Why do you need a place/location to worship?

[Ozzie]

In the absence of a flashbulb moment in my life when I've been illuminated to the existence of an afterlife I have to conclude I'm an atheist.

On the other hand, I have one dead parent. Her ashes are separated, half going on a journey with my step-father to I do not know where, the other half being kept in my immediate family. No decision was made on my mother's death to a permanent memorial. In fact the ashes were kept at the funeral parlor for months after her service. One of my sisters Picked up these ashes last year.

Both of my sisters (I have two)appear happy to harbor the ashes in their homes in what I assume is a "reminder of mum/mum is with us sentiment", while I do not feel comfortable with this idea at all. I do not want her ashes in my home.

I would like a place to visit where mum's remains are kept so that I can I can pay my respects in a private moment and remember her.

I guess my questions are: Is there something religious about my wanting Mum's earthly remains in a location I can visit? How do other people here interpret my feelings and how do they accord with the practice in their own religion or not? Have other atheists experienced this situation and had similar feelings?



Shalom or whatever.

 

[Gjallarhorn]

When my mom died, she was cremated and buried (an odd combination we used to argue about). I don't think of her as there, because the only place she truly lives now is in memory.

I understand the concept of wanting a shrine of sorts to visit and commune with the dead, but ashes are ashes. I am the shrine. I can commune with her anywhere I desire.

Although I visit her grave rarely for the view. She got a great spot.

 

[jasonwill2]

When I saw the thread title I was going to say "because my home seems the most natural place to worship."

Then I read the contents... and I'm confused what the topic is supposed to be out now.

 

[1137]

My father died when I was very, very young and is buried near where I live. I never go to the grave with the exception of one very bad day about a year ago. Personally I see no need to, I have stories, pictures, a couple of memories, but I have no need to stand 6 feet above dust. My father isn't there, he was his personality, not his body, and his "self" has been gone since the moment he died. Can't ever really visit him, he no longer exists except in stories, pictures, memories, my genetics if you want to get complicated. That's just my take, it's a completely personal choice.

Even if there was a spiritual aspect, in that case I could connect with him whenever and wherever.

 

[Quintessence]

In the absence of a flashbulb moment in my life when I've been illuminated to the existence of an afterlife I have to conclude I'm an atheist.

This seems a bit strange to me considering that belief in the gods is not necessarily related to belief in an afterlife. I'm curious why there is this connection for you. Can you explain why?

Both of my sisters (I have two)appear happy to harbor the ashes in their homes in what I assume is a "reminder of mum/mum is with us sentiment", while I do not feel comfortable with this idea at all. I do not want her ashes in my home.

Why does the idea of having her ashes in your home make you uncomfortable? You don't have to answer me directly, but I think it is worth contemplating.

I guess my questions are: Is there something religious about my wanting Mum's earthly remains in a location I can visit? How do other people here interpret my feelings and how do they accord with the practice in their own religion or not? Have other atheists experienced this situation and had similar feelings?

Given that ancestor worship has been a part of the world's religions for a very long time, I'd say there's definitely something religious about it. Keep in mind I'm operating by a fairly broad definition of what "religious" means. You don't have to believe in a god-concept to be religious. Paying homage to something greater than yourself or that you are deeply thankful for - like your ancestors - may be defined as an act of religious devotion. Worshiping your ancestors here doesn't mean you have to deify them; here I mean worship as reverence and appreciation. In the case of ancestors, that reverence stems from the fact that you wouldn't exist without them, even if they were terrible ancestors.

I do not personally like cemeteries, largely for environmental reasons, but also because I would never want the remains of an honored ancestor to be so far away. It is my hope that when my parents pass, I will be able to have some piece of them to put either on my altar or for a dedicated shrine. It might not be ashes, specifically, but something that is deeply connected to their essence. There, I can pay my respects to them each and every day by having something reminding me of their presence in my daily living space. I feel that's a better way of honoring them than some distant location I will probably rarely visit. Whether or not you would want to do this depends on the nature of your relationship to the deceased.

 

[Muffled]

When I saw the thread title I was going to say "because my home seems the most natural place to worship."

Then I read the contents... and I'm confused what the topic is supposed to be out now.

Ancester worship? Some oriental religions practice it. Then there is Haloween.

 

[Muffled]

In the absence of a flashbulb moment in my life when I've been illuminated to the existence of an afterlife I have to conclude I'm an atheist.

On the other hand, I have one dead parent. Her ashes are separated, half going on a journey with my step-father to I do not know where, the other half being kept in my immediate family. No decision was made on my mother's death to a permanent memorial. In fact the ashes were kept at the funeral parlor for months after her service. One of my sisters Picked up these ashes last year.

Both of my sisters (I have two)appear happy to harbor the ashes in their homes in what I assume is a "reminder of mum/mum is with us sentiment", while I do not feel comfortable with this idea at all. I do not want her ashes in my home.

I would like a place to visit where mum's remains are kept so that I can I can pay my respects in a private moment and remember her.

I guess my questions are: Is there something religious about my wanting Mum's earthly remains in a location I can visit? How do other people here interpret my feelings and how do they accord with the practice in their own religion or not? Have other atheists experienced this situation and had similar feelings?



Shalom or whatever.

I don't believe place matters. I can imagine that there may be a need for privacy that isn't available in someone's house.

 

[Gaura Priya]

I am not an atheist, but my boyfriend is a staunch atheist.

Being an atheist does not have to mean being irreligious. As an attendee of Unitarian Universalist congregations, I certainly know that atheists can lead good religious and spiritual lives without dogmatisms and superstitions that usually accompany other religionists.

That being said, sometimes it's good that one should have a designated place for her ashes. Having a place to remember your loved one does not seem as unnatural as you think it may be. Sometimes rather than one's home, placing one's deceased in a place of peace where the spirit of remembrance can rest seems normal to me. It could completely just be preferential.

Personally, when I pass away, I often contemplate of being cremated, and just have my ashes spread over our local rivers. Life is so sacred for me, it would be selfish to crowd the only Earth we have.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

I guess my questions are: Is there something religious about my wanting Mum's earthly remains in a location I can visit?

There is something human about it, particularly if you're within a year or two of her death. I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[yourhopeboundheart]

i, too, am a little confused by my need for a setting in which to remember people. even people who aren't dead, whom i simply have lost a connection with, i still go to particular locations to do my remembering and contemplation. when it comes to those of my loved ones who have died i hold no illusion of their being able to appreciate my reverence, or gain from my visiting their graves. but for me it is important.

sometimes our lives can become so busy, and we're encouraged to grieve for such a short time, that when someone's dead, we just move on and get past them. of course there's something to be said for pushing forward after a loss and not being caught in a cycle of grief, we'd never be able to live our lives this way and it would dishonor those who we so greatly miss. but to remember is very important, and i feel like a balance should be include taking a healthy amount of time to continually remember those who we've lost along the way.

while people are different, their decisions and customs regarding how to properly honor and remember those lost loved ones will vary, and it should be so. ritual and codified behavior regarding the dead can be a way for certain people to pay respects, but it doesn't have to be the only way. those of us without a religion to turn to for guidance in these matters have to learn to be creative and open to what we feel is the right way to remember. there is no one right way to grieve and remember, so i think being open to your feelings on the subject (despite what our atheist friends might have to say about it) is really mature and valuable.

i'm sorry for your loss.