sometimes the parents aren't the main effect the kids in some instances. i was raised almost the exact same way my older brother was, only 21 months difference, and i am completely different from him. i have different values, and beliefs, and i dont even act like him. my little sister is 5 years younger than me, and she is somewhat of a mix of my brother and i, as far as personality goes, but more like me. our father is extremely strict and overbearing, and our mother is the type that wont let the child make their own mistakes, overly protective. the reason i am different is because of my experiences and how i percieved them. we were all forced to go to church every sunday morning/night, and every wednesday night, and every night when there was some "revival" at our church, until i was 14. my dad had stopped going at that point because of his work schedule, and i got kicked out of the sunday school class i was in, because i didn't act like i was paying close attention to the teacher and refused to read aloud from the bible or pray aloud. my brother and sister also stopped being forced at this time too. i am the only one of us that is completely against religion being forced on children, take a guess why..... i have always been a little more rebelios than my brother, and my sister more so than i. my brother is rather aggressive in nature, i am extremely passive, and my sister is somewhat aggressive too.
but i digress, big time. but since this is only my second post on the forums, felt i needed to give a little more of my experience in life to explain the position i have.
my feelings are that the children should be not be forced to do anything, however manipulating them into doing something without the threat of force is completely acceptable. also the actual treatment of the child should depend on the child itself. they are people and as such have different personalities than other children you either have, or have seen. the "spare the the rod, spoil the child" idea is completely wrong, however if the child will not learn any other way, then try it out, if it works, it works. but there is no need for it to be the first method tried. just remember that the child will learn a lot by watching what you do and say, but they are also intelligent and can make their own decisions sometimes, so why not let them learn from their mistakes early, since you can only protect them for a short amount of time.
sorry bout the length, and any spelling or grammatical errors, and if this post just sucked in general. im at work and kinda tired. oh, and i am not married and dont have children of my own, so bash my ideas if you must.
drekmed