[IndigoChild]

Kat, I didn't miss your point and I do agree with you. When I lost my temper one day with my eight year old and treated him with less respect than I should have (backslid to the techniques I was raised with) he looked me right in the eye and said, "Mom, I have the same rights as an adult." In this case meaning he had the same right to expect to be treated with respect. It was not the first or last time I've apologized to my kids.

Children most definitely are people and, unfortunately, many people don't think they're people until the graduate from high school/get married/have kids/yada yada. Show me a child who is not shown respect by their parents and I'll show you a future adult who will treat their parents with disrespect.

Ah, okay. I just missed the subtlety there.

Kat

 

[IndigoChild]

I'm hoping you feel a little less hostile today. Have you gotten it out of you?

Maybe.

For 1000's of years, it was believed that children were to be heard and not seen. It is only in the last couple of generations that children have been given a voice. It will take a while to undo 1000's of years of conditioning towards how to raise children.

Excellent point.

Jesus made the point 2000 years ago. He said that we must be like children to make it into the kingdom of heaven. He also said do not silence the children and let them come freely to him. But it took some 2000 years for us to get this message.

Oh yeah, I LOVE those quotes.

A person learns how to handle the stress of parenthood through their parents, but don't experience it until they have children of their own. They often don't realize they are making the same mistakes their parents did until it's too late.

*Nods*

My daughter is a spoiled brat at her daddy's house because he gives in to her temper tantrums (she is 3). She acts like an infant, and whines and cries and screams to be heard. At my house she tries to push me sometimes, but I don't let her get her way like that. She is usually very respectful, and acts like a little lady. She loves to help wash dishes and fold clothes. She says some of the most amazing things. But my ex treats her like a baby, so for him, she acts like a baby.

Yeah.

I figured I could do better damage control, if I had a seperate space to raise her in.

You divorced?

Kat

 

[IndigoChild]

I tend to agree with the original post that one of the surest ways to fail as a parent is to attempt to raise your child according to a preconceived notion of what the child should be that does not take into account the child's unique needs and talents. But I think that is done less often nowadays than it was in the past. There was a time not so long ago when the ideal parent was someone who bent and shaped the child to fit in with society's ideal of what the child should be, without taking into account the child's uniqueness as an individual. Thankfully, that no longer seems to be the norm for child rearing.

Things certainly are changing. Not fast enough for me, but like Enhanced Spirit said, it's very fast considering we're undoing 1000 years of poor parenting.

Kat

 

[IndigoChild]

Wow...just wow. Sounds pretty darn judgmental to me.

That's an observation, not a judgement.

Kat